cerealleader23 - Tumblr blog

[cerealleader23]

How to assert dominance as the King of Breakfast Tip #2

Take the toaster to the table. Sit across from your prey and stare into their soul as you slowly and precisely butter your bread. Then put it in the toaster. Never break eye contact as you wait. When the toast pops up, don't flinch, don't even blink. Then take the toast out and eat it immediately, with loud chomps. Your prey will tremble in fear.

[cerealleader23]

How to assert dominance as the King of Breakfast Tip #1

Eat dry cereal on a plate, using a fork, while making direct unbroken non-blinking eye contact with your pray. Also, over exaggerate your chewing, make it violent. Show them who's in charge.

[cerealleader23]

You ever look at a random every day normal object and it just looks magically delicious? You're a little weirdo if you have. A little glass eater. A little wall muncher. A little couch chomper even. You sicken me. Because why stop at every day objects when it could be not everyday objects too? Eat that rich lady's pearl necklace for crying out loud. Do it. I dare you. I double dog dare you. I TRIPLE dog dare you.

[cerealleader23]

Rhode Island doesn't exist. I'd believe that Vermont exists before Rhode Island. Actually I'd believe that Chicago is actually in Illinois before that. And no one, NO ONE is from "Illinois," only from "Chicago." Okay? And people from Ohio, AREN'T REAL. Your entire life is a LIE. On top of that, France doesn't exist, okay. It was made for the Disney movie Ratatouille. Also, California only exists because of the song California Gurls By Katie Perry. You can't change my mind. Go ahead and try. You can't, can you, you little fuck?

[cerealleader23]

I love saying random things out loud in the presence of people I don't know while wearing Bluetooth earbuds, as if I was a secret agent and they were my target. Their reactions are always priceless.

[cerealleader23]

I shouldn't be the leader of anything other than cereal because otherwise the apocalypse and end of the word will happen. But it will be like the Sims city game where I have god powers and can make natural disasters happen.