celeryw

[celeryw]

i know most people following me dont care about the weather, but i really need to share this because im genuinely gonna throw the fuck up dying of laughter over whoever runs this national weather service account on twitter fighting for their lives

[celeryw]

you guys are not going to believe the tea i am overhearing being spilled in the airport

[celeryw]

[celeryw]

Being chronically ill means that sometimes I have to ask my wife to help me out with the most simplest of tasks and every time I feel like this image 😅

[celeryw]

My favourite part of writing professional emails is sending them and immediately running over to my "sent" folder to check I did in fact write "Yeah, I can make a 3 PM meeting" and not "I think you're a big stupid piece of shit and I fucked your wife" somehow

[celeryw]

[celeryw]

i dont even know what to say about this. exquisite. instant classic of post, possibly "the totalizing thinker craves simplicity" tier. hardcore yuri. even the weirdest fujoshi. a maid dress is the bare minimum of horny

[celeryw]

[celeryw]

[celeryw]

[celeryw]

[celeryw]

[celeryw]

oh no notes for me thanks i just wanted my post to be on this ugly ass dashboard next to yours

[celeryw]

The everest chronicles

[celeryw]

Everyone keeps talking about "the writer's barely disguised fetish". But I still haven't heard about "the writer's barely disguised huge ass pet peeve"

[celeryw]

Listen up. A monkey's paw fucks up your wish because it's designed that way. You can't perfectly phrase a monkey's paw wish. If you did manage to come up with a way for you to get exactly what you want without some horrible ironic consequence you'd probably just also get cancer or something

A genie will grant your wish however they see fit. Your wording doesn't matter. If they like you they'll grant the spirit of your wish. If they don't they'll fuck you up somehow. Depends on if the genie likes you. If you find the genie in the wild and do them a favor it's much more likely to go your way than if you found them imprisoned inside an object, but even then they may be amenable to granting you a nice wish or two depending on their mood and disposition

It's only fairies that fuck with your wording to be quite honest

Moral of the story is a genie is actually your safest bet

[celeryw]