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[cestlacyrus-blog]

12 Miles

I started wearing glasses last week. I hiked a mountain with my best friend on Sunday. 12 miles. It was the type of distance that made me wonder if the view was even worth it. It was. I also turned 25 that day. Fuck, I’m old. 25 is old, right? It was when I was 17. I miss being a teenager, I knew everything back then. I’m listening to Drugs With You by Marcus right now. Sometimes I think about taking a step back and just managing Marcus. I have at least twenty songs that need to be recorded that I have no interest in finishing. I should be excited about my product, right? We should just enjoy ourselves. I’m trying. I set a goal of releasing a song a week for all of 2017. I should’ve taken my own advice. DON’T. SET. GOALS. Just do shit. I tend to speak things into existence. I hate when people tell me no. I hate people that overcomplicate shit. I hate that I hate shit. The music industry is that girl in high school you can’t help but swoon over that will never get your name right. I eat an avocado every day. I enjoy Nag Champa. I haven’t had sex in a few months. I don’t feel like connecting with anybody. I’ve been sober for almost half a year now. I love drugs. I think I might make an album. Maybe I’ll just not make anything. The weekly singles were working, but I was only making music to make music. It wasn’t fun. I’m not trying to set that precedent. I don’t want to be a machine that gives others permission to operate. I want longevity. I’ve been distracted. I hate my job. I love the people. I read somewhere once that if you don’t enjoy something, then don’t do it. The person that wrote that has to be white. I’m still listening to Drugs With You. 12 miles wasn’t that bad, I guess. I enjoy end clauses. I still haven’t made the song that you play for people when they ask you what you do for a living. What do I do for a living? Try. I try a lot. I don’t know, I just express myself. What do you do? I rocked the man-bun tonight, I haven’t done that in a long time. I’m thinking about shaving my head. Maybe I should just bleach my hair. I don’t know, I’m just thinking. I think I need a change of scenery. I want a girlfriend, but not a real girlfriend. I don’t mind glasses. I think I might record I Never Liked Day Jobs, I like that song. I haven’t talked to one of my stepbrothers in a while. I can never remember his birthday, but I know it’s in June. The 21st? I don’t know. My other stepbrother is the only person I got a gift for last Christmas. I don’t like that step part. Brothers. My sister bums me out. I wanted a million dollars by the time I turned 23, now I just want to make it to 30. I don’t set goals. Please stop asking me when new music is coming. Fuck, what a blessing it is to have that problem. Marcus has the ‘it’ factor. He’s his own person in a world saturated with the same shit. Not much inspires me lately. I wonder what kind of conversations my father and I would’ve had. I haven’t driven my BMW in a couple years, that’s symbolic of most of my past relationships now that I think about it. I think Bryson Tiller might be overrated. I hope not. Logic has the ideal fan base. Chance has the ideal career. Gambino has the most alluring aesthetic. Yeah, I envy Donald. My dad’s name was Donald. I wonder what Kauai is like. I’m going to stop wearing glasses for now. Goodnight.