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hahaha omg y'allllll I'm getting encased in tree sap rn what kinda pose should I fossilize in 🤣

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Be a man ( Robin )

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GO TO SLEEP DAD!!!

hehehehehr my finfers are slal slurry

i've rtakenf my slefpmeds post

i mean my sleepmeds

so

herevb the wiesdom that the gods of slewsp meds have infested udpon me:

go tof sleep. guck gay gods. and also. also. i forwogt. but. also something. shakespeage will ge ye

hehe will

willieam.

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every now and then I am reminded to my great chagrin that my mother is funnier than I am

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Me: *encountering a mildly stressful situation* Ah this is a bit confusing

My body, honed by evolution: EMERGENCY. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

Me: what

My body: THERE ARE PREDATORS IN THE HORIZON

Me: PREDATORS??

My body: SHUT DOWN ALL UNNECESSARY SYSTEMS DIVERT BLOOD FLOW DIVERT BLOOD FLOW TO LUNGS LIMBS HEART BE READY TO RUN LIKE YOUVE NEVER RUN IN YOUR LIFE

Me: RUN FROM WHAT

Body: STOP THINKING COHERENT THOUGHTS WE DONT HAVE THE BLOOD TO WASTE ON THOUGHTS PUMP FASTER NO FASTER THAN THAT START BREATHING HARDER YOU STUPID FUCKER DO YOU WANT THE LION TO FIND YOU WITH NO OXYGEN TO FLEE

Me: WHAT FUCKING LION

My body: THE ONE THAT'S STRESSING YOU OUT

Me: THERE'S NO LION ITS A FUCKING LAPTOP SET UP

My body: WHAT THE FUCK IS A LAPTOP START PREPARING TO FIGHT IF YOU ARE DEAD YOUR BLOODLINE DIES THE SURVIVAL OF YOUR SPECIES DEPENDS ON YOU DEAD MEN CAN'T FUCK RUN RUN FIGHT

Me: *panic attack*

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NEXT MOVIE PLS 🙏🙏

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the guyy

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Sometimes the technology conspires against me to make me sound crazy in my text messages.

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im so srs humans were made for art and friend and food and beddy bye. i mean this

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I made a reddit account specifically to make this post. Let’s see how this plays out.

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I made a reddit account specifically to make this post. Let’s see how this plays out.

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Original art by @indigonite

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That Wretched thing I fucking hate

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Season 1: Stament Begins, I'm Jonathan Sims, im a cunt and this is all bullshit. My assistant can jump in a paper shredder for all I care. Statment Ends.

Season 2: Supplemental, my assistants want to kill me, execpt Sasha even though she obviously wants to kill me. Martin is trying to kill me because he's being too nice and he needs to fuck off. I have a cigarette addiction and a crusty old man is living in the basement. Magic is real.

Season 3: No one loves me and I have no job because my boss killed the crusty man and blamed me. My only friend is my ex and I have 53 million scars from meeting various gods. And oh my lord Tim exploded from facing a Sentient puppet.

Season 4: No one loves me, Martin hates me, the lesbians hate me. I just got out of a coma. Sasha and Tim are dead. I speak French now and I'm a monster. I am God. Martin, love me, love me, say that you love me. And shit I started the apocalypse, my bad.

Season 5: My and my boyfriend will stab Jonah if he doesn't let us be gay.

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"I asked chat gpt"

Ok and I asked the faceless old woman that secretly lives in your home and she replaced all your kitchen utensils with roaches.

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I went to 20 Sided Tavern last night (incredibly fun!) and the tech guy/co-DM made a Glenn Close reference or comment, and I’m like 90% sure he meant the actress but I’m holding that 10% possibility it was a Dungeons and Daddies pull in my heart and nurturing the hell out of it.