caulfect - Tumblr blog

caulfect · 2 months ago

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hal’s blogs, that i believe are still active, are as follows :

@/gevanni, @/crywhale, @/hehosts.

there are also many old blogs such as :

@/pavlovianpanic, @/grievedifferent, @/hehosts-moved, and plenty more i’m too tired to name.

his wife’s blogs, that i know of, are as follows :

@/hollowswann and @/ottermelonart.

now, here’s some of my ( @/caulfect ) evidence about what really happened with hal, me, and the lis rpc, as well as a rebuttal to what apparently happened to pan and their ex five years ago. i originally posted this, though have reworded and edited it since, on my old max blog, although felt it fitting to move onto another blog since hal and otter have now done the same. to clarify, i have not seen their callout seeing as i do not care to and haven’t bothered checking their blogs since my post on the matter. however, pan has read it after being inadvertently informed about it, and has gathered the appropriate evidence to defend themself. here we go.

so, for clarification ( as i’m sure crywhale will bring this up : my fiance @/vinhlang and hal knew each other five years or so before all this happened. i don’t think any of it is relevant because it was lowstakes drama that happened five years ago, where hal blocked pan out of the blue on everything. ) when i followed hal in the lis rpc, pan knew who he was and told me as such. i asked if pan wanted me to unfollow and pan said no. i engaged with hal frequently on the dash afterwards and pan ignored it mostly, due to not having any desire to follow him or reach out themselves.

hal at the time followed and engaged with a nathan rper ( who has since rb’d my original post and willingly made their identity as @/nprescott known ) and a rachel rper as well — the only lis blogs i know of that he was actively talking to or writing with. he frequently commented on my posts due to us having a similar style in analyzing media, something he admitted to in a post i no longer have access to. it was actually the first thing i ever sent him, as we had just followed each other, and it was a ‘how is my portrayal?’ meme — he said in the tags that me, otter, and him should definitely interact and we did. i commented on every meta of his he posted ( so long as i had seen them ) and he did the same with me : to the point he sent in personalized asks about the metas of his i had commented on, which can be seen here :

as far as i knew, everything was fine. i talked to hal often through the dash and we engaged with each other ; they seemed to value my thoughts and seemed to like my writing ( they saved a josh/max thing i wrote which is now deleted, and saved the post i linked above as well ) … when hal began liveblogging their double exposure replay, i was excited! i did what i normally did : i commented on their posts and made my own ( unrelated to his, though on occasion they’d be similar : he did this with me here and there as well ) and everything was fine. now, for clarification, i have intense bpd : i do not hide this fact and i plaster it everywhere on my blogs, seeing as i’m personally fascinated by psychology and a lot of my mutuals also have bpd! so after a couple hours of hal nonstop posting, i noticed a change in behavior because i’m immensely sensitive to it. he had quit liking my posts cold turkey and ignored my comments … i thought he was busy and shrugged it off, except he was willingly engaging with other people on the dash. i talked to my partner about it on a discord call, nervous that i had done something wrong. pan thought it was because of them, which confused me because i had never tried to hide pan from hal — their url was proudly displayed on my max blog and i talked about pan often and in depth. both the rachel rper and topaz wrote with pan as well, so i was confused. pan offered to follow hal to see if he would still block them, and when pan went to do that, pan realized they had been blocked — when they hadn’t been a few days ago. we discussed the idea that hal was, essentially, ‘icing me out’ due to my affiliation with pan, which baffled me again because he could’ve easily softblocked me and moved on. i kept posting on my blog, wondering if i had been perhaps shadowbanned, and pan liked one of my posts from their private rp blog on accident. in not even an hour, hal had blocked that blog too, proving that he could see my posts and was reading them or at least looking through my likes.

with my partner deeply uncomfortable and me confused as hell ( yes, still confused ), i decided to just reach out in dms and ask if i was shadowbanned or something — hoping that either i truly was shadowbanned somehow, or that hal would just talk to me like an adult. as seen here :

now, i actually have some of this dm exchange in text format due to a habit of mine! when i’m responding to dms, especially from people who i’m not super close to, i have a tendency to copy what they said, paste it to a private discord server just for me, and then reply there -- to which i then copy and paste my reply to wherever it needs to go. i do this due to my intensive anxiety, where i want what i say to be perfect and to not have my typing be seen by the person i’m replying to ; or, in tumblr ims case, i just don’t trust the format and would prefer to type where i’m more comfortable. due to there being no screenshots, however, i can understand if one suspends their disbelief when it comes to the validity of this.

and yes, i understand that hal was being vulnerable with me here. i didn’t look for these dms harder because i, initially, didn’t want to air that baggage. but since hal is fine airing out pan’s issues and villainizing them when they were being vulnerable elsewhere … well, then i now have no problem doing the same. i’ll paste what i have of our dm exchange now, and keep my previous statement below it for transparency. here’s the dms :

caulfect, aka me.

hey! hope it’s okay to slide into dms like this, but during my follower cleanup, i was wondering if my blog was shadowbanned or something? there’s some people i’d been pretty consistently interacting with who suddenly stopped that, and you were one of them, so i just wanted to make sure my blog is functioning decent. posts showing up on dash etc!

pavlovianpanic, aka hal.

Hey, so I just work a lot is a big thing, this time off is unusual so my activity is very unusual for how I generally operate (dead).

I do like you, I think we clicked, but I’ve just gotten a vibe maybe from the fandom as a whole and maybe just from my own perceptions that I might be more a cause for discomfort than someone people enjoy. It’s not a “one person thing”, it’s just a general thing, and so I’m sort of in this position of being unsure of where I stand or how I am received. I post headcanons, the dash will all jump on to contradict me outright (in front of my salad) and then kind of insist I’m just maybe delusional for seeing with my eyes what I have seen for so many years playing this game. Maybe it’s because I am older than Max that there is just a gap of life experience and difference with the general audience, or maybe I’m too harsh, or maybe I’m just wrong, but I feel like especially my headcanons are making people uncomfortable and then based with how I’m being interpreted by both the comm I follow and people who don’t follow me, I’m feeling kind of unsure. Like this could be a “fuck I followed him and now I can’t get out because I hate this content” vibe, make sense? I am delusional. So, I kind of backed off everyone just because I think I’m just pissing people off about these characters rip not Josh tho, he’s always fine, so I see people have interest but just hate my LIS takes, so I don’t wanna force a subscribed narrative to me. It’s honestly something I probably have to reach out about to a few people to clear the air.

caulfect, aka me.

oh, that’s totally fine! i similarly fall in and out of activity, so that’s no big deal. i just have a history with tumblr in terms of being shadowbanned and wanted to make sure, especially since it seemed that other people’s posts and comments were liked and responded to while mine ceased to exist via many other accounts as well. i’ll ask other people too just to be safe! thank you for the input though!!

as for the concerns about your hcs, discomfort, and the likes : i am very sorry to hear that! i can understand why you would think so, since tumblr rpcs have a problem with ‘dark’ content nowadays especially ones that deal with sexual assault and the likes. i had my nathan sideblog in secret with nothing on it for a while due to my takes on him too, and knowing that most people would probably make assumptions about how i viewed the character because of my takes, or just dislike me overall for the darker tones i saw within him. so i understand. i haven’t noticed anything myself ( i’m a little blind to vagueing and posts being posted when, especially since queue exists and i know that, sometimes, people are just inspired ) but sometimes there’s just a vibe or things that are too similar to be coincidences. and it sucks to have a valid reason for upset and for everyone around you to act like you’re too stupid to see what’s clearly happening before you. i don’t know why people would feel trapped with you though! you have it in your rules that your metas don’t have to be liked, so long as you’re not hassled about it. and people could always blacklist the tags if they wish to avoid it. you should clear the air if you wish, but if you also want to just back off a little or be more reserved, that’s completely understandable too of course. i hope this clears up for you :( i like your lis takes! and comment on them whenever i have something to say! sucks you have to deal with this though. i’m so sorry!

pavlovianpanic, aka hal.

I might just be blind but all the posts I’m seeing on your blog have notifs from me save for the new ones I just liked, so maybe I am missing things (I’ve been kind of heavy dash posting and then disappearing for work), so maybe I am just missing stuff that gets deleted before I really see it (my habit is to only like or acknowledge things even messages I can read and devote to or I will not remember). So maybe it’s just a time zone thing too, we are always three hours behind east coast so I’m always awake when everyone is working or asleep? That’s always been a huge disconnect for me to connect, even by a few hours it seems to make a huge difference.

I don’t want it to come off like I need affirmation or clout, I just sort of want me and my mutuals even in disagreement to sort of adapt and come together, I know my takes are little hot sometimes, but it just comes from being older than Max. I graduated in 2011, so I get her and am just like a step ahead in growth? So that might be it. ( REDACTED PERSONAL INFO ), I think my experiences and life experiences might be vastly different, so my views are different. I interact with a lot of fandom culture, I’m at a con usually almost every weekend and tumblr is the standout for their views and opinions, so I have to balance like “this is tumblr, they can only handle so much” versus “everyone else is more like me, how I work with being so validated and even asked for more in that way while being hated by my community?” — there’s also just a lot of romanticism happening with things I have dealt with my whole life that make me question what is happening authentically. I want to be included in the narrative if my posts are inspiring, not iced out.

People feel bonded to each other, a follow and a block can (to some) have a fear of “blocking x will make the whole comm hate me” and it’s not an irrational fear. It has merit. Nothing is private on tumblr, so I expect that no matter what, my feelings will be made clear somehow. For now, I’m just trying to not force myself on anyone, it would be in bad taste. But I am also here to write the dynamics I talk about, not just act as a living Pinterest. It’s a hard balance, it’s why I don’t write originals anymore, and I had hoped such a small fandom would be a bit more easy with so much crossover potential so this sort of competitive weird vibe wouldn’t be a thing? Idk, I am just seeing behavior and linking my best logic to it. These are just my feelings, of course, I know there’s an idea of how I should react or respond, but I only respond as I find appropriate. It’s hard being an adult, it’s hard being a kid, you can’t win. And thank you for reaching out to clarify with me, I know I come off really intense.

caulfect, aka me.

ah, the for you page! yes, it’s so annoying how tumblr will shove you into that tab instantly on occasion :/ seeing posts made two days ago, seeing blogs you don’t follow and ones that aren’t even rp blogs … awful! but this all makes sense and you should by no means feel obligated to ‘interact more’ or anything like that. it was mostly just something i noticed over time with a variety of others, and due to tumblr’s awful functions and finicky nature, i just figured it’d be best to check. i miss posts too and i’m sure my own activity will wane, so it’s understandable. just wanted to make sure my blog was all there! i’ve asked other people in the meanwhile and that seems to be the general case, besides some posts being strange. it’s also just good to check in on the off chance there is a personal problem i’m not noticing, since i’d rather just communicate that through then potentially let it fester, etc. but! thank you for the input and the help, of course.

i agree. things will probably settle once we all get more used to each other ( a lot of these muses and blogs are new, so there’s a lot of ‘getting everything out there’ and jitters about it, i think ) and once people interact more, and confidence in people’s own takes grows, i think everything will right itself out. just a matter of time ( ha ha ) and communication, compassion, managing, and all that.

and you’re not that intimidating to talk to, no! from our interactions via inbox and comments and the likes, you’ve never been scary. as my rules say, i’m not exactly great with reaching out and the likes ( i deeply fear being annoying due to the mental illnesses lol ) so you must not be that intimidating!! and if there’s anything i can do to make your experience in the rpc more comfortable, please let me know of course.

as mentioned above, here’s what i previously said about the dm exchange :

sadly i don’t think i have access to the rest of the conversation anymore due to a mutual blocking on our ends, but hal told me that i wasn’t shadowbanned and that he was just busy. he talked about how he felt hated in the lis rpc and how he felt more mature than everyone else in the scene due to his age and his personal experiences : he claimed that people were vaguing him, so he had taken a step back, and said that he ‘wasn’t stupid’ and could tell when people were being fake, if i remember correctly. i expressed my sympathy because if this was happening, that sucks, but i didn’t really understand what he meant, because the only two lis blogs he followed were two of my own mutuals too, and they had never posted anything indicating a vague post. i said that sometimes different opinions inspire people to post their own, and he concurred to that. he also said he would eventually reach out to these rpers privately to discuss things ( which, as far as i’m aware, never happened ). we stopped dming outside of me doing his interest tracker, to which we talked about until dawn for a quick message. not once did he bring up pan.

but back to the story now.

eventually, i found out that one of our shared mutuals, the nathan rper, topaz, has been having some not so great interactions with hal. the rper told us that he originally followed hal first, back before he had any lis muses, and that he tried plotting their nathan with their until dawn characters — to which hal started telling the rper how nathan would feel, how he’d think, etc, which made topaz mildly uncomfortable. they stopped plotting and then hal added nathan the very next day. then there was another instance where topaz posted a quick thing about nathan : essentially talking about how they related to his mental health struggles, and while they’ll never agree with what he did, they appreciated the representation of the uglier sides of mental issues. after that post, both hal and his wife released posts condemning anyone who sympathized with nathan and his mental health, claiming that they would invalidate kate’s victimhood by doing so. topaz reached out to hal in dms and asked if the post was about them, to which hal said ‘i can see why you would think that, but i’m still fine with interacting.’ while i was never given concrete evidence of this, i do vividly remember hal being very aggressive about his nathan takes. if you didn’t think nathan raped kate, you apparently didn’t care for sexual assault victims. if you thought that nathan was assaulted by jefferson, apparently you were just being extra and were fetishizing jefferson’s and nathan’s relationship. neither me nor topaz ship jefferscott. we find it gross, even if we think it’s canon for our blogs. i stated on my nathan blog multiple times that i do not think jefferson and nathan were ever romantic nor were attracted to each other. hal didn’t care about this. he also, again, never reached out to either of us about these concerns.

while hal accused everyone else of vague posting about his takes, hal called his posts reactions. claimed that he was human and merely reacting to what he saw on the dash, which was somehow better and very different compared to vaguing :

at some point hal started getting anon hate that very specifically targeted him for not ‘shipping nathan with jefferson’ and he publicly posted it. as seen here :

topaz was personally done with all the drama and blocked him after this. to which hal’s wife then posted :

i was absolutely confused, and became even more so when hal and otter talked about this in the comments of this post :

i had no idea what they were talking about. it seemed like they were saying that me, topaz, pan, and maybe another lis rper was sending hal the anon hate as a group effort. this is absolutely false. i was also particularly surprised by hal seemingly holding his impeccable memory over topaz's head, and acting like he was so generous for being nice enough to start over. it’s worth noting that these posts were quickly deleted and that one of topaz's friends, who had no idea about all this drama, was subsequently blocked by both hal and otter afterwards.

anyway, after this, i was at odds. hal had started talking to me again but now i knew two of my mutuals ( one being my partner and the other a close friend ) were deeply uncomfortable by hal’s actions. i had no idea why hal still followed me and i just decided to wait to see what he personally wanted to do — i thought that maybe he’d come around, or maybe he’d mellow out now that all the ‘threats’ was gone, or something. i wish i had just blocked him first because not doing anything was rather cowardly of me, i think, but i had genuinely enjoyed hal’s mind outside of all the drama and knew i’d be sad to see him go. topaz and pan had no problem with me still following, so i didn’t do anything.

literally a day or two before his sudden softblocking spree, i made a mains call on caulfect and hal liked and commented on it, offering to be mains :

i have since deleted it, but there’s seven notes on the post. most of my active followers were already mains and affiliates, so they had no reason to like or comment on this post. at least three of those notes are of hal and me talking.

so, eventually hal makes his softblock warning and i’m softblocked. a mutual sends me a thing where he details why he softblocked people, and he essentially accused all of the lis rpc of being inappropriate and who knows what else. i was mad, and i made a rather petty post on caulfect in response. i’ve since deleted it out of shame for how poorly i handled it. i don’t care about getting softblocked, i don’t know why hal didn’t do it earlier, but to be called names and to have assumptions made about me or my friends with no regard to hal’s own behavior hit a sore spot within me. this all could’ve been solved with an adult conversation which i tried desperately to have with hal in dms about the shadowbanned thing, but he didn’t bother. we all shrugged off his choice soon after and have done nothing since. we have not interacted with him nor have we ‘stalked’ him. the lis rpc has a discord now and we all talk there, and we’re all busy with irl stuff atm so we’re not super active on the dash right now either. pan made a dni because pan felt bad for how hal treated me due to our affiliation and that was it.

to add upon these previous points, i do think that hal and his wife are under the impression that pan picked up maya okada after otter did, and was ‘weird about it’ due to that. this is factually untrue! one of pan’s first posts on @/vinhlang featured maya, and in our discord server, pan was taking extensive notes on her and decided to muse her back in november :

you can see a further investigation of the ‘maya’ claims here.

hal has since made thirty thousand updates to his pinned post, and remains wishy washy at best about everything given his sporadic dni updating. one second we’re stalkers for finding his new blog ( which was in the double exposure tag, something i check regularly ) and rightfully adding it to our dnis, and then the next he’s finding my new blog ( something he actively searched for, since i’ve blocked him, otter, and all his known mutuals on it the second i made it ) and is refusing to acknowledge the hypocrisy. there are many examples of this in how hal handles things or describes what happened! for example, he says he won’t respond to anon hate, but then did so twice on his old blog, only to delete it quickly after for some reason? anon hate that, by the way, nobody else in the rpc got! despite there being multiple nathans in the rpc at the time, all of whom had different takes on him and his relationship with jefferson.

i’ll admit, there are some things i took too hard, or handled immaturely, but at least i can admit that openly unlike hal can : who apparently is the true victim in all this because he has ‘morals’ unlike the rest of us dirty, lowly roleplayers who have different takes on nathan prescott than he does. just on the record? i’m a victim of sexual assault. as are many people in my family. if we’re going to swing that around as a ‘gotcha!’ for being able to have opinions on nathan and kate and jefferson, then there’s mine. if this 32 year old man implies that i’m a rape apologist again without knowing my background or who i actually am, i’m going to do nothing at all because after this post i truly am done forever. but just know i’ll blow him up with my mind and go straight to bed happily.

oh, and another thing about this apologist stuff? if we’re going to try our hardest to do right by the supposedly real life case kate is based off of, maybe don’t ship her with ( in your eyes ) her rapist. does that not spit on that real life victim’s face? and what of the other shady shit dontnod did in their game? like when they literally stole a murder victim’s missing persons poster to use for rachel’s? as well as using said victim as inspiration for rachel, like you claim they also did for kate? if you’re going to play angel, maybe discuss that at some point. i’ll leave the information about that very real event here, so that you may educate yourself on the matter.

in light of some things i’ve heard in the grapevine, i’ve decided this post could use a final edit now that ‘all the evidence’ is out there. if you’ve seen this post before, please read the contents below, as they’re all new screenshots and testimony by me.

note : it's worth stating pan is not as open about their bpd as i am, and usually keeps that stuff private. so to blast their disorder without consent or caring about how unsafe it could be ... well. it sure paints a further picture. interestingly enough, hal and otter never bring up pan's autism diagnosis? even though pan is more open about that than the bpd thing. but i guess mentioning that would make all their comments about pan having certain tones / wording things strangely by their standards seem ableist -- or worse, render those already useless points utterly invalid.

for starters, i want to make it abundantly clear that villainizing pan at all in this situation is disgusting. to truly side with someone who is airing their ex partner’s bpd thoughts is absolutely laughable where it concerns moral purity … bpd is not evil. it is not damning evidence of anything because it is a mental illness. everyone with bpd struggles with feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and intense emotions that can flip on a dime -- that’s what the disorder is all about, by the way. a bpder confiding these feelings that they know are wrong to someone they trust isn’t a fucking crime, but pan's ex immediately turning around and sharing all that personal information is more than revolting. i genuinely cannot believe the contents of this supposed callout because what is this doing exactly? warning people of an evil bpder who experienced evil bpd emotions? oh no! sound the alarm! like, grow up.

secondly, siding with someone like pan's ex isn’t exactly the move it’s being portrayed to be. here is what pan’s and pan's former partner's break up actually looked like, for people who are curious about what actually was said :

so, here we have pan's ex admitting to :

- cheating on pan, who ( by the ex's own words ) considered it a relapse and kept forgiving ( redacted ) due to having faith in her. pan's ex admits to cheating three times and admits to doing it as a means of punishing pan.

- claims she used pan, mutliple times, and took advantage of them.

- had stopped feeling attracted to pan and lied about it via acting and just straight up lying.

- clings onto every flaw about pan ( which is ‘unfair’ by redacted's own words ).

- admits to viewing the relationship as kind of abusive and then claims to be a very abusive person.

- straight up ADMITS to gaslighting by saying ‘and tomorrow morning i’ll deny the truth of all of this’

- says that pan guilt trips her and in the same breath says she doesn’t even know if pan’s doing it on purpose.

- any grievance actually aired about pan is then followed up with pan's ex admitting to not telling pan how it makes her feel, ever. which redacted admits is her own fault.

- pan's ex inherently using npd as a reason for these behaviors, vilifying it but excusing herself in the process.

and more! honestly, these screenshots are so absolutely insane to read when you think about the narrative hal is twisting. here he is, defending someone who openly admits ( in private! ) to treating her partner like shit via abusive behaviors such as cheating, gaslighting, and lying … but pan’s the evil one, right? how stupid can one be when comparing the evidence?

especially when you consider pan's response :

now, finally, here’s some evidence of a very important event hal is trying to hide and obscure. but since he’s talking about the past and releasing things so boldly, lets do the same, huh?

once upon a time, pan and hal were on call together playing animal crossing. on pan’s plot of land, there was what was essentially a trans flag made up of flowers. hal became obsessed with this and went on an entire rant about how nonbinary people can’t also be trans! you know, to pan, who is obviously nonbinary. on top of this, hal also admitted to using ‘they/them’ pronouns on his old blogs ( former alias lucky, btw, which i’ll show proof of that in a second ) because … well, he thought it would do something i guess, masquerading as a nonbinary person despite not being one and despite his rather harsh views on them. here’s pan talking to their ex of all people about it, which at least backs up this call existing even if slightly so :

here is hal, on his new personal @/gevanni, admitting to going by lucky btw :

anyway! so that’s that, i guess! i genuinely encourage people that have seen hal’s callout to compare this post and whatever the hell he posted, because i think what i showed speaks volumes. normal bpd behaviors from five years ago that were handled in private as they should be is nothing compared to actively defending a literal abuser and a terf, but i suppose that’s all hal has left to cling to, which isn’t shocking whatsoever. of course there’s no comment on his behaviors in the lis rpc or even with his old until dawn mutuals, because he has no excuse for that or a proper scapegoat. all he has is pan and evidence from five years ago that he apparently didn’t care about and definitely wasn’t holding onto.

pan didn’t release this shit because they were genuinely showing this man grace and did, wholeheartedly, assume he had changed. but i don’t care for that anymore, so this is me laying it out. i highly suggest hal keep my partner’s name out of his mouth moving onward, because having your wife accuse pan of having a crush on you is some real ego shit. bpders experiencing jealousy is never explicitly romantic and if you have a basic understanding of the personality disorder, you should know that. honestly, the ableism and immaturity is so revolting and obvious, to the point it truly leaves me so confused as to why these two thought this was a smart idea at all.

also here is hal being cruel to an old user five years ago in the death note rpc, where he is shown convincing pan that this random user was ‘manipulating’ them. he speaks about this person in a cruel manner 'i was annoyed with them from the start' despite said person saying nothing but kind things about hal to pan privately.

here is that private discussion :

and here is the exchange between pan and hal about it, where pan told hal what was privately said, linked in a seperate post due to tumblr’s image limit ( and because i do not care to make a doc ) :

here.

he has not changed in five years and this is indeed a pattern of behavior : from making fun of people making callouts, insulting fellow adults by demeaning their maturity and calling them children, ‘the whole posse of three people’ ( is that not what me, topaz, and pan are now? ), and using buzzwords to convince pan that this person was some manipulative mastermind rather than a regular human who just fucked up. so, none of us are the first. who knows how many times he’s done this? i highly recommend blocking him and moving on at this point, seeing as he’ll behave this way no matter what befalls him.

i know it seems hypocritical for me to keep posting about this, and i do agree that it goes against my word to shut up about this forever … but the claims hal and his wife are making about pan being an abuser go beyond the regular petty drama i was talking about before. their claims have risen in intensity, as have their actions, and i had every right to respond to genuinely serious allegations that are as sensitive and as awful as these ones. i said before that i didn’t think hal was dangerous, but at this point that seems to no longer be true : he has harmed multiple people both in the present and five years ago, he has repeatedly behaved in a disgusting manner towards people with mental illness, sexual assault victims, etc, and will not leave pan alone in particular — despite me, grimm, writing a majority of the posts that actually condemn him. if they think what pan has done makes them abusive, then hal is right on up there with them in that regard. he is mean, a liar, and an egotist who treats people bad the second they don’t behave how he wants. he is a hypocrite in his supposed values and that’s more than evident if you so much as observe his blogs for more than a second, or god forbid, share his fandoms while having your own thoughts. he ignores evidence and dismisses it with no real rebuttal and is just, overall, shitty to most of his previous mutuals.

and if you want any of pan’s or topaz’s testimonies on the matter, you can check out these posts, which include : pan’s final and only statement on the subject, which was posted before the spreadsheet by the way, as well as topaz’s final post as well. pan’s ex being a terf can be found here too.

but this is finally over because now everything has been released! so i’m truly done with this. i would’ve stayed done had it not been for some half ass callout document, so hal can thank his truly hard work for my reprisal here. thank you for reading and pardon my anger, but given the claims and lying, i do think my feelings are more than justified.

#tw drama #tw long post #i HIGHLY recommend taking a look at this btw. just so that we can all familiarize ourselves with it #going forward i do not want to see or hear about these two yahoos again especially after their disgusting claims #please be warned that sa and transphobia and abuse is heavily discussed here #i know im tagging it as drama but this is definitely more than that so please read

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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before i ditch this blog for good, here’s some of my evidence about what really happened with hal, me, and the lis rpc. this is what i’ve sent to mutuals who have asked and i’ve added some new things in light of some other allegations that have been released!

* edited with more evidence : 03/18/2025.

so, for clarification ( as i’m sure crywhale will bring this up : my fiance @vinhlang and hal knew each other five years or so before all this happened. i don’t think any of it is relevant because it was lowstakes drama that happened five years ago, where hal blocked pan out of the blue on everything. ) when i followed hal in the lis rpc, pan knew who he was and told me as such. i asked if pan wanted me to unfollow and pan said no. i engaged with hal frequently on the dash afterwards and pan ignored it mostly, due to not having any desire to follow him or reach out themselves.

hal at the time followed and engaged with a nathan rper and rachel rper as well — the only lis blogs i know of that he was actively talking to or writing with. he frequently commented on my posts due to us having a similar style in analyzing media, something he admitted to in a post i no longer have access to. it was actually the first thing i ever sent him, as we had just followed each other, and it was a ‘how is my portrayal?’ meme — he said in the tags that me, otter, and him should definitely interact and we did. i commented on every meta of his he posted ( so long as i had seen them ) and he did the same with me : to the point he sent in personalized asks about the metas of his i had commented on, which can be seen here :

as far as i knew, everything was fine. i talked to hal often through the dash and we engaged with each other ; they seemed to value my thoughts and seemed to like my writing ( they saved a josh/max thing i wrote which is now deleted, and saved the post i linked above as well ) … when hal began liveblogging their double exposure letsplay, i was excited! i did what i normally did : i commented on their posts and made my own ( unreleated to his, though on occasion they’d be similar : he did this with me here and there as well ) and everything was fine. now, for clarification, i have intense bpd : i do not hide this fact and i plaster it everywhere on my blogs, seeing as i’m personally fascinated by psychology and a lot of my mutuals also have bpd! so after a couple hours of hal nonstop posting, i noticed a change in behavior because i’m immensely sensitive to it. he had quit liking my posts cold turkey and ignored my comments … i thought he was busy and shrugged it off, except he was willingly engaging with other people on the dash. i talked to my partner about it on a discord call, nervous that i had done something wrong. pan thought it was because of them, which confused me because i had never tried to hide pan from hal — their url was proudly displayed on my max blog and i talked about pan often and in depth. both the rachel rper and the nathan rper wrote with pan as well, so i was confused. pan offered to follow hal to see if he would still block them, and when pan went to do that, pan realized they had been blocked — when they hadn’t been a few days ago. we discussed the idea that hal was, essentially, ‘icing me out’ due to my affiliation with pan, which baffled me because he could’ve easily softblocked me and moved on. i kept posting on my blog, wondering if i had been perhaps shadowbanned, and pan liked one of my posts from their private rp blog on accident. in not even an hour, hal had blocked that blog too, proving that he could see my posts and was reading them or at least looking through my likes.

with my partner deeply uncomfortable and me confused as hell, i decided to just reach out in dms and ask if i was shadowbanned or something — hoping that either i truly was shadowbanned somehow, or that hal would just talk to me like an adult. as seen here :

eventually, i found out that one of our shared mutuals, a nathan rper, has been having some not so great interactions with hal. the rper told us that he originally followed hal first, back before he had any lis muses, and that he tried plotting their nathan with their until dawn characters — to which hal started telling the rper how nathan would feel, how he’d think, etc, which made the rper mildly uncomfortable. they stopped plotting and then hal added nathan the very next day. then there was another instance where the rper posted a quick thing about nathan : essentially talking about how they related to his mental health struggles, and while they’ll never agree with what he did, they appreciated the representation of the uglier sides of mental issues. after that post, both hal and his wife released posts condemning anyone who sympathized with nathan and his mental health, claiming that they would invalidate kate’s victimhood by doing so. the rper reached out to hal in dms and asked if the post was about them, to which hal said ‘i can see why you would think that, but i’m still fine with interacting.’ while i was never given concrete evidence of this, i do vividly remember hal being very aggressive about their nathan takes. if you didn’t think nathan raped kate, you apparently didn’t care for sexual assault victims. if you thought that nathan was assaulted by jefferson, apparently you were just being extra and were fetishizing jefferson’s and nathan’s relationship. neither me nor this rper ship jefferscott. we find it gross, even if we think it’s canon for our blogs. i stated on my nathan blog multiple times that i do not think jefferson and nathan were ever romantic nor were attracted to each other. hal didn’t care about this.

while hal accused everyone else of vague posting about his takes, hal called his posts reactions : claimed that he was human and merely reacting to what he saw on the dash, which was somehow better and very different compared to vaguing :

at some point hal started getting anon hate that very specifically targeted him for not ‘shipping nathan with jefferson’ and he publicly posted it. as seen here :

the nathan rper in question was personally done with all the drama and blocked him after this. to which hal’s wife then posted this :

i was absolutely confused, and became even more so when hal and otter talked about this in the comments of this post :

i had no idea what they were talking about. it seemed like they were saying that me, the nathan rper, pan, and maybe another lis rper was sending hal the anon hate as a group effort. this is absolutely false. i was also particularly surprised by hal seemingly holding his impeccable memory over the nathan rper’s head, and acting like he was so generous for being nice enough to start over. it’s worth noting that these posts were quickly deleted and that one of the rper’s friends who had no idea about all this drama, was subsequently blocked by both hal and otter afterwards.

anyway, after this, i was at odds. hal had started talking to me again but now i knew two of my mutuals ( one being my partner and the other a close friend ) were deeply uncomfortable by hal’s actions. i had no idea why hal still followed me and i just decided to wait to see what he personally wanted to do — i thought that maybe he’d come around, or maybe he’d mellow out now that all the ‘threats’ was gone, or something. i wish i had just blocked him first because not doing anything was rather cowardly of me, i think, but i had genuinely enjoyed hal’s mind outside of all the drama and knew i’d be sad to see them go. the nathan rper and pan had no problem with me still following, so i didn’t do anything.

literally a day or two before their sudden softblocking spree, i made a mains call on caulfect and hal liked and commented on it, offering to be mains :

to add upon these previous points, i do think that hal and his wife are under the impression that pan picked up maya okada after otter did, and was ‘weird about it’ due to that. this is factually untrue! one of pan’s first posts on @vinhlang featured maya, and in our discord server, pan was taking extensive notes on her and decided to muse her back in november :

hal has since made thirty thousand updates to his pinned post, and remains wishy washy at best about everything given his sporadic dni updating. one second we’re stalkers for finding his new blog ( which was in the double exposure tag, something i check regularly ) and rightfully adding it to our dnis, and then the next he’s finding my new blog ( something he actively searched for, since i’ve blocked him, otter, and all his known mutuals on it the second i made it ) and is refusing to acknowledge the hypocrisy. there are many examples of this in how hal handles things or details things about what happened! for example, he says he won’t respond to anon hate, but then did so twice on his old blog, only to delete it quickly after for some reason? anon hate that, by the way, nobody else in the rpc got! despite there being multiple nathans in the rpc at the time, all of whom had different takes on him and his relationship with jefferson.

oh, and the last note? if we’re going to try our hardest to do right by the supposedly real life case kate is based off of, maybe don’t ship her with ( in your eyes ) her rapist. does that not spit on that real life victim’s face? and what of the other shady shit dontnod did in their game? like when they literally stole a murder victim’s missing persons poster to use for rachel’s? as well as using said victim as inspiration for rachel, like you claim they also did for kate? if you’re going to play angel, maybe discuss that at some point. i’ll leave the information about that very real event here, so that you may educate yourself on the matter.

but, for now, i’m truly done. no more talking about this man. no more being influenced by his erratic behavior. i made a new blog for a lot of reasons, and wiping hal from my space was one of them. just know that while hal is out here updating his pinned post twice in one day about us, i was celebrating my dead dad’s birthday on the 12th of march, and was enjoying a march break with my partner. i’m now at @recaul and it’ll be a hal free space, even if he is stalking my posts on there now like he obviously does. he can just lose his mind about it while i move forward in my life into a new era, one both metaphorically and physically.

thank you to all my mutuals who stayed with me through this and i hope we can all enjoy my new blog together! please follow me there if i haven’t followed you already!! you guys make this rpc worth sticking around for, and i cannot thank you all enough.

EDIT : march 18th, 2025 .

so, here we have pan's ex admitting to :

- claims she used pan, mutliple times, and took advantage of them.

- had stopped feeling attracted to pan and lied about it via acting and just straight up lying.

- clings onto every flaw about pan ( which is ‘unfair’ by redacted own words ).

- admits to viewing the relationship as kind of abusive and then claims to be a very abusive person.

- straight up ADMITS to gaslighting by saying ‘and tomorrow morning i’ll deny the truth of all of this’

- says that pan guilt trips her and in the same breath says she doesn’t even know if pan’s doing it on purpose.

- any grievance actually aired about pan is then followed up with pan's ex admitting to not telling pan how it makes her feel, ever. which redacted admits is her own fault.

- pan's ex inherently using npd as a reason for these behaviors, vilifying it but excusing herself in the process.

now, finally, here’s some evidence of a very important event hal is trying to hide and obscure. but since he’s talking about the past and releasing things so boldly, lets do the same, huh?

here is hal, on his new personal @/gevanni, admitting to going by lucky btw :

pan didn’t release this shit because they were genuinely showing this man grace and did, wholeheartedly, assume he had changed. but i don’t care for that anymore, so this is me laying it out. i highly suggest hal keep my partner’s name out of his fucking mouth, because having your wife accuse pan of having a crush on you is some real ego shit. bpders experiencing jealousy is never explicitly romantic and if you have a basic understanding of the personality disorder, you should know that. honestly, the ableism and immaturity is so revolting and obvious, to the point it truly leaves me so confused as to why hal thought this was a smart idea at all.

#FINAL POST! on here and on this for real. i’m signing out of here and never checking it again #outside of viewing it from recaul and rbing old posts obviously #i feel like there is so much more to say. this isnt even about my feelings on the matter or anything of the sort #but i’m done with this and can’t be bothered anymore #i just want the truth out there and this is the truth. here is the evidence.#some of it is just my word and i acknowledge that but i do think the screenshots speak for themselves as well #that and the fact multiple other people have had problems with hal and how he treats others #again. think of it like this : if you’re the common factor — you probably ARE the problem.#maybe look at yourself and reflect on that. four plus people having seperate issues with you is a pattern. not a coincidence #anyway. that’s all folks.#there’s the screenshots and i do have more somewhere i just cannot be assed to find them! sorry!!#( and sorry for getting heated at the end im just done with this shit and being lied about )#EDITED : the claims of pan hurting one person compared to hal hurting multiple people … again. patterns and coincidences lmfao

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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okay i will be moving blogs sometime this week!! i’ll start following everyone over on the new one and stuff shortly <3

#to be deleted #my blog is so cluttered and i care very little for cleaning it so! a revamp it is #nathan ( from @theytry ) will also be moved to my lis multi for the time being!! thank you #see you guys there <3

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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i still need to fully adjust my max yellowjackets verse but some other vague ideas i’ve decided on are :

- max opts out of the shooting challenge, similarly to shauna. guns frighten her and hunting is not at all in her nature -- even if it means living. i think she’d deeply struggle with seeing deer or rabbit or bird cut up so openly and the blood would feel gross and sticky on her hands and chin. she’d probably eat less because of it, at first, starve herself a little … never on purpose, just on accident, just because her stomach rebels against slaughtered meat she had to stare at and watch be cut up. by the time they build the shed for shauna, eating would become easier and she’d eat the bear eagerly … i think it’s the prey animals that hurt her the most.

- is jv : so she doesn’t know the varsity team that well outside of practices and mandatory parties forced upon her by jackie taylor. she judges lottie and jackie pretty harshly due to their excessively rich status, though ( like she does with dana ) would admit the two of them have been nothing but kind to her … albeit they are little snotty sometimes. she’d also find laura lee a tad irritating due to her constant bible thumping, which max notably doesn’t like, hence kate’s whole ‘never preach to max’ thing. would probably have the best opinion of nat and van pre crash? natalie’s roughness would remind her of a best friend she left far behind, and she’d appreciate van’s levity. and, if i remember correctly, akilha mentions the jv team ‘fearing’ taissa, so max’s feelings towards her would probably fall in line with a general sense of being spooked and nervous. no opinions on misty or shauna pre crash though. max has no reason to hang with misty and struggles too much in school to share many classes with shauna.

- brought her retro camera on the trip to seattle because a.) she could never part with that thing, and b.) her dad begged her to snap photos of the space needle. due to her team winning nationals her parents splurged on a hefty chunk of film for her, though this film would most likely run out around a thirteen months in. she wasn’t taking pictures like she used to, so she conserved it a bit more than usual.

- is a ‘failed’ antler queen at some point. even before her powers awaken properly, max sees and feels things in the wilderness that she can’t explain … and lottie, who is so attuned to everything around her, definitely notices. believing max to be essential, she tries training her to lead the girls and to become more at one with everything inside herself. max may or may not eventually wield the antler-crown ( depending on how s3 shakes out ) but regardless, her reign is quickly ended by her own insistence and overt denial of her role. instead, max settles into serving the queen : offering up her powers and insight to be at their disposal rather than her own.

- bonus : this is subject to change, but max votes that ben is innocent after his trial and sticks to her opinion. she is also team nat when it comes down to the antler queen war between nat and shauna.

#tbt.#just some quick yj au musings!!#once i iron out everything i will make a proper post on the matter <3

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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i will never understand why people think it’s particularly radical to claim that every woman character ever is a victim and nothing more. to rob these types of characters of their flaws, to inherently make their victimhood their most defining feature that they cannot overcome, to make them out to be in the right always feels so inherently misogynistic. women can be hard to swallow, they can be horrible, and disgusting, and unbearable -- they can be deeply flawed with little hope for redemption and they can be toxic and still be a victim in their own way. they can just exist, as is, and be loved for and despite their issues like their male counterparts! to me, inadvertently softening every girl by turning them sad in a palpable way ( or, worse, only ever harping on how victimized they are while staying quiet on more potentially unsavory fronts ) is way more harmful than just simply loving the character in their entirety and knowing they’re complex because all women are, seeing as that’s a human characteristic.

#to be deleted #if you can’t love a woman while understanding and knowing she has flaws then … im afraid you dont love women lol #this applies hard to the lis fandom btw like. is chloe some evil abuser? not in the slightest and you’re insane if you think so #but is she flawed? was she sometimes a bad friend or student or daughter? sure. she’s not evil for this though #she was young and hurting and human. chloe isn’t perfect but she ( as a character and especially as a woman ) doesnt have to be #same with rachel. or safi. or victoria!#even the more nicer girls like max or kate should never be reduced to precious girls who do no wrong and feel all the right things #they ( like every lis male ) are entitled to ugly feelings and malicious thoughts. max and kate do not have to be perfect to be heroes #or victims or anything!!#i harp on max’s flaws for a reason because she is far from perfect. and i love her anyway #not all of her actions are justifiable or good and i know that and still adore her regardless #imo yes vilifying women is bad but so is turning women into perfect little saints #there are two extremes and playing into either of them for the lis women is always a bad choice. there is always room for nuance #and if you cant see that then i suggest taking a look into yourself lol

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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things might finally be calming down for me! so expect some more activity here sometime late march or april <3

#to be deleted #basically we might’ve temporarily solved our homeless problem? perhaps!!#and if so then thats good. i can calm down now and focus more #but i still wont be too active until late march because my dad’s birthday is the twelfth and it’ll be a depressing day for me #due to grieving reasons …. so.#hopefully soon?? i hope to increase my ooc activity at least on here and on discord #i promise im not ignoring anyone <3 its just slow going

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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i love max but she is so corny. a certified cornball. she’s rizzing everyone up by being unabashedly cringy despite thinking she’s hot shit ( at least as a teen ) and i think that’s beautiful.

#to be deleted #max ‘come here often?’ caulfield at your service #same girl who blubbers YOU HAVE REALLY GOOD HANDS at a hot girl she rejected because suddenly she wants to get laid #she will go for it but she’ll be goofy the entire time. sorry!

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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just woke up but i will be making max a yellowjackets verse, trust!

#to be deleted #little powerful girl in the wilderness … iykyk

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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got a lot of love today from family, friends, and even some strangers and it’s so nice to know my presence is a postive one for so many people! really makes me excited to come back to my lis blogs :>

#to be deleted #getting loved on irl and online?? oh yeah!! definitely needed that this month #love you guys and thanks for being so understanding <33

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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RULE UPDATE + a quick explanation ,

please check out the new rule in my pinned! and if you’re interested in a quick rundown of why that’s been added, see the below contents.

though to set the record straight : no, nobody here is obsessed with him. he shows up in the main lis tags because he actively posts there, and it’s entirely understandable why people who don’t want to engage with him would want his new urls to block. nobody is stalking his posts and i’m not apart of @vinhlang’s supposed posse, i’m their fiance. personally, i think that if you’re bothered by an entire rpc that’s comprised of small accounts who have done nothing but openly support each other then that speaks more volumes about you as a person than three plus people. nobody here hated sunny. nobody sent him anon hate. and while not everyone adhered to his takes, nobody had to, which is what he fails to get. rp is all about meeting in the middle especially when you’re writing with people from the same fandom. there are many portrayals i don’t necessarily ‘agree’ with and i get over that because a.) i have my own portrayals for a reason, and b.) nobody here should be expected to follow my every whim when people range from canon compliant to heavily canon divergent. us supporting sunny’s metas and then having our own thoughts on the matter wasn’t shady, it was natural, and while i truly don’t care about what he does anymore i’m not going to let him say factually untrue shit about everyone else here.

pan’s issues with sunny were pan’s issues. pan never tried convincing me that sunny was ‘evil’ and i knew about their past well before i followed sunny and they followed me back. my partner’s issues from five years ago aren’t mine and the only reason my views changed on the matter was due to behavior going on in front of me and behind the scenes with other mutuals. despite what some believe, i’m extremely smart and capable of thinking for myself! also nobody here has ever been ‘inappropriate’ and it’s worth noting that since sunny’s own self imposed exile, there’s been no drama whatsoever and no supposed ‘vaguing’ on dash like he claims there was ( a thing he also did and engaged with, which he generously called ‘reacting’ instead )

anyway, this is done! if anyone wants evidence or details or my more personal account of the story, then mutuals are welcome to ask. i won’t talk about this publicly any further because this really just boils down to ‘internet drama that easily could be solved if the participants cared to solve it’ … sunny is not a dangerous person and this isn’t a callout, but if you’re going to lie and have my mutuals tell me about it, then i have every right to post this quick thing and wash my hands of it. my partner isn’t some mastermind and i’d suggest leaving them alone when they had nothing to do with the fallout, outside of seeing it from the sidelines. thank you!

#tw drama #i guess? i’ve never had to do this before lol #this stuff is about two months old at this point i truly don’t get why people can’t just let this rest #it’s not like any of this shit is serious accusations so to see it be dragged on is so ridiculous like.#omg we don’t like each other! who cares?#anyway this is all ill say on this matter again publicly i cannot stress enough #he is blocked on all my accounts PLUS my personal + other rp blogs for a reason. i do not care for him nor want to see him anymore #that feeling is mutual and has been since he softblocked me & others. so let this die finally fr

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR HONEST OPINION ABOUT ME. I CAN’T REPLY/COMMENT, JUST PUBLISH.

#iii. memes. ￫「 𐂂 」 ╱ i am the spectator‚ i am the middle man. )#been busy but hi #will send my own out asap when i can!

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caulfect · 3 months ago

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life is strange : dust opinions, featuring issue three only .

note : the notes from issue one apply here still, and you can expect some brief warren and rachel discussion in here as well.

messages at 12:15 am.

opening issue three up with pixie and the band is certainly a choice! when it comes to the comic-only characters, i have a hard time parsing through my feelings about them … on one hand, i don’t find most of them unbearable. the ensemble is alright ; not particularly deep, but not boring either. on the other hand, my gripe with them remains strong due to how they’re utilized in the narrative at hand. pixie’s inclusion here is fine -- i enjoy her feelings on max and chloe, how invested she is in them, and the sly implication that she’s more than interested in being their third sometime. pixie’s fun in that way! and the band does have a purpose, in the sense that they represent a clear future forward for both max and chloe. there is no baggage with them and the bonds flow easily when there’s not much of a deep emotional connection there, but rather the illusions of one. they’re the sort of people max and chloe would dig, and i understand why they’d be inclined to help them out, what with their band being full of queer minorities and having a strong pirate theme. here we have the band talking about how going back to arcadia bay must feel like a ‘new life’, and it’s almost polarizing how different it all is : their future with the band versus their past with the bay. i like what they represent, i think they’re okay, although their later inclusions stop serving something useful for max and chloe and it starts becoming it’s own thing. which i don’t like! i’ll stop raving about it for now, as i’ll have plenty to say when those scenes pop up in later volumes, however i want it to be made clear that these characters aren’t inherently bad. i just think they weren’t used properly. it’s complicated. i want to like the comic characters more than i do, but. i don’t think i really ever will outside of the idea of them.

max calling out to chloe the second she wakes up before instinctively checking her face for blood smears due to the nosebleed is a good detail. a.) the codependency stays winning and b.) max once spent so many hours of her day wiping at her nose, swiftly erasing the evidence of blood and every powerful implication of it … how often does she do that now? even when she isn’t using her powers? if you try rewinding at the beginning of double exposure, max mentions ‘old habits die hard’, so i think little tics like that linger for years to come. wiping at her face, beneath her nostrils, always inspecting the fingers after just to see -- the muscles in her arm flexing with a need to raise her hand and undo whatever she pleases. muscle memory and how that affects everything is a big aspect i consider for people with powers in the lis universe, and max is no different. i truly enjoy studying her motions like a bug.

messages at 12:26 am.

it is nice to see chloe’s room again. the image of her propped up on her bed while max is dozing off next to her all laid out is so reminiscent of what life was like before, but the twist of how much older they look makes it hard to truly appreciate the call back in a good way. they carry themselves differently now, there is no happiness or teasing …the room is now a growing pain that still aches in it’s stunted figure. you can feel the sombering air even before chloe brings up how weird this all is for her. seeing the emptiness and the wreckage of what was her home for nineteen years ( the only home she’s ever known ) is finally helping some repressed feelings sink in, like how gone joyce and william really are. forever. chloe mentions that maybe she needed this and that maybe it’s a good thing … also shows some light off-screen development by her acknowledging that she knows her parents didn’t choose to leave, which is nice. i think joyce’s death and her own almost death ( where chloe did, indeed, for a moment choose to leave everyone behind ) really helped her see that for william. or maybe the destruction of everything and her hand in it ( max’s hand ) really made william’s passing seem so trivial and small. both can coexist i suppose!

max : i’m glad. i wish i could bring them back for you, chloe. i wish that could work.

chloe : your super max days are past, okay? i’d like regular, normal, healthy max back -- please?

i can only assume chloe means physically because in no way is max normal or healthy. a state that also isn’t at all regular for her either, even if she was capable of it ( which she isn’t )

chloe’s house attracting birds who need to be saved via open windows or else they’ll die is either something deeply serious and metaphorical, or is absolutely nothing at all and is just a fun quirky thing. i’d lean more towards it meaning something given lis:1 having such intense animal symbolism, but for the comics it is clearly just a quick and cheap reference. my realistic explanation is that everything is overrun by wildlife now so it’s just common to find birds or squirrels or deer in your abandoned house … it is no big deal, really. don’t read into it too hard, the workers say.

messages at 12:36 am.

‘i remember being here and talking about losing rachel. i remember feeling so angry. at her, at you, at mom, at david … at fucking everybody. and now we’ve lost everybody, and i just can’t make myself feel angry at all.’

a piece of dialogue i like because chloe’s anger being extinguished underneath a grief so large she cannot even function beneath it is rather spot on, i think. and yet. chloe is rather angry in this comic? repeatedly so? so it falls a little flat, the sentiment.

but yes, i do think so much of chloe’s anger in lis:1 was very much about her immaturity as a person. when forced to grow, i do believe a lot of that anger would be shed, or at least wouldn’t be shown in such an obvious, petty way. she will always be angry, and resentful, every human is … but chloe would get better at controlling it and perhaps hiding it. can more accurately pick her battles now, probably, rather than just flying off the handle and being a slave to the hot noose of impulse : a trait of hers that caused so much pain and avoidable death in the first game.

messages at 12:51 am.

chloe saying ‘you couldn’t have won, max. there was no right or wrong choice’ feels like the writers’ words more than chloe’s … it’s been a year since the storm and chloe has just been forced to realize, at the same time as max, that her death would’ve indeed saved her mother and all of arcadia bay. for her to then give max these vague, comforting words of ‘i’m through feeling like i wasn’t worthy of your decision’ and ‘i’m sorry if i made it harder on you’ is … too sweet and too easy for me. when it comes down to debates about bay vs bae, bae truthers consistently weaponize the ‘there was no right or wrong choice’ phrase like it explains all. like it’s an absolving statement. and while i, frankly, believe that no, the player should never feel bad for a choice they made in a video game, i also still think there is definitely a right and wrong choice. mainly because saving the bay or saving chloe is so overtly a selflessness vs selfishness decision. nobody likes the trolley problem, and i will never call max evil for letting hundreds of people die to save chloe … max is human, she was eighteen, and the easiest choice ( to passively stand there and not lift a finger, to let life play out without interference ) would tempt anybody of any age. however, it is still undeniable that letting hundreds of people die to save one person is selfish. and it is undeniably cruel in many ways. i think it’s fine to acknowledge there being a morally ‘right’ and a morally ‘wrong’ choice and to stick to your guns regardless … but to pretend that there isn’t a bad choice feels so disingenuous and, like always, a way to water down max’s choice at the end of the game. i do agree that there was no winning for max, because both options present her with miserable futures, yet i disagree with the notion that she didn’t make the wrong choice, that there wasn’t a bad one to make. there was. and she made that choice. and isn’t that so interesting to explore? why can’t we explore the harsh truths and the moral corruption of it all? why is max and chloe and the post save bae ending constantly dumbed down, excused, and robbed of any meaningfulness? it saddens me how little the writers of these comics ( and save bae truthers overall ) shy away from any real, permanent consequences or the uglier sides of chloe and max … you are sitting on a goldmine of opportunity, a way to show off max and chloe in a way we haven’t seen before, and yet nobody does anything with it. that’s easily my biggest gripe with how pricefield is written in these works as well as my issue with the fandom at large. i would love this ending so much more if people cared for everything it meant outside of max and chloe kissing or whatever.

i vividly remember seeing warren in these comics for the first time and thoroughly enjoying it with a sort of interest i hadn’t felt at all up until his brief appearance. hi, warren! lol

cute ... a touch of grahamfield intimacy. i know max misses him dearly! but seriously, her immediately touching his face to make sure he’s actually there? the fact her thumb finds the corner of his mouth without effort or clear thought? i’m insane.

messages at 1:03 am.

max : you’re here … but i saw the diner after the explosion, and …

warren : max. there was no explosion … we stopped the fire. remember? it’s the only reason i’m here when everyone else is --

i wish we explored this warren’s timeline, because the details of it are so mismatched that it makes my head spin with both confusion and interest. what we know is this : the storm still hit and killed a lot of people, warren and max stopped the fire together which saved warren ( but what about joyce? or frank and pompidou? ), they’ve both returned to arcadia bay also a year later, chloe died before this storm ‘even’ … ( he trails off, but does he mean before it even hit? before it even formed? ), warren and max are likely together in this timelime, warren’s max has been experiencing a similar surge in powers, and … that’s it. so fascinating … did warren replace chloe here? did max sacrifice arcadia bay for warren? when did chloe die? i want to figure out that timeline of events someday, but i’ll hush about it for now. just something worth noting to look back on later?

chloe is experiencing physical pain ( specifically in her head? ) when she grabs onto max’s hand during her talk with warren. odd! also her nose starts bleeding along with max’s when max returns to their reality … max mentions it feeling fine in the moment, but afterwards she gets all physically ill. hm!

messages at 1:11 am.

‘warren, i’m sorry! you died! you died, and it’s all my -- it’s all my fault!’ + ‘for just a moment i thought he was real. he seemed real.’

max’s and warren’s bond is so overlooked but they’re very, very important to me. whether you romance him or not, warren was max’s best friend before chloe came back into her life … and no, max was never as close to warren as she was with chloe, but she did care deeply for him and knew that she did. that’s not even touching upon how often he tried to protect her during that hellish, time-bending week ; how he believed her without a doubt when max told him about her powers … and then he told her that he knew she’d do the right thing and max killed him. i enjoy seeing even a glimpse of max mourning warren, because i think he’d be one of the hardest deaths for her along with kate, joyce, and nathan. i have many thoughts on grahamfield ( be it their platonic or romantic bond ) and i do hope to make my meta on it soon. they devestate me …

okay so i am noticing a color difference between certain reality hops. some are colored normally, and others have a change in coloring : making the colors more bold, bright, almost highlighter-y. you see it rather obviously in the contrast between warren’s reality vs rachel’s :

messages at 1:18 am.

but it happens in other flashes too. i’ll have to add that to my list of things to go back and take extensive notes over, just in case i want to meta about it sometime … finding out every detail of max’s powers ( what they are, how they’re used, how it effects her body, etc ) is important to me and something i take very seriously. so. it’s worth going back and combing things over for! surely there’s a reason for such a difference. and i already have a theory or two about it.

rachel amber, oh how i love her and cannot help how happy i get whenever she appears in these comics, and yet she also doesn’t … feel like rachel to me.

messages at 1:47 am.

so, the thing with rachel that feels off to me is how clean she now feels, especially in this specific instance. it’s like all of her troubled nature and intense, emotional problems have been erased to replace her with a girl who wears her face, has aspects of her personality, but is now a squeaky clean version of who she once was. i understand that this could be an act? rachel doesn’t enjoy being emotional around others or showing off her true feelings at all, but if we’re to assume her and chloe are still super close, and that she has replicated a similar bond with max, where is any of her actual personality? it also just feels rather on the nose for rachel of all people to condemn jefferson for sleeping with a student of his, and to call him a slimeball, and mention how good her creep radar is. don’t get me wrong, i want this for her! i’d love for rachel to be like this one day … but i do not think she is that kind of girl, especially not when trapped in arcadia bay and blackwell. why is she now so against the idea of jefferson being with a student? why does that now creep her out? why was this rachel unnerved by jefferson instead of infatuated? what changed to make her improve in this way? it feels like a happy au for the sake of it, without any payoff or care. while i don’t mind rachel having her happy endings ( she deserves it! really! ) i do find it strange that she is forced to lose all her flaws and edge in order to achieve such happiness, unlike chloe. why can’t a very flawed rachel be happy? is it impossible for a rachel who is so desperate to leave and so self destructive and in pain to find even a semblance of happiness? i don’t know. i love rachel for her messiness and complexity, so to find myself almost bored with her character kills me. also, it feels rather odd that this version of rachel is so against a teacher sleeping with a student, yet breezily mentions meeting frank, in a way that could imply an entanglement. i’m no frank hater, but his and rachel’s relationship is … ‘creepy’, is it not? *waves hand dismissively* i guess it’s just happiness for the sake of it, as i said before. there is no thought put forward into rachel here or the realities of the world they’re visiting.

anyway. chloe’s simpering ‘i’m sorry, rachel’ is nice … while i wish she had more of a reaction, i do understand why she wouldn’t. being face to face with rachel like that? alive and beaming and happy? as chloe used to remember her? it’s reasonable that all she could do was stare. only able to speak when rachel started leaving, which finally triggered the right buttons for chloe. only for it not to matter whatsoever because it’s gone in a flash … while i don’t talk about them often, amberprice is easily my favorite chloe ship. i think they were good for each other, and were the soulmates of each other’s lives ( hence my parallel involving safi/maya )

‘that one really did a number on me. that one hurt.’

interesting quote from max about the rachel timeline.

messages at 1:55 am.

‘it’s not in my control, chloe. i swear, i’m not doing any of this. it’s like … it’s traveling through me.’

another fascinating quote from max about these new powers.

also max saying that she deserves it, these powers and how much it’s ruining her physical body … how defeated and resigned she looks when she says it … she does not care that it’s happening to her, which is why she hid it to begin with and didn’t bother looking for a reason why. it’s whatever, it’s cosmic punishment … yet max resolves to figure out how to make it stop so she doesn’t hurt chloe anymore. i feel like people think i’m crazy when i imply that max has a habit of setting aside everything for chloe’s sake, be it her own health or the lives and time of others, or her own morals, but this line makes that clear. as does all of the first game, honestly! while the comics aren’t exactly canon to me, i do enjoy feeling validated by canon material.

warren placing his hand on max as she ‘wakes up’ only to retract it immediately when it becomes obvious it’s not his max is sweet.

messages at 2:03 am.

‘string theory. parallel worlds.’

once again, double exposure drew a lot of inspiration from the comic because max’s new powers are literally that. accessing two parallel timelines that exist rather close together, meaning the veil between them was thin enough for max to break. obviously there are differences but it is more or less the exact same power!

messages at 2:12 am.

max : and what happened to him? what happened at the end of quantum leap?

warren : well, you know … he … doctor sam beckett, he …

warren, no longer looking at max : … he jumped home.

without any knowledge of the tv series, this has no impact. but a quick google search will tell you that warren is lying here, because the show ends with a title card unceremoniously announcing that doctor sam beckett did not, actually, return home. in fact he ‘never did’.

warren lying here is so absolutely delicious actually. he doesn’t seem like a liar, so the fact that he would tell such a huge one … in order to protect max from the harsh possible reality of what might happen to her, perhaps even not wanting to acknowledge it himself, is … phew. what a precarious position he is in, as someone who can understand these things more than max or chloe … it’s a good thing and a curse, to have to know so confidently that max is playing with forces that could take her away forever, if science and fiction is to be believed. him disappearing after as the maxes likely switch out is also a nice touch. hands down my favorite ending of an issue so far, due to the impact it leaves me with.

#/ grimm reads the comics #this has been in my drafts for a hot second so i have nothing to say atm but … it was an alright issue!#loved the warren parts and the sense of dread for max at the end <3 otherwise it was okay #gonna finally wrap up the dust volume and hopefully move onto the next issue!! finally haha

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