carsonzimbel-blog - Tumblr blog

[carsonzimbel-blog]

Beaches + good booze + no paparazzi = happy Carson. He'd packed so fast, Alice had asked if he'd had the bag ready in case he needed to flee the country or something. Which wasn't a stretch, to be honest, but he was just ridiculously excited to be his old self and not worry about responsibilities for a while. The lake wasn't actually one he'd visited yet, but the water was gorgeous and there was a rope swing--basically perfection embodied.

"A hundred bucks to anyone who can swing out further than my cannon ball!" He hollered as he ran to the swing. Carson was a lot of talk about most things, but he took rope swinging very seriously. He launched himself over the water, gripping the rope tightly and releasing at just the right moment. He hit the lake with a gigantic boom, and came up laughing like a five year old.

[carsonzimbel-blog]

You know Riker--bald, muscle-y tattooed head of security Riker? He's impossible to miss, he looks just like Dwaine Johnson.

Sticky Fingers || Open

Yeah…now that you said that I think I will pass. Maybe..

Riker? Who the hell is Riker? 

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Please.

I'm almost out of whiskey and the thought of "no booze" makes me break out into hives.

Sticky Fingers || Open

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Look, you don't want any of that stuff anyway. I tried it, got on this awful trip about being abducted by aliens...

Wait, aliens. Where's Riker?

Sticky Fingers || Open

{Alice couldn’t help but laugh} You had weed and how did I not know? {Before glaring at him} It’s called sharing.

But anyways…I didn’t let anyone into the house! I been shopping and preparing for our son. I’m pretty sure whoever you let help you with the accounts might of did that. Unless you didn’t lock the doors when you went out.

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Let me rephrase the answer--I'm always one of those, but I've never been that drunk or high or any combination thereof. Especially not since I got married.

Sticky Fingers || Open

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It's not just the accounts, Alice. I can't find any of my watches, my laptops is missing, and my stash of weed. Who did you let in the house?

Sticky Fingers || Open

Well I don’t know, I have my own account.

Carson…you can’t even remember his name, you sure he was a financial planner? Did he have any proof, other then knowing what he was doing.

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I'm ALWAYS one of those!

I don't see what that has to do with anything, anyway.

Sticky Fingers || Open

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You tell me! I was just going over our financials yesterday with that financial planner--what's his name, Brad? No, that's not it...

Sticky Fingers || Open

What the hell do you mean they’re overdrawn? How could that be? 

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Me? Oh nononononono I did not spend over a million dollars in one night. I couldn't if I TRIED!

Sticky Fingers || Open

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Sticky Fingers || Open

What do you mean all my accounts are overdrawn?!

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Alice could have been reading the specials off of a restaurant menu for his reaction. He felt completely and utterly spent, drained of every ounce of emotion and left with nerve endings that were devoid of sensation. Carson was numb and worn out, and honestly there was no time better for her to admit to such a thing. He couldn't bring himself to care (not to mention he'd have been a hypocrite to criticize her anyway).

He let both of his hands rest over the one of hers that he held to his chest, nodding distantly. "Yeah, that was why she was in the house. You weren't supposed to be home."

Carson closed his eyes and let his neck and shoulders relax. A shaky sigh left his lungs and he sounded close to tears again, even though he was sure there wasn't anything left in him. "I'm so tired Alice. I don't know how to do any of this."

{Carson/Closed}

She couldn’t help but smile at the contact she was making with him, it felt right. Relaxing even, that her and her husband were finally talking, and working things out. Which wasn’t something that they usually did. Usually it was fighting and screaming, and Alice shaking her head and walking away. 

"That’s sweet, thank you Carson. Same with me, I don’t want anyone else but you. You’re mine, and I don’t want anything or anyone else. No one can compare." Alice finished hearing him out, letting him speak before she said another word. Her eyes widened, "Wait…you mean Elena. That’s why she was in the house that morning. I was wondering why she suddenly appeared in the guest bathroom." Biting her lip she blushed looking down at Carson, her hair hiding a little bit of her face.

"Uhmm…I wouldn’t worry about that much. I kind of slept with her to. That morning she caught me showering..and yea. I thought you were behind me, and it was her." 

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Carson turned to where he was laying on his back. He splayed Alice's fingers across his chest, playing with her hand as an excuse not to look her in the eye. Her understanding was comforting, but he wasn't done confessing yet.

"I don't want to 'explore', Alice. I've got you, and I don't want to want anything else. And not just men, but other women as well. I met a woman--actually the one who hosted the heat party--I met her at a restaurant and brought her home. I don't know what I was thinking...maybe I was angry, or drunk or whatever. But I slept with her and I'm so sorry. For all of this."

{Carson/Closed}

Alice suddenly understood what he meant, and nodded softly. He wasn’t straight, he was bisexual like she was. Suddenly everything made sense, she was still pissed though that her cousin slept with her husband. But she pushed that out from her mind. 

Licking her lips, she continued to run her fingers through his hair. “It’s okay to be different to not be like everyone else. You’re unique, and unique is good. There is nothing bad about feeling for the opposite gender. I’m not straight, when I was young I was confused. When I would suddenly get feelings for not just guys. My dreams, my instincts. Finally giving in was the best thing ever. At first it was hard, but it got easier.” She stopped running her fingers through his hair, letting her fingers intwine with his. “Embrace it, explore more. Be happy and don’t hide who you are, it only hurts if you do.”

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Carson shifted uncomfortably but maintained his grip on her hand. "That's not what I meant," he started, clearing his throat, "I didn't want to have sex with your cousin because he's a guy--not because he's your cousin. Although that wasn't exactly ideal either."

In fact, Scott's relationship with Alice hadn't even entered into his mind until then. Since they hadn't turned around and left the party immediately, he assumed it was okay to indulge in the festivities. But he'd never been to a heat party where his specific interests weren't already known and catered to rather than blatantly ignored and violated. He couldn't blame Scott or Stiles--they were as much at the mercy of the heat as anyone else.

"Those sorts of feelings--that kind of weakness wasn't allowed in my family. I was expected to be with beautiful women and flaunt masculinity. It was easy when I lived under my father's roof. I was so scared of what he'd do if he caught me with a man that I didn't even consider it. But now...I don't even know what's going on with me anymore." He took a shaky breath and pressed into Alice a little tighter.

"I don't know what to do and I'm scared."

{Carson/Closed}

She gladly let him take her hand, the warmth and comfort she felt with her body next to his was like any other. Alice didn’t care they both were a mess of tears, all that mattered that everything was going to get better. Hopefully. Becuase that’s all she wanted. All this pain they both went through had to mean something, it couldn’t all be for nothing. 

"I know…it was the heat. I wasn’t so faithful to..I did sleep with people. It just hurt more because it was my cousin that you slept with and his husband. And if I was there I could have did something. But it’s not your fault." Alice said softly, looking down. "Things happen, mistakes are made…it’s how life works. Perfect is boring." 

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He sighed. Alice's hand in his hair put him at ease, the gentle stroke of her fingers across his scalp releasing tension from his body. Carson's life had changed irrevocably since meeting her, and even though sometimes he wanted to pretend the ring on his finger was just a fashion statement and go into a bar and pick up where he'd left off, he loved her and hated the idea of anyone doing her harm.

He reached for her hand, tucking it under his arm. Carson probably looked like a child, with his knees tucked close to his chest and Alice snuggled against him like a makeshift stuffed animal. Essentially, that was who he was--a kid. He didn't know if it was in his personality to "grow up", as hard as he tried. His joys in life were simple, his moods were wild, and his energy was boundless.

"I didn't want to have sex with your cousin." He said. His voice was like sandpaper on stone, but he needed her to understand a few things before he lost the nerve to tell her.

{Carson/Closed}

Alice sat on the couch, trying to drown out Carson’s sob’s. It hurt hearing him not be how he usally was. She rather have him cocky and flirting with everyone, then have him crying. Never in her life did Alice think her life would end up like this, with Carson. But no matter what he said she really did feel like all this was her fault. If Alice didn’t kill anyone, Carson would be happy…and things weren’t be the way they were. But she didn’t regret marrying him, arranged marriage or not he was the guy for her. Even though he had his flaws, Carson was like no one else.

When he talked on the phone, she could hear. But she quickly drowned their convo out, it wasn’t her place to invade his privacy. If he ever wanted to talk with her, then she would be all ears. When she suddenly felt something on her lap, her eyes opened. Looking down she saw Carson’s head, and she couldn’t help but smile to herself. Not saying anything, she let her actions speak as she started running her fingers through his hair. But she pressed a kiss to her forehead, her eyes closing gently. 

[carsonzimbel-blog]

Carson's sobbing was uncontrollable. The sounds coming from his mouth were horrendous and gut-wrenching, like the sound of a wounded animal or an infant screaming. He was scared above all else, terrified of losing an image he'd painted for himself, and losing his entire concept of self.

When the phone was pressed into his hand, he pulled the device to his ear. Tiana was on the other end, fixing him from miles away in her way of tough love mixed with unfailing understanding. He blubbered responses down the line, and the more they talked the more Carson could feel the pieces of his fractured psyche mending together. Eventually his sister talked him off the phone, and he hung up and put the cell on the floor. For a long moment he just sat, mind numb and body in a similar state. But he could hear Alice sniffling in the other room, and he'd done that.

Pulling himself off the floor, he found her on the couch in the other room. His throat was scratchy and he didn't want to hear his own voice, so instead he curled up on the couch and put his head gently in her lap.

{Carson/Closed}

What she didn’t expect was for him to react the way he did. It just did more then suprise her. Her tears now weren’t stopped, they kept coming and coming. She looked like a mess, but she didn’t even care anymore. Alice did the only thing she could, she quickly called Carson’s sister. When she picked up, Alice quickly filled the sister in on everything. Going in front of Carson she handed the phone to him, before laying a kiss on his cheek. 

"No matter what happens, I’m with you every step of the way. Talk to your sister, because the more I see you like this, the more it’s gonna kill me. I can’t take you not happy, I love you too much to let that happen." Alice told him with honesty in her voice, before backing off. While she let him talk, Alice moved into the living room. Her head resting on her hands as she tried to stop her own tears. 

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Carson felt her in his space, and he was torn. He wanted to respond, to move his mouth across hers and give her all the reassurances she needed to convince her that he felt the same as she did. He loved her as much as he knew how, more so with every argument that ended with her trying to comfort him, when it was him in the wrong to start with.

But her kiss reminded him of a boy's angry advances, of claws around his throat and Scott on his knees in front of him. He scrambled back, his face contorted in absolute fear and revulsion. Carson fell to the floor and simply lay there. He brought his knees to his chest and hid his face, tears of his own spilling over with a violent sob.

{Carson/Closed}

Alice could feel her face wet with tears at this point, her hands started fiddling with each other as she felt like her feet were stuck with glue to the ground. With what he said, she didn’t know what to say back. At this point, everything just hurt and she didn’t want this pain anymore. 

Not knowing what else to do to make the pain go away, and so they wouldn’t tear each other apart with hurtful comments, she kissed him. Her hands rested by his cheeks as she tried to make the pain go away, but she knew it wouldn’t do much. She was running out of options, because she thought pushing him away would help. But he was hurting, she was hurting, and she didn’t like it at all. 

"I love you. I love you so much." Looking into his eyes, the tears continued to flow. "I don’t know what else to do to make us okay, I just thought letting you go would be the best. Giving you your space…I want what’s best for you. Everything you tell me I take to heart, I really do…" 

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"Don't do that to me, Alice! You do this every time you think things are starting to get out of control. You did it with Nathan, and he wasn't even pregnant!" Carson railed. It wasn't a fair accusation, but he thought it was entirely unfair for her to bring up a baby to emotionally blackmail him into staying. He ran a hand through his hair, gripping painfully hard at the strands at the nape of his neck. He needed to get a grip, but he wasn't even sure what he needed to get a grip on.

Carson was entering the first stages of a total loss of control, an acute attack of fear that was leaving his breath short and his thoughts scrambled. "I don't--I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this. Please--"

{Carson/Closed}

Alice frowned, she couldn’t believe this was his fault. Even though he thought it was his, she thought it was on her more then anything. 

Tears started to leave her eyes, “By the way, Erica is pregnant with our son. That’s why she left, it wasn’t planned I promise, she didn’t want me to find out. But after the omegas got taken, she had to. I felt him kick, our son. But I know you don’t want to be a father. So I got it, take all the time you need with your sister.” She bit her lip. “No matter what happens you are welcomed into my life and our unborn sons.”