carpecmnia-blog

[carpecmnia-blog]

“You know what’s weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?”

Chandler Bing || Accepting

“..You think of the weirdest shit, Apple. You know that?”

Tech Boy snorts, reaching over to give their brother’s hair a gentle ruffle. “But I guess it’s a good question. One that I don’t have the answer to, however. I guess it’s just the implication that he’s naked? And...also cartoons are fucked, so.”

[carpecmnia-blog]

CHANDLER BING SENTENCE STARTERS.

“Is this still about her whole ‘The Flintstones could’ve really happened’ thing?”

“Oh my God. That is so not the opposite of taking someone’s underwear!”

“He took my essence!”

“You know what’s weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?”

“All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.”

“Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?” 

“You know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.”

“All right, kids, I’ve got to get to work. If I don’t input those numbers… it doesn’t make much of a difference.”

“Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.”

“Oh, I know, this must be so hard. ‘Oh no, two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties AND MY DIAMOND SHOES ARE TOO TIGHT.’”

“You know for a hotline, you’re not very hot!”

“Well, we had a good run. Five, six months, that’s more than some have in a lifetime. Bye.”

“But what about my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps?”

“Now do you believe that she’s attracted to me?”

“[name]’s not going to be here tonight, so why don’t you come over and I’ll let you feel my bicep… or maybe more.”

“You’re not wearing any underwear?”

“His legs flail about as if independent from his body!”

“Unfortunately, that would be correct.”

“Don’t say that I don’t have goals!”

“I’ll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I’ll be careful until told otherwise.”

“Well, what do you know! I guess I’ll be the one that dies first.”

“Out, out, out! Get out! Take your stupid small fruit and get out!”

“You’re a great person… ham-stealing and adultery aside.”

“But I didn’t get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly!”

“I think somebody has a crush on somebody.”

“[name], you gotta stop, okay? You can’t just stare through the peephole for 3 hours. You’re gonna get peep eye.”

“You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean, bullets have left guns slower!”

“What else you got? Magazines, Doritos… condoms?”

“Hey, you know what: what if we went away for the whole weekend? You know, we’d have no interruptions, and… we could be naked the entire time!”

“No, you didn’t get me! It’s an electric drill! You get me, you kill me!”

“She’s too political. To do it with her you’d probably have to donate four cans of food first.”

“Wow. That is one disgusting miracle.”

“[name], I’ll give you $50.00 for your underpants.”

“Yes. But I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five! A pack. Two pack - A carton. Three big fat cartons in two days!”

“I’ve watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs without taking the tin foil off.”

“I’ve flown a long way to see my loving wife, is she here by the way?”

“I mean it, this feels really good, is this 100% cotton?”

[carpecmnia-blog]

Send 🌼 to put a flower in my muse's hair!

Specify what kind of flower!

[carpecmnia-blog]

+100 BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

  so there are quite a few people following me here, and on my other blogs, now and I’m freaking overwhelmed. I didn’t expect to even return to roleplaying let alone love a fandom so much I created more and more blogs within the universe, but the AG has been so, so lovely to be in that it changed my whole experience with rp. 

 I’ve been meaning to make this ever since Pol hit 100+ and after a few reminders of other people’s stunning posts similar to this one I finally got my lazy arse into gear. 

Like some of the others are doing, I’ll be making stuff for three randomly picked mutuals who’ve liked or reblogged this from me at the end of the month. The three randomly chosen people will ALL get: a drawing of their muse choice, a graphic, and 10 icons (or just one or two of them, if they don’t want all those things). It’s not much but I’d love to give something x

Lastly, here is a shout out to every single person following me, whether I’ve interacted with you or not, and especially to those I chat to in the d.scord thank you for putting up with all the stupid puns I think up. 

Specific call outs under the cut!

Keep reading

[carpecmnia-blog]

goodliine:

’   i  think  you   HEAR   but  you  don’t   LISTEN.   such  attitude, such  backlash  when  all  i’m  trying  to  do  is  keep  us  together.  when  unified  we’re  unbeatable,  you  see?  ’   CRACK..   a  heavy  palm  thudded  against  the  table  top.  demanding  eye  contact.  demanding  respect.    ’   oh  you  don’t  get  a  thing..  not  a  thing  but  you  will.  soon.   ’   the  words  whispered  low,  pointed.  a  smile  increased,  spreading  across  contoured  cheeks  into  a  gaping  grin.  heavily  lidded  eyes  regarded  the  other  before  the  lanky  man  straightened  up,  a  palm  smoothing  down  along  his  tie.  adjusting  it  with  an  absent  air. 

’   i  honestly  don’t  understand  where  all  of  this  vitriol  is  coming  from.  all  i  do  i  do  for  us,  for  the  new  gods.  it  surprises  me  to  get  so  much  pushback  from  you.  mister  wood  and  mister  stone  tell  me  just  how  naughty  you’ve  been.   ’   within  the  eye  of  the  camera  mister  world  kept  a  fixed  gaze,  as  though  it  were  a  mirror  as  examined  the   REFLECTION   via  the  third  eye  in  his  mind.  data  collecting.  image  collection  through  the  camera  itself. 

’   why  can’t  you  be  more  like  media?  welcome  to  new  ideas!  a  powerful  figurehead  in  her  own  right  but  she  understands  what  needs  to  be  done  and  does  it  without  complaint.  without  sass.  however  i  respect  each  and  every  opinion  she  offers  up  and  that  is  how  a  family  a   UNIT   should  work.   ’   finally  the  lanky  god  turned,  attention  on  the  young  upstart  once  more.   ’   i  have  another  job  for  you,   bilquisssss..   her  lack  of  contact    with  you  tells  me  she’s  having  second  thoughts.  would  you  mind  paying  the  little  dear  a  visit?  remind  her  exactly   WHY   she  owes  you.  odd  how  she  isn’t  on  board,   ’   fingers  clutch  at  the  vest  of  his  suit,  allowing  arm  to  hand.   ’   you  would  think  picking  her  up  from  her  own  ruin  would  assure  loyalty.  shame  that  words  means  nothing  anymore.   ’   an  absent  hum.

“Oh, here you go with that bullshit. A family? You call this shit a family? No way. You’re joking. You don’t even know where the hell I come from, World. If this is supposed to be a family, like you call it, then this is the most dysfunctional fucking family I’ve had the misfortune to be a part of.” Tech Boy rolls their eyes, an annoyed look on their face. How much longer are they going to have to endure World’s rambling, they wonder. Letting out a long breath, they examine their nails, snorting a little in amusement. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

“And, right, of course, compare me to Media, of all damn people. Media and I couldn’t be more different. Opposite ends of the damn spectrum--but whatever. Keep hoping for the unattainable, if you want.”

They’re annoyed. Irked. Not mad, no, but...getting there.

Still, they watch World for a moment, letting out a short, sharp laugh when he’s done speaking. “You think it’s odd? I’m not fucking surprised. The old gods--most of them don’t want anything to do with this war. But okay, yeah. I’ll call that favor in, I guess.” Anything to get you off of my ass, they think, nose wrinkling a bit. “Long as she doesn’t try to suck me into her vagina, we’re all good.”

[carpecmnia-blog]

alphadcll replied to your post: ❝ mmm-mmm-mmm. what a little asshole. ❞

u, me, dennys car park, fite me

sorry bud i got better things 2 do than fite weirdos in a denny’s parking lot

[carpecmnia-blog]

❝ mmm-mmm-mmm. what a little asshole. ❞

American Gods: Episode Two || Accepting

“Oh, gee, are you talking about me? Thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate it.”

Tech Boy snorts as they cross their legs, an amused expression on their face as they regard the other. “How long did it take you to come up with that, anyways? You’re not the first one to call me an asshole, and you definitely won’t be the last.”

[carpecmnia-blog]

AMERICAN GODS SENTENCE STARTERS

episode two - the secret of spoons. ( contains violence and nsfw themes )

❝ can you hear me ? ❞

❝ you want help ? fine. ❞

❝ let me tell you a story. once upon a time, a man got fucked. now, how is that for a story ? ❞

❝ let me paint a picture of what’s waiting for you on the shore. ❞

❝ and all for what ? ❞

❝ and i ain’t even started yet. ❞

❝ this guy gets it. ❞

❝ angry is good. angry gets shit done. ❞

❝ you’re already dead, asshole. at least die a sacrifice for something worthwhile. ❞

❝ let. the motherfucker. burn ! let it all burn. ❞

❝ were you shot at ? ❞

❝ well it depends on who you ask. ❞

❝ i don’t know what the fuck you speak of. ❞

❝ how was the funeral ? ❞

❝ you wanna come in and talk about it ? ❞

❝ mmm-mmm-mmm. what a little asshole. ❞

❝ oh, you know him ? ❞

❝ they don’t have a fucking clue. ❞

❝ i don’t give a fuck if they don’t have a fucking clue, i want one ! give me a fucking clue ! ❞

❝ good. compact amended. ❞

❝ your first bed as a free man. enjoy it. ❞

❝ an assault on you is an insult to me. don’t think because i didn’t lose my temper i am not angry, or am lacking a plan. ❞

❝ i didn’t mean to wake you. ❞

❝ they told me you died. ❞

❝ you were just having a bad dream. ❞

❝ you going to miss it ? ❞

❝ too many people tell each other not to repress their emotions, to release their feelings, to let the pain go. there’s a lot to be said for bottling up emotions. ❞

❝ what i say has got to be said, so i want you to consider my words very carefully. ❞

❝ say it. ❞

❝ you are only obligated to feel bad about that for so long. ❞

❝ let there be beauty where there can be. ❞

❝ plan is, we will be meeting with a number of people preeminent in their respective fields, and then we will rendezvous in one of the most important places in the country. ❞

❝ i don’t like dropping in on friends empty handed. ❞

❝ you can’t look out for yourself, how the hell are you gonna look out for me ? ❞

❝ not so fast. we need to talk, [ … ] . ❞

❝ funny how things supposed to make you look good only make it worse. ❞

❝ the fuck is this ? ❞

❝ i’m all sorts, [ … ] .❞

❝ i’m the one they sacrifice to. then till now. ❞

❝ time and attention. better than lamb’s blood. ❞

❝ i hate that. i hate that they were hurting you, [ … ] . i would never do that to you. ❞

❝ i want you in my camp with us. ❞

❝ look at it like this: we’re the coming thing. we are already here. ❞

❝ i was impressed with how you dealt with him/her/them. ❞

❝ who’d have thought you had it in you ? ❞

❝ he/she/they were underestimating you. they all are. not a mistake i’ll make. ❞

❝ i can give you so much more. you name it, honey. what do you need ? ❞

❝ don’t fight gravity, [ … ] . i’ve been at this a while. ❞

❝ i’m trying to help you. ❞

❝ keep your neck out of the belt. ❞

❝ that went as well as can be expected. ❞

❝ i think i’m losing my mind. ❞

❝ oh, like the rest of your life is sane. ❞

❝ at times, the universe does seem to have singled you out for unique abuse. in these moments you have to ask yourself, would i rather be ignored ? ❞

❝ always better dead than forgotten, and no one is ever going to forget you. ❞

❝ it’s a sudden onset of strange. fair cause for consternation, unless strange is a new language and what we’re doing here is vocabulary building. ❞

❝ you may have to consider that you didn’t see what you saw, or you did. the world is either crazy or you are. they’re both solid options. take your pick. ❞

❝ when you decide, come and tell me. but don’t rush into it. take your time. difficult decision. ❞

❝ there are bigger sacrifices one might be asked to make than going a little mad. ❞

❝ you wanna know the secret of my success ? the secret is charm. ❞

❝ i only come when matters are vital, as they are now. ❞

❝ god, you are gorgeous. you have not aged. ❞

❝ the truth is not what people want to hear. ❞

❝ prettiest woman, prettiest lies. ❞

❝ black as night, sweet as sin. you take coffee, then i read your future. ❞

❝ he does not know our world. ❞

❝ i’m easing him in. ❞

❝ you are the worst man i have ever seen. ❞

❝ nice to see you, old friend. i brought a gift. ❞

❝ i come here only to share bread and information. what you do with the latter is entirely up to you. ❞

❝ i’d be happy to help. ❞

❝ oh, he is nobody’s husband, and i am nobody’s wife. ❞

❝ family is who you survive with when you need to survive, even if you do not like them. ❞

❝ i am not a good cook. when i was younger there were servants to make meals. here there are no servants; there’s only us. ❞

❝ learning is beneath me. ❞

❝ i thought you were supposed to read tea leaves ? ❞

❝ that bad, huh ? any good news ? ❞

❝ you brought that madness into my life once. never again. ❞

❝ you know me. you know what these hands have done. ❞

❝ you don’t want me, you want [ … ] , and he’s/she’s/they’re not here. ❞

❝ it will be glorious, win or lose. ❞

❝ i am tired of glorious. ❞

❝ everyone thought he/she/they must be the good one. so i became me. ❞

❝ time passes. now i am gray. ❞

❝ i think in the old country i am forgotten, and here, i am like a bad memory. ❞

❝ i know the killing. ❞

❝ to give a good death is art. ❞

❝ every man’s an equal. ❞

❝ is good ? ❞

❝ first blood is mine. so you’ve lost. game is done. ❞

❝ i just started. ❞

❝ ten thousand deaths made right here. ❞

❝ it’s your move. ❞

❝ he’ll take that shot. no joke, no boast, no half-measures. how good are you ? ❞

❝ it’s your decision. ❞

❝ when my voice breaks on this song, remember old love gone. ❞

[carpecmnia-blog]

To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is to                                       always remain a child.

written by casey

[carpecmnia-blog]

so i promise im alive and all that jazz

but, as per usual, my multimuse comes first, so ive been there

[carpecmnia-blog]

[carpecmnia-blog]

T . E . C . H . N . I . C . A . L   BOYS

  the edgy horny hacker

  the grumpy old nerd

  the meme based loser

  the one they never speak of

 @technogod // @carpecmnia // @vinegcd // @facedgods

[carpecmnia-blog]

sext: *an endless grinding and cracking of teeth on bone*

[carpecmnia-blog]

[carpecmnia-blog]

[carpecmnia-blog]

Send me "alt!" and I'll introduce you to a charecter I've rped in the past, want to play in the future or are currently playing somewhere else!

sorcerouscheerleader-deactivate:

[carpecmnia-blog]

finding out the heights of your internet friends is always the weirdest thing