carothehotmess

[carothehotmess]

i'm not saying people shouldn't be reading more books, but i do think it's funny how many people thinking "reading comprehension" is just about how good you are at reading books and not like. criticial thinking skills.

[carothehotmess]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

[carothehotmess]

why wear shirts when you can hide your titties with your hair like an ancient goddess

[carothehotmess]

having anti punitive justice morals sucks because you want to say "man that guy sucks he should get hit with hammers until he dies" but you also want to make it clear you don't think anyone should be put in charge of the 'hit people with hammers until they die" machine.

[carothehotmess]

Belphie got to join me on an important business call today

[carothehotmess]

Eddie’s come to the conclusion that he’s attracted to Buck, and might even be in love with him, but is still figuring out what that means for his sexuality. So he goes (alone) to a gay bar, just to give it a try. And he ends up hitting it off with this random guy on the dance floor, and they end up making out in the bathroom. And they’re both really into it, and Eddie’s all like maybe I am gay, when the guy’s like, “okay, well, we should probably tell each other our names”

And Eddie’s like “fair enough, I’m Eddie” and the guy’s asks “like Edward? Edmund? Eduardo?” And Eddie laughs and is like “no, Edmundo.”

And the guy stops, and goes “this is crazy, but do you happen to be a firefighter?”

And Eddie just figures that he probably met this guy on a call and forgot about it, so he’s just like “haha yeah”

But then the guy’s like “and I know this is super weird, but were you in the army?” And Eddie’s like “…yeah?” (while internally going like shit, did I know this guy in the army and forget about it?)

And the guy’s like “okay not to be too creepy or anything, but, like, do you happen to be from El Paso? And have a silver star? And a kid?”

And Eddie’s like “uhh, yes? I’m sorry, how do I know you??” And the guy’s like “hinge.” And Eddie’s like, “Okay, well, I don’t have a hinge”And the guy’s like, “No, but your boyfriend does”

And, as it turns out, this guy went on a hinge date with Buck a few months back, and it Did Not Go Well. Buck spent the whole time talking about Eddie, and it was so bad that this became like, one of this guy’s canonical bad first date stories. And the kicker is, he ended the night being like “you seem like a nice person, but I think you might be in love with your best friend” And Buck was like “no. that’s crazy. he’s straight.”

[carothehotmess]

paul baker and anton platonic husbands-to-lovers campaign begins right now. led by issa btw. her campaign experience encompasses several groups — from women to victims to immigrants. she does it all.

[carothehotmess]

good news i'm the most fuckable person at this vehicular manslaughter

[carothehotmess]

letter from a mother of a gay man. sent to ONE magazine, 1958.

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This post was flagged as adult content and the original poster was deactivated so I'm bringing it back.

[carothehotmess]

IT IS JUNE 2025 AND DAMN DO I REALLY STILL MISS THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS AND HER LITTLE SQUARE BOYFRIEND!!

[carothehotmess]

[carothehotmess]

Saw this while literally in the middle of an agents of shield rewatch

*subliminal messaging* pss psst watch agents of shield psst pss pss

[carothehotmess]

[carothehotmess]

still fucks me up what a bad rap coyotes get in peoples eyes. like ive talked to people who  see em as like. gross pests who should be culled. theyre literally just as cool as wolves just a lil smaller and less confident. i love them with all my heart to balance out all the coyote haters out there, coyotes rule theyre doing great

[carothehotmess]

tower fics are so back baby

[carothehotmess]

people who are just finding out about internet tracking and data mining in the year 2025 and that your special robot friend does not respect your privacy lol

[carothehotmess]

if my journey into booktube is teaching me anything it's that much in the way that the mass-produce commercial object of the book is often fetishized as having innate cultural and intellectual value by virtue of Being A Book, many "bookish content creators" seem to fancy themselves as having something innately intelligent and interesting to say solely because they are Talking About Books