cerebralenthusiast-blog

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I feel... primal? I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s like I've got this underlying buzz of energy coming from my core that I can’t quite tap into. 

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Fleur, 2017.  By Jessica Andersdotter. Shop prints here. 

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Logic of the Subconscious

I guess we’ll call that closure. I don’t think I really got my point across, but I made things worse every time I tried. I still feel like my trust was betrayed, but I can’t change that it happened. I’ll have to move forward from here and I’m almost looking forward to that.

I’m trying to appreciate the subtlety of emotion and it’s challenging. I walled myself off for so long that only extreme catalysts could elicit any emotional response. It was hard to admit this week that I thought I was actually feeling a flicker of happiness. I still don’t have the faintest idea what it means to be happy, but I felt something new and positive and I think I liked it. 

I recently heard emotions described as “the logic of the subconscious.” It struck me as surprisingly profound and appropriate. I’ve tried to logic my way around my emotions for years and was relatively successful to a point, but I only created more confusion and stress for myself. This newly shifted perspective feels like it wants to make sense. I just need to relax and let it.

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Ro-ads - Morgan Phillips

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Nature always finds its way.

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Seeking ecstasis

These last few weeks have been such a roller coaster...

I appreciate the newfound motivation, but wish it came without the negativity. Just gonna keep my head up and move forward. If I could get out of my own way, I’m sure I would be astonished by my abilities. I can’t hedge my happiness on another person. The better I make myself, the better the foundation upon which I can build upon with another. In other news, I’ve signed a lease at an apartment much closer to work! I’m really looking forward to establishing healthy and empowering habits in a new space. I’ll still be living by myself, but I’ll have a mini-deck and Lexi will have a sun room to enjoy.

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from lesssgotocort

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I am constantly terrified of the present moment.

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I held out for this magical weekend. It met and exceeded every expectation, but I don’t know why I expected things to change afterwards. So many promising signs that have lead me nowhere and now I lack the naive motivation that previously powered me.

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We are grateful and super proud of how respectful everyone at #BCX was to the city of Hampton over the weekend 🙏 . THANKS to all who participated in the Food Drive, Ambassador projects, @bass_network meetups, yoga, + cleanups all weekend long ❤️️💙💛💚💜 . And so much love for anyone who gave to Chase Iron Eyes, his people, + their cause ✌️ Let’s make it our cause too: Text “Lakota” to 64336

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Our wounds are the same, but you’ll always be elusive.

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We’re still spiraling, but I have no idea what direction.