casspurrjoybell-25

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - The End

Wren Ridley is always two steps ahead of everyone or so he thinks.

His life seems out of his control when he starts having feelings for someone he knows he shouldn't, someone who he's better off avoiding at all costs.

Landon Reilly is still trying to figure himself out.

After coming out to his parents and nearly getting sent away to conversion therapy, he finds it hard to get close to anyone.

He's cold as ice, closing himself off to anyone but when the two constantly bump into each other on their daily runs, avoiding each other becomes nearly impossible and the two are drawn to each other more than either will admit.

Wren Ridley and Landon Reilly

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 54 - Part 2

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

"Surprise," James exclaimed, throwing his arms up.

He went in to hug him but Wren stopped him, holding his hand up.

"Where is Landon?" Wren asked.

I excused myself from Fox and Elijah and walked over to the doorway where Wren stood.

I grabbed his free hand and pulled him further into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind us.

Wren still looked confused but he accepted my quick kiss on the mouth anyway.

"We're celebrating," I told him, leaning to speak into his ear.

"Celebrating what?"

"You. You being done with edits. Your book getting published," I explained, laughing.

He looked around the room to see all the people gathered.

It wasn't that many people but it was enough to occupy the small space in the apartment.

When Wren's book published, we would have a bigger party with his whole family and all our friends but this was all we could do with the space we had at the moment.

"Oh," Wren replied and my stomach dropped.

I pull him to the side, shooting a look at James who thankfully understood and distracted everybody so I could talk to Wren.

"Are you upset?" I asked him, the two of us standing in the corner of the kitchen.

He placed the package and his keys down on the counter.

"No," he denied, shaking his head.

"I just didn't expect this. I wanted to open the book together."

"We can," I assured him.

"We can open it now."

"I'd rather it just be the two of us," he said.

Now I was feeling guilty.

I had ruined whatever plans he had for the night all because I thought he deserved to be celebrated.

He didn't even want this.

"Hey, hey," Wren said, cupping my face in his hands.

My eyes stared into his, looking miserable I was sure.

Wren smiled at that.

"Why are you upset?"

"Because I'm the worst boyfriend ever and ruined your night by throwing you a party you didn't want and didn't ask for."

Wren shook his head at me, my face still in his hands.

"I'm happy, love, just surprised which I'm sure was the point," he said, smoothing his thumbs over my cheeks.

"I'm lucky to have someone as thoughtful as you."

"Well, I can't take all the credit," I muttered.

"Stella and James helped."

Wren laughed, pulling me in for a quick kiss.

"You can't take all the credit but you were going to take all the blame if I was unhappy?" he asked, his face still close to mine.

"You know how my mind works."

"Yeah, I do," he replied, removing his hands from my face and taking one of my hands in his.

"Let's stop being anti-social."

Wren and I walked through the apartment, greeting everyone who was there.

"I was thinking," Tara started, sitting close to Wren on the couch.

"When your book comes out, it should totally be the book club pick of the month. Wouldn't that be awesome?"

"Absolutely not," Wren denied, shaking his head at her.

"Once this book is out, I'm never reading it again."

"Boo-hoo," Tara replied with a thumbs down.

We ended up talking to Anthony and James for a little while on the other side of the room.

"I can't believe you were actually doing work when you were at the coffee shop," Anthony commented.

"I totally thought you were faking the whole time."

"And I thought you were just watching porn with how much time you spent on your laptop," James added, snickering with Anthony.

"You two are hilarious," Wren said in a dry tone.

"Made for each other, truly."

James threw his arm around Anthony and planted a loud kiss on his cheek.

A moment later there was a knock on the door.

James shot us a confused look before going over to open it, revealing Wren's sisters, Raven and Fawn and my sister, Olivia on the other side.

While I was happy to see them, I was confused about their presence.

I hadn't thought to invite Raven which now made me feel like an asshole but clearly someone had invited her.

"I hope you don't mind I extended the invitation," Fox said, coming to stand beside me as the girls made their way over to us.

"No, this is great," I said, smiling over at him.

"Sorry we're late," Raven said, hugging Wren who just shrugged.

While Wren talked with his siblings, I took a moment to greet Oivia, giving her a tight hug.

Ever since moving out of our parents' house and in with the Hansons, Olivia had changed drastically.

She was no longer terrifyingly thin with a look of innocence.

She had cut her hair short so that it didn't pass her chin and dyed it black.

Her makeup was done with dark colors, thick eyeliner and dark red lipstick that almost looked black.

Despite all these dark changes in appearance, she seemed happier than ever.

After she had turned evidence of the abuse she suffered from our parents to the police last year, she was able to get fostered by the Hansons.

This didn't go without pushback from our parents who fought to have their daughter brought back to their home but there was nothing they could do.

There was evidence of abuse toward Olivia and Olivia clearly stated that she didn't feel safe living in that home, so any judge that they saw wasn't going to place her back with our parents.

"I like the new hair stye," I told her as we pulled away from our hug. Olivia brushed some hair behind her ear but it just fell back to the place it was before.

"It's taking some getting used to," she said.

"It's always getting in my face but I like how it looks now. It feels more me."

"It looks good," I assured her.

"How are Anne and Matthew?"

"They're good. They miss you and Micah."

Anne and Matthew Hanson were a miracle for Livi and me.

What they had done for us by taking the two of us in was something I'd never be able to repay but would try to anyway.

They had saved us both.

After a while, people started heading out and saying their goodbyes and congratulations to Wren.

Surprisingly, Fox and Elijah were the last to leave. Wren and Fox were standing in the corner talking quietly by themselves.

"Any idea what they're talking about?" I asked Elijah, who stood across the room with me.

He shook his head.

"Nope but neither one looks mad, so I'm taking that as a good sign."

I hummed in agreement.

"They're getting along a lot better now," Elijah added with a smile.

"They were so hostile to each other when I was first friends with Fox but I don't think either of them really wanted to be. They were just both too bone-headed to talk out their problems."

"A lot has changed," I said, glancing over at the two of them for a moment before looking back at Elijah.

He grinned.

"Everything changed but it's been good changes. Two years ago, I never thought I'd be able to have the life that I have now but it's here."

Of course, I had similar feelings but I was too afraid to speak them out loud because it would make me emotional.

I didn't need to be standing here and crying to Elijah when so much of his own pain was caused by me and although he had forgiven me for it, it was hard for me to forgive myself.

I didn't know if I would ever be able to.

Wren and Fox wrapped up their conversation and shared a quick hug before Fox and Elijah said their goodbyes and left.

James and Anthony had already retired to their room, so Wren and I were cleaning up with Stella and Jess.

**********

When we were finally alone in Wren's room, he wanted to open the package with his book inside.

"You really didn't want to show this to everyone?" I asked, sitting down on his bed.

"They'll see it when the book comes out," he said with a a shrug, carefully opening the box.

Wren slid the book out of the box and ran his hand over the cover.

I got up from the bed and stood beside him so I could get a good look.

The cover design was a brick university building with vines of ivy twined around it with the title 'Poison Ivy' at the top and Wren's name written at the bottom.

I remembered Wren being so stressed about picking the title for his book.

There were multiple title ideas that were floating around between him and his editors and he was worried they wouldn't go with the right one.

The book took place at an ivy league school and was a dark campus novel about the toxicity and elitism in higher education.

There were secret societies, murder, crazy professors and lots of drama.

There was a character named Lance, who had a love affair with the main character, which reminded me a lot of Wren.

Wren opened the book, turning it away from me.

He read the page he was on, then turned his eyes up to look at me.

"What?" I asked.

He shoved the book in my hands without answering.

The book was open to the dedication page.

It read: To my family and friends. Your love and support will never go unnoticed and the line below: To L, my love, my light, my life. It was your love that kept me going even when I doubted myself. This book is yours and so am I.

I looked up at him, my mouth parted slightly.

He was staring at me with a blank expression, waiting for my reaction. I could tell he was feeling vulnerable at that moment, that he needed reassurance from me.

"You sappy bastard," I said, putting the book down and pulling him into my arms.

"You think it's okay?" he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"It's perfect."

I laid a kiss on his forehead.

"Good because I can't change it now, so if you hated it then that'd be too bad."

"How could I hate that my hot author boyfriend dedicated his book to me?"

Wren contemplated for a moment.

"You're right. That would be impossible to hate. You should be happy that I'm so romantic and thoughtful."

I couldn't even pretend to be annoyed at his arrogance.

"I am so happy," I said. Wren grinned and let his hands travel behind my back until they squeezed my ass.

"Do you want me to stay the night?" I asked him as he stared kissing my jaw.

"What a silly question," he said against my skin, backing us up until we reached his bed.

It was like my whole life, through all the hardships, pain,and tears, had led me to this moment, this man, this life.

I stopped being a religious person but sometimes I had to think that these things happened for a reason, that life gave me my set of circumstances that would lead me to where I was supposed to be.

I looked at him and everything felt worth it.

Here, with Wren, was exactly where I was supposed to end up.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 54 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

I was light as air skating through the rink at the end of hockey practice, picking up the loose pucks and cones that were left behind.

I always loved skating, even if I didn't always love the game, I loved gliding over the ice, feeling a rush of freedom.

My second season of hockey at Providence College was better than the last.

I was one of the alternate Captains, a last wish from Rojas to the coaches before he graduated and left the team to pursue graduate school.

We started the season winning more games than we had the last, so morale was up with the guys. It actually felt like a team this year instead of a group of cliques being forced to work together.

That, of course, was in part because of Shea, our new Captain now that Rojas had lef, and because Cooper had transferred out of Providence College before the start of the year.

Cooper's clique had dissolved and Shea wasn't one to let any petty bullshit slide.

Now we were close to the end of the season with a potential to go to the Frozen Four.

Shea skated up behind me, holding out a bucket for me to drop the pucks in.

"Hey, Reilly," he greeted.

"Are you still having that thing tonight?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, we are. Are you and Tara are coming?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Shea said with a smile.

Tara was Shea's girlfriend who had befriended Wren early on, in the season.

The two of them had bonded over their mutual hatred for hockey and love for reading.

I hadn't realized how close the two had gotten until one day about a month into the season I texted Wren to ask what he was doing and his response was 'book club with Tara.'

Now the two hung out all the time and sat together at every home game along with a couple other girlfriends of the players.

With Shea mentioning it, I realized I had to hurry up and get back to Wren's apartment before everyone else got there.

For their junior year, Wren, Stella, James and Anthony rented an apartment together close to campus.

I was a little skeptical of the arrangement at first but it seemed to be working out.

Anthony begrudgingly got along with Wren now that he was living with him.

Also because he sort of had to considering he was my friend and James's boyfriend so there would be no avoiding Wren even if he wasn't living at the same apartment.

It was crazy how much could go on in a year.

I spent much of the summer contemplating whether I wanted to continue playing hockey and of course 'my know it all boyfriend' gave me advice that actually ended up working even though I was hesitant at first.

Wren wanted me to figure out whether or not I played hockey because I loved it or because I thought I did, so he suggested I make a list of pros and cons, what I love about hockey and what I hate about it.

I loved the feeling of skating, I loved being good at something and having something to be proud of.

I loved the competition and being on a team when it wasn't toxic.

I hated the way my father wanted me to play and I hated that he tainted everything in my life.

So the decision became clear after that.

What I loved about hockey outweighed what I didn't and for the first time in my life, I could play hockey for myself and not for my father.

I didn't want it to be another thing that my father had taken from me.

Wren had also showed me a job posting to work at a youth hockey camp over the summer and when I got the job there, my heart swelled with love for the game I didn't even realize I had.

With the money from that, I was finally able to buy my own car so I didn't have to rely on Wren for rides anymore.

It was a cheap old thing but it was mine so I didn't care.

Once I was showered and changed, I went out to my car and threw my bag in the backseat before heading back to my dorm room to quickly change into something a little nicer and pick up Jess.

I was able to get a single room this year, which was incredibly tiny but it was worth it for the times Wren and I wanted to be alone when everyone was at his apartment.

Jess was living in the same building as me, on a different floor, as an RA.

Jess was already waiting outside my door by the time I got back to my room.

She tapped on her wrist when she saw me, signaling that we were tight on time.

Jess was already waiting outside my door by the time I got back to my room.

She tapped on her wrist when she saw me, signaling that we were tight on time.

"I know, I know," I said rushing down the hall to my door.

"I just need to get changed quick."

"You better hurry up," she said.

"It won't be a good look if Wren's own boyfriend is late to his surprise party. If we don't get there soon, he's going to be there before we are."

"I need one minute and then I'm good."

I quickly unlocked the door and threw all my stuff down before going over to my closet. I pulled out a white t-shirt and a dark blue cardigan sweater Wren had gotten me for Christmas.

Then I threw on black loose fitting jeans, ran my hands through my hair and grabbed my keys before heading out the door.

"I'm ready," I said to Jess, who was leaning on the wall next to my door and looking at her cell-phone.

"Stella said he's not home yet," she said, locking her phone and walking with me down the hall and out to my car.

"Yeah. I know. He just texted me," I replied, showing her my phone screen with a text from Wren.

To: Landon Reilly

[Good evening, love. I hope practice went well. I just left therapy. I'm heading to my P.O. box, then I was thinking I could pick you up and we could grab some dinner. Let me know. I love you.]

From: Wren Ridley

I locked my phone and put it in my pocket, feeling a little guilty for ignoring his text but I would be seeing him soon anyway, so I didn't let the guilt last.

Wren was going to his P.O. box to pick up the final copy of his book before it went out for publication.

Last year, Wren had gotten in touch with a literary agent and got his book picked up by a publisher.

After a year of deadlines and edits, his book was going out to print and would release later this year.

That was what we were all celebrating tonight, Wren's book finally being finished and ready for publication.

It was an incredible accomplishment but Wren acted modest about it.

He didn't like talking about his work too much but his friends and I wanted to show him how proud we were.

So while he might feel a little awkward at first about a surprise party, I was confident he would warm up to it.

There was no way he would have let us throw him a party if he had known we were doing it.

I drove the two of us to the apartment near the Brown campus and parked a little down the road, hoping Wren wouldn't notice my car when he pulled up.

I sent him a quick text when we got there.

To: Wren Ridley

[Practice ran late. I'll meet you at your place?]

From: Landon Reilly

Because Wren was the type to just show up at my dorm, I had to make sure he would actually come back to his apartment.

Jess and I got out of the car and went up to the apartment.

Stella opened the door for us with an exasperated look.

"Finally," she exclaimed, pulling her girlfriend inside.

I followed and shut the door behind me.

"I was beginning to get worried he would show up before you two even got here."

I looked around the room and saw Shea and his girlfriend Tara had somehow beaten me here.

They sat on the couch with one of my other teammates, Bryan and his girlfriend Joanna who was also friends with Wren.

Then Fox and Elijah came out of the kitchen and stood in front of me.

"There you are," Elijah said with a grin.

"Your friends are very nice."

I felt slightly guilty that the two of them had been here before me.

They hadn't met anyone here until tonight, though apparently Fox had briefly spoken to James and Stella over Instagram messages at one point but the two of them didn't seem bothered.

"Yeah, thanks for coming," I said, looking between the two of them, burying my hands in my pockets.

My relationship with Fox Ridley was still strange but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been.

There was more of an understanding between us.

The two of us weren't the best of friends but we could make conversation when we were around each other.

Elijah probably had a lot to do with Fox changing his attitude toward me.

Wren and I had spent quite a bit of time together over the summer, so Fox and Elijah were around a lot.

During the Ridley family vacation, Wren had tricked Fox and me into doing some of the house chores together in an effort to make us get along and it worked... sort of... we were civil with one another.

"Your hockey season's looking pretty good," Fox commented before taking a sip of his drink.

I let out a short laugh.

"Better than last year... on and off the ice."

Fox nodded in understanding.

I didn't know how much he knew about my season last year, if he even knew anything at all.

He and Wren had been talking a lot more lately, ever since we all went on vacation this summer but I didn't really know what was said between the two.

"You and Wren should try to come up to Boston for a Bruins game when you have some time off," Elijah exclaimed suddenly.

"Maybe some time over winter break? That'd be so fun."

"I don't know how much fun Wren would have but it'd be fun for me," I joked.

"You haven't turned him into a hockey lover yet?" Elijah asked.

"I think he secretly likes it," I told him with a grin.

"He pretends to hate it but he's always there when we're playing at home."

Fox snorted.

"That's just because he loves you and probably because he wants to get laid."

Elijah slapped his shoulder and scolded him for his comment.

"What is all this?"

I turn at the sound of Wren's voice.

He stood in the doorway, holding a package under his arm and his car keys in his hand.

He looked around the room with a confused expression as if he couldn't fathom why we would all be gathered here.

James got to him first and I wanted to knock him out of the way.

"Surprise."

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 53 - Part 6

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

"Come on," Wren Ridley said.

"Let's go for a drive."

All the tension left my body after saying goodbye to Mr and Mrs Hanson and leaving the house.

Sitting in Wren's passenger seat, I felt at ease, putting the events of the day behind me.

We were silent for the first part of our drive, Wren reaching over and putting his hand on my thigh.

I appreciated him so much in that moment.

He knew I had to get out of the house and cool down, clear my head.

He knew exactly what I needed.

He always did.

Wren pulled up to a drive through, getting an order of fries and a soda for each of us.

We drove for a while until I noticed he was bringing me somewhere specific, somewhere familiar.

He pulled up to the beach, the same one he had brought me to before when I needed to calm down and get out of my own head.

He parked the car and started eating his fries as I ate my own.

It was a few moments later that he cleared his throat, gaining my attention.

"I know a lot went on today, so if you don't want to talk, I understand..."

"I do," I cut him off.

"I do want to talk."

I wanted it more than anything at that moment.

I had been waiting for this and I wouldn't be able to continue to function until we had this conversation.

Wren nodded, pressing his lips together.

"Wren, I..."

"Can I go first, please?" he asked, his voice small.

I just nodded, urging him to continue.

He cleared his throat again, looking me in the eyes, then started speaking.

"I have so much to say to you and I don't know where to start," he said with a self-deprecating laugh.

"I have so many insecurities and I just try to bury them because it makes me so uncomfortable to feel out of control, to feel like I'm not sure of myself. It's easier for me to bury them and pretend they're not there than to actually confront them."

He looked down for a moment, running a finger over the center console between us.

"I've always felt hard to love because I was weird or nerdy or because I did or said mean things without knowing why I was doing it," he continued, looking back at me.

"Mostly with Fox but with my other siblings too or kids at school. Maybe it was because I thought if I made people not like me because of my own actions, it would hurt less than if they didn't like me all on their own but as I got older, I hated myself for it. I want to be liked, loved, needed," Wren paused, gathering his thoughts.

My heart was aching for him.

I just wanted to pull him over the console and onto me.

"Especially with my family. I think that was why I was so hesitant to come out to my parents. I knew they would be okay with it, but it still scared me to think that maybe they wouldn't understand me, that they would look at me differently. So when I suspected about Fox being gay, I wanted him to come out first to see how they would react but while doing that I was only thinking about myself. I wasn't thinking about my brother and his own fears about coming out and I hate myself for it. That's why I was so scared about angering him with us. I didn't want him hating me again. I did a lot to him that I'm not proud of."

"If there's anything I can understand, it's doing things I'm not proud of," I told him, reaching out and grabbing his hand.

"I understand you, Wren. I've done the same, probably worse."

Wren ran his thumb over the back of my hand.

"I think that was why I was so shaken when you said you loved me," Wren said in a whisper, his eyes wide and captivating.

"Because I want to be loved and needed so badly that I'm scared of it, so I reject it altogether. I'm scared of it being taken away. Scared of you changing your mind or me doing something to make you not love me anymore, or to make you not want me around."

I needed to tell him I read his letter.

This was killing me.

He was so vulnerable right now and all I wanted to do was hold him and promise him the world.

"Listen, I..." I started.

"Please Landon, let me finish. I need to say this," Wren interjected.

I nodded, I could let him finish his piece if that was what he wanted.

"I love you, Landon, I do," Wren said, his voice slightly rushed like he was afraid he would stop himself from saying it if he didn't say it quickly.

"You are everything to me and I understand if you don't forgive me for the way I reacted or the way I made you feel. I'm sorry for that but I want you to know that I love you. I did then and I do now. I'm forgetting what I wanted to say. I wrote it all down so this wouldn't happen but I lost the letter."

"I found it," I told him.

His eyes narrowed slightly, processing what I had just said.

"I read your letter."

"How...?"

"You left it in my room, God knows how you got in there but it was on my desk the night I came back from the hospital."

"And you read it then?" he asked slowly.

"Yes."

"When you had a concussion?"

I nodded.

"It probably made my head hurt even more."

"So, you already knew how I felt and didn't say anything."

I laughed at his ridiculous statement.

"Wren, you didn't let me. You were barely letting me move a few days ago let alone have a conversation like this."

"Well, you were concussed," he said, sounding more like himself.

"You still are."

"So you can't be mad at me for not saying anything."

"I'm not mad," he assured me, bringing our joined hands up to his mouth and kissing my knuckles.

"I just feel a little foolish, though."

I chuckled, resting my head on the head rest, still turned facing him.

"There is no need to feel foolish," I said.

"The letter is beautiful, it's everything."

"You still have it?"

"Of course, I still have it."

Wren nodded.

"You can keep it."

My love for Wren was all consuming.

I never thought this was in the cards for me, that I would be here with a man that I was in love with and feeling so much happier than I knew was possible.

"I love you too, by the way," I said, grinning over at him.

I couldn't pull the smile off my face.

"And I forgive you."

Wren grinned back at me, squeezing my hand.

"Well, that's a relief," he said.

Here with him was where I wanted to be.

I always thought I wanted to leave this place, get out from under my father's thumb and leave everyone I knew behind thinking that would somehow fix my life.

What I really needed was to let myself be me and I could always be that with Wren, no matter where we were.

I let myself thaw out, cracked the ice around my heart, and transformed into who I really wanted to be.

"Have you ever thought about leaving here?" I asked him after a few moments of us staring out at the ocean.

"Going somewhere nobody knows you? I used to think about it all the time."

Wren pondered for a moment, turning to face me again.

"I always thought here was where I wanted to stay. Go to Brown University, stay close to my family," he began.

"But now... now I think that anywhere you are is where I want to be. I'd follow you anywhere, change our names, start a new life, if that was what you wanted."

I could feel my cheeks heating.

I reached over and shoved him lightly in the chest.

"Jesus, when did you get so cheesy?" I asked him with a chuckle.

He grinned, pulling me to him by the collar of my shirt before planting his lips on mine.

"Wren, just so you know," I started, smiling over at him as the moonlight glistened in his eyes.

"I'll always want you around."

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 53 - Part 5

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

When I walked into my father's view, his wild eyes landed on me, practically piercing through my skin.

The bruise from what I assumed was Wren's punch was still visible but fading.

"Why am I not surprised," he sarcastically remarked.

"I knew you must be involved with this."

"We are not your kids," I said to him in a low tone as I walked closer.

"We are not your anything."

"You might not be but your sister is."

"My sister wants to leave and you're going to let her," I said, trying to keep my voice even and strong.

My father stepped into the house, pushing past Matthew as Matthew tried to hold him back.

It was no use.

He walked right through Matthew and stood toe to toe with me.

"You have struck my last nerve," he spat.

"I thought we had been over this but clearly our last encounter wasn't enough to get it through your head that you are to cease all contact with your sister."

"I don't care what you have to say," I replied, squaring my shoulders.

"I care about Olivia."

I wasn't going to let him intimidate me.

This time I wasn't going to be blindsided. I was ready for whatever he threw at me.

"She doesn't need you to care about her," he replied with a sinister smile.

"You are nothing to her. There is nothing you can do for her."

He was wrong and he was beginning to see it.

He was only acting so crazy because he knew Olivia couldn't stand him, that she wanted to be rid of him and Mom just as much as they wanted to be rid of me.

He couldn't stand that his perfect children didn't turn out the exact way he wanted them and he was beginning to realize Olivia wasn't his perfect little princess anymore.

"You're only angry because you've finally realized you've failed both of your kids," I snapped at him.

"Olivia and I need each other, more than we ever needed you."

His eyes bugged out of his head so he looked nearly unrecognizable.

"You are the one who failed me," he screamed, pointing his finger at me and then at his chest.

"I gave you everything. I set you up for success and you failed. If you had just done what I asked of you, if you had gone to the therapy instead of fighting it things would be different. You would still have a home. I would still love you"

I scoffed, shaking my head.

"You never loved me or Olivia. You love what ever version of us you have conjured in your head."

He stepped closer to me, clearly letting his anger fuel his body.

He was where I got my anger problems from and I hated him and myself for it.

"You don't like to hear it but you're not the father that you think you are," I continued before he could get another word in.

"You wanted to live vicariously through me more than you loved me. It was never that you wanted me to succeed. It was that any success I had felt like success for you and you know what? I'm so glad that I don't have to have anything to do with you anymore. You made my life miserable. Now I get to be the real me. Not just some version of you."

"You sound ridiculous," he snarled at me.

"And another thing, I never felt any love from you but I sure as hell feel it from my boyfriend and knowing how much you would hate the fact that your perfect Christian son is in love with a man, makes it even better."

That had struck a nerve with my father.

He reached for me, trying to pull me toward him but somebody grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away from him.

I turned slightly and saw Wren out of the corner of my eye.

If I thought my father was angry to see me, he was downright livid to see Wren standing beside me.

"Where have you taken my daughter?" my father snapped at Wren, all his fury now directed at him.

I moved forward, putting Wren slightly behind me.

"She's safe from you because of him," I said, pointing a finger at him.

"This is it, huh? You had your little boyfriend come to the house and kidnap your sister?"

My father moved fast toward Wren, his hand outstretched like was going to grab him but I moved faster.

I put myself in front of Wren and lunged at my father, bringing my fist back and hitting him hard.

Wren came to stand beside me just as the police pulled up to the house.

We all turned to stare as the officer made his way up to the open front door.

Anne came forward and spoke to the officer, pointing at my father.

"Sir, you're being asked to leave the property," the officer said to him.

My father was seething.

Steam was practically coming out of his ears he was so angry but he walked out of the house and the officer walked him to his car.

He looked at me from his car, his face like a declaration of war.

He wasn't going to let Olivia ago without a fight but for her, it was a fight I was willing to have.

Wren pulled me close to him and turned as around, shielding me from the dark stare of my father.

"I called because I knew things were going to end badly if we didn't get him out of here," Anne said to us.

She stepped forward and pulled me into a hug.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I said, my voice like gravel. I was sweating, still feeling anxious.

"I need to call Olivia."

Anne and Wren let go of me and I went into another room to call my sister.

She picked up on the fourth ring, laughing at something someone said to her.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Where are you right now?" I asked.

"Dad just came to the Hanson's house raging because I guess the police went to the house this morning and questioned him. He thinks Matthew or me called them. He's furious right now."

"I'm at Fawn's and I called the police," she said.

"So wait, what?" I asked.

"You called them?"

"Yeah, I called them and dropped off some evidence I had."

"Evidence? What evidence?"

"I had some recordings of conversations, my diet plan and calorie tracker, text messages," she listed.

"I just really don't want anyone making me go back there, so I thought I'd be thorough."

"Yeah, that's probably a good thing."

I was stunned and a little guilty, that Olivia had gone and done this on her own but mostly I was proud that she was advocating for herself.

She was a lot braver than I ever was.

"I'll talk to you later, okay? We're about to go to the mall," Olivia said after a few moments.

"Alright, have fun," I said.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

I walked back into the room, staring at my cell-phone with a stunned expression.

"What's wrong?" Wren asked, immediately at my side.

"It was Olivia," I said quietly, still staring at my phone.

"Olivia called the police. That's why they questioned him this morning."

Wren didn't look surprised.

"Did you know?" I wondered, training my eyes on him.

He shook his head.

"No but I'm not surprised. Your sister is smart."

I nodded in agreement, looking down at my cell-phone again before putting it in my pocket.

Wren stared at me for a moment before reaching his hand out for mine.

"Come on," he said.

"Let's go for a drive."

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 53 - Part 4

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

Despite the doctor saying I only needed to be monitored for twenty-four hours, Wren stayed with me for three days and brought me to my follow up appointment.

My head was healing nicely and I could start gradually going back to normal.

However, Wren was still worried I would miraculously become brain dead if he didn't have eyes on me at all times.

In the afternoon on that third day, Wren was driving me to the Hanson's house.

Yesterday, I had called them to let them know of the situation with Olivia and now we were going to their house to try to figure out what we could do to get her away from our parents.

Wren was still unwilling to talk about anything concerning the two of us, which I couldn't really blame him for even if it irritated me.

We had a lot of other things to talk about with everything going on.

It seemed like anything else was paling in comparison to what we were dealing with.

An audiobook was playing as we made the drive.

It was the very same one we had already been listening to together.

We picked up right where we left off.

It felt good that he hadn't gone ahead without me while we were apart.

Wren paused the book when we got to the Hanson's house and the two of us got out of the car.

I was nervous about what was going to happen.

I knew Mr and Mrs Hanson would want to help but I hated adding more to their plate.

They had already helped me so much and now I was going to be basically begging them to help my sister out too.

Wren must have sensed my nerves, so he placed a hand on my lower back and led me toward the house.

His touch comforted me as we walked up the porch steps and knocked on the front door.

Matthew Hanson answered the door almost instantly, pulling me toward him in a hug.

"You know you don't have to knock," Matthew said, patting my back before releasing me.

I felt so at ease in the embrace of Matthew Hanson.

He and his wife, Anne, truly did save me from a horrible fate.

They brought me into their home, treated me like their own and never made me feel bad about it.

I owed them so much and I was about to owe them even more if they took in Olivia.

Matthew greeted Wren as Anne popped into the entryway, motioning for us to come in and shut the door.

"Oh, Landon," she said, pulling me in for a hug.

"I'm so sorry you're going through all this."

The four of us went into the dining room and sat down.

Wren and I sat next to each other, across from Matthew and Anne.

"Landon, sweetie, you should have called us if you thought anything was going on with your sister," Anne said, concern in her tone.

"We would have helped."

"I know but," I muttered in response.

"I just hate to burden you with more of my problems."

"It's not a burden," Anne replied.

"You have never been a burden to us."

I would probably end up crying at some point if we kept talking like this.

Wren placed his hand on my upper thigh underneath the table and I was so glad to have him there with me, to not have to face any of this alone.

"Do you have any ideas about getting Olivia into your care?" Wren asked, looking between the two of them.

"We'll have to go to the police," Matthew said, placing a hand down on the table.

"With Landon it was a little easier because his parents weren't trying to keep him there, but with Olivia that's not the case. We need to go to the police with some sort of evidence to show that her parents aren't fit to take care of her and see if we can foster her for the time being until we can get more permanent things arranged."

"We expect they'll fight us on it," Anne added.

"So it won't be easy but Olivia could help. If she tells the police, the social workers, the judge that she doesn't feel safe with them and would rather be placed with us, that could help a lot. She's at that age where they'll take her wishes into consideration."

"What if it doesn't work?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"What if we go to the police and they don't do anything?"

"Then we come up with something else," Matthew replied with a sad smile.

"There's no way to know how all of this is going to go. In a perfect world, it would go exactly how we expect it to, but we just can't really be sure."

"I can't thank you guys enough for helping with this," I said, looking down at the table, overwhelmed with gratitude.

Anne grabbed my hand from across the table.

"Landon, you're family," she said.

"You don't need to thank us."

We were interrupted by a loud bang on the front door.

We all looked around at each other, confused.

Then there was more banging on the door.

Matthew stood up from his seat and marched over to the front door.

Dread filled me when he opened the door and I heard an all too familiar voice screaming at him.

"I know it was you," my father screamed.

"I know it was you."

"What are you talking about?" Matthew asked.

"Quiet down and tell me what this is about."

"Care to explain why the police were at my door this morning interrogating me?" his voice boomed throughout the house.

"Peter, I have no idea why the police were at your house this morning," Matthew told him.

"So, why don't you calm down?"

"Stop lying to me," my father snapped.

"You either called them or you're helping Landon. You meddled with one of my kids and now you're doing it with another. They're my kids."

I stood up from the table and started making my way to the front door.

Wren grabbed my arm before I could leave the dining room.

I looked back at him and he just shook his head at me.

"Let me do this," I whispered.

"I need to do this."

I leant in and kissed his cheek before pulling myself out of his grasp and leaving the room.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 53 - Part 3

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

Jess grabbed the chair from Kyle's desk and sat down at my desk with me to eat the breakfast sandwiches she brought.

I still wasn't that thrilled about having a babysitter but I was somewhat happy to have her here anyway.

I was so confused with all the emotions I was feeling and I couldn't talk about any of it with Wren.

"Did you sleep okay?" Jess asked, pulling the chair closer to the desk.

"Yeah, I slept fine," I told her.

"I have a lot on my mind."

"Not a good thing, right now," she said with a laugh.

"But I get it. I was worried sick about you last night. When Wren called me I was running a bunch of crazy scenarios through my head."

"He called you?"

"Well, yeah, he was looking for you with your sister," she said, pausing to take a bite of her sandwich.

"He called to see if I knew where you were, so I gave him Chris's phone number because I figured if anyone knew where you were it would be him since you had his car. So I assume he called Chris after that."

"Yeah, he did," I said with a sigh.

"Rojas was with me at the hospital and he brought me back here and Wren came after."

"So are things good with you and Wren or no?" she asked.

"I can't really tell."

"Neither can I," I replied.

Wren didn't know I read his letter.

He had no idea that I knew exactly how he felt about me, so I had no idea what he actually thought was going on with us at this moment.

I knew I wanted to be back with him but he was still treading lightly.

"You know how things went down with us," I started after a moment.

Jess nodded.

"Well, I came here last night and Rojas forgot his phone in the car, so he went out to get it. I found a letter on my desk from Wren."

"Like a love letter?" Jess asked excitedly, grinning ear to ear.

"Yeah, exactly."

I didn't want to tell her exactly what was in the letter or let her read it.

That letter was personal and meant to be read only by me.

The only people who should know the contents of the letter are me and him. It was more special that way.

"That's so romantic," Jess exclaimed, putting a hand on her chest.

"So that means, you two are back together?"

"He doesn't know I read it," I admitted.

"He didn't want to talk about anything last night. He was too paranoid about my head."

"Which is understandable," she responded.

"But he doesn't know? He hasn't mentioned it?"

"He hasn't mentioned anything," I said, resting my head in my hand.

"I'm not even sure he meant to leave the letter here. It was kinda just thrown down on the desk. It wasn't like it was placed there for me to find."

"Okay, so he somehow got in here hoping to find you to give it to you and then left it here by accident?"

"Possibly?"

I wasn't really sure how it happened but I knew Wren didn't leave that letter here on purpose.

************

It wasn't too long after that conversation that there was a knock on the door.

Jess got up to answer it and Olivia came rushing in with Wren behind her.

I barely had time to stand before Olivia was clinging to me, wrapping her arms around my neck so tightly they could have been permanently stuck there.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Olivia cried into my shirt.

"I'm alright," I replied, wrapping my arms around her.

"Hey, hey," Wren called out.

"Be careful."

Olivia let go of me and backed up, her eyes a little watery as she looked at me.

"I'm not that fragile," I said, fixing a glare on him.

He looked exhausted, so my glare immediately softened and I started to feel guilty that he clearly let his worry for me keep him from resting.

'Because he loves me.'

"I was so worried about you," Olivia said, taking my attention away from Wren.

"We were looking for you all night and I was freaking out when we could't find you."

"And you're alright?" I asked her, looking her over.

She seemed fine.

"Dad didn't do anything to you?"

"I didn't stay at home last night. I stayed at Wren's house with his sister," she explained.

My eyes shot over to Wren, who was trying to keep himself busy by tidying up but clearly still listening to the conversation.

Jess moved away from the door and came back to sit at the desk.

"Wren came to get me and he punched Dad in the face. 'Twice.' It was awesome," Olivia continued, with a wide grin.

I looked at Olivia briefly before glancing back at Wren.

This was the first time I noticed his bruised knuckles on his right hand, I felt even more guilty that I hadn't noticed before.

Wren looked up from what he was doing and looked right into my eyes.

I was overwhelmed with emotion and love for him at that moment.

The way he cared for my sister when I couldn't, how he made sure she was safe before coming back to me showed his love more than words ever could.

I felt sort of foolish because Wren had always shown how much he cared, had shown his love but I was so hung up on hearing him say the words, that I got angry with him for not saying them, instead of trying to understand him.

So he hadn't said the words then, but he showed me love through his actions.

He wrote them down in a beautiful letter.

I was oddly okay with that and despite everything that was going on, I was happy.

I had Jess, one of my closest friends, here.

I had my little sister, Olivia and I had Wren.

That was all I needed to be happy.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 53 - Part 2

*Warning - Adult Content*

Wren Ridley

It took a few minutes for my car to warm up and for the windshield to defrost.

I wished I had started it up beforehand because now I was so anxious to get back to Landon that my patience was thin.

Once I could see out the windshield, I started back toward my dorm to get changed and brush my teeth.

James was still asleep when I got there, so I was uninterrupted and quickly in and out.

I pulled on the hockey sweatshirt Landon had given me for Christmas before leaving the room.

When I got back in the car, I let Olivia know I was on my way and started toward home.

Mom was instantly at the door when I pulled into the driveway.

She looked at me with worry, placing a hand on my back and guiding me toward the couch.

"Honey, you look exhausted," she said, sitting us both down.

"I'm fine," I assured her, though she didn't look convinced.

"Are you?" she asked, raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

"How's Landon?"

"He has a minor concussion but he'll be okay."

"Thank goodness it's not more serious," she said.

"Listen, your father and I are extremely concerned about Olivia. We cannot in good conscience send her back home."

"What did she say?"

"She told us about her mother starving her and locking her in her room for hours so she couldn't eat," Mom said, her voice low.

"She told us about her father abusing Landon, hitting him, screaming at him, making him run so much until he threw up."

My blood ran ice cold hearing that.

Of course, I knew that his father had been abusive toward him.

He had told me those things bu-t hearing them again, especially after what his father had just done to him made me so angry.

"She's not going back there," I said, letting out a deep breath.

"I have to talk to Landon about the Hanson''s. They're the family that took him in after he left his parents. They'll help."

Three sets of footsteps came scurrying down the stairs and into the living room a moment later.

Olivia immediately threw herself down on the couch next to me and wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Wren," she exclaimed. I slowly moved my arm to go around her and patted her on the back, unsure of what else to do.

"Is Landon really okay?" she asked, looking at me with wide eyes.

"He's alright," I assured her.

"He just needs to rest."

"Can we go see him now?"

"Why don't you eat some breakfast before you go, Olivia?" Mom suggested.

"Leo's making pancakes in the kitchen."

Olivia smiled and stood up from the couch.

"Sounds yummy," she said, walking past me to give my mom a hug.

"Thanks, Vanessa."

Olivia left the living room to meet Fawn, Ava and Dad in the kitchen.

"You look like you need to eat too," Mom said to me after a moment.

"And get some caffeine in you."

"Yeah, I probably should."

The two of us stood up from the couch and went into the kitchen with the others.

My brother, Colt was sitting alone at the kitchen table, headphones in as he watched something on his phone with his plate in front of him.

He looked at me and nodded but that was all the greeting I got.

The three girls sat at the kitchen island, Fawn in the middle of Olivia and Ava.

"You look like you've been hit by a truck," Fawn said to me.

"Rude," Dad commented as he flipped a pancake on the stove.

I sat down across from Fawn, placing my head in my hand.

Mom came over and placed a coffee in front of me, already having made it how I liked it.

Olivia and Ava giggled beside my sister.

"I take it you three are getting along just fine?" I asked, my eyes sweeping over the three of them.

Olivia seemed to fit right in with Fawn and Ava.

The three of them sat close, whispering to each other and giggling.

Olivia seemed at ease despite the stress she was under last night.

It was like the three of them had been friends for years rather than just one night.

"I'm a very good sleepover host, of course we're getting along," Fawn replied, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Your family is actually really cool," Olivia added.

"And Ava, of course."

Dad finished cooking breakfast and gave us each a plate with pancakes on it.

I devoured my plate in a minute, the three girls across from me looking at me like I was some sort of beast.

"You just inhaled that," Ava said with a laugh.

Dad turned away from the counter with his own plate, then looked down at my now empty one.

I shook my head, standing from my seat.

I took the plate and rinsed it off before putting it in the dishwasher.

Then I went to the bathroom and tried to make myself look less like I had been hit by a truck.

The coffee and the food helped a little but I still looked pale and had bags under my eyes.

I splashed cold water on my face and put some through my hair to tame it.

That was about all I could do.

By the time I was done in the bathroom, Olivia was done with breakfast and ready to go.

Fawn had given her some clothes to borrow and she had a bag of her clothes from last night in her hand.

"Ready to go?" she asked with a hopeful smile.

"Yeah, let me just say bye to my parents," I told her.

We each said our goodbyes.

My mother pulled me into a tight hug.

"Drive safe, honey," she said in my ear.

"And be strong. I know you're under a lot of stress right now,but we're here to help."

With that, we left the house.

Olivia threw her clothes in the backseat before getting into the passenger seat.

Her leg with shaking before we even left the driveway.

I decided not to comment on it.

"Thanks for taking me there last night," Olivia said as I started backing out.

"It was nice hanging out with Fawn and Ava and not having to worry about anything I said getting back to my parents."

"Your friends tell your parents what you say?"

"Their parents do," she clarified.

"And Jimmy does apparently."

I nodded.

"And your parents are, like, the best," Olivia continued.

"Yeah, they are," I agreed, tapping my hand on the steering wheel.

"I'm really glad you're with my brother," she said softly, which caused my stomach to twist in pain for a moment.

"We're not..." Olivia put her hand up to stop me.

"You don't have to try to come up with some excuse," she said.

"I knew you two were together, without either of you saying it. You're not good at being subtle."

There was really nothing I could say to that, so I said nothing.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 53 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Wren Ridley

I watched Landon closely as he got dressed for bed, like I was afraid he would topple over if I took my eyes off him for even a second.

His friend Chris had given me the rundown on what the doctor had said to him and then left the two of us alone.

Landon needed to rest for forty-eight hours and I was going to make sure he got as much rest as he needed.

He could take pain relievers every four to six hours if he needed them and he could use cold compress for the bruising on his face if that was bothering him.

The relief I felt at seeing him without more serious injuries was so overwhelming I felt like I could barely keep myself standing.

The dark bruising on his face which made me clench my fists thinking about how it got there.

I had half a mind to go back to his parents' house and deck his father again.

The only reason I wouldn't was because Landon needed me here with him now and that was more important to me.

While Landon changed for bed, I reluctantly took my eyes off him to make sure he would be comfortable.

I fluffed his pillows and straightened out his comforter, moving some clothes he had left on the bed over to his desk.

The blanket my parents gave him for Christmas was underneath the comforter.

Landon placed a hand on my shoulder as I fussed with his blanket.

"Wren," he said quietly, causing me to turn my head to face him.

"Ready for bed?" I asked, a weak smile on my face.

"In a minute," Landon replied.

"I want to talk."

"You need rest. We can talk about everything when you're feeling better," I assured him.

"Wren, I..."

"Landon," I stopped him, placing my hands on his shoulders and looking him right in the eye.

"You need rest. All of your energy needs to be used for your recovery. I'm sorry and I promise you we can talk about everything in a few days after you're well rested."

I kissed his forehead and gestured for him to get in bed.

He obliged, begrudgingly.

Landon got into bed and lied down right next to the wall, looking at me expectantly.

"Do you need anything?" I asked him.

"Do you want ice for your face?"

He ignored my questions.

"Aren't you going to get in bed?"

My chest ached a little at his question.

He looked so tired and sad and he moved all the way over so I would fit.

I wanted to give him all the affection in the world but I couldn't get in bed with him.

"I don't want to injure you any more," I told him softly.

"You don't move around when you sleep, it'll be fine," he argued.

I leant forward on the bed, moving Landon's hair off his forehead.

My hand traveled from his hair to his cheek to caress it.

"Please just get some rest," I urged him.

"Please."

I had never said please so much in my life but I was desperate.

"Fine," he grumbled, moving toward the middle of the bed and shooting me a glare.

I backed away from him and turned the light off before going to sit at his desk chair, facing the bed.

Landon's eyes were closed but I could tell that he was awake with his mind wandering, which was the exact opposite of what it should have been doing.

There wasn't much we could do about that though.

It wasn't like I could force him to stop thinking.

I couldn't even do that for myself.

I was awake more than half the night, worried something would happen if I wasn't keeping an eye on him.

By the time he woke up in the morning, I was already awake and watching him, having barely slept at all.

************

"Sleep okay?" I asked him.

Landon rubbed his eyes and stared at me for a moment without saying anything.

"Looks like you didn't," he said, looking upset.

I waved him off like it was nothing.

I was at the point where I was feeling over tired, so instead of feeling groggy, I felt wired.

"I slept just fine," I lied with a smile.

He didn't need to know that I spent most of the night checking on him, which felt necessary at the time but looking back on it seemed more creepy than anything.

"How are you feeling?" I asked before he could say anything else or call out my lie.

"Are you in pain? Do you need some pain reliever?"

"Wren, I'm fine," Landon assured me, moving to get out of bed.

I stood up, putting my hands out to stop him.

"What are you doing?" I asked, slightly alarmed.

"I'm going to take a piss, if that's alright with you?" he asked, clearly irritated with me.

He bumped my shoulder as he passed by.

While he was in the bathroom, I made his bed and picked out clothes from his closet for him to wear for the day.

Jess should have been on her way.

I had reached out to her last night to see if she would spend some time with Landon today while I went back home to get Olivia.

I made sure to text Olivia last night so that she knew I was with Landon and he was safe.

I also promised her that I would bring her here to see him but I didn't want to drag him along for that when he needed rest.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," Landon said softly when he came back into the room, leaning against the door.

"That's alright," I replied, pulling a pair of pants from his dresser.

"Why don't you go and get changed? Jess should be here any minute."

Landon looked confused, raising his eyebrows at me as he took in his freshly made bed.

He walked over to it, taking the pants from my hand and changing into them.

He then took the shirt I had laid out on the bed and quickly changed into that.

"Why is Jess coming?" he asked, throwing his used clothes in the hamper.

"I need to go pick up your sister," I told him.

"That doesn't explain why Jess is coming."

"It has not been twenty-four hours since you sustained a concussion," I explained, slowly.

"The doctor said you needed someone with you for the first twenty-four hours."

Landon rolled his eyes.

"And why are you picking Olivia up?"

"It's a long story but she's worried and wants to see you and I promised her I would come back for her today anyway."

"Come back for her? You saw Olivia last night?"

I nodded but before I could explain anything else, Jess was knocking on the door.

I opened the door for her and she went right past me to Landon, setting down the bags of breakfast she brought to give him a tight hug.

"I'm so glad you're alright," Jess said with her face against his shoulder.

Landon patted her on the back, looking over her shoulder at me with an unreadable expression.

"Thanks Jess," he said as she pulled away.

"But I don't need a babysitter."

"I'm not babysitting," she said, picking up one of the bags of food she left on the desk.

"We're just hanging out, plus I brought breakfast."

His expression softened at that and he took the bag she offered him.

"I'll be back in a little bit with Olivia," I assured him.

He looked at me and nodded.

"Jess, you'll call me if anything happens?"

"Yes, I'll call," she said with a chuckle.

"But we'll be fine."

I gave Landon one last look before going toward the door.

He stood up and stopped me abruptly as I was about to walk out.

When I turned to face him, I was met with his lips on mine.

I melted into him, let my lips linger on his until he pulled away.

When I looked in his eyes, I wanted so badly to tell him that I loved him but it wasn't the right time.

I needed to tell him with all the words I really wanted to say, when we had more time and when we didn't have an audience.

I smiled at him before I left the room and headed out to my car.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 52 - Part 3

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

Dear Landon,

I wish my mouth could speak these words because you deserve to hear them but for now, I must write them down.

This way, I cannot hide what I want to say.

It is cowardly of me to have to hide behind this paper to tell you what I really feel but I will do it so that I can't back out and so I can say what I need to without it being messed up or misconstrued.

I told you love wasn't for me and that was true to an extent but it had nothing to do with you.

Love scares m, but you already know that.

I am insecure and so afraid of losing the love given to me that I decided to avoid it instead of opening myself to it.

I know I come off as someone who is arrogant and confident but I'm really just so afraid of being unwanted.

To be unwanted by you would be my greatest failure.

I'm sorry that I couldn't reciprocate what you said to me that day and that I made you feel small. I hate myself for that.

I'm sorry that you were vulnerable and instead of reassuring you and returning those feelings, I shut down and pushed you away.

You have become so open with me and it was unacceptable of me to try to close you up just to make myself more comfortable.

I hope that you can forgive me for that.

What I really need to say to you is, I love you.

I love you.

I have loved you for so long that I can't even remember when I started.

I have loved you since before I knew to call it love.

You consume my every waking thought.

You consume my dreams.

This love has manifested in many ways before either of us knew what we were feeling.

It's in the way I get more winded when we go running together like your presence is what takes my breath away.

It's in the way I sleep better when you're beside me.

The way I miss you when you're away for a game and the way I watch every one of them just for a glimpse of you.

It's the way I feel sick at the thought of anything bad ever happening to you and the way I would shield you from anyone trying to hurt you.

It's in the way your happiness is like a drug to me.

Seeing you smile gives me purpose.

It's addicting and all I need to keep going is to see it.

It's in the way your eyes pull me in and make it so hard to look away and the way when we're apart, I can't function.

The thought of a life without you terrifies me.

I love you now and I will love you as long as I breathe.

I will love you in darkness and in light, as long as the sun burns and the stars shine.

You have me however you want me.

I promise to love you and make sure that you know it.

I will love you entirely with my whole being.

I am yours forever, if you will have me.

If you will not have me, it will break my heart but my heart is yours anyway.

Love, Wren.

My eyes stung as I processed what I had just read.

It was overwhelming to think that someone loved me in that way but I understood it because it was the exact way I felt about him.

I wanted to call him and I didn't care how stupid it might be to go crawling back to him just because of this letter.

We loved each other and it made no sense to stay apart.

If I had a chance to have Wren here, then I would take it.

I wanted him here, to be wrapped in his arms, to have his help with what was going on with Olivia.

Rojas knocked on the door a moment later and I jumped up from my desk to answer it.

I was about to tell him to call Wren for me but he held up his hand.

His other hand held his cell-phone up to his ear.

"Sorry I missed your call earlier," Rojas said to whoever he was talking to.

"Landon's here, with me, at his dorm."

"Who is it?" I questioned.

It could only be one of two people... Wren or Olivia.

Rojas shook his head at me.

"I'm not sure if that's necessary. I'll be here with him," Rojas said.

Whoever was on the phone said something and then Rojas took the phone away from his ear to look at the screen, seeing they had hung up.

"Well, who was it?" I asked.

"It was Wren," he told me.

"Fair warning, I think he's on his way here, now."

"He is?"

My heart started beating faster in my chest.

"I can tell him to go if you don't want him here," Rojas offered.

"No," I quickly replied, clutching the letter tightly in my hand.

"No, he can stay."

"Okay..."

We were still standing in the doorway when Wren walked into the suite, his eyes wide and looking wild as they landed on me.

He pushed past Rojas and stood in front of me, keeping a slight distance, unsure of what to do.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his voice small.

I nodded, then without thinking too much about it, I pulled him to me and buried my face in his neck.

Wren threw his arms around me, putting a hand on my head and holding me tight.

I didn't know how long we stood there but it must have been a significant amount of time because Rojas cleared his throat, breaking us apart.

"You need to go lie down," Rojas said to me before turning to Wren.

"I can go over the care instructions with you if you're going to be the one staying here."

"Go and get ready for bed, Landon," Wren said to me, kissing my cheek and I listened because I loved him and he loved me and also because my head hurt.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 52 - Part 2

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

My brain was swimming, the pain had reduced significantly since getting to the hospital but my head still ached.

"I can't believe you drove all the way here with a concussion," Rojas said, shaking his head at me from the chair next to the hospital bed.

"The doctor said it's mild," I retorted.

It was sort of embarrassing that it was only a mild concussion because it had been so painful in the moment.

It was enough to make me dizzy and keep me from being able to fight back but luckily the lasting damage wasn't severe.

"Still," Rojas replied.

"It was stupid."

It was stupid on my part to drive all the way back to Providence before going to the hospital but I clearly wasn't thinking straight, I had a brain injury.

"The doctor said I might not even have to stay overnight," I reminded him.

"So, it's not that bad."

"She didn't say that you absolutely should have driven nearly forty minutes with a concussion to get here though."

"I needed to return your car anyway," I said and he just gave me a deadpanned look.

What really sucked about all this was that the doctor told me I couldn't use my cell-phone for a little while, so I couldn't even check on Olivia.

I had left my phone in the car anyway.

I had to have the hospital call Rojas but I didn't expect him to stay here with me.

"Maybe you could've called and I could've figured out how to go pick you and my car up," Rojas replied after a moment.

I closed my eyes and leant back in the hospital bed.

In retrospect, I knew it wasn't smart to drive in my condition but I didn't want to keep getting reprimanded by Rojas.

I already felt like an idiot, plus I was in pain.

The more I thought about anything, the more my head hurt.

"Alright, Landon, I'm going to send you home tonight as long as you have someone who can stay with you for the first twenty-four hours," Dr. Miller said, causing me to open my eyes and sit up.

I hadn't even heard her walk in the room.

Rojas was still sitting beside me, his attention on the doctor.

"I can stay with him," Rojas said.

"Should I be waking him up every few hours?"

Dr. Miller shook her head.

"That's not necessary. If he can sleep, it's best to let him rest and see if there are any new symptoms when he wakes up."

"So, how long do I have to rest?" I asked her.

I wanted to be able to get back to Olivia as soon as possible.

"You should be resting for at least forty-eight hours," she said.

"You shouldn't be doing anything that can worsen your symptoms, so no being on your phone, no school work, no hockey. After forty-eight hours you can gradually start going back to normal and use your phone for ten to fifteen minutes at a time and go back to school. Hockey will have to be put on pause until we can reassess you."

"What about driving?" I asked her.

"You shouldn't be driving within that forty-eight hours either," Dr. Miller replied.

"I know you've already broken that rule from what I've heard but you absolutely cannot drive for the next forty-eight hours. After that, you can start with short distances and gradually go longer."

"Well, he doesn't have a car, so I don't think that'll be an issue," Rojas said, sending me a pointed look.

I shrunk a little in the bed, crossing my arms over my chest.

Dr. Miller gave me some instructions for the next forty-eight hours and gave me a date to come back and be reassessed before she processed my discharged and I could leave.

It wasn't until Rojas and I were alone in his car that he started asking me question that I in no way wanted to answer.

"So, are you going to tell me what this is all about?" he asked as he started the car.

"I mean, you went to go check on your sister and came back with a concussion, so that's pretty concerning."

It was too embarrassing to tell Rojas what had actually happened.

My father got me by surprise and took me down.

I should have been able to take him.

If I had been better prepared, there was no way he would have won that fight but I was too blinded by my concern for my sister to see the trap that was laid out for me until it was too late.

Now Olivia was at home with our violent father.

The only thing keeping me from going crazy was knowing that he wouldn't hurt her.

"I really don't want to talk about it," I said, closing my eyes and leaning my head back on the head rest.

Rojas pulled out of the parking lot and started toward campus.

"Did somebody do this to you?" Rojas asked after a few moments.

"Did somebody deliberately hurt you?"

"Dude, please," I said with a sigh.

"This is literally too much for my brain right now."

Rojas laughed and shook his head but he stopped with the questions.

For now at least.

When we got back to my dorm, Rojas followed me up to my room like was actually planning on spending the night with me.

We entered my room and I turned to face him once the door was shut.

"You don't actually have to stay here all night," I told him.

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Your doctor said you needed someone with you for the first twenty-four hours," he reminded me.

"Or have you forgotten? Is this a new symptom that I need to tell her about."

I rolled my eyes, which actually kind of hurt and made me regret doing it.

"I know what she said but I don't need you to watch me," I told him.

"My roommate will be here."

"But he's not here right now," he said, looking around the room.

"I can't leave you alone until he gets here, assuming he's not going to be out all night or come back drunk."

I didn't answer that.

I just turned around and sat down at my desk, putting my head in my hands, trying to soothe the pain.

"Ah, shoot, I left my cell-phone back in the car," Rojas said, patting his pockets.

"I'll be right back. You better let me back in."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, squinting at him.

I was pretty sure I left my cell-phone in his car too but it was no use getting it since I couldn't even use it.

He would probably withhold it from me anyway.

I lifted my head up from my hands and looked down at my desk.

For the first time since coming back to my room, I noticed a folded piece of paper sitting on my desk, one I was sure hadn't been there before.

I was too curious to ignore it, so I picked it up and unfolded it.

The first thing I notice was that the words on the page were in Wren's handwriting.

It was definitely against the rules given to me by the doctor to be reading during this first forty-eight hours but there was nothing that could keep me from reading what was written on this piece of paper.

I couldn't live with only being able to imagine what Wren had said in this letter.

It would tear me apart and cause me to think more than my brain could handle at the moment.

Holding this paper in my hand gave me a shred of hope, like Wren would finally be telling me what I wanted to hear.

I let myself think about it for a moment too long and part of me felt dread that he was telling me that he was completely done with me.

I couldn't handle that but I couldn't handle not knowing either.

So I started reading.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 52 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Wren Ridley

Olivia was shaking her leg as she sat in the passenger seat of my car while we looked for Landon.

The action reminded me of her brother, so much so that I actively tried to block her out of my vision.

I got flashes of Landon sitting in that very seat, doing the very same thing while we looked for Olivia one time a while back.

The tables had turned and the stakes were higher.

Landon was out there alone and injured.

Anything could happen to him if we didn't find him.

Driving around town seemed to be useless.

We had no idea of how he had even gotten here.

I drove around town slowly, thoroughly checking the streets, the sidewalks, looking into the woods and people's yards.

We couldn't find him and it was making us both irritable and anxious.

"I think we should go check at the Hanson's place," Olivia had said, and so we did.

No one was home.

All the lights were out and when I knocked on the door, no one came to answer it.

I even walked around back to where Landon's bedroom was in the house and there were no signs that he was in there.

I eventually resorted to calling hospitals in the area to see if he or anyone with his description, had been admitted.

"Hello, I'm just calling to see if someone named Landon Reilly has been admitted," I said to the third hospital.

"I have reason to believe he would be seeking medical attention but he has been unreachable for a couple hours now."

Generally, hospitals could give you a yes or no on if someone was there but they wouldn't be able to tell me anything about his condition if he was actually at the hospital.

"We don't have a patient by that name," the person on the line said.

"If I give a description, can you tell me if any unidentified patients match?" I asked.

"We do not currently have any unidentified patients but give me a description and we'll be on the look out."

So I gave her a description of Landon and left my number with her in case he turned up there.

I sighed, feeling discouraged, and I could tell Olivia was feeling the same.

I leant my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes, trying to wrack my brain for anywhere he might be.

"Now what?" Olivia cried, causing me to open my eyes and look at her.

"He could be anywhere. He could be passed out. We need to call the police and tell them he's missing so they can search."

"Hold on, let me call one of his friends at school and see if he's there," I told her, grabbing my phone from the cupholder to call Jess.

Jess answered the phone after two rings.

"What's up?" she answered.

I could tell she was at Stella's.

Stella and James were arguing in the background.

"You haven't happened to hear from Landon within the last couple of hours, have you?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm.

"Aren't you guys, like, not talking?" Jess asked, skeptical.

"I can't tell you that."

"Jess, this is serious," I urged.

"Something happened. I'm here with his sister and we can't find him."

"Wait, what?" Jess asked, sounding alarmed.

"What happened?"

I didn't want to get into it with her.

I had no idea how much Landon had actually told her about his life and I wasn't about to be the one to explain it all to her.

"Look, he's hurt and missing," I said as calmly as possible.

"I need to know if you've talked to him."

"All he said was that something was going on at home and he needed a ride," Jess explained.

"Chris Rojas from the hockey team let him borrow his car."

The name was familiar.

Landon had mentioned him before.

Chris Rojas was the captain of his hockey team, and apparently his friend.

"Can you give me his number?"

"Yeah, hold on, I'll text it to you."

Once I got the phone number, I called Chris.

It rang for a while then eventually went to voicemail.

"Hello, Chris, this is Wren Ridley," I started.

"I'm here with Landon's sister and we're both very worried because we can't find him, so if you could give me a call back and let me know if you've heard from him, that would be great. Thanks, bye."

I let out another long sigh and put my phone down in the cupholder before putting the car back in drive and pulling away from the curb.

"So now we have to just wait for this guy to call us back?" Olivia asked, looking at me with glossy eyes.

"I guess so," I said, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"What was even going on tonight? Why was he there?"

I needed more clarity on the situation and I couldn't bring Olivia back there if it wasn't safe.

Olivia let out a frustrated groan, pulling at her hair.

"It's all my fault," she said, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I wasn't being careful enough and stupid Jimmy found out that I had been talking to Landon and told my dad, so my dad took the iPod Landon gave me and texted Landon pretending to be me and tricked him into coming home to confront him."

"It's not your fault your father is a lunatic," I told her through gritted teeth.

It made me so angry that their father couldn't just let the two of them live.

He had to have control over Olivia, just like he had to have control over Landon when he lived there and now he was angry because he couldn't control Landon anymore but he still tried.

"If I was just more careful, none of this would have happened," Olivia cried into her hands.

"Olivia, listen," I said, gaining her attention.

"This isn't your fault. There is no one to blame for this but your father. We are going to find Landon and he's going to be fine and I know for a fact that he doesn't blame you for any of this."

Olivia sniffled, wiping her face with her hands.

I grimaced.

"I have napkins in the glovebox. Use them," I said.

She rolled her eyes but did as I said anyway.

"Where are we going?" she asked after a few minutes.

"You're going to my house to stay there for the night," I said.

"And I'm going to head back toward Providence to try to find your brother."

"No, I'm coming with you," Olivia snapped, smacking her hand down on the console.

"You can't bench me. I need to find my brother."

"I can't take you to Providence with me. It's getting late and I have nowhere for you to stay there," I argued.

"I don't need anywhere to stay there because we are going to keep looking," she said, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at me like she was daring me to argue back.

I held back another sigh.

It was like talking to my own younger sister.

"Listen, you will be the first person I call if I hear anything, okay?" I assured her.

I couldn't be driving around at odd hours of the night with a fifteen year old girl.

If her parents actually did call the cops that would look all sorts of suspicious and I didn't want to get involved with that.

At least this way she would have a safe place to stay and the cover of it seeming like a sleepover with Fawn.

"I have a sister your age, you know," I told her as she continued staring at me with her eyebrows raised.

"You two are a lot alike. So hang out with her for a bit and I'll come back tomorrow, okay?"

"Fine," Olivia relented, looking down at her lap.

We were quiet for the rest of the ride to my house.

When we pulled up the driveway, most of the lights were out in the house.

The living room light was off but there was a bluish glow from the television.

Fawn's bedroom was right above the living room and her light was still on.

"Come on," I said to Olivia as I shut the car off.

I led her up the driveway and the porch steps before walking into the house.

I walked in the living room to see my parents both looking at the doorway with confused expressions.

"Oh, hello," Dad said with a wave, looking at Olivia.

Mom stood up from the couch and walked over to us.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, her confusion turning into concern.

"This is Olivia, she is going to have a sleepover with Fawn," I said before walking to the stairs.

"Fawn, can you come down here, please."

Two sets of footsteps were heard above the living room and Fawn and Ava came out of the bedroom and stood at the top of the stairs.

"What are you even doing here?" Fawn questioned with a glare.

I motioned for Olivia to come to the stairs.

She came to stand beside me.

Well, she was actually standing a little behind me as if she was scared.

I felt a little bad for her.

She had a rough night but I didn't know how to comfort her.

I was hoping spending time with some girls her age would help her.

"I have a friend for you to add to your little get together, sound good?" I said.

Fawn's glare softened when she saw Olivia and she walked down the steps to meet us at the bottom.

"Sure, we have room for one more," she said, glancing at Olivia.

"Fawn, this is Olivia, Olivia this is Fawn," I introduced, slightly nudging Olivia toward the stairs.

"Wren," Olivia called out, looking back at me like she was wounded.

I put on what I hoped was a genuine smile for her.

"I'll be back tomorrow, I promise," I told her, squeezing her shoulder.

"And I'll have your brother with me."

Olivia nodded and looked back toward Fawn who held out her hand to her.

"Come on, Ava and I were just about to watch a movie," Fawn said, grabbing Olivia's hand.

"You can borrow some of my pajamas," and then Olivia was whisked off by my sister.

"Do you want to explain what's going on?" Mom asked, causing me to turn around and face her.

She wasn't angry but by the look of her she was extremely concerned.

Dad was too but his concern always caused him to shut down a little.

"She just needs a place to stay for now," I said, walking toward her.

"Her home situation isn't good."

"How do you know this girl?" Mom asked.

"She's Landon's sister," I replied, looking down at the floor.

"Landon's hurt and missing."

My mom gasped and my eyes moved from the floor to her.

She held a hand on her chest, her eyes wide.

"It's a long story, I'll tell you some other time," I rushed out, moving toward the door.

"But I really have to go."

"Wren, honey, let us help," Mom said, grabbing my arm.

"You're already helping by letting Olivia stay here," I said with a weak smile.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

I dashed out of the house before she could say anything else.

All my focus now was on finding Landon.

Without Olivia, I could stay out longer and cover more ground without having to worry about getting arrested for kidnapping.

Then once Landon was found, we could figure out what to do about Olivia's living situation.

She couldn't stay there with such an abusive, violent man.

I started my car and backed out of the driveway, continuing my search for Landon.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 51 - Part 3

*Warning - Adult Content*

Wren Ridley

After moping around for a few more days, I had decided it was time for me to pay Landon a visit.

An intentional one this time, not just running into him out and about with whoever.

I needed to tell him what he needed, deserved, to hear and that wasn't going to get any easier if I waited any longer.

I loved him, I wanted him and I needed to tell him that.

I drove over to his dorm, bringing the letter I wrote with me.

I read over it again and again, making sure it said exactly what I needed it to.

It had to be perfect so I could tell Landon exactly how I felt.

Someone opened the front door to his dorm, so I made my way inside, reading the words under my breath as if that would help give me the nerve to say all this.

I looked over the page again as I stood outside his door before I knocked and waited.

If he wasn't in his room, then this would be incredibly embarrassing, worse if his roommate was here or if he wouldn't let me in and I would have to say all this out in the hallway.

Kyle opened the door and I felt a spark of irritation.

Of course, he had to be here when I was about to pour my heart out.

"Landon's not here," Kyle told me.

"Do you happen to know where he is?" I asked, trying to be polite but my annoyance showed in my tone.

"No and no, I don't know when he'll be back," Kyle said.

"I'm on my way out. You can come in and wait for him if you want."

"That would be lovely," I replied, stepping into the room.

Kyle left shortly after that and I sat down at Landon's desk, placing the letter down and reading it over once again.

I pulled my cell-phone out, debating on texting Landon to let him know I was here.

He could have a bad reaction if he came back to his room and saw me here with no warning but he could also decide not to come back if he knew I was here waiting for him.

When I went to open my texts, I got a phone call.

It was Olivia Reilly, Landon's sister.

I sighed, debating on letting it just got to voicemail.

Usually, I didn't like to answer phone calls because most conversations could just be text messages but there was a possibility that Olivia was either with her brother or knew where he was, so I accepted the call.

"Hello, Olivia," I answered.

"You wouldn't happen to know where your brother is, would you?"

"No, that's why I'm calling you," she replied.

I could tell she was crying.

She was blubbering so bad I could barely understand what she was saying.

"What's going on?" I asked, suddenly feeling anxious.

Something had either happened to her and she couldn't get in contact with her brother or something happened to him.

"My dad tricked Landon into coming here because he found out we were still talking," Olivia said.

"And he... he..." her voice cracked and she let out a sob before she could finish her thought.

"Olivia, breathe," I said, standing from the desk.

"What happened?"

"My dad hurt Landon," she cried.

"He punched him so many times. Landon was lying on the ground not moving and then he got up and he didn't look good at all and now I don't know where he went. He could be passed out somewhere."

There was a knot in my chest as I thought about Landon being passed out somewhere on the side of the road, bloody and bruised.

My hand gripped my cell-phone tighter and I let out a deep breath before responding to Olivia.

"Okay, Olivia, I need you to send me your address," I said as calmly as possible.

My heart felt like it doubled in speed.

I had never felt this much anxiety in my life.

"I'm going to go pick you up and then we're going to find your brother."

I would tear down the whole town just to find him.

"Okay, Wren. Please, hurry."

Olivia and I hung up and she immediately sent me the address.

I was already out the door and in my car by the time I got the message.

I made it back to town quicker than I ever had.

The ride there was silent, no music, no book, just me alone with my thoughts.

All I could think about was getting to Landon and holding him in my arms.

I needed to know he was safe.

I needed to make sure he was safe.

With what Olivia described, he could have a concussion.

It wasn't out of the realm of possibility that he had passed out somewhere after leaving the house.

I had no plan on how I would get Olivia out of the house, assuming her father wasn't going to just let her walk out the front door but I couldn't think too much about it.

I would have to think of something in the moment.

When I got to the house, I parked my car out in the street and marched up the steps before knocking loudly on the door.

I heard voices inside before a man opened the door, looking a little relieved when he saw that it was me.

He probably expected the cops to be showing up at his door.

"Can I help you?" the man asked politely.

I wasn't even sure this was Landon's dad at first.

He didn't look much like him but then I saw his eyes.

Those were Landon's eyes, only darker and crueler but the resemblance was there.

I plastered on the best fake smile I could.

"Yes, hello. I'm so sorry for turning up so late but I've just moved into the neighborhood and I was looking to get involved in the church and heard you were the guy to talk to," I told him.

I was talking out of my ass.

He looked a little confused, which was fine.

All I needed was to buy some time for Olivia to get out of the house.

Hopefully she heard me at the door.

"Yes, I would love to talk to you about the church but now really isn't a good time," he replied with a strained smile, trying to remain polite.

"Oh, yes, I'm so sorry again about the late hour but I was really hoping to talk to someone involved with the church. You see, I'm going through something right now," I stopped short when I saw Olivia come down the stairs and stand behind her father.

"Wren," she exclaimed.

'Way to blow my cover, Olivia.'

Olivia still looked teary eyed but she was undoubtedly happy to see me.

I saw the resemblance of her in her father.

They had the same short nose and facial structure.

Landon had taken after his mother, who was also now standing in the doorway.

Olivia's father turned to look at her.

"Do you know him?" he asked.

"Yes and I'm leaving with him," she snapped, shooting daggers at her father.

He narrowed his eyes, grabbing her arm.

"No, you are not."

I didn't think about it, I just swung my fist and got him right in the jaw.

He was so shocked for a moment that Olivia was able to slip out of his grip.

Before he could react, I punched him again, sending him staggering backwards.

"That first one was for your daughter," I seethed, leaning closer to him, glancing between him and his wife whose mouth gaped wide.

"And the second one was for your son."

His eyes widened then looked behind me at his daughter.

"Olivia, who is this?" he asked, his voice loud and commanding.

"Who I am, doesn't matter but..." I answered for her.

"If you ever lay a hand on Landon again, you will wish you hadn't. You better hope he is alright because I am not a religious man, I will make your life hell by any means necessary if he's not."

He looked at me like I was crazy, which I guess I kind of was.

I would make good on that promise and he seemed to realize that too.

"Olivia, you are not leaving with this man," he said.

"Get back into the house now."

"No," Olivia screamed.

"I'm going and if you call the cops I'm going to tell them I ran away because you abuse me and my brother and I want nothing to do with you. Is that what you want? You want everyone at church to know how horrible you are? You want to get arrested?"

"Peter, just let her go," Olivia's mother said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Olivia motioned for me to follow her down the porch steps.

I started at her father, who was glaring at me like just his stare could put me six feet under.

Then the two of us got into my car.

"Do you know which way he was headed?" I asked her, starting to drive.

She started crying again, tears falling fast down her cheeks.

She wiped them way.

"No but he couldn't have gone far in that condition. Just drive slowly and I'll try calling out to him."

We started our search but I had a bad feeling that we'd be searching for a while.

I felt sick to my stomach and my knuckles throbbed from the punches I had landed on their father's face.

I didn't care how much my hands ached or how long it would take.

I would search all night if I had to.

I was going to find Landon.

Even if I had to search all night or cross state lines.

I would find him.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 51 - Part 2

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

When I got to the house, I parked a little bit down the street and snuck into the backyard.

I glanced over at the house, looking through the windows to see if I could get a glimpse of my father.

All the lights were on downstairs but he was nowhere to be found.

I moved slowly through the yard, careful not to make any noise or draw any attention to myself.

The last thing I needed was one of the neighbor's dogs hearing me and blowing my cover by barking or something.

The tree Olivia wanted me to meet her at was in the back corner of the yard by the fence.

It was the biggest tree in the yard with a trunk large enough for us to hide behind so we couldn't be viewed from the house.

I tiptoed over to the tree and called out quietly to Olivia once I was close enough.

"Olivia," I whispered, seeing my breath as I breathed out.

"Olivia," I repeated.

She didn't respond, so I continued forward.

I glanced at the house one more time to make sure I hadn't been caught before I rounded the tree to meet my sister.

Only it wasn't my sister who stood there.

It was my father, holding the iPod I had given my sister.

I was too stunned in the moment to do anything, which had cost me.

It was only a split second but he used that to his advantage.

My father grabbed me by the throat and held me up against the tree before I could even move.

"Landon," he said.

His voice was smooth and calm, like this was a casual meeting.

He sounded so normal, like I was his son that had just come home from college for the weekend and not his son that he lured into a trap.

"Let... go..." I choked out, his grip on my throat shortening my breaths.

"Clearly, I need to go through more extreme measures to get you to hear me properly," he said, his grip tightening.

My hands pulled at his but his grip was too strong for me to pry him off.

"I told you to stop speaking to Olivia," my father continued.

"Yet, you continued and somehow thought I wouldn't find out about it."

"Where is... she?"

It was getting harder and harder for me to breathe.

I was fairly confident he would let go but I couldn't be too certain.

He definitely didn't want a murder charge but who knew what kind of strings he could pull to get himself out of one.

"You thought I would hurt my daughter?" he laughed, shaking his head.

His eyes were so dark, they looked black out here.

I got my eyes from him, a deep forest green.

I hated the thought that this is what I looked like when I was angry, that my eyes could look this black and soulless.

I kicked at his knee, getting him to loosen his grip.

Then I kicked him again and he let go, kneeling over.

"Where is Olivia?" I shouted, grabbing him by the hair.

"Where is my sister?"

My father snarled at me and grabbed me by the wrist, then with his other hand, he punched me right in the side of the head.

The impact made me stumble and it was dizzying.

My surroundings were spinning and I was losing my balance.

Then he hit me again and I fell.

I blinked slowly, my eyes rolling back.

My vision doubled as he looked down at me.

I saw two of his sinister smirks and two fists coming down on me again.

"No Dad. Stop," Olivia shrieked.

"Stay there," my father's voiced boomed.

"Do not come out here."

I could hear Olivia's cries as I forced myself to stay awake, my eyes continuing to slowly blink.

"No Dad, please stop," Olivia cried from the back porch.

I could hear hear foot steps on the stairs.

"Please Dad. He needs help. He's not moving."

"He's alive, Olivia. Now get back in the house," he demanded.

I tried to get up while he was distracted but he saw my slow moving body and pushed me back down with his foot.

"Peter, don't you think this is too much?" my mother asked.

Her voice was a little shaky but she wasn't as upset as Olivia.

"Both of you, shut up and let me handle this," he screamed.

"Go back in the house. Now."

"You can't leave him there like this," Mom shouted back.

"I said I'm handling it," he snapped, then looked back down at me.

He crouched down to be closer to me.

"Listen to me, carefully. Look at me," he snapped again.

It was hard for my eyes to focus but I looked him in the eye and he continued.

"Leave my daughter alone or next time, I won't be as nice. Now, get out of here before you upset them even more."

My father watched as I stood up, stumbling as I got to my feet.

Every part of me wanted to go after him but I knew it was no use.

I definitely had a concussion and if I provoked him, he could do a lot more damage.

I looked back at the porch where Olivia stood with our mother.

She had mascara tear streaks down her face but otherwise looked unharmed.

Mom had an arm wrapped around her and wore a dejected expression as she watched me leave.

There was nothing I could do for my sister at that moment and I hated myself for it.

I felt so pathetic, limping away injured after being completely blindsided.

If I had been prepared, I could have taken my father down but he had the element of surprise and that was everything.

My head hurt.

I needed a hospital.

So I slowly walked back to the car.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 51 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

To: Landon Reilly

[Landon I need you to come home right now. It's an emergency. Dad's going crazy. I need you.]

From: Oliva Reilly

As soon as I saw the text from Olivia, my heart was racing.

It didn't help that when I replied asking what was going on, she didn't respond and gave no details about what actually had happened.

I didn't know what I would be walking into but it didn't matter.

I had to get to Olivia no matter what.

The problem was I had no way of getting there.

I wasn't exactly in the position to ask Wren for a ride, though I thought about it.

He would probably bring me if I explained the situation but I couldn't bring myself to call him but if all else failed, I'd have to.

I pulled out my phone and sent a group text out to Jess Anthony and Rojas.

To: The Group Chat

[Can anybody drive me to my house or let me borrow their car? It's urgent.]

From: Landon Reilly

To: The Group Chat

[I can't drive you but you can borrow my car. Is everything okay?]

From: Christopher Rojas

To: The Group Chat

[I'm not sure yet but you are a life saver.]

From: Landon Reilly

To: The Group Chat

[Keep us updated.]

From: Jessica Jefferson

I raced over to Rojas's dorm building to meet up with him to pick up the car.

I was out of breath by the time I got there and anxiously waited for him to meet me outside.

All I could think about was something was happening to Olivia and I wasn't there to protect her.

After was seemed like an eternity but was only actually a few minutes, Rojas met me outside.

"Do you need someone to go with you?" Rojas asked as he handed over the keys.

"I can cancel what I have going on tonight. I'm just going to a Providence Bruins game with some friends."

"No," I said, shaking my head.

"It's probably better I go alone. Thanks for letting me use the car."

My hands were shaking, the keys jingling.

Rojas looked at me like he was trying to see through me.

I started toward his car until I realized I had no idea which car was his.

He continued looking at me like he was trying to read my mind as he led me over to his car.

"Are you sure you want to go alone?" Rojas asked as I slid into the driver's seat.

"Yeah," I assured him.

"I really need to get going."

Rojas backed up so I could close the door and then I started the car.

Sitting behind the wheel for a moment made me realize that I hadn't driven a car in almost a year.

When I left my parents' house, my car stayed there so I had no car to drive.

Living with the Hansons, I was driven around by one of them.

So now I was going to drive home, which wasn't exactly far but it could be a difficult drive with the traffic, after not having driven for almost a year in a car that wasn't mine.

I couldn't dwell on that realization for too long.

Olivia needed me and I had to get going.

I put the car in drive and slowly pulled out of the parking spot.

Rojas watched me as I drove away.

My eyes drifted toward the rear-view mirror to see him standing there.

I tapped on the brakes and jolted slightly.

Okay, I had to get used to those.

I started moving again very slowly, heading toward the high way.

I drove slow, despite being anxious to get there.

The last thing I needed was to get in an accident.

Not only would I have to pay Rojas for the damages with money I didn't have but it would delay me getting to Olivia.

My hands gripped the steering wheel to the point where they started aching.

I tried to ease up on it but it was no use.

My nerves were getting the better of me and I couldn't control the physical reactions I was having.

The motion of the car combined with the Olivia situation made me feel so sick I could throw up.

As much as I didn't want to crash Rojas's car, I didn't want to throw up in it either.

That would just be embarrassing.

I couldn't stop thinking about Olivia and whether or not she was hurt.

I was so angry I was seeing red.

If my father had done something to her, I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself.

I would beat him until he was black and blue and I wouldn't stop until someone overpowered me and got me off of him.

It was one thing for him to hurt me but if he hurt Olivia, I would make sure he wished he never laid a finger on her, again.

Even just thinking about what he could have done to her made any progress I made with my anger vanish.

It was like I had never gone to therapy and learned to manage it.

I was mad and I did nothing to calm myself down because I wanted to be mad.

I wanted to be as angry as I possibly could be if I had to face my father.

If the universe was on my side, I would be able to just drop by the house, get Livi, and leave but I knew the universe was definitely not on my side.

That was just wishful thinking.

It never had been on my side otherwise it wouldn't have birthed me into this family to begin with.

Luckily, there wasn't much traffic but it didn't make the drive feel any quicker.

My jaw was clenched, my eyes narrowed on the road in front of me.

If something had happened to my sister, my father was to blame but I couldn't help but blame myself too.

I should have done something sooner.

I knew what our father was capable of.

I remembered everything he had done to me but I still somehow thought Olivia would be safe from that.

If only I had figured out how to get her out of there sooner, then she would have been safe a long time ago.

This was partially my fault and that made me even angrier, even just at myself.

When I was about ten minutes away, I finally got a response from Olivia which took away about half of my anxiety.

At least she was well enough to communicate with me.

To: Landon Reilly

[I made it outside. Meet me behind the big tree in the backyard.]

From: Olivia Reilly

I sent a thumbs up reaction to her message and started driving a little faster, anxious to get to her and see that she was safe.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 50 - Part 2

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

Olivia had texted me later on that day from the iPod I gave her while I was at hockey practice about how our parents were ruining her life so she ran off to her boyfriend Jimmy's house.

I didn't see the text until about an hour after she sent it and when I texted her back, she called me from an unknown number.

"Olivia?" I asked as I answered.

"Yeah, Landon, it's me," she answered in a whisper.

"I'm calling from Jimmy's cell-phone but he doesn't know I'm calling you."

"Who does he think you're calling?"

"Mom," she replied.

"I told him they took my phone, which is true and that I wanted to call them to let them know where I am, which is untrue."

"What happened?" I asked as I left the locker room.

Rojas and I nodded toward each other as a goodbye and I walked outside to start back toward my dorm.

I still hadn't gotten used to walking back to the dorms after practice.

I was too used to Wren picking me up, the two of us getting dinner and then spending the night together.

It hadn't been long enough for me to get used to anything else but it felt like ages ago.

"They're really working me hard because I fucked up at the last competition," Olivia told me, her voice hushed.

"Which my ankle is still injured, so I'm not even supposed to be skating right now. I'm supposed to be resting but they don't want that. Plus, Dad has been kinda mad at me I think because of you and I talking. It's like he thinks I betrayed him or something."

"Are you okay?" I asked her, feeling all sorts of worry swarm my thoughts.

"They haven't done anything to you, have they?"

"Other than breathing down my neck? No, nothing," she replied, letting some of my worry slip away.

"I just wanted to let you know what's going on in case you don't hear from me for a little bit. I'm not really grounded, at least that's not what they're calling it but I basically am. I had to sneak out to even get to Jimmy's."

"They grounded you just for messing up at the competition?" I asked, feeling like I was missing something.

Back when I lived with our parents, our father would punish me if he felt I wasn't performing well in hockey but it was always different with Olivia, whether that be because she was younger or because she was a girl, but our father was always more lenient with her.

It was our mother who was strict with Olivia but she was never as strict as our father was with me.

Our mother might have scolded Olivia if she thought she was slacking or dictate her diet like our father did to me but our father was the truly harsh of the two.

"Like I said, not really grounded," she continued.

"But basically, yeah. Dad thinks I'm becoming 'undisciplined' and losing my focus. Mom thinks I'm getting fat and not following my diet plan, which I'm not. Dad hasn't come outright and said it but he's pissed that I've been talking to you."

"Yeah, I can imagine."

"He said it like he was trying to keep me safe from you, that you would hurt me or distract me but I could tell he was angry underneath it all."

He was good at pretending, always had been.

He had to be to not raise any suspicions at the church about how he was treating me.

Even the Hansons had said to me that they never suspected anything while Micah and I were kids.

It wasn't until Dad started being more vocal at church and hanging around with Elijah's stepfather, Dave, that they really started to think there was more to my father than they had ever known.

I didn't know what I could do for my sister.

I so badly wanted to get her out of there but I had no place to bring her.

It wasn't like I could have her come live in the dorms with me and I didn't want to ask the Hanson's for even more than I already had.

"Anyway, I wanted to check in with you," Livi said after a few moments.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm..." I trailed.

I didn't know what to say.

It felt like I was just going through the motions trying my hardest to push my emotions and any thought of Wren to the back of my mind.

Only I couldn't really do that and I spent a lot of my time thinking about Wren and feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't make him love me enough to want to keep me.

I couldn't tell her that though.

I wasn't even sure that Olivia knew what my relationship with Wren actually was.

"Don't even try to lie to me," she said before I could come up with a lie.

"I can hear it in your voice that you're not 'fine' so don't even say the word fine or I'm going to explode."

She was still whispering and her voice was rushed, so I could tell that our conversation was running out of time.

"I'm... going through something," I admitted, my words coming out slowly.

"But I'm handling it. I'm spending time with my friends, so it's going good. Everything's good."

"I'm happy to hear that you have friends," Olivia joked.

I heard her muffled voice after that, like she had pulled the phone away from her face and covered the speaker.

That seemed to tell me that our time is up.

"Landon, I gotta go," she said, sounding annoyed.

"You might not hear from me for a little bit because Mom and Dad are watching me like a hawk but I'll reach out to you as soon as I can."

"Okay, be safe," I said.

"I love you."

"I love you too," and with that, she hung up.

I tried not to think too much about being unable to reach Olivia because the thought of it made me feel so anxious I could start shaking.

She could handle herself with our parents.

She had been doing it for a while without me already, so she could do it now and everything would be fine.

That was what I had to tell myself to calm myself down.

Between the Wren situation and the Olivia situation, I was an emotional wreck.

It turned out it wasn't too long I had to go without hearing from Olivia because later on that night, I received a text from her iPod.

I was relieved to have heard from her until I saw what the text actually said.

I read the text that she sent and my blood ran ice cold.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 50 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

I didn't really know how it happened but somehow I ended up eating breakfast at a diner with Rojas, Jess and Anthony one day.

I wasn't even sure the three of them had ever said more than a passing word to one another but I was walking with Jess one morning when we ran into Rojas, who then decided to join us at the coffee shop where Anthony worked.

Then Jess just probably assumed that made us all friends and now we were hanging out as the four of us, which felt weird.

It felt like the three of them all came from different parts of my life and shouldn't have been mixing together.

"Chris, pass me the salt," Jess said to Rojas.

She insisted on calling him by his first name, which he didn't seem to mind.

He said that it was really only the hockey guys that called him by his last name.

Jess was sitting next to me on the outside of the booth while Anthony sat across from her with Rojas next to him.

I couldn't get over how strange it felt to be sitting here with all of them but I knew Jess probably wanted to make sure I wasn't going to just sit in my dorm and wallow in self pity over my break up with Wren.

Without her, that was probably what I would have been doing but she made sure to keep me busy.

Even with keeping busy, my heart didn't hurt any less.

I still felt lonely at the end of the night when I got back to the dorm, even if my roommate, Kyle, was there.

Part of me wanted to just go back to Wren and tell him he didn't need to love me and being together was enough but I couldn't do that.

It would just end up hurting me more in the end and there was no way Jess would let me do that.

"You guys seriously need to start winning games," Jess said to Rojas.

They had already been talking but I was zoned out of the conversation.

Rojas just laughed then looked over at me, his expression changing to a puzzled one.

"Earth to Landon," Rojas said, waving a hand in front of my face.

"I'm here," I said, swatting his hand away.

"Didn't seem like it," he replied, leaning back in his seat.

"You looked far away."

"Are we not doing a good enough job distracting you?" Jess asked, looking genuinely concerned.

"I don't think anything could distract me right now," I told her with a sad smile.

"Well, if we're talking about it... I saw..." Anthony started but paused when Jess shot him a look.

"I saw, he who shall not be named, the other day."

"Yeah, so did I," I said, remembering the way we had run into each other.

It was reminiscent of one of our first encounters earlier on in the school year.

The thought made me sad, how we went from being basically strangers to so much more and how much had changed between us in such a short amount of time.

I wished Wren could just say what I needed to hear because I knew he loved me.

There was no way what either of us felt for the other wasn't enough but I supposed that just loving each other wasn't enough.

He didn't love me enough to say it back.

He didn't love me enough to hold onto me.

That was what my life had always been like.

No one ever loved me enough but that had never affected me as much as it was right now.

I wanted so badly for Wren to love me enough.

"He looked kinda rough," Anthony continued.

"He sat in the coffee shop for hours without even realizing."

The last time Wren and I had broken up, it was apparent that he was not as good at dealing with emotions as he liked to pretend.

He was actually quite bad it, so this news didn't surprise me but it did cause a squeeze in my chest as I thought about him feeling down and being alone.

"What if you try to make him jealous?" Jess asked, turning toward me.

"Let him see what he's missing. If he's going through it, he clearly wants you back. He just needs a kick in the ass."

"And how would I do that?" I muttered, not that I was seriously considering her suggestion.

I wasn't entirely sure Wren would even be jealous if I tried, though he seemed jealous back when Micah visited and our relationship was new but I didn't want to do that to him purposely and there was no way I was going to be able to find anyone to make him jealous with.

"You could pretend to be seeing Chris," Jess suggested, motioning toward Rojas, who stopped reaching for his food the moment his name was mentioned.

"Yeah, not happening," I said, shaking my head.

"I think it's a good idea," Anthony said, earning a look of appreciation from Jess.

"You would," I retorted.

"I'd do it with you but he knows I'm with James," Anthony said.

"And James would be pissed. He is the jealous type."

"It wouldn't really work if it was you though," Jess said.

"Because he knows you but he doesn't know Chris."

Rojas cleared his throat, causing the rest of us to look at him.

I was embarrassed this conversation was even happening.

"I don't mind, if Landon thinks this would help," Rojas said.

He sounded genuine but I was still embarrassed about him being dragged into this.

"No, I'm not doing it," I said, my tone making it clear that this was my final decision.

********

A couple days later, Jess invited Rojas and I to the coffee shop where Anthony worked and then conveniently something came up so she couldn't go with us, leaving just Rojas and me while Anthony was working and even more conveniently, Wren happened to be there.

I knew without even knowing that Jess and Anthony set this up.

Anthony must have told her Wren was there, so she got Rojas and me to show up as if the two of us being there together was enough to make Wren jealous.

Wren didn't even look up when we walked in there.

He was too focused on whatever he was doing on his laptop, which was probably the novel he had been working on.

"I swear I had nothing to do with this," Rojas whispered to me as we waited for our coffees.

"Oh, I know," I replied, shooting daggers at Anthony who was smiling to himself behind the counter.

"I know exactly who had something to do with this."

"We can leave," Rojas offered.

"Coffee for Landon," Anthony called out with a grin, placing my coffee down on the counter.

I didn't even know if Wren noticed or looked in my direction because I was too busy glaring at Anthony and wanting to shrivel up and die of embarrassment.

After Rojas got his drink, the two of us found a place to sit beside each other, which happened to be in view of Wren.

He still had his eyes glued to his computer, giving me no indication he even knew I was here.

I couldn't tell if I wanted him to look at me or if I wanted him to remain unaware.

"That's him, right?" Rojas said, nodding in Wren's direction.

I sighed.

"Yeah, that's him."

"Do you want to tell me what happened with you two?" he asked.

"I mean, obviously you don't have to but if you want to talk about it, I'm all ears."

The truth was I didn't want to talk about it.

I gave the whole story to Jess and she had been nothing but supportive, though what she did this morning might have been stepping too far.

I gave a brief rundown to Micah who did his best to be supportive but wasn't that good at it without knowing all the details or having to talk through text.

It was too embarrassing to tell it all to Rojas.

The two of us were friends but he we weren't that close and he was the Captain of my hockey team, so he kind of had to make sure I was good.

Being setup to be there with him at the coffee shop and pretend we were on a date was embarrassing enough.

I didn't need to tell him that this was happening because my boyfriend basically told me he couldn't love me.

"There's really nothing to talk about," I told him, taking a sip of my coffee while still looking over at Wren.

"It doesn't seem like either of you even want to be broken up," Rojas said.

"At least from what Anthony and Jess were saying, so why are you?"

"It's... complicated."

'Complicated and mortifying'.

Just then, Wren's eyes moved from his screen and looked right at me.

The world stopped for a moment until Wren moved his gaze to Rojas sitting beside me.

Rojas had gotten closer without me realizing, like he didn't know if I wanted to go through with the jealousy plan but he was ready for it if I decided to.

Wren studied us for a moment, like we were one of the only things he couldn't figure out.

I couldn't read his expression.

He was always able to keep his face blank and hide his true feelings from any outsider that tried to read him.

I liked to think that I had broken through him a little bit, that I could read him better the closer I got to him.

It was like all of that went away as soon as we broke up because as I looked at his face now, there was nothing I could gather from it.

Wren had put a wall up that I couldn't break through.

Part of me wanted to move closer to Rojas, let him put his arm around me just to see if there would be a reaction from Wren but I couldn't make myself do it.

It didn't seem to matter whether or not I tried to make Wren jealous because he quickly packed up his things and left, his expression never changing.

I felt myself deflate a little.

"Well, that might have worked," Rojas said after Wren was gone.

"And we didn't even have to do anything."

"No, he just didn't want to see me," I mumbled, looking down at the table.

Probably because when he tried talking to me the other day, I turned and left without giving him the chance.

Maybe he was ready to open himself up for me at that moment, to be vulnerable and I didn't let him.

Maybe he wouldn't be ready to do that again and I blew any chance I had of him coming clean about his feelings and the two of us getting back together.

Rojas and I didn't talk much the rest of the time we were there at the coffee shop.

We finished our drinks and headed back toward campus in time for my first class.