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7. Everyone goes through break ups.

Everyone goes through breakups. You aren’t alone, even if you feel like you are.

Most people have been right where you are, feeling exactly like you do. So something I learnt was even though it felt like the end, like I couldn’t go on. There was always a light at the end of the tunnel. Someone to give a helping hand or something to change your outlook on the situation. 

I believe everything happens for a reason (an ongoing theme that keeps popping up in my posts). In the case of a breakup, I believe it didn’t work out because well either the timing wasn’t right, you were two different people or the fact that you just weren’t meant to be together.  Sometimes things aren’t meant to be. It hurts, its sucks, its terrible, the end of the world. But it’s not. It’s really not. If I can get through it, anyone can!!

I’m not saying its easy. It’s really friggin hard. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve been through. I was miserable for months after it happened. No one could make me feel better. I was stuck in a rut. So I did something I never thought I would do. I bought myself the “breakup boss” novel by Zoe Foster Blake (sounds lame but I highly recommend it if you’ve just gone through a breakup or if your friend has just gone through a breakup, buy it for her NOW!)  and set off on a week of self discovery. And I came back a changed person. 

Sometimes all you need is some space, by yourself, to be comfortable in who you are as a person, as an individual and most importantly being comfortable with who you are, alone. 

[cestlavie-cjs]

6. I haven’t felt this alone for a really long time...

I haven’t felt this alone for a really long time. But here I am, finding myself back at my mums house in my old bedroom, looking at old photos of me and people I no longer speak to, memories that have past and things I don’t even know why I held on to.

 It’s a funny feeling really. I never thought I would find myself back in this room, maybe not until I moved far enough away and only to stay when I visited for Christmas or on special occasions. But here I am, curled up in a ball, alone in my teenage room. 

Help

[cestlavie-cjs]

5. So it seems... 

So it seems… that the longer I spend in one place the more I want to get out.

So, when in doubt, Bali!

Another plane, this time, a passport in hand and my best friend by my side. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

No other way to describe it but a jam-packed holiday. With bucket list moments left right and center

-       Swam with manta ray.

-       Snorkeling and feeding tropical fish.

-       ATV riding through rice fields and getting covered head to toe in mud! (haha).

-       Climbing up a volcano to watch the sun rise.

-       Letting a cheeky monkey sit on my head.

-       Drinking poo coffee, yes we did it!

-       Going on the “giant swing” – I literally thought I was going to die, and we did it twice, single and double.

-       Ate from a street market (and didn’t get sick)

-       Laughed way too hard and drank too much.

Bali you were, the best!

[cestlavie-cjs]

4. Quick trip. 

Quick trip. Just off to my hometown of Lakes Entrance, for a long weekend. It never stops. I love it.

I love the freedom of getting in the car and just driving. Whether you know where you are going or you don’t. Just being able to escape even just for a second. That is what I live for. The thrill of the unknown. However, the unknown must always have a beach!!!

[cestlavie-cjs]

3. I got over it. 

I got over it. I’m back on a plane. I had to escape. I’m not ready to give into the pressures of working right now. I can afford not to do that, so why bother. I was feeling unsettled. I’m still stuck in a rut staying in this place. This place I am supposed to call home. This place that makes me so unhappy. Everything is worse when I’m here. 

So I am back, sitting on a small plane no one seated next to me, the deep blue below. Its refreshing traveling alone, you appreciate it more. You have time to think.

Looking out my window into the clouds and blue sky that we were currently at one with, just gives you that sense of relief. Everything is less stressful and carefree (my type of place).

…

Tasmania, what a beautiful place you have been for the last two weeks. You have really given me a perspective into what its like to live in such a carefree part of the world. Such lush countryside with some spectacular beaches. You were absolutely perfect.

[cestlavie-cjs]

2. And, I’m Back. 

And, I’m back. Back to reality. Back to my old life. Yet it doesn’t feel the same. It feels different. It doesn’t feel right.

 – I feel like an outsider in my own home. I don’t really want to be here. I want to be back exploring. Jumping in a car with no clue where I’m going and just finding amazing places again. Making memories. That’s what life is about and I don’t want to sit around wondering anymore. That’s the reason I quit my job in the first place!!!It’s not fair. I came back on such a big high, so happy, full of life. I came back as the person I had been searching for, for so long. I had lost myself, and I was finally back. But now I feel stuck in a rut again. Its as if this town is dragging me down. Everyone is stuck in their bubble. The bubble I broke free from. And I don’t want to fall back into that trap. I wont let it.I’m slowly making changes and just saying yes to things. I’m going to be more present in my life and do things I have always wanted to do. That includes traveling! Travel is my end goal. I want to see Australia and the world.So I’ve started planning some unforgettable trips, big and small.I’ve just got back from WA. Now, I’m organising a small trip with my one of my mates to the GC & Byron. I’m organising a trip to travel Tasmania in March. Then I’m also heading to Bali in April. Not to mention the festivals I am going to in the coming months. This year is about living.

[cestlavie-cjs]

1. So, I did it.

So, I did it. I quit my job and bought a one-way ticket to WA. No plan. I just took a leap. I needed a break you see. From the life I was living and the people I was surrounded by. Don’t get me wrong I miss them all like crazy. But it’s also nice to have some time for me, to focus on me.

The first week I was here was incredible. I’ve had so much fun. De-stressed about life. Relaxed. Took some time to reflect. To breathe…

I’m now currently halfway through week two and I’ve started to feel anxious again. Not knowing where I am going from here, what road I am going to take. It’s exciting for the unknown but also very daunting. Especially when I have not-one-single-clue what my plans are from here. However I do have a number of options.

One:

I can go home to a full time job that I was offered (still cant believe it), a position similar to my last, but with a better company and more benefits.

Two:

I can go home and figure it out once I get there and hope that I find a job somewhere, doing anything just for the money.

Three:

I can go home and work casually to save me some dollars to travel.

Four:

Don’t go home at all and start a fresh from here, in WA.

My head and heart are so confused. But I know ill figure it out with a little time. One thing is for sure though. This year I am going to put myself first. It is something I say to myself constantly, that I almost never do. But I am wasting away trying to keep everyone else in my life happy. It’s my turn and I fucking deserve it.

…

So week three has rolled around and I am still in Perth. Can you believe it!?

But now things are starting to come together. I have somewhat made up my mind. I’m taking a leap of faith. I turned down the job opportunity. My heart wasn’t in it, only my head. So it’s a no.

I’ve also booked my flight back to Victoria - It’s been fun, but its time to head home. More adventures await!