cecils-ghost

[cecils-ghost]

I’ve been playing so much sudoku. You have no idea how much sudoku I’m playing. Every time I close my eyes I see the grid. I’m making moves in my sleep. 179432568. 653897124. 824516937. 915683742. 246175893. 387249615. 561724389. 498351276. 732968451. This morning before I was fully awake I was playing sudoku in my head. I rise with the dawn. I’m a warrior of numbers. You’re nothing to me.

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Being Gay

"i have to go to sleep now" which translates directly to "i have to use tumblr for an hour, watch a video essay, write a song, put together 4 outfits, practice drag in the bathroom, have a disco, write in my journal, and start a new project"

[cecils-ghost]

i wish i was a cishet guy so that i could start a podcast and go to the gym and allow that to fulfill me spiritually. but instead i have these visions

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prayers and thoughts for @phir-milenge

bruh how the fuck do i turn off ai overview. dont want it. stupid stupid. (they are turned off in labs, but my searches still show up with ai overvew) (one way to avoid them is using unlogged google search engine but i dont have that choice)

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The Spiral

My guilty pleasure right now is watching luxury hotel reviews and I found this british guy who keeps accidentally clipping into the backrooms.

He's unintentionally making the best liminal horror content on youtube

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kensyouen_Y

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Black Herons (Egretta ardesiaca), family Ardeidae, order Pelicaniformes, South Africa

Bttm photo - Using its wings to create shade, which may attract some small fish, but also reduces the glare over the water making it easier to find prey.

photograph by Frikkie Bell

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30/09/24 || Monday

The pollution is back, visibility is poor and so was my exam, sigh. All of us did badly, but honestly it was something I could do if I hadn't forgotten every formula I had learnt. I feel horrible right now, but hopefully it'll get better in a few days.

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It’s interesting to me how even at queer events I never feel like I belong anywhere as a trans man. They have their doll nights and they have their bear nights and they have the lesbian nights and then… what? I’m not saying they have to cater to me or whatever people will try to twist this into but what I am saying is that even on the nights specifically for queer *men* I do not feel like I belong there or am respected there as a trans man… i don’t feel like I belong or am respected anywhere and I don’t know might kms soon.

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Mitski performing at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta last week.

photos by Jenn Li

[cecils-ghost]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

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goddddddd i feel so fucking stupid all the time i feel like that meme of the ogre reading joyce

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every now and then I'll run for some stupid thing (forgot my calculator for an exam, forgot my bag for groceries, etc.) (it's usually just me forgetting things) and be like

damn i really enjoy running wonder why I stopped and

i should be a falcon

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[cecils-ghost]

Yeah I'm AUTISTIC.

How do you think my ASS got so FAT?

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