carvemyownpath - Tumblr blog

[carvemyownpath]

@nowiamcomplete asked:

“ you would appear to be healing well. ”

she turned her head to look at him---habitually, she guessed---but, it wasn’t quite that simple. not yet, anyway.

perhaps one day her senses would be so attuned that it wouldn’t matter. 

for now, though---even without her tangible sight, she found it easier to discern her surroundings if she followed what remained of her natural inclinations. 

the feelings in her blood and bones that hadn’t become foreign and conflicted. 

while she sorted the rest out. 

“ it doesn’t hurt. ”

that wasn’t true, and she didn’t flatter herself that she could fool him, but the words leapt from her tongue anyway.

and what she really meant was that she could bear it---she could bear it, and she could take the pain, and she could bend it to her own will.

not the other way around. 

she dampened her lips---tasting dryness, and the strange energy that coursed through her veins, and she lowered her empty gaze---sinking within herself.

“ ---thank you. ”

perhaps it didn’t merit gratitude---she doubted very much if he’d been looking for it, or had even intended his words as anything more than a factual statement.

but, even so---she was grateful. grateful for the chance---for what he’d taken from her, so that she could aspire to gain something else.

something more. no---not to gain. to become. 

instinctively, she lifted a hand to brush her fingers across the strip of cloth that covered the wound on her face. 

“ i won’t let you down. you have my word. ”

[carvemyownpath]

Better to die on one’s feet than to live on one’s knees.

Jean-Paul Sartre

[carvemyownpath]

@vengeanceburns asked:

“ this human. he means something to you. ”

she looked at him---if she’d still had eyes, they would have been stormy, and critical. they would have narrowed upon him.

but, even without them---the sharp turn of her head and the tightness of her mouth said enough. 

“ that isn’t the point. ”

she looked away from him---back to the harbor below, and to the ocean beyond. 

her voice was guarded, and volatile, and she despised herself for the tension that she could feel quivering beneath whatever remained of her composure. 

but, she wouldn’t let something like that get in her way---not before, and not now. 

“ i’m not needed here. ”

there was a harsh, bitter sort of pragmatism in her words, and she swallowed hard---past the dryness in her throat. 

her hands gripped at the balcony railing. she lifted one and swiped it roughly beneath her nose. 

“ if I go with him, i’ll be useful. ”

it wasn’t that simple---it wasn’t even close to being that simple. perhaps too much had happened for it to ever be simple again.

she wasn’t lying. she wasn’t telling the whole true, either---and she wasn’t going to. 

varian did mean something to her---more than she’d expected. It was unlikely that anything would come of it---she didn’t care.

well---she cared, more than she should have, but---it wasn’t going to effect her decision. she would’ve gone with him anyway. 

and the irony wasn’t lost upon her---that kael should question an attachment of hers, after all of the grief that she’d given him on the matter. 

there was a double-edged satisfaction in that. She couldn’t help it. 

she raised her chin against the cold, salt-ridden breeze. tasting it on her teeth. 

“ i’m sure your lady proudmoore would agree that his cause is worthy enough. ”

her lips curled with a flicker of disdain, though---for once, she tried to sound indifferent. 

she’d always felt guilty about her own behavior---that was part of the reason that she’d wanted to leave in the first place.

but, now that she was going to leave---she found that her shame, her self-awareness---had only grown. 

for all the good they were likely to do. 

she didn’t want to talk about where everything had gone wrong between them---her and kael. 

or, maybe she did want to---and she just didn’t know where to begin. 

it went back too far, and cut too deep. she’d failed him. he’d failed her. 

and now---when everything should have been all right, she didn’t know how to mend it---most of the time, she didn’t even know how to look at him. 

and she didn’t think that he knew how to look at her, either---not without seeing what she had become. 

what she did know was that she couldn’t stay here. even if he resented her for leaving. it was probably the kindest thing she could’ve done for him. 

here she was restless, and jealous, and always filled with things that she didn’t mean to say. 

[carvemyownpath]

But she could not convey herself to others.

Tanith Lee, from Red as Blood: Tales of the Sisters Grimmer

[carvemyownpath]

@livedbythesword asked:

“ he’s——a little bit pathetic. ”

she laughed a short, quiet laugh---nearly snorting, and glanced off---eyeing the boy in question for a ponderous moment. 

the fragile looking boy who was quite a bit more than he appeared---regardless of whether or not he was also---well, pathetic. 

on that matter, she wasn’t entirely sure---though she didn’t think that would’ve been the right word, even if she had been inclined to think less of him. 

and she wasn’t especially inclined to think less of him. he’d chosen to defy the very evil he’d been raised to serve. 

if that didn’t merit some measure of trust, she didn’t know what did. 

“ well---that’s better than posing too much of a threat, right? ”

there was a twinge of dry amusement in her voice. she lifted a hand before she could be interrupted.

“ no, no---let me guess---he does both. ”

she tilted a slender eyebrow in varian’s direction, and then she lowered her attention back to wrathion. 

he was down in one of the courtyards that overlooked the harbor now---keeping company with prince anduin, as he often did.

that, of course---was what truly drew varian’s disapproval---perhaps even more so than the notion of a black dragon itself.

a slight furrow came to her brow as she watched. 

“ ---for whatever it’s worth, it seems like anduin can take care of himself. ”

she didn’t imagine that it would be worth a great deal---as she certainly wasn’t telling Varian anything that he didn’t already know.

if anything, she hesitated to remark too much on anduin---after all, despite his father meaning the world to her, she barely knew him. 

and he’d been through a hell that---until recently, she’d regarded as something that changed people beyond recognition. 

[carvemyownpath]

Sometimes you embrace anger, because…because it’s warm, when all around you turns cold.

Laura Purcell, from The Corset.

[carvemyownpath]

@nowiamcomplete asked:

" actually, i trust most of you. i wouldn’t say that lightly. ”

“ you do---? ”

her features were open and questioning, if somewhat caught off guard. 

they were lying there together. she looked across at him through the near darkness. not that it made any difference to her now, of course. 

she could see him as clearly in the shadows as she could have beneath the burning skies of this world. 

and she expected that he could see her even more transparently than she could see him. 

it wasn’t very long before she started to feel a little foolish. she swallowed and lowered her head. 

“ i mean---not that i don’t understand. ”

well---she believed that she understood, anyway. 

he wouldn’t have bestowed this power, this knowledge---this responsibility, upon someone he thought less than worthy. 

the work they did here was far too important---and far too dangerous. 

she hadn’t necessarily imagined that meant he trusted them, but---well, she supposed it made sense. besides---he’d said most of them, not all of them. 

regardless, if she was one of them---then she was honored, and she would do everything that she could to ensure that he never thought differently. 

“ forgive me if I spoke out of turn. i just---don’t like the way he looks at you, sometimes. i’m---sure you don’t need my help. ”

a flicker of warmth stung her features. she bit down on her lower lip. 

in retrospect, she wished that she’d never said anything about vandal in the first place---after all, it wasn’t as though she didn’t believe her own words. 

there was nothing that she could have possibly conveyed that lord illidan wouldn’t have already known.

it just bothered her---and she wanted to be useful, she supposed.

she might have reached out to him then---to remind herself of what they did share. 

she wanted to, but---once the moment itself had passed, she never felt as though she had the right to anything more. 

not from him. so instead she watched him, and pondered him---and waited for him to touch her again, if he would. or to speak of something that she could learn from. 

[carvemyownpath]

You ache. You ache all over. You are aching to be you, but you’re scared of what it means to do so.

Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water

[carvemyownpath]

@livedbythesword asked:

“ i think anduin’s been writing to him. ”

“ oh? now that does sound dangerous. ”

her tone might had passed for sincere---save for the dry crackle in her throat, and the subtle glint that danced behind her gaze. 

she feigned a twinge of curiosity---raising a long, slender eyebrow in his direction. 

which wasn’t to say that she harbored no genuine intrigue---she did, of course.

anything that concerned anduin that much would always be a concern to her. 

it just wasn’t quite the sort that hounded Varian day and night. what she would have given to ease his mind---but that would be no menial task. 

“ the quill is mightier than the sword, right? ”

one of her eyebrows lifted a touch higher as she posed the question. after all, how could she be expected to resist an opportunity like that?

a faint smile curled over her mouth, twitching coolly along the otherwise quietly amused nuance of her expression. 

even so---she imagined that it wasn’t terribly prudent to give him grief on the matter.

but---then again, taking him too seriously wouldn’t have been of much use either. 

a sigh puffed from between her lips, and she wrinkled her brow at him---turning up her palms in a decidedly unhelpful manner. 

“ hey, don’t give me that look. i’m teasing you. ”

[carvemyownpath]

I am no more than an animal that someone has stabbed in the stomach.

Marina Tsvetaeva, trans. by Elaine Feinstein, from Bride of Ice: “Poem of the End”

[carvemyownpath]

@vengeanceburns asked:

“ you——bit him? ”

she didn’t look at him. For a moment, she didn’t say anything either. she just wanted to sleep and forget that it’d ever happened. 

finally, when she did speak---her voice was a low, indistinct mutter. 

“ he deserved it. ”

she sniffed and dampened her lips---keeping her face buried between her knees, where they were drawn up tightly against her chest. 

her hair was spilling over her shoulders in unkempt locks and tangles. 

she wasn’t crying now, but she had been crying before---she hated herself for that. 

the humans had wanted to deal with her themselves---she knew that. prince kael’thas must have insisted that she be returned to him.

inside, she was grateful---she was very, very grateful, but---thanking him now would’ve felt like admitting that she couldn’t handle herself with those idiot soldiers. 

it also meant that she had to face someone whose opinion she actually cared about. 

and that was even worse---because it made her feel ashamed. ashamed for causing trouble, and even more ashamed for getting caught. 

she hated these humans. she wouldn’t have been sorry if all of them got killed. 

“ he grabbed me. i told him that it wasn’t his knife and he still grabbed me. ”

agitated, she wiped at her cheeks---and then she buried her face again. her voice was cracking, angry, and miserable.

“ i’m not lying. ”

[carvemyownpath]

" as if something was finally meeting her desire with desire. "

Ada Limón, from The Carrying: Poems.

[carvemyownpath]

@peacecraving asked:

“ ask him for me, please? he listens to you. ”

there was something casual and yet very genuine about the way he’d said it. in fact, he’d caught her slightly off guard. 

“ woah---hang on a minute. me? ”

she blinked and pointed a finger at herself---for emphasis, obviously. 

if there was one thing she’d learned about anduin in the relatively short period of time she’d known him---he had a real knack for turning a conversation in his favor. 

one second, she thought she’d been lending a sympathetic ear---the next, she was being recruited. 

damn.

she cocked a knee where she was leaning against the wall and crossed her arms, tilting a long eyebrow. 

“ no way, kid. he listens to you. ”

of course, if anduin had resorted to enlisting her voice on the matter, then he’d probably been shut down already. 

no doubt varian had been none too pleased by the idea of his wayward son taking a stroll beyond the city walls. 

“ if you can’t twist his arm, then it’s definitely a hopeless case. sorry. ”

she didn’t feel grand about disappointing him---especially not when he was making a face like that, but---then again, his face always looked that way when he was attempting to persuade someone. 

it was no wonder he usually had decent luck. 

but, she quite sincerely wasn’t coming up with any bad excuses here---if anduin had failed to plead his case, there was no way in hell she was going to have a chance. 

well---all right. sometimes, perhaps, but---that wasn’t the point. 

besides, though she was no lover of caution and she definitely hated to be a stick in the mud---in this particular case, she was somewhat inclined to agree with his father.

things were getting dangerous out there. 

[carvemyownpath]

She owns her own hunger.

Anne Sexton, from Love Poems: “The Touch” 

[carvemyownpath]

@livedbythesword asked:

“ what’s that thing on his head? ”

“ huh? ” 

she glanced up---genuinely confused for a second or two. 

her gaze flickered over to where the boy was sitting---near anduin, so---it was no wonder that he’d already managed to draw varian’s ire.

ridiculous as it might’ve sounded at the moment. he must have been getting desperate. 

and she felt on his behalf. she sincerely did, but---somebody had to keep him in check. 

“ oh, listen to you. ”

unimpressed, she slackened back in her seat and folded her arms. then she looked at him and shrugged, puffing out an audible sigh. 

“ i don’t know. what’s that thing on your head? ”

there wasn’t anything on his head, of course---just a tousled mane of hair.

but, she took advantage of his momentary distraction and gave him a decent clobbering there for good measure. 

it was difficult to muster up too much sympathy for him when he’d resorted to questioning how the poor child dressed. 

she made sure to thoroughly ruffle his hair as she withdrew. 

not that she had the slightest idea what the headpiece was about, but---that was beside the point. 

she raised long, pale eyebrows at him. 

“ you really think he’s got the secrets of his villainy wrapped up in there---? ”

[carvemyownpath]

I’m alive. Like a wound–

Clarice Lispector, Água Viva

[carvemyownpath]

@vengeanceburns​ asked:

“ i’m——not sure that the knife will be necessary. ”

her heart sank. she felt caught. 

instinctively, she drew back a little---searching his face for disapproval. her grip on the blade tightened.

she hadn’t meant for him to see it, but---she had also wanted him to, in a way.

“ i know how to use it. ”

these words came out quickly---defensively. she bit down on her bottom lip.

he must have thought her weak---always following him around, and getting under his feet---she had wanted to prove that she could fight. 

she stowed the dagger under her traveling cloak---the one he’d given her---and looked up at him. 

her expression was serious. 

“ anything could happen. ”

of course---she was going to regret brandishing the weapon around if he decided to take it away from her---or asked about where she’d found it. 

she’d stolen it from a drunk soldier. not one of their people---obviously. one of the humans. 

it wasn’t true---what she’d said about knowing how to use it, but---she wasn’t afraid to use it.

and she was willing to bet that she could get more done than half of the grand marshal’s grumbling old men. 

“ i should be able to defend myself---and you. ”

she knew that she sounded stupid---that he could’ve defended himself and everyone else here before she could even lift a finger. 

but she wanted to learn. she wanted to get better. 

if she couldn’t use magic, then she would just get good at killing people.