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 I might leave.

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never take a shit in someone else’s  bathroom, fucking terrifying 

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02   4/3/21  11:30 AM

  So not much has really changed since the last time i did this so might as well explain my situation. I had a... sheltered childhood. How is that? Well, my parents are very strict and have very specific beliefs and and very very firm in those beliefs. For the longest time I lived with my step mom and my father. My bio mom struggled with alcoholism and drugs for awhile so for a period of time she wasn’t a part of my life. I’m very grateful of my stepmother for caring for me in that time but well... let me explain. I was never allowed on the internet at all or on any type of tech until around 12. When I was 12 I still wasn’t allowed on the internet but i snuck it in short intervals when I could. I had NO IDEA what the internet was until I was 12 and it kinda blew my mind. Well, I sort of knew from other kids talking about it but I never saw it or experienced it myself.                        I was in public schooling until after 5th grade. My step mom pulled me and my three sisters out and homeschooled us herself. Not online school (duh) or an actual curriculum that's a part of the system but a collection of discount book and her own intellect. Pretty impressive! However, while it might sound cool it really fucked me over in the long run. My step mother is horrible at math so she couldn’t really teach me and she made no effort to get a tutor so in terms of that I'm fucked. I'm pretty great at everything else, I know id pass all the other ACT, SAT subjects but in terms of math I'm pretty fucked. Okay, so after i was homeschooled my step mother isolated my siblings and I from any social interaction outside family. For awhile I was cool with it because i was around my siblings but I'm the oldest and I'm a lot older than my siblings so this got very lonely eventually. My family moved to a very small town and in 8th grade my family was in a bad financial situation and my step mom needed to get a job so we went to public school for a year. THAT’S A LONG STORY. In short I had a mental breakdown and didn’t go back by the end of the year.                                    My step mom and dad are also very religious and their views are also REALLY COMPLICATED and I’ll probably explain that at some point. They SAY that they encourage our own beliefs but as soon our beliefs differ from theirs they loose their shit.  I was going to get my tarot cards read a few days ago and when my step mom caught wind of this she threatened to kick me out of the house if i went. My step mom wants me to stay at home for another year when im 18 and do her school and keep under her restrictions but she found out by looking through my phone that i was planning to move out with some friends im doing music with in a few months. she kinda lost it and isn’t  supporting me in any way anymore other than letting me stay there but still threatens to kick me out all the time.                                                                                                         my one reader, THAT’S A CONDENSED version of what’s happening with me soooo... yeah! I’m thinking of posting some lyrics I’ve been working on here, what do you think?

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01 3/22/21 3:34 AM

  The first thing that you must be aware of is that I am a god. yes I am a god. My path is destined for something great beyond my comprehension at this time. I DO NOT CARE IF PEOPLE TRY TO USE THIS AGAINST ME IN THE FUTURE, PLEASE DO. I’M INVITING YOU TO. The second thing that must be very aware to you is that i will not listen to anything you have to say about how i should do things differently. I will say what i want and do as i please. However, please provide plenty of constructive criticism and or advice as I am always looking for improvement. I am at a time of great change in my life. Everything that was stable and definite before is up in there air. Nothing is stable and I am left to my own devices to figure out my plan of world domination myself. Well, that’s what fame is right? world domination. When you’re famous you have the influence of thousands of people in the palm of your hand and I want it. I used to live with my step mother and my father and visit my bio mom occasionally. As of late, It’s been the other way around. What brought about this sudden big change and what exactly is this change? Eh, It’s a lot and I might elaborate later or I might not. I’m in a music group in the making, not sure what the project will be called yet. I write often and play guitar and one of the group members hooked me up with FL studio, I’m very lost and have never dealt with that sort of thing but I will learn. The group is going to move into an apartment and start a creativity factory in September. Be prepared for a lot of content on here. I’m usually a perfectionist but I made a vow to not think about it and just put out anything I create so prepare for lots of content....eventually.

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EVERYONE IS A PART OF EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING WITH EVERYONE EVERYWHERE AND I FEEL ALONE EVERYWHERE