catspoeetrrybook - Tumblr blog

[catspoeetrrybook]

do you belong with us or them? do you give or do you take?

[catspoeetrrybook]

he looks at me like a puzzle he’s always seconds away from solving

[catspoeetrrybook]

why does everyone hurt me. what am i supposed to do, I need human connection to live they say but everytime it hurts so much

[catspoeetrrybook]

im just so tired

[catspoeetrrybook]

being so mad at someone who’s already dead is so sad it’s hysterical

[catspoeetrrybook]

I’ve been searching for my Dad my whole life, my adoptive mom said she had no idea who he was. I finally found him and his mother, my grandma, shows me pictures of her and my adoptive mother with me as a child. So clearly my adoptive mother knew who they were and lied to me. I found them on my own after almost 23 years but I was 6 months too late and he’s dead. I can’t even get mad at her because she’s dead too. So I’m just here, angry.

[catspoeetrrybook]

what do i do when i became the villan? i hate him; but then again i always knew that. i tricked him thinking i was game and of course landed wrong. where do i find my footing now? am i his hell? did i become for him the same as those of my own?

what have i done?

and what do i do now?

[catspoeetrrybook]

i choose shitstorm after shitstorm, i want to find peace but the only way out is always another shitstorm. shitstorm shitstorm how will i find peace

[catspoeetrrybook]

i constantly feel i am losing my mind; at this point im not sure there’s any left

[catspoeetrrybook]

feeling the intense want to destroy and create rising back up and it feels like electricity, angsty and angry electricity, like molten lava rushing through your bones and running flames out your mouth like you could erupt at any moment and it will be fearful and wonderful all at once

[catspoeetrrybook]

I hate my life I hate my life so much I just want to die I wish I were dead I wish someone would do it for me

[catspoeetrrybook]

I want to die i want to drive off that cliff but im too scared

[catspoeetrrybook]

what do you do when the only person you love just makes you feel like killing yourself

[catspoeetrrybook]

*Gives you head because you had a long day*

[catspoeetrrybook]

i think cutting family members who have hurt and traumatized you out of your life is very fun and fresh and sexy and i think that people who says things like “family is family” or question people for their choice to do something like that have no understanding of just how bad it can be

[catspoeetrrybook]

not really living, just looking for a way to pass the time till I die

[catspoeetrrybook]

sometimes, im starting to get worried, something feels wrong all the time like dangers coming towards me all day. I think I’ve become an addict, an addict of a few things. Firstly, nicotine. I can’t go an hour without wanting it, I feel the need to hold it in my hand. weeds probably a problem too, I think I’ve been high at least once a day, skip a few here and there, for months. Alcohols always been a love of mine. I’ve evaded it for years I didn’t drink any but this weekend and this summer I realized how much I love it, I crave it all the time, wishing I had something to drink. And when I do drink, I don’t stop until we run out or I blackout, I always want more.