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Today the kids wanted to play Takeaway. I don’t mind playing Takeaway, because I can usually do something else with my hands. My role is to place an order on my pretend phone, and receive it from the delivery driver. I’m quite good at Takeaway.

Bear, aged 8, was the leader of this particularly chaotic takeaway. I overheard them pretending to phone another customer - customer order 125 - and explaining that their delivery would be delayed by approximately fifteen minutes due to a “rockslide.”

“Hey, wait a minute, what was that?” I asked.

“Are you order number 125?”

“No, I’m order number 165.”

Bear said severely, “we don’t give information about other people’s orders.”

“That’s very professional,” I said, “but what was that about a rockslide?”

Bear said, “that’s not your order.”

“Sorry,” i said, justly chastened. “Was it a big rockslide? Is it on the news?”

“If you need information about your order, you will get it.”

My pretend phone then pretend rang, so I had to answer it. It was the takeaway.

“Number 165? Your order will be delayed by five minutes.”

“Oh,” I said, “why?”

“Because that’s the time it takes us answering all your stupid questions.”

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Normal speedruns: This trick saves eight frames, but if you mess it up it's a ten-minute time loss.

Chrono Trigger speedruns: Okay, so, if you press the reset button with sub-millisecond precision and interrupt the process of saving your game on a specific CPU cycle...

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I saw this post on Facebook today, and was gonna make a joke about how he's so good in the lab because, when it comes to experiment samples, he knows you gotta keep 'em separated.

But I happened to search the lyric online really quick, and found this:

AMAZING. It's actually where the line came from! Bravo, sir.

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have you lot heard about the tiktoker who’s taking on the actual government over a parking ticket? because she’s a hero

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just gonna start killing people i dont find funny

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my career advice isn't "do what you love" it's "do what will give you the most money without making you want to kill yourself"

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A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1,587.5TB.

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for some reason i thought both of these were the same post and i sat for awhile trying to figure out which ice cream face was the weak bitch

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Ame to Kimi to E01

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so fucking stupid that meds literally work. "swallow this pebble it makes you think" hateful

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shoutout to everybody who posted today. very good posts. bountiful harvest. we're going to make it

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sharks every time theres a cataclysmic extinction event: damn thats crazy. anyway

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