ccathings

[ccathings]

Disclaimer: This page is something really personal about someone I care about a lot, someone I’ve totally fallen for. He’s the kind of person who makes everything feel calm, safe, and warm. He’s strong, but not in a loud way. He’s kind, always thoughtful, and honestly, one of the best listeners I’ve ever met. He has a calm, strong, and kind presence. He makes those around him feel seen and loved. And most importantly, he's always there for me, showering me with so much love. And I don’t love him because he does all these things. I love him because he’s just… him. Simply him. Think of this like you’re flipping through a page in my diary. A little peek into what I’m feeling. I hope it helps you understand just how much he means to me.

(hei maaf yah masih sion ini mah buatnya udah dari subuh)

[ccathings]

Aku sebenarnya bingung harus ngekspresiin perasaan aku gimana lagi. But let me tell you something about my brightest star, Reign.

Seperti yang orang-orang lihat, kamu tuh kelihatan kayak social butterfly. Someone who seems out of my reach, like a beautiful dream I can never quite touch. Aku sadar, kamu selalu berusaha buat jadi baik ke semua orang. You don’t have to force yourself to be kind to everyone. Dari pertama kali aku interaksi sama kamu (pas aku pertama kali nge-chat kamu) aku udah ngerasa kamu emang orang yang baik. You have such a soft and genuine heart. Waktu kedua kali aku chat kamu (yang pas kamu ngajak sposess di grup umum) aku sadar banget aku sengaja reply di postingan itu. I wanted to try creating a moment, a connection. I wanted to be one of the people you might remember, maybe someone you’d feel comfortable with.

Dan aku juga enggak mau bohong, deep down, I think you’re really attractive. And I wanted to try, I really did. Tapi aku enggak punya cukup keberanian buat ngelangkah sejauh itu. Maybe I’m scared of being just another face in the crowd to you. Maybe this is just me writing feelings that I’m too scared to say out loud. But at least now, it’s out there. And maybe, just maybe… kamu bisa ngerti sedikit apa yang bener-bener aku rasain.

Bacanya sambil dengerin ini ya ok.

[ccathings]

Maybe everything did happen a little too fast, ya? Honestly, I’m scared that you might think you’re just someone’s replacement. But let me say this clearly ya, you’re not replacing anyone. That thought actually became one of my biggest worries. And if you ever feel that way, then maybe it's my job to show you that you're special on your own. You’re not filling in for someone else. You’re you. And that’s more than enough. Mungkin kamu enggak sadar seberapa besar efek kehadiran kamu buat orang lain terlebih buat aku. You light up the room without even trying. Kamu punya cara sendiri buat bikin orang nyaman, and somehow… I feel safe just knowing you're around.

Sejak awal kita mulai chat lebih intens, I already felt that comfort. Aneh ya? Kayak semuanya cepat banget. You probably wouldn’t believe it. Honestly, I didn’t either, I was in denial at first. Tapi akhirnya aku sadar… I’ve really fallen for you. I like you. I like you. The way you’re kind, the way you're warm, the way you carry yourself. I like all the little things that make you. Bener-bener semua sisi kamu yang kelihatan dan yang enggak.

Aku tahu aku punya banyak kekurangan. I’m far from perfect. Pasti ada hal-hal yang aku lakuin yang tanpa sadar nyakitin kamu. Dan ketika aku sadar aku bikin kamu sedih, bikin kamu mempertanyakan diri kamu sendiri, posisi kamu di hidup aku, semua hal itu... it breaks my heart. It hurts knowing that I made you feel that way. I never wanted to make you feel less, or unsure of your worth. But I hope, through this, you’ll understand just how important you are to me. You’re more than enough.

(p.s aku belajar menggambar kayak gambaran anak TK)

[ccathings]

Aku harap kamu tahu betapa berartinya kamu buat aku. I lost my words trying to explain how kind, how brave, how strong, and how lovely you are. I really wish you could see yourself the way I see you, how big your presence is in my life. Makasih banyak karena udah ada di sini, karena udah lahir ke dunia yang sometimes feels so cruel. I want to understand what you're going through, even if you can’t put it into words. You're not alone, kak. I'm on your side. I’ll be here for you, especially when you need someone the most. You’re my whole world, my comfort person, the one who makes me feel safe and seen. Talking to you is the best part of my day. You make me feel so many emotions at once, and somehow, I love every single one of them. I’m so lucky to have you. I love you more than words could ever express.

[ccathings]

Sometimes I wonder, what did I even do to deserve something this good, to meet someone like you? Kamu tuh kayak keajaiban kecil yang datang ke hidup aku. You make my world feel brighter and more alive. Kalau dunia lagi jahat, I just wanna be your safest place. Tempat kamu bisa pulang tanpa harus pura-pura kuat. Kalau kamu lagi capek atau ngerasa hilang, aku bakal selalu ada buat kamu. You’re never alone. You're not just someone I love. Kamu itu kayak rumah, tempat di mana aku bisa ngerasa aman, dimengerti, dan diterima sepenuhnya. You make life feel worth living, just because you exist in it. No matter what happens, kamu tetap orang yang paling aku sayang. You're not a replacement. You’re not here to fill someone else’s place. Kamu itu kamu, and that’s more than enough. I didn’t choose you because I lost someone. I chose you because I found you. And honestly, that’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Semoga apa yang aku rasain sampai ke kamu ya, sayang.