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[cellphonescience-blog]

      The pit of Okabe’s stomach couldn’t seem to decide if it felt cold and hollow or like it might start gurgling loudly, embarrassingly so, because he’d had too much Dr. Pepper and not enough forethought. Of course he should have had an explanation for her. He should have rehearsed this over and over instead of just looking through her posts online, watching her email the others, wishing he knew how to respond. But he hadn’t prepared one, so he just stared at her with very obvious apprehension for a few long moments.

      “Yes,” he eventually said sagely -- long and drawn out. “Well, as you can see, I survived. That is, you survived that particular test of our mettle. With flying colors. No... obvious lasting damage at any rate,” he said, then he stopped in his spiel with something like the beginnings of a wince. He hadn’t meant to fly into Hououin-mode, but he could feel himself stumbling into saying things he shouldn’t have anyway. ‘Lasting damage.’  Well, how would he know?

      He hadn’t asked because he’d feared the answer. After those moments that had seemed almost stolen from a Kurisu he’d never see again, he had tried to consign anything and everything it might have meant for him to a list of largely irrelevant things. Irrelevant to everything because all he wanted was for her to be alive. To have a chance at building a life she wanted. And however much he wanted to kiss her, to shower her with honor and adoration, he hadn’t meant to superimpose fragments of a life he’d had no choice but to let go back into hers.

      Somehow, apparently, he’d been mistaken. Or possibly - probably - just a coward.

      “... What would you like to know?” he asked carefully, switching gears entirely and looking down with a slight slump to his tall posture. He was surrendering.

some things stay the same

       “Of course I’m going to visit!” She said at once. It sounded far too eager, though, so she quickly added, “I got Mayuri, Ruka, and Moeka little gifts from the states so I’d meant to stop by. It’s only polite.”

       It was far more than just a polite visit, and he probably knew that. She’d wanted to ask him why. Why’d he say all those things to her, about love, and then run back home? Why hadn’t he contacted her? She’d worried it was out of regret. 

       “So, um,” Kurisu began nervously, “About that day in America when you thought you’d die of thirst in the middle of nowhere…”

       There was no real tactful way to ask him what the hell he’d been thinking, or why he’d left her for so long.

       “And so help me, if you say one stupid thing I’m not going to talk to you at all for the rest of my stay here!” It was and empty threat, maybe, but she just wanted some honesty from him. Kurisu didn’t have time to deal with is alter ego, tough judging by his expression he wasn’t about to start laughing at her.

[cellphonescience-blog]

Okabe’s fingers curled closer to his palm and almost managed to grip onto Kurisu’s slender fingertips. He didn’t have the nerve to try harder, but his fingers toyed between hers, little ghost touches, before they managed to get away. Then he gently shook is hand clear like he’d been shocked and was trying to feel again.

“They’re... They’re fine. We’re all fine.” He smiled a little more easily, not having any pretense for a moment. “You are Lab Member 004. You’re more than welcome to... return. I would... be a bit surprised - offended even - if you hadn’t planned to grace us with your presence,” he said, enunciating very clearly and playing his part well enough to keep talking. He pushed his hand down into his lab coat’s pocket to find something to do with it that didn’t involve reaching out for her.

“But of course, if you have... other obligations first...” He trailed off on purpose, giving her space to speak.

some things stay the same

       She could never understand why he looked at her like that, eyes wide with something she’d almost dare to call love. It was as if she’d fade away in front of him any moment, and he was a starving man longing for one last glimpse of her. Mostly it just hurt, because her heart ached in a way that suggested maybe she’d felt the same.

       Maybe she really had died before in some other worldline, if that was even possible. He’d saved her in this one (she still shuddered when thinking about that day) but perhaps in another world he’d failed. Maybe that was why he looked at her so desperately, as if seeing her was enough. A tiny part of her mind was nagging kiss him, kiss him, kiss him, insisting that she should feel as strongly about him even if she didn’t understand why.

        He sounded so hesitant, even when trying to play it off like he usually did. “I’m not calling you by that silly fake name.” Kurisu told him. She’d meant it to sound harsher, like when they bickered in the states, but it hadn’t come out that way. 

       She very carefully lifted one hand to where he still slung to her jacket, letting her fingers rest over his before carefully removing his hand. Normally she would’ve objected, but he’d looked so confused already that she didn’t have the heart to slap his hand away like she would to anyone else.

       “How, um… how is Mayuri, and Ruka, and everyone else?”

[cellphonescience-blog]

      In another time, he would have acted affronted. He would have corrected her and insisted upon being called ‘Hououin.’ But now those kinds of silly games and words faltered and he was just so awed by the sight of her eyes looking up at him that for a moment he forgot to carry on the conversation. His lips hung open and he was tempted to look at hers - he remembered them - but her eyes held him a little starstruck. 

     His heart was plodding away a little quicker in his chest and suddenly he regretted the summer heat more than he usually did. He swallowed and reached up to adjust the collar of his t-shirt. His lips turned upward in some awkward imitation of a smile. He was really, really put off his usual false poise by just seeing her again. She was here - alive, breathing, and right in front of him. He wanted to tuck her hair behind her ears, to run his fingertips through it, but he held himself back from that. Not yet. And maybe not ever.

     It was enough to see her.

     “... Yes. Kurisu,” he said with something almost like a bow of his head. “B-But of course you could call me--” he added, trying to sound like his usual self. He didn’t let go of her jacket.

some things stay the same

       There were offers from all over the world; Europe, Africa, Australia. All sorts of universities sent request after request for her to come and make a presentation of whatever she was currently working on. Still, somehow it was the offer in Japan she felt compelled to take.

       After the visit in America - her face still flushed red at the thought of it - all of the lab members had gone back home, leaving her more confused than ever. Nothing that Okabe told her made any sense, no matter how much she thought it through. Alternate worldlines? Times and places where she’d know him and his friends so well, where she’d helped save the world somehow? It was scientifically impossible.

       Logically, it was impossible. That didn’t stop it from feeling real.

       She still dreamed of things that he claimed were real. There was the one dream where she was very sad (thought she could never quite recall why), but in it she had to convince Okabe to let her go. That one was vivid, and she’d said the same thing from it when she’d kissed him in the desert; close your eyes.

         Still, Kurisu was trying to convince herself she wasn’t in Japan because of him. She missed Mayuri and Ruka, that was all. She missed the lab, too, even if it was a mess most days.

       It was then that someone caught hold of her jacket, pulling her to an abrupt stop. “Hey, hands off the jacket!” she snapped, before glancing up to realize who it was. “Oh. Okabe, hello.”

[cellphonescience-blog]

                            Hear me, privileged companions.

                                T  i  m  e    i s    o  u  r  s  .

                            Hououin Kyouma's mind

                           recognizes no limits. Neither does

                           his reach! Heave anchor, this ship

                           of fools is about to embark!

Independent Okabe Rintarou | Hououin Kyouma RP from Steins;Gate.                         START ; BIOGRAPHY ; RULES ; ASK

[cellphonescience-blog]

some things stay the same

kurisuchristina

    Okabe saw her walk past out of the corner of his eye. She would be hard to miss for anyone, he thought - what, with her brilliant hair and her brilliant eyes and her brilliant... well, he didn’t need to go on. He could have, but that would just mean that she’d walk so far past that he’d lose sight of her. The point was, she stood out in a crowd.

     He backed up and dropped the few little machine parts he’d been about to buy back into their respective bins. He could have just let them all fall into one, heedless to where they belonged, but for some reason he was compelled. He felt like a clumsy circus clown failing spectacularly at a juggling act, but he was compelled. He backed away from the merchandise as if he only had the option to move in particular directions in particular increments - WSAD, North South East West, and so on. Then his legs came back to him a little and he swept out the familiar, starchy weight of his labcoat, more out of habit than any desire to create ambiance.

     Long strides brought him out into the hurrying crowd of pedestrians and he ambled and stumbled his way through them until he caught up to her, had her just within his reach. It occurred to him only as he was reaching out that he a) really hoped she didn’t genuinely carry pepper spray and b) that sooner or later she might really begin to suspect that he lay in wait for her at any and all times of the day and year.

      But life was funny like that. Life was kind enough to let him. Not that he’d ever tell her this was how he felt about the situation.

     “Oh, it’s you! Fancy meeting you here,” he said, announcing his presence immediately before catching hold of her jacket’s sleeve.