ceaselesskinnie

[ceaselesskinnie]

I’m new here

I’m new in this body and in this timeline

I wish there was somewhere to connect with others like me / us

I’m so high right now, and I’m loving it

I get very lonely but my head is very loud sometimes

Idk what else to say, I’ve only been here a few days. I think. Maybe a couple weeks before I knew what / who I was.

I’m very floaty rn 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[ceaselesskinnie]

Should I make a vent blog or just keep venting here and deleting them if I don’t like looking at them afterwards lmao

[ceaselesskinnie]

I wish wins could just be wins

I’m sick of everything being so fucking hard

I’m sick of always making the wrong fucking call or making a mess of things

I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired.

I just want the highs to be high without the lows being so low. I wish I could do more somehow.

Maybe I can figure out something.

Some way I can do more.

[ceaselesskinnie]

WHY AM I SO NUMB

I JUST WANT TO FUCKING CRY

I WANT TO FUCKING HURT MYSELF

[ceaselesskinnie]

I wanna beat the walls til my knuckles are shredded and bloody and bruised

I’m not allowed to do that though

Could I threaten it repeatedly til you snap at me?

[ceaselesskinnie]

Everything is so earth shatteringly upsetting

Every little fucking problem reduces you to incoherent tears

The big problem is that I want more than anything to just burst into tears too. I just wanna cry my eyes out. I wanna cry and cry and cry.

But I don’t get to do that. I have to stay strong and keep my head on mostly straight and not get too depressed because I can’t guarantee that you’ll be able to handle it or pull me back out, but I can almost certainly guarantee that if I go down, you’re coming down with me.

I want to cry so bad but I just don’t fucking get to.

[ceaselesskinnie]

Cool why can’t anything ever go right or just be fucking easy

I’m so tired and my soul hurts and my heart aches and I just want things to be NICE and EASY

Life is a battle so much of the time and idk if I’m armed or ready

[ceaselesskinnie]

I just wanna sit here and fucking cry lmao,,,

Nothing is ever fair huh,,,

[ceaselesskinnie]

Gagging on pills hits different suddenly.

[ceaselesskinnie]

I miss vent lmao

[ceaselesskinnie]

I want to break down sobbing

This is gonna be the end of this friendship isn’t it

[ceaselesskinnie]

I want to tear my skull open and pry my brain out so I can shake it and pound it against the wall and counter and scream and ask it why it’s fucking like this

[ceaselesskinnie]

I can feel them moving inside me

This can’t be fucking real

Why is this happening….

[ceaselesskinnie]

I could see Khonshu in the moon tonight.

I can’t decide if I’m going insane or if I’ve never noticed it before… but I swear the moon has never looked like that before.

Marc saw it too, though… I don’t know.

I’m very unnerved by it all.

[ceaselesskinnie]

I’ll never forgive myself.

I should’ve done something.

Being here for you in whatever way that you need is the absolute least I can do.

I’m just shocked you even want to be around me.. after everything.

[ceaselesskinnie]

I keep wanting to call you by name.

Please don’t let me be the one who lets it slip first…

[ceaselesskinnie]

I know it was you last night.

I know you know it’s me.

Someone needs to admit something.

Does it have to be me?