capt-brewski - Tumblr blog

[capt-brewski]

my last hope before I go quietly into that long good night

[capt-brewski]

It's been a week since my life started to end

over a week ago I was told that the woman I am in love with that she HATES me and I'm just destroyed. Everyday feels like a year and I cant even stop breaking down in tears (I'm pathetic) . I have started taking asbestos orally, smoking and drinking constantly(I previously never touched tobacco and only drank lightly) . I have been eating the worse most cancer causing diet i can imagine. high is saturated fats and red meat smoked meats and anything I can think of to try and get cancer

So you can see that I'm horrible person and deserve to be hated.

[capt-brewski]

How I started to Kill myself

HI

I have been getting more and more depressed over the passed few years and am going to kill myself but I'm a horrible person (i'm going to kill myself despite having people that care for me) I have decided to try and get cancer (i know horrible). I am nearly 40 and still a virgin, i'm in love with a girl who hates my guts totally and never wants to see me again but she is the only girl that I have had serious feelings for in my whole life.

She is beautiful probably the most beautiful woman I have ever met and she has the same interests as me, when I'm near her I'm happier than I have ever been, when she smiled at me my heart became light, light enough that I could float away in the breeze, when she told me she hated me it crushed me completely. I don't want to live a life without her in it, I am constantly breaking down in tears and losing my composure. So I'm going to end it all but I'm too much of a coward to actually kill myself(again Horrible) so I'm trying to get cancer so I can die slowly and painfully because that's what i deserve.

I am not posting this to get sympathy (obviously) I'm paying for my treatment of the woman I love (also is it love or obsession) I can't stop thinking of her she is truly wonderful, beautiful and fun.