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Sunday Morning 🩷

As I start my morning scrolling my Tiktok, I encountered this post with this BG music and captioned "lesson learned: dont fall for the person who has the greatest love." - That, caught my attention.

it's kinda mixed emotions for me thinking that my Greatest Love is also my Greatest Lesson. He was the only one I took chance with when I knew there was no chance of forever. I did things I never thought I would do for someone - I gave everything I had and invested on him even though I was always not the priority and only loved when needed. But what can I do? I fell hard. He effortlessly made me fall over and over despite our differences. He was my happiness and heartbreak at the same time.

Almost 3 years... Then, Gone!

I decided to leave and love myself more, I tried meeting people to forget him. When I thought I already did, I tried checking his social media and *BOOM* I found myself shedding some tears which made me and my friends stunned and laughed. Out of no where, my eyes were filled with tears streaming down my cheeks while I was laughing with my friends... heart was aching. I was shocked to have felt a sudden pierced in my chest seeing him back with his family - welcoming a new bundle of joy.

So, I dated but my heart was not ready. Even the most sincere man who tried his best to break the wall I have - failed. He was supportive and always encouraging. He was almost perfect but I was not. I was not fair to the man who was presenting himself to me, whole heartedly. He accepted my flaws and my past but I can't seem to give my heart to him.

I burned myself too much that my heart can't accept anything that might cause me pain. It was heavily guarded... up until now. 🖤

Although, I am very sure that I don't want him back in my life and that what I experienced with him was enough for this life time, I still wish him to have his forever happiness. May he find the peace that will tame the fire he has within him. As for myself, I have learned to love myself more and to project what I want in my partner. What I expect from him, I must find it within me as well. I am still in the process of bettering myself and gaining the confidence I lost when I gave up in myself. I'm not getting any younger but I am no rushing as well because I believe that true happiness will find me when the time is right and the universe conspires. 🩷

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Missing Paris. Good food and endless drinks. Even grocery finds are like restaurant level in Manila. How I wish we can have as many delicious options here. 🥰

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The FIRST of many.

My "Eurotrip" journey has started. 💗

The first country I entered was the Netherlands. How fascinating as I've been wanting to visit Amsterdam. Amazingly, it was the city we visited and explored. It felt so surreal as I only saw pictures of it and dreamt of going there. I was there! I inhaled the Amsterdam air. Exploring the city, experiencing the life I only imagined. Indeed, it was worth being the first Eurotrip experience. Although, there were places I wanted to see and experience but because of the season, I wasn't able to go. So, I believe there will be a next time. What a way to start.

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After months of planning to visit the new Japanese Mall in BGC, I can say "FINALLY!". I finally went and visited Mitsukoshi Mall in BGC. Though it wasn't fully occupied and finished yet, it was worth visiting. I, finally, satisfied myself by trying some goodies which I have been eyeing on like the Nama Doughnut from Tokyo Milk Cheese Factory. Anyways, I also got myself some Gelato from The Bakery. 💕

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Moving On.

Letting go of the love that made me experience all sorts of feelings, the one that turned my world upside down and right side up again, the rollercoaster ride with him was the greatest heartbreak I have ever experienced.

I was never proud of what we had.

I am thankful it happened because he was my greatest learning experience.

...And I'M GLAD IT'S OVER!!! 😊

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Past.

My lovestory ended when I chose myself over someone, I know I can never have.

Loving him brought the best and worst in me. He's my greatest adventure and my worst fall. I loved him but not enough to choose forever with him. It's just impossible. It was fun in the beginning but throughout the years, I know what we had would never flourish to a lifetime commitment. I want a love that is blessed. Not a love that is selfish. I already hurt a lot of people and broke their hearts. Choosing him would hurt the people I love most so I chose to hurt on myself. Sacrificing my own feelings for the happiness of my family is one thing I will not regret.

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Dear Heart

I know, one day, you will be able to give your over flowing love to the right person. For now, I'm just letting you heal and feel the love that I deserve which I failed to give myself. I used you too much that caused me too many heartaches and heartbreaks. I know you are still healing and in the process, I guarantee you that I will not allow anyone to break the barrier I built around you until you are fully healed. Maybe when I meet someone who's strong enough to break the barrier, you can finally love again. I just want you to know that I will guard you as tight as I can. May you be able to see how love is different next time around. I am patiently waiting for you to be ready to appreciate all the scars you got from too much loving the wrong ones. One day, the right love will also appreciate your battle scars and will try its best to not add anything more. True love sees the beauty you got from all the battles you've been through. You may have been broken and healed several times but the last one - The Hottest Love burned you the most. I am sorry for letting you down. However, I am thankful when you finally chose yourself and did not allow to break more. 💕

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2023

Welcomed the New Year with a hopeful heart. There were setbacks but we surely had a great time celebrating Media Noche. The preparation was tight and stressful yet it was worth the rollercoaster feelings I had.

Praying that God continuously bless us with Happiness, Health, Wealth and everything our hearts' desires. ☺️

🥂 to 2023. Please be nice. 💕

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Christmas 2022

Some things don't go your way and that's okay. I may not have the Christmas feel that I wanted, I am still grateful for the things I got and everything I have and more. More than the blessings that came with the Christmas spirit, I am truly thankful for the gift of Life and Love. 💗 Christmas, after all, is more than giving and receiving gifts. It is the time to be thankful to God who continuously bless us with all the things we pray for and more. The birth of God is a reminder that despite our shortcomings, we are still blessed with the gift of hope. 💕

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Mondiest Monday. Ever.

Started my day with loads of work materials for the first day of the Fourth Quarter. I had a peaceful start until I started my first class at 07:40 in the morning. Never did I expect that out of all the days, the internet chose to be unstable today! I had high hopes for my first meeting with my class and it was blown away because of my unstable connection in school. Intermittent they say. When I reported my experience to the authority, someone just like told me that they haven't received any report of the same case. Like WTH... Like there are other people reporting to broadcast in school. I doubt there are lots in the morning. Hahaha. I was having hard time keeping my cool since there was like no hope for them to fix my problem so I raised my concern to our Academic Secretary. After 1 and a half hour of unstable connection, they finally have it fixed for the rest of my classes. The chill in me was gone the moment I had internet connection problem and until now that I finished my last class. Maybe, going home and having a warm shower would help me relax. Netflix and I will definitely chill. 🫰🏻

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FAKING THE FALL

Usually, people just dive on the feelings they have and unconsciously  become victims of "LOVE". I’d like to think that "LOVE" is the most abused word in the world. We see, hear and say it everywhere - even in the hopeless place ala Rhianna. Language is not the problem as love knows no language. However, the people who misuse it are. Most people think they know how to handle "LOVE" when in fact they are fooling not other people but themselves. I don’t know but love as it remains to be the most complicated feeling one encounters and it is the most common “problem” which is unresolvable until now. "LOVE" chooses no one - even the most powerful, the most famous and the most intelligent, brilliant people who have lived and are living can’t get enough of this strong life-changing, mind-blowing feeling. And here I am, I don’t even have any idea why I am writing about this. 

Being "in a relationship" is far different from being "in love". This is what I believe in.

Being "in a relationship" doesn’t mean the couple truly love each other. There are reasons why one stays with the other. It is as complicated as being "in love" because it doesn’t mean you are together with the person you’re inlove with, right? Most of the time, someone is "in love" with the person they can’t have, again, for some reasons - they just can’t be together. Reasons, reasons and a thousand more reasons why people who are in love with each other are not together and why people who are not inlove with each other are in a relationship. 

When I was a teenager, I was asked by a friend, “Which is better, “Loving someone because you need him.” or “Needing someone because you love him”?” My young mind chose “Needing someone because I love him.” because I thought that was the sweeter answer. Imagine needing someone in your life because of too much love for him. It was kind of romantic. I thought until I got into relationships one after the other. Young that I was, my baby heart was enjoying the attention, the efforts, the excitement and the feeling of being “loved��� by someone. Then one day, I realized it wasn’t all “LOVE”. I thought I needed them because I love them. I even felt heartbroken and cried over my breakups but I was wrong. All along I was “loving” them because I “needed” to satisfy myself and my ego. It wasn’t love - at least for me. 

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Reunited and it feels so good!💕 #asecondchance #trio #blacksaturday #hotbabezzz #girlfriends

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something thick fo' tonight! ❤️❤️❤️ #chocolatelover #hawaiianhost #macadamia #ohwell

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My morning Love. 🐼 While waiting for my everyday starter --- taho. 💕 #hellopanda #saturday #november #whereisthetaho

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Missing The Candy Land #candylicious #fridaymadness #chocolatelover #sg2015

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Just for tonight... #throwback