catgh0sts

[catgh0sts]

I just don't understand why no one wants me. I'm fucking cursed

[catgh0sts]

TW

Sacrificial

I am falling into a deep hole that suspiciously looks like the inside of my arm

Is it possible then that I can rest at the bottom

They say that love hurts and with great suffering comes great reward

But as I’ve heard before

As I’ve seen with my eyes and I’ve cried out in my mind

Love is the knife I bury to the hilt in my body

It is the knife I turn within myself

Sacrificial as a goat or a martyr

And it is that knife which made the holes in my arms that I fall into so willingly

My arms and my thighs and my stomach and the inside of my lips

My ankles and my calves and my shoulders and my hands

I love you and it hurts and my mind is screaming at me to shut up

Again they say, “I know love exists because it exists within me and I am full of it”

But I am full of pain

What inside me is worthy of love?

Is there anything else but the red hot shatters of my emotions

Red and hot like the blood I know all too well

I am tired

I will fall into the inside of my arm

I will sink to the bottom of the heat and the pain

And I will rest.

-t1geress

Not my best work but it seems like a good intro for me to post my poetry on tumblr. I wrote it for me to read out loud but I never did.

[catgh0sts]

I got rejected over and over again by everyone until there was nothing left of me; until I became a ghost everywhere I went.

[catgh0sts]

being afraid of sex or intimacy because of the fear of your body not looking good enough is real and terrifying

[catgh0sts]

i love you too much. too much too much too much. it's making me sick.

[catgh0sts]

It feels like I'm pretending to be a human person. I don't know who I am.

It's as if I was a doll amongst real people. An imitation of something I should be but can't truly be.

[catgh0sts]

im obsessed with you. can you rip my heart out? <3

[catgh0sts]

090820

[catgh0sts]

[catgh0sts]

[catgh0sts]

i wish i could feel emotions the normal amount

[catgh0sts]

obsession and devotion will always leave u sick

[catgh0sts]

i wonder if i could even exist without being overly obsessive

[catgh0sts]

[catgh0sts]

Ofcourse I’m fucking angry about it

[catgh0sts]

[catgh0sts]

I have a distinct memory of laying in my bed as a kid and wishing with all my heart that I would get hurt. That I would get into a bad car crash or I'd disappear. So my parents would cry and realize they didn't cherish me enough.

I find it sad that younger me thought she had to get hurt to feel loved.