celenatriestowriteagain

[celenatriestowriteagain]

Goals for the week of 17 May

1. read book

2. work out and eat less

3. fix my laputapu

4. post my monitor for sale

5. book a psychologist

6. book a mentor

7. resume classes

[celenatriestowriteagain]

things I want to discuss with people

long ass name. 5 of them

designer, who knows a little bit of code (portfolio)

born/raised in Manila. my favorite ulam (viand?) is sinigang. I like eating eat with scrambled eggs at the side

pandemic obsession: drag race

also: genshin impact

last trip before lockdown: tokyo

first trip during covid (aside from PH): sydney

place I want to visit: new york

I like karaoke (surprise surprise). favorite song to sing in karaoke: there's a lot but I'll say... linger or dreams by fleetwood mac

favorite artists rn: rina sawayama, caroline polachek, charli xcx

rina: xs, caroline: chamakay, charli: yuck

[celenatriestowriteagain]

17 May

I'm not feeling well. We have a long weekend but I don't feel rested at all. Together with K and my other flatmate we went to 5 unit viewings this weekend (2 each on Saturday and Sunday and 1 today), and got 3 rejections. It doesn't feel nice to be rejected obviously, but it feels shittier to think of the sacrifices that we have to make if we want affordable rent.

I'm frustrated because I don't want to have to worry about these things. I want a place with enough space and natural light without roaches and doesn't eat into our savings, and with Singapore apparently that is too much to ask. I read that the rent is at its most expensive right now, and I can see it. The competition among potential tenants is crazy.

So that's what occupied my mind and energy and time over the weekend, and the week's just starting but I am already TIRED. How do people even keep being level headed these times is beyond me. Maybe I need to go out more and talk to people more. I am also tired of hearing myself do nothing but complain you know. Um anyway. I'm gonna try and gaslight myself into thinking positive:

we have time. we got a few more weeks to go before we have to move out

there's gonna be some cash arriving in october i think, so hang in there

I got nothing else. Tomorrow there's a lunch with the rest of the PD team so that's nice. I'm trying to look forward to it but if I'm being honest I just dread it. I need to think of positive topics so I don't just offload all my compaints about work and living in Singapore. On Wednesday there is a 1:1 with Alex, and on Friday there's karaoke so that should be fun.

Good natured topics for tomorrow's lunch

upcoming holidays? talk about my recent holiday in Sydney. How I was terrified of spiders and ghosts and thieves but I didn't encounter any of that. How I met some nice people and I got called a little girl. How I saw a koala and a kangaroo and a wombat an emu a tasmanian devil etc. How people were so nice and will ask you about your day and will thank bus drivers and will help you with your bags. How trips to the cbd was capped at $1 per day. How it didn't rain one bit. How I caught a show and a drag performance and a random gig.

ask them about any upcoming holidays?!

do they believe in ghosts?? superstitious? like do they buy toto

ask about how they're doing idk, what are they spending their time on

what did you do over the long weekend?!?

going into viewings, bidding and losing, but aside from that...

how I watched my teammate's favorite movies. like secret life of walter mitty and its connection with severance. hot fuzz and how gory it was in the end. to the pub! and the multiverse movies and how everything everywhere all at once was superior

how I'm planning to see back to the future and lord of the rings next

how I've seen some interesting horror movies lately like X and Saint Maud

X's antagonist is unlike anything seen before. Saint maud was just a trip

also liked CODA

have they seen anything interesting lately?!

karaoke on friday. do they want to join

ummm idk do they play any games?! i play genshin impact but it's got delayed updates because of the covid situation in china idk

how it feels great to be able to go out without masks now, and how nice that we don't need to do tracetogether at malls, but now the novelty has worn off and I'm back at staying at home again

[celenatriestowriteagain]

lol welp marcos just won. very disappointing, lots of toxic posts on social media. feeling mad and helpless and lost all hope today

BUT

to put things in a more positive note aka to gaslight myself-

1. maybe he will prove us wrong

2. if not, i think people know to continue fighting in the streets. I'll support by putting my money where my thoughts are

3. there is still hope. losing hope and fighting with fellowmen instead of fighting them is exactly the outcome that they want

now I go hang the laundry, watch some marvel movie and eat some healthy dinner

[celenatriestowriteagain]

Sydney highlights

lovely weather

went back home in one piece

navigated the city on my own yay

saw a koala irl

live music without masks

saw courtney act /act/ in a play!

people were nice

no ghosts, no insects, no snatchers

i might want to live there if it weren't so gd expensive

[celenatriestowriteagain]

I'm in Sydney!!!! Unreal. I've only gone to The Rocks and Circular Quay and Frankie’s but so far I'm enjoying it. Really prefer cities over rural/more nature-centric areas lol. But yeah, this is the stuff I work (not so) hard for. To be able to see new things and places. Some new things/first impression of Sydney:

not as tidy as I thought it'd be? there's graffiti everywhere and even abandoned bicycle frames at sidewalks.. and LOTS of fallen unswept leaves. But I like it. There's character. Even the houses don't all look the same, and they are so pretty and interesting to look at

there are birds on steroids

ezymart is more popular than 7/11?

buses are the same as sg, but people here are more polite - they always say thank you to the bus driver before they alight. I've yet to try the trains..

optus is shit

service people are nicer??? Like I'm really surprised they say hey how are you/bye have a nice day and they smile and make eye contact and that's nice but also abit too much for me sometimes.. like no need to be nice to me stranger. we're good

the sunset happens way too early

white ppl are really tall. Did I get carded at a bar because I'm short compared to them idk. It's funny cause the girl who took my order sounded way way younger than me wtf

they seem more strict about the stuff u bring in to the country vs the ppl going in to the country

idk if I like this travelling alone thing lol. I prefer to at least travel with my bb so we can look at new things together 🥲

[celenatriestowriteagain]

Hey hey, it's been a while. Lol it's funny to see that my last post was about things to do in quarantine for our upcoming trip back home. Honestly, I feel so grateful I got to go on that trip. Even though most of my plans fell through, I feel like the universe (wow??) found a way to give me what I really needed: Covid-19 jk. A time to really take a break. Getting sick is not fun, but it has allowed me to literally just do nothing but rest for days. I can't believe it's been a month since I tested positive. Every 11:11, I only wish for me to be able to find happiness and function like a normal adult again. I don't know when it started, but I've been a real debbie downer for a while now lol. Someone compared to me Eeyore, which is fair. I do not pass the ~vibe check~ and I complain and stress about work etc incessantly. I hate to say this but now I remind myself of the older employees back in the first company I worked for, not too passionate about what they do, and just jaded. BUT this February I'll try not to dwell on the negative stuff too much, and focus on the things that I find enjoyable. I'll try not to be too hard on myself, and to actually put some effort into things that I think are worth it. I owe it to myself to try :)

Speaking of that, some things that I find enjoyable at the moment

Beg for you by charli xcx and rina sawayama

wordle, daily crossword, saltong, royal match

Euphoria, UK vs TW, RPDR S14, Attack on titan

Tomorrow is ate jane's birthday and there'll be some visitors over, we're planning to try and create different cocktails. Also, tomorrow I get to meet and work with the designers in the office. Yes, in person! I'm excited to dress up and get ready and look decent for once.

This weekend we might get our booster shots. I also need to not lazy around and do some tasks

tidy up my wardrobe

home work out/gym/yoga

do my accounting

pay my sss pagibig etc!

[celenatriestowriteagain]

Things we can do during the quarantine

bathtub

learn about investing

do my portfolio

watch movies and shows

read

light a candle, put on a face mask, moisturize

eat pancit canton, mac and cheese, swiss miss, coffee, bread, tuna

draw or sketch

play card games, play sims, play switch

Things we need to before flight

Book arrival PCR

add luggage, buy/borrow luggage

download apps and certificate etc

buy pasalubong, twg/irvins/awfully choco, bakkwa, mcdo jenga

settle airport transfer

bring home karaoke

bring extension cord

change sheets, wash sheets, do laundry, clean da room

put the plant outside

print out the documents

exchange sum currency

buy lush

wax

activities: team lunch, watch spoderman, dentist appt, meet up with xl

for our reference departure flight requirements

- traze app

- ohp

- vaccine cert

- negative pcr

- hotel booking

[celenatriestowriteagain]

today was a lousy day because my body is in self-destruct mode. I don't even have a full blown period yet and i still feel the pain. I cancelled yoga, ate chocolates and chips, pooped a lot. but I did get a massage so

but tomorrow will be better. i hope. I'll read my book, go yoga after work, create an illustration, be productive at work, shower, make some nice fried rice, watch drag race, catch up with colleagues, try to think a little more positively, have a nice time with my bb, do laundry, shop for halloween

this weekend there are a few things i hope to accomplish

- plans for house reno, accounting, apply for jobs in canada?

it'd be good to have brunch at a nice cafe, hike or exercise somewhere, cry jk

[celenatriestowriteagain]

I really really wanna

yoga regularly

learn tennisu

have my own cafe

buy a cute bike and bike accessories

[celenatriestowriteagain]

- sucrose level 80/90 + upgrade talents

- sara level 70/80 + upgrade talents

- beidou level 80/90 + upgrade talents

- max ult baal, upgrade e

- fischl level 80/90

- noelle level 80/90

[celenatriestowriteagain]

Aug 15-30: study accessibility, user research, product mgmt?, study accounting/inventory mgmt/bookkeeping? study QBC

Goals at work

learn how to think about design, identify what makes a design good, what can be improved

practice talking to people more

work on 1-2 projects that would be good to create case studies on

weekly retrospectives? reflections + opportunities for improvement

Personal goals Q4

create case study re: QBC tools

rebuild my portfolio site at github

work on a personal project/freelance/volunteer project

apply for jobs overseas (canada/aus): 1-2 interviews/month

do something active (like yoga), creative (illustration?), smart (reading or sth)

Common questions from interviews

how do you deal with pushbacks from stakeholders; give an example of a conflict and how you resolved it

is there a project you worked on from scratch (not a redesign), what's your design process like

what are your career goals/why are you leaving/what are you looking for in your next role

app critique, how do you think/evaluate design, how do you think about strategy/business impact

Tomorrow

femkevs??? video

adp resource notion link

To buy

monitor adaptor for thunderbolt

airpods, office accessories

nice bedsheets?

iPad?

library card

top 10 essentials FOR ME

my cheap drugstore concealer, eyebrow pencil, and eyeliner

white puma shoes

vicks

hydroflask

genshin/drag race

saizeriya's bolognese

notion app

airpods

floral dresses

picnic mat and basket

Kelvin's

sketchers shoes

dirty matcha from starbucks

plastic toothpick/floss

nintendo switch

[celenatriestowriteagain]

hi

Countdown to losing my job

95 days, 31 May - woke up really late (10/12pm?), added the right photos, caption and links to the Play page while listening to the SG govt livestream about COVID plans, designed and build About page

94 days, 1 June - bit the bullet and bought webflow plan, made little adjustments to the site so it's not so embarassing to have in public

93 days, 2 June - messaged sarah re: salesforce, sent 2 job applications, move celenajasmin.com to webflow

92 days, 3 June - got feedback fr joyce, sent 5 job applications

91 days, 4 June - sent 1 job app, got 1 rejection

90 days, 5 June - edit CV, cover letter, and "about" section for salesforce, sent 2 job apps, study accessibility

89 days, 6 June - study accessibility, design practice (fcc)

88 days, 7 June - portfolio improvements, job apps, design practice (fcc)

87 days, 8 June - nothing

86 days, 9 June - 5 job applications

85 days, 10 June - more job applications

84 days, 11 June - nothing

83 days, 12 June - CV workshop

82 days, 13 June - CV updates, jobstreet profile update, portfolio updates

81 days, 14 June - jobstreet career fair

80 days, 15 June - 1st interview, draft case study

79 days, 16 June - 2nd interview

78 days, 17 June - got the design assignment

77 days, 18 June - nothing

76 days, 19 June - nothing

75 days, 20 June - design assignment

74 days, 21 June - updated portfolio, sent job applications

73 days, 22 June - update CV for DBS, interview with airwallex

72 days, 23 June - interview with a recruiter, cried the whole day, didn't do anything else

71 days, 24 June - read about whiteboarding, applied to a few jobs, did not cry

70 days, 25 June - applied to a few jobs, read up on whiteboarding

69 days, 26 June - rest

68 days, 27 June - rest

67 days, 28 June - applied for PR, rejected by airwallex, applied for a few jobs

66 days, 29 June - interview with lenskart

65 days, 30 June - rest

64 days, 1 Jul - interview with growthops

63 days, 2 Jul - interview with the china nav

62 days, 3 Jul - rest

61 days, 4 Jul - rest

60 days, 5 Jul - interview with upmesh.io, send UI/UX developer cv

59 days, 6 Jul - rest

58 days, 7 Jul - interview with kilo (1pm), interview with bybit (5pm)

57 days, 8 Jul - rest (recharge week)

56 days, 9 Jul - rest (recharge week)

55 days, 10 Jul - rest (recharge week)

54 days, 11 Jul - rest (recharge week)

53 days, 12 Jul - send some applications

52 days, 13 Jul - rest

51 days, 14 Jul - send some applications

50 days, 15 Jul - rest

49 days, 16 Jul - rest

48 days, 17 Jul - rest

47 days, 18 Jul - rest

46 days, 19 Jul - brushed up on interview skills, review materials in TG (e.g. user flows, interviews, success metrics, design hand off, design systems)

45 days, 20 Jul - send applications

44 days, 21 Jul - 5pm interview with Kydon Group

43 days, 22 Jul - study interview videos

42 days, 23 Jul - rest

41 days, 24 Jul - work on kydon test

40 days, 25 Jul - work on kydon test

39 days, 26 Jul - interview w accenture, foodpanda, send applications

38 days, 27 Jul - rest

37 days, 28 Jul - rest, kaypoh at product designer's files

36 days, 29 Jul - watch interviews

35 days, 30 Jul - rest, look at qbc files

34 days, 31 Jul - vaccine day. watch more interviews

33 days, 1 Aug - sick from vaccine

32 days, 2 Aug -

31 days, 3 Aug - talk to david chon

30 days, 4 Aug - prepare for thurs interview?

29 days, 5 Aug - 2hr interview??? 😰

28 days, 6 Aug - app critique workshop

27 days, 7 Aug -

26 days, 8 Aug -

25 days, 9 Aug -

24 days, 10 Aug -

23 days, 11 Aug -

22 days, 12 Aug - ux interview workshop

12 days, 22 Aug - mentorship call,

[celenatriestowriteagain]

strategic thinking: we tend to avoid thinking about the bigger picture, asking ourselves the impt questions

cumulative thinking: good ideas don't always occur to us, and we tend to forget it sometimes, keep a notebook

butterfly thinking: going for a walk/showering/doing a mindless chore can help us when we're stuck

independent thinking:

[celenatriestowriteagain]

recharge week

relax & relaxation

go on a picnic

read books

movies

happy together

Was I recharged? a bit I guess. I think I'll go back to applying for jobs, I'll probably ask my colleagues if I'm able to move to their department. I still have anxiety over having to move back home. One part looks forward to it (hello, recharge months), the other part is scared of the uncertainty + ego is hurt because of people possibly thinking I failed at something (former colleagues, cousins, batchmates?). But I realized, other people are probably too worried about their own lives to think about me 🤣 And that's a very liberating thought.

I'm grateful that I am even able to take a break and not worry about money, at least for a few months. It'll be good to have some time off to think about my next step. It'll be good to be very deliberate about the jobs I'm applying for (something I believe in hopefully, with people that are nice to work with, in a job that I can grow and learn from and won't hate doing everyday), maybe I can work on applying for jobs in AUS or Canada (maybe review for taking IELTS?), I can also spend the time brushing up on my design/coding skills, maybe do some volunteer/part-time/freelance work. I also need time to develop good habits again (cooking, eating, working out, cleaning up) and get back to my hobbies again (reading, watching stuff, drawing?).

All this to say, I think that whatever happens, I'm gonna be fine. Self, you got this. Obviously it's not going to be a perfect, painless process, but it'll do me good to not be so anxious about it. All this is part of life. It's better to enjoy every step of the way, because if I stress myself out too much I might die early. 🙅🏻‍��️

Also, I find myself thinking so many negative thoughts lately that I get sick of myself. My conscience is now divided into two: the insecure, jealous, judgmental version, and the one who's just over it (my negative thoughts) and believes I should just let people enjoy things. Is this growth?? Is this character development?!

[celenatriestowriteagain]

Self-affirmations

I'm not very reliable, but my eyeliner game is on point

I'm probably a bad-mediocre designer, but I'm pretty good at karaoke (once I get my vocal chords warmed up)

I can be lazy and messy, but I make really good fried rice

Awkward and not that interesting, but I don't pick unnecessary fights

I'm not well

I don't know why. And I don't know why it's such a revelation to me lol but yesterday(?) I realized I'm so un-motivated. As in, devoid of motivation. And for the longest time I just accepted it as normal wtf

This isn't normal. Life is not meant to be spent dreading/disliking the work that one does.. right? I don't have any real hobbies aside from scrolling my phone and endlessly cycling between social media apps.

I think I was used to chalking it up to my laziness and bad habits and negative attitude and tendency to procrastinate, which is fair, it's probably a part of it, but what if these are symptoms, and not the cause? What if the root cause is that I've fallen out of love with what I do? Like I've stopped seeing the point of it all?

I think social media has an effect on it too. It's crazy, one second you'd see people partying, the next you see pictures of police violence, the next you see a funny meme, that kind of stimulation can't be normal.

I also think that before the pandemic, we were able to distract ourselves from that feeling by travelling? Now we can't do that!

I want to be a creative who makes pretty things and reads nice books and watches cool movies and listens to obscure (but good) music. Ok maybe I just described a typical hipster girl I grew up seeing on tumblr.

Idk I just want to be ~cool~. Not cool for other people, but cool in my own eyes. I want to live a cool life and make cool things.

In my cool life I have the energy to go to the gym, or do yoga everyday, I can do the splits, I have a pet that has a cool name, maybe I do film photography, or short films, or resin accessories. I have a cute bike, and I use it to go to cute cafés. Maybe I even make my own clothes. But also, in this cool life I don't own a lot of clothes and I don't resort to retail therapy to make me feel better.

I won't be completely vegan, but I would be eating less meat than what I was used to. Also, I confide in my family and they confide in me. In this dream life, maybe I volunteer. Maybe I know sign language. Spend my time doing some goddamn good lol.

I would rather, in this cool life, be busy. But not with just work. I wish I could live comfortably working as a part time designer. As in working for just 3-4 days a week. The rest of the days in the week is spent in aforementioned volunteer activity, hanging out with friends and family, being active and creative, and sometimes idle. I won't spend it by being excessively online, playing mobile games, applying to jobs.

I won't be super rich. I won't be living by the sea. But I'll be happy in the little world that I'm in. I'll be kind and sensitive, and warm and funny. I won't be super smart too. But obviously not dumb heh.

In my cool life I'm not judgmental. I also won't be winning awards and making popular movies or writing novels or being a boss/manager, but I won't beat myself up for not doing any of that.

Also my wardrobe in my cool life will be super unique and flattering and most of my clothes are either thrifted, made by me, something that has sentimental value. In my cool life I wear cute accessories and wear my hair in a cute way and wear cute makeup.

I also won't be a social butterfly, I don't party, but I'd have friends I like hanging out with. I'll be well-adjusted and down to earth and most of all I won't be awake until 4am every night writing tweets and sad posts on tumblr!

All this to say, I want to exit my flop era and start thriving. I WANT TO ENJOY LIFE, DAMN IT. But Singapore is asking me to sashay away and it's not making sense with my fantasy. /end cringe

[celenatriestowriteagain]

Countdown to losing my job

95 days, 31 May - woke up really late (10/12pm?), added the right photos, caption and links to the Play page while listening to the SG govt livestream about COVID plans, designed and build About page

94 days, 1 June - bit the bullet and bought webflow plan, made little adjustments to the site so it's not so embarassing to have in public

93 days, 2 June - messaged sarah re: salesforce, sent 2 job applications, move celenajasmin.com to webflow

92 days, 3 June - got feedback fr joyce, sent 5 job applications

91 days, 4 June - sent 1 job app, got 1 rejection

90 days, 5 June - edit CV, cover letter, and "about" section for salesforce, sent 2 job apps, study accessibility

89 days, 6 June - study accessibility, design practice (fcc)

88 days, 7 June - portfolio improvements, job apps, design practice (fcc)

87 days, 8 June - nothing

86 days, 9 June - 5 job applications

85 days, 10 June - more job applications

84 days, 11 June - nothing

83 days, 12 June - CV workshop

82 days, 13 June - CV updates, jobstreet profile update, portfolio updates

81 days, 14 June - jobstreet career fair

80 days, 15 June - 1st interview, draft case study

79 days, 16 June - 2nd interview

78 days, 17 June - got the design assignment

77 days, 18 June - nothing

76 days, 19 June - nothing

75 days, 20 June - design assignment

74 days, 21 June - updated portfolio, sent job applications

73 days, 22 June - update CV for DBS, interview with airwallex

72 days, 23 June - interview with a recruiter, cried the whole day, didn't do anything else

71 days, 24 June - read about whiteboarding, applied to a few jobs, did not cry

70 days, 25 June - applied to a few jobs, read up on whiteboarding

69 days, 26 June - rest

68 days, 27 June - rest

67 days, 28 June - applied for PR, rejected by airwallex, applied for a few jobs

66 days, 29 June - interview with lenskart

65 days, 30 June - rest

64 days, 1 Jul - interview with growthops

63 days, 2 Jul - interview with the china nav

62 days, 3 Jul - rest

61 days, 4 Jul - rest

60 days, 5 Jul - interview with upmesh.io, send UI/UX developer cv

59 days, 6 Jul - rest

58 days, 7 Jul - interview with kilo (1pm), interview with bybit (5pm)

57 days, 8 Jul - rest (recharge week)

56 days, 9 Jul - rest (recharge week)

55 days, 10 Jul - rest (recharge week)

54 days, 11 Jul - rest (recharge week)

53 days, 12 Jul - send some applications

52 days, 13 Jul - rest

51 days, 14 Jul - send some applications

50 days, 15 Jul - rest

49 days, 16 Jul - rest

48 days, 17 Jul - rest

47 days, 18 Jul - rest

46 days, 19 Jul - brushed up on interview skills, review materials in TG (e.g. user flows, interviews, success metrics, design hand off, design systems)

45 days, 20 Jul - send applications

44 days, 21 Jul - 5pm interview with Kydon Group

43 days, 22 Jul - study interview videos

42 days, 23 Jul - rest

41 days, 24 Jul - work on kydon test

40 days, 25 Jul - work on kydon test

39 days, 26 Jul - interview w accenture, foodpanda, send applications

38 days, 27 Jul - rest

37 days, 28 Jul - rest, kaypoh at product designer's files

36 days, 29 Jul - watch interviews

35 days, 30 Jul - rest, look at qbc files

34 days, 31 Jul - vaccine day. watch more interviews

33 days, 1 Aug - sick from vaccine

32 days, 2 Aug - rest

31 days, 3 Aug - talk to david chon

30 days, 4 Aug - prepare for fri interview

29 days, 5 Aug - prepare for fri interview

28 days, 6 Aug - interview w/ qbc

27 days, 7 Aug - rest

26 days, 8 Aug - rest

25 days, 9 Aug - interview w cara

24 days, 10 Aug - interview w orange ppl

23 days, 11 Aug - I GOT THE JOB

22 days, 12 Aug - ux interview workshop, interview w lomotif

21 days, 13 Aug - rest

20 days, 14 Aug - rest

19 days, 15 Aug - study?

18 days, 16 Aug - read book

17 days, 17 Aug - read book

16 days, 18 Aug - read book

15 days, 19 Aug - interview w/ orange ppl

14 days, 20 Aug - rest

13 days, 21 Aug - mentorship call

12 days, 22 Aug - rest

11 days, 23 Aug - read book, interview, export html from webflow