ch-llaxing

[ch-llaxing]

IDK Anymore :/

It’s very strange how we started talking.

We first met when we were just associates at JCPenney. We were closing one day and I was just messing around with Ant. You told me to help you fold lmao. Like what. I don’t help other departments. You told a manager and they didn’t care because that’s what I do, but whateverrr ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . We hated each other because of that. Like who tells a manager because I wasn’t helping. LOL. I don’t know why, but I asked you if you needed a ride home one night (I’m glad I did though). We got some dunkin donuts hot chocolate. 

I next asked you to go to the movies, but there wasn't anything good out so you chose. It was goosebumps. IT TOOK ME FOREVER to finally put my arm around you. I mean I haven’t done that in a while so I was scared out of my mind. When I drove you home I really wanted to kiss you but I was shy AFFFFFF. So you ended up kissing me. GOT ME  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. We started to hang out after that and we were happy. I went to the Philippines that Christmas break and you were home and we were still messaging each other. 

Times passed and January 26th I asked you to be my girlfriend. I was so glad when you said yes. Things were going smooth for us. At work we kept it professional and people didn’t know we were dating until a couple workers said something or when I left. I was jealous that you got promoted and I didn’t. but it is what it is. 

THIS IS WHERE I FUCKED UP THE FIRST TIME.

This co-worker started to text me and I started to text her back. Well that was nothing of it, but then you started to get jealous. She was cute, but I wasn’t trying to get with her. She did live down the block from me so we ended up going home with her after closing, if we did close. I should’ve stopped talking to her when you told me to, but I decided to not to listen. I messed up big time there. One night I went out with my friends to TGIF and asked if she needed a ride home. I should’ve told you that I was giving her a ride home. Idk how you found out but you did. And I honestly didn’t think you would mind that. :/ Thats the first fucked up that I did and I’m sorry for that. I thought you got over it, but you kept making small comments and stuff later in the relationship. I was just so tired of how you kept bringing it up and I know I messed up. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for that. 

FUCK UP NUMBER TWOOOOOO

When I started my new job, you told me that I was gonna start talking to all these girls because you aren’t there and that I’m sneaky. There were three girls with the same name. A, B, and C. A and B were pretty cool and chill. C was annoying af and I always complained about her because of how dumb she was. Since A worked stock with me I was always on her snapchat. You found out and got mad. I honestly thought it was nothing because we were just coworkers and she had a boyfriend. “But that doesn’t stop you”. Whatever. So I told her to stop putting me on her snapchat because you were getting mad and she did. B started to snapchat me and when we started to have a streak. I had to end it and I explained to B why. I didn’t explain to you why I could explain to B and not you. Idk I thought it was nothing. :/ I kept messing up and you kept taking me back. You started to cry because you kept telling me over and over that it was the last time. I got mad and dropped you off at the corner by your house and left. I shouldn’t have done that and I’m super sorry for that. That wasn’t right of me to do that.

Maybe, I am dumb and I shouldn’t be in a relationship because of how childish I am. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be. I honestly forgot how I broke up with you, but all I know that I was at work and was so mad. I just let it all out on you and just ended the relationship. I shouldn’t have done that, but I really wish I didn’t I wish i could’ve done something to fix it. OKAY TO CLARIFY. EVERYTHING I SAY ON TWITTER IS IDIOTIC AND DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. 

You had one of your friends talk my Twitter and report everything I was saying/doing. You always knew what I was doing, before I even knew what I was doing. We weren’t talking and I was so sad during those times. I really contemplating of suicide. I even yelled at one of my friend because she thought about doing that after ending her relationship. I’m really glad I didn’t do it..... I think.

Time passed by, you looked like you had a lit 21st birthday. I was jealous that I wasn’t there to celebrate it with you. I feel like you were doing all that to just show off on me. I was low key depressed on that.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For my 22nd birthday I’m really glad that I invited you out with us to go paint balling. Even though you got rekt by almost everyone, you were still there tryna fight LMAO. 

I feel like i’m missing a lot of parts. 

When school started we were together-ish? We were always there for each other but wasn’t dating. The reason why I didn’t do your math homework was because of the same reason I’ve been telling you all along. If you don’t do it yourself you’re not going to understand it. Math, practicing it makes you better at it. If someone else does your work you’re not going to do well later. I felt like things were going somewhat well for us, but was it really? You were saying no and I was being complicated. I really wanted us to be together maybe because we were so used to each other that we couldn’t stop it?

I started to come less and less over because I would just end up being your back scratcher and when you fall asleep I go home late. It started to get boring after a while. We don’t go out to eat because of how picky you are. I kinda guess that’s a good thing because we don’t spend money. But I’m always broke because of buying dumb shit.

Maybe you wanted more out of me? But I don’t think I had more to give. I really don’t know how you kept me. I feel that I’m missing more to this story and I’m not writing it? Idk what I’m missing. I feel like I’m missing a third way that I fucked up, but I really can’t think of it.

The past two months you been going out with your friends and I feel that we started to drift apart of there. Maybe because you’re having fun and don’t have to worry about me anymore. Maybe you finally figured it out that you don’t need me.

Maybe you’re right that I needed you and you didn’t need me. Maybe I wanted you so bad that you felt obligated to stay with me. Maybe I was holding you back to everything. I really like your family and I’m so grateful that they accepted me. I don’t know if this is going to continue or not.

After sending this message to you, I don’t know anything. Maybe breaking up for good is a thing we need to go. I tried to get back together, but it wasn’t enough. I don’t know what more i can do. I tried and i guess it wasn’t trying hard enough. I’ve said this multiple times that I’m sorry for everything and I’m sorry for putting you through hardships and headaches. I really want us to be together, but Idk whats holding me. Maybe letting you walk away would be the best for us. I don’t I’m gonna be able to talk to you. You were my everything these last couple years. I’m really grateful that I met you.  Maybe soon we’ll see each other......?  

I think I could’ve wrote more, but I’m tryna go to the gym right now LOL. 

[ch-llaxing]

You

Okay. You have been my bestfriend recently and everything went to shit because of me. :/

Tbh, I don’t even know how we started to talk… LOL. I guess we randomly started talking about nonsense? idk. Even though we shit on each other’s life, its all fun and games. We would tell each other’s problems and give some advice. I remember almost everthing you told me right before we deleted the convos lol. You were there for me when everything was going so bad for me. At one point I was depressed, but you were there to help me get through everything. You made me happy again. 

You’ve been curving me for the longest, putting me into the ode friendzoned. Even though you kept curving me, I was fine with that. At first, I was just messing around, then this where everything went like a rollarcoster….? I caught feelings. I just asked you to come over, chill and let’s watch a movie. It was going fine, until I touched your butt. I hoped you said that you mind it because I would’ve stopped. From that point on I thought since you didn’t mind I guess I had a chance?.. Sometimes when there’s an opportunity you have to go and take, don’t look back. So at that point, I went for it, and I was the best part of the summer. Anywho, from that point forward we became each other’s “babe”.

This is where the trouble begins… :/ Saddest part yet. I wish you had never hooked up with Janice’s step brother. From that point on I lost your trust. Ughhhhhhhh. I should’ve stopped everything from there. Everything could’ve been better for the both of us. I guess. Or maybe it would be like how it is now. Who knows? Could’ve been something completely different. Oh well. From the moment when I said “Should I say goodbye now or later?” I should’ve done it now. I asked people  what to do and they said to drop you. I would be way better off, even though you’re a great girl “You could do better”. Ugh. Once you told me that you’re dropping everyone for me, that made me think, okay maybe she really wants to be with me and/or don’t want to lose me. 

When you came over that day apologized and cried on me, everything changed. You said you’ll try to regain my trust and as an young stupid boy I am, I you were getting it back easily. :| Well at least from here on everything started to go great. 

It was absolutely the best how’d you came over at like 7AM, slept with me, made me breakfast and sex. C: For that week I was the best week I have ever encountered in my life yet. I really loved how you came over and I was still sleeping, coming into my room and bam you made breakfast. I have never seen anyone who have done that to before and I really appriciate it from the bottom of my heart. I really enjoyed how I always fall asleep on you while on Skype and waking up and you’re there. Everything you have done for me was great, visiting me at work even just for a little bit, singing to me even though I think I sing better C: , CUDDLING. CUDDLING WAS THE BEST, oh yeah same with the showers. that was cool too. It was really funny how everyone though we were dating, even people we don’t talk to a lot. I really wished more we had done more for this summer, but what ever :/ I enjoyed the first part of it.

This is where I fucked up everything… A couple nights in a row, I kept dreaming of how you told me you hooked up with Janice’s step bro, it really have been bothering me a lot. I started to think negatively and how oh, maybe this isn’t a great idea to have a relationship with her because she plans to go into the navy. You’re a person worth waiting for, but for a guy like me, I don’t deserve to have a girl like you. If I never brought this up, maybe everything could be going great for us or not.

After we had our little argument, I gave up on everything, all our memories, the time we had together, and more. I thought it would be better for me if I just block you on everything, which yes it is a pussy move to do, but I didn’t know how to cope with it. The next day I realized how much of a fuck up I am and how I need to fix it. You said you’ll always be here for me, but :/ I don’t know how to talk to you anymore. Everything is just different now. I tried to get you back, but everytime you just been pushing me far far away. I really don’t want to give up on you, but you still pushed me away. Idk why but I started to force it and I would get mad because how you don’t want me anymore. We would talk and then there would be something small and I would get mad about it. :/ 

Well it is what it is. It seemed like you moved on and you’re happy now. I’m just ehhhhh. getting by hoping school, work, and gym can distract me. You are a 1 in a 1,000,000,000. Anyone would be really luck to be with you. Hopefully they can treat you better than I could ever. I’m glad you put up with me and my nonsense.  I really want to get back with you, but that will never happen. 

Maybe we could work something out and just be friends, but I really  don’t see that happening because of how childish I am. Sorry. Sucks to suck lol. But seriously, I hope you have a great future and everything goes better for both you and I. You truly are an amazing person. If you ever read this, I missed a lot of things. I wish I could see how fucked up I am from your point of view.

There is so much to say about this. I mean, I can keep writing, but I’m just too tired to write it all out.

~Bye.