ch-ch-chu

[ch-ch-chu]

I envisioned this a decade ago…

Everything that I’ve been so scared of is coming to fruition..

Will I ever get out of this

[ch-ch-chu]

4/13/24

Feeling sad and idk why

[ch-ch-chu]

What exactly do I want?

The very first time my mom weeped to me begging me to forgive her. The very first time she apologized for leaving me, imploring me to have a fresh start with her. I don’t know what to say..

The very first time I can actually feel her heart breaking… my heart breaks

“I really miss you, let’s not fight anymore, please?..”

“My heart hurts and all I know is I want my daughter to know I love you, I really love you”

All I can do is sit there in silence crying, not knowing how to accept all this. I waited for this my whole life, yet I still feel so empty. I don’t know what I am suppose to do with all this…

My heart is so heavy and I’m not sure what exactly I want from her..

Apart of me still believe she doesn’t get me, but does that really matter? Yes and no..

I don’t know, I’m sorry.

[ch-ch-chu]

Be more conscious about what u say

Be more aware of people’s feelings

Being blunt can be insensitive

making fun of someone to be playful isn’t always the answer

Be more mindful

[ch-ch-chu]

The only thing I regret in life is not doing better enough to stay for my friends. My heart strings are pulled tonight and I regret leaving

So many things to work on and I know it’s gonna be better

But tonight I’m regretful, however, I’m feeling truly loved.

#imissmyfriends

[ch-ch-chu]

Doesn’t matter where we go

I’ll be right next to u!

[ch-ch-chu]

Feeling lost

[ch-ch-chu]

Happiest birthday to the boy who stole my heart and saved my life.

[ch-ch-chu]

I fucking hate my family

Arrogant, selfish, and pathetic pieces of shit.

I festered all these feelings for so many fucking years. Im tired and leave me the fuck alone.

I fucking hate it here. Everyone abuses and uses me and im done

[ch-ch-chu]

I’ve always never put myself first especially when it comes to taking care of myself.

Tonight was alarming and I’m so sorry for making you so worried and restless. The horrifying look on your face was an awakening call for me.

One of the scariest things that’s ever happened to me.

Note to self:

Be gentle and take it easy please..

8/31/22

[ch-ch-chu]

My favorite person in the whole world

051917

[ch-ch-chu]

I thought I couldve handled my emotions differently and more rationally…..

But I’ve never thought about how detrimental it was to me for the longest time and how disheartening it is to always know that they’ll never fully understand me.

Why should I even care or give a fuck? Why do I have to feel remorseful for anything I feel or say

Yet again I catch myself every now and then subconsciously thinking about my birthday wish I wished for almost every year - since 2006

a loving family

[ch-ch-chu]

The sweetest boy… I miss u everyday

[ch-ch-chu]

Thank you for 14 unconditionally loving years, even when I was undeserving of you. I miss u

[ch-ch-chu]

I’ll never forsake you, not for anything.

[ch-ch-chu]

After all these years, this home is unlivable. It’s slowly eating me away and I can’t escape this sadness.. I want it to go away

[ch-ch-chu]

Nights like this make me reminisce about my past relationships, more like friendships. Who’ve thought the people who I spent most of my life are the ones a little more distant than my current circle. I understand that I’ve actually fucked up in trying to revitalize our friendship because I was so caught up on meeting new people, focusing on different things.. (obsessed with new) that I forget to revisit my friends. I know that you don’t always have to talk everyday or hang out because if you were truly that close, it’ll be like old times when you see them. It is true, however, why does it feel like I have this fill this void inside me with excuses... “oh I’ll hit them up this time, let’s hang out this time”(but never do)

Honestly, its just me. I have a hard time balancing.. life lol makes me sad when I’m all to blame

I’ll try to be better

I miss y’all so much actually.