celestialcharlotte-blog

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just got a grand piano and you know what that means

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No.6 Fanfiction Rec List

Please see below the cut for my No.6 fanfiction recs.

Seguir leyendo

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Zak’s Haunted Museum: Full Tour

Published on 6 Oct 2017

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[celestialcharlotte-blog]

feeling down? friendly reminder that sara bareilles’ cover of fuck you exists and it’s great for many reasons including

no changing of pronouns

she doesn’t censor herself 

also she’s just generally fab

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oh honey you havent seen anything yet. i just wrote over 200 words on how much i love her and over a 1000 just in general talking abt how gay i am. like. this is nothing.

this blog is essentially me just being real Gay™ oh well here it goes again

im away rn so im not able to see my gf and i rlly miss her. like its weird her just not being with me somewhere. like last time i missed this much school, she was with me. so it was nbd, but its a big deal. not only that, but its my birthday AND our 1 month anniversary like?? could there be a worse weekend for an away dance comp to be?? probably not.

i just miss her and i wanted to kiss her before i left for like a week, but nate was just ALWAYS there and he wouldve 100% commented on it and i dont need that, i just wanna kiss her in peace. and i KNOW she wants to too, but goddamn we’re both too nervous around other people and we’re always around other people.

i just rlly wanna be cute and Gay™ with her. just give her soft kisses and gentle touches. hold her hand and play with her hair. like im just torturing myself at this point by imagining it all, but oh well its nice torture. especially since i know its possible.

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on the bright side of things tho, shes real cute. she stole my sweater today (well i gave it to her bc she was cold) and she said she’d give it back to me when she comes over on sunday, but ik she’s lying. but oh well its super cute and i love seeing her in my sweater. im a lil dead ngl.

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i have a few words

its been a while since ive been here. not bc i dont have things to scream about (namely how amazing my gf is bc she is and i often have emotions about that) but ive just havent got the energy to put things into words lately. mostly today i wanted to talk about the actual topic of being gay. being a lesbian if you will. ive struggled with this idea for... years probably, i just didnt know i was struggling at the start. ive been following a lot of wlw positivity blogs recently and a lot have said that its normal to feel like being a lesbian is a bad thing because thats what out society has made us believe theough the media. as well as a feeling of self doubt when it comes to actually accepting the fact that you like girls. and both of those topics have been really on my mind because thats exactly what ive been struggling with lately. i remember in like grade 7 thinking that the act of romantically liking a girl was The Worst thing a girl could do. nothing could top it. ive always felt inferior to others my age because i dont pay attention to current trends and media and often sounded stupid in what i thought was cool. this was one of the things i thought i would made fun of for. and for a 12 year old, that can be damaging. even today i have an extremely hard time using the word lesbian to describe myself, even though it is the most accurate. fast forward through highschool and i had my obligatory string of boyfriends... who mysteriously i was never too broken up about leaving (whether my doing or not). i feel like ive always dated guys trying to have that romantic feeling that ive always read in books but never achieving it. ive always gone for guys that werent conventionally attractive because i legit did not care what they looked like as long as i could talk to them. i felt like that as long as we had something to talk about, the relationship would be a success. oh boy was i wrong. even though we always had something to talk about, it never went further than that. like grade 10 boyfriend helped with practicing how to kiss n shit but other than that? useless. especially once he decided my interests didnt matter anymore and i was just convenient to talk at. looking back on it now, i was trying too hard to replicate the scenes from fan fic, books and movies. none of which showed any wlw representation. i never even considered the fact that i might like girls after that one recess back in grade 7. it wasnt until grade 10 (between bf 2 and 3) that i even considered girls. for the longest time i thought i was ace or atleast demi because i couldnt imagine myself ever having sex with anyone. but really? i could never imagine mtself having sex with a guy. it wasnt until i thought about doing it with girls that it hit me. (im sorry theres is no linear path to this im just getting my words out) today, i have this little voice in my head saying "youre not really gay, you just want attention and to be a part of a community". i know its wrong, because ive never been this happy in my life, and its because im in a relationship with my best friend, a girl. and that ive never felt this loved and complete when dating a guy. and ive never felt like doing anything past a quick kiss with a guy, and i still dont know how real that was. this is the first time ive been dating someone and not felt like i was lying to them, or not being fully honest with how i felt. whenever ive dated a guy i was always scared of pushing too much to be comfortable with them (regardless of hlw clingy they got and how much i didnt want them touching me). i never wanted anyone to know what i did with them. that was top secret claasified shit, even though they didnt seem to think so. with my girlfriend i feel so safe and comfortable. on more than one occasion ive had the thought "i want to go home" while standing in my own house because she isn't there with me. i feel ok saying when something makes me uncomfortable (in a mentality sense like qith how far i want to go, and in a "ur laying on my arm pls get off me" sense). she is my best friend. we have our jokes and we tease each other. i flirt with her knowing i am being 100% truthful and not forcing anything i say. i flirt with her without even knowing i was doing it (refer to previous posts on this topic). we started dating without "help" from mutual friends, and that makes me feel really good because she definitely didnt start dating me because someone else convinced her. im comfortable texting her and starting a conversation with her, and im not scared that she'll judge me for sounding stupid. i know she loves me. and i know she has my back through all the shit my brain goes through. i know she doesnt secretly hate me because of when she voluntarily says she misses me and wants to be with me. i know she likes me because she gets flustered whenever i compliment her. i know all these things and yet i still question myself. i still ask "are you really gay? are you sure youre just not desperate to be a part of something?" i shouldnt doubt it because i know all thses things that prove that im not. you dont get butterflies in your stomach when a girl smiles at you because ur straight. figuring this shit out was hard enough, but accepting it is the hardest thing ive ever done.

[celestialcharlotte-blog]

lmao i did it tho

if ur gf says I love you in french, is it appropriate to answer in Spanish?

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do u ever start crying bc you realize ur gf’s ex-friend is essentially the only reason u met each other and you love ur gf so much that you cry whenever theyre crying about them bc the friend hurt them so bad and you just really start crying because you dont want her to be hurt anymore, but you cant do anything to make her not hurt, and you cant even hug her bc she has these moments while ur not with her. dang i dont even know if that even counts as a sentence.

[celestialcharlotte-blog]

if ur gf says I love you in french, is it appropriate to answer in Spanish?

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she makes me so weak its not even funny. like apparently im good at flirting?? idk i just like letting her know how beautiful she is and how much i love her... so maybe that counts... i have no clue my guy. but anyways, shes fucking adorable and i love her.

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turns out she forgot it lol she'll probably steal it back soon enough

on the bright side of things tho, shes real cute. she stole my sweater today (well i gave it to her bc she was cold) and she said she’d give it back to me when she comes over on sunday, but ik she’s lying. but oh well its super cute and i love seeing her in my sweater. im a lil dead ngl.

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do u ever wanna high key make out w ur girlfriend. like i just rlly wanna kiss her. like a lot. right now. but its a wednesday at 23:39 and im 2 towns away lol. doesnt stop me from wanting to. im a lil needy lol. but oh well.

[celestialcharlotte-blog]

i rlly love kissing my gf. like its just rlly nice. and shes rlly nice. i just rlly love it. also her. oh boy im a mess today.

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lmao she actually gave it back. but not til after telling me she literally spent the whole time we weren't together w it on. so, im still dead.

on the bright side of things tho, shes real cute. she stole my sweater today (well i gave it to her bc she was cold) and she said she’d give it back to me when she comes over on sunday, but ik she’s lying. but oh well its super cute and i love seeing her in my sweater. im a lil dead ngl.

[celestialcharlotte-blog]

my!! girlfriend!! is!! so!! pretty!! how?? i!! love!! her!! so much!!