chairmechanic

[chairmechanic]

I am really enjoying reading about the University of Wisconsin chancellor fired after the university discovered all the pornos he and his wife were making.

Generally when someone has a public sex scandal (or “scandal”) you get the standard “I am sorry. I regret it. It was a misjudgment on my part” but this guy is like “fuck you I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t violate conflict of interest clauses, you are violating my first amendment rights”

[chairmechanic]

I CANNOT stop thinking about Merrill as Inquisitor. Solas rocks up like “I’m just an apostate mage!” and Merrill’s insane, insatiable curiosity requires him to start crafting the most INTRICATE lies, while she simultaneously absolutely eviscerates him for condescending to explain stuff she already knows.

Solas: “Oh I walk in the Fade!”

Merrill: “Teach me immediately!”

Solas, who did not expect this: “Oh. Hmm. Actually it’s a highly specialized skill.”

Merrill: “Would blood magic help?”

Solas: ????

***

Iron Bull, asking about the eluvian: “The fuck is that?”

Solas, full professor-mode: “It is an ancient elven artifact, known as-“

Merrill: “Ooooooh I wonder if it connects to the other eluvian!”

Solas, panicked: “What other eluvian?”

Merrill: “The one in my house!”

Solas: ??!!???

***

Solas: “Vallaslin are slave markings, actually.”

Merrill: “Oh that’s sad! But they mean so much more now, my vallaslin is one of my last connections to a culture I am no longer allowed to participate in. They remind me that I am always Dalish, no matter what happens - that’s a part of me!”

Solas: “History doesn’t change just because you want it to!”

Merrill: “Are you not listening to me on purpose?.”

***

Merrill: “So are you dedicated to the Dread Wolf?”

Solas, spitting out his drink: “WHAT?”

Merrill: “We’ll you’re so rude about the Dalish and you don’t have vallaslin! But it wouldn’t be very, you know, sneaky to put “I am dedicated to the Dread Wolf!” on your face.”

Solas, panicking: “Uh, well, actually, um…”

Merrill: “Plus you wear a wolf jaw bone around your neck.”

Solas: !!!!!??!????

Merrill: “Not very subtle, is it?”

[chairmechanic]

Beaujes doodle

[chairmechanic]

[chairmechanic]

anyone remember what these things are called like little cartoony expressive doohickies i think they have a real name but i can’t remember

[chairmechanic]

Laudna doing the Counterspell finger-wag. Also Long Pate.

[chairmechanic]

[chairmechanic]

No joke is one-size-fits-all, but adding "but I remain optimistic" at the end of any somewhat-speculating statement makes it funny, taking a different tone in each.

Adding it to the end of something positive gives it an unexpected twist - implying that whatever the good thing that happened was, it wasn't what you expected or hoped to happen, but you're yet to give up hope of whatever the fuck you've now vaguely implied towards might still happen. "He survived and is expected to make a full recovery, but I remain optimistic."

Adding it to a neutral statement implies that you think something can be done about it, funniest if the statement is something that obviously can't be affected. "Apparently it's tuesday tomorrow, but I remain optimistic."

And the bleakest, most hopeless statements just become bleakly funny by the grim absurdity. "About 30 seconds remain until impact, and the chances of any of us surviving the crash are zero. But I remain optimistic."

[chairmechanic]

"getting laid" is very hot and sexy. "getting off"? great news as well. so you would think "getting laid off" would be wonderful news for your penis. but alas

[chairmechanic]

[chairmechanic]

Happy ASAW 2024, here's something about community !

[chairmechanic]

does anyone have that 4chan post about the guy who got like. deradicalised from being an incel because he started taking care of shrimp?

[chairmechanic]

there are some autistic “traits” that people find really annoying but that are inherently kind

[chairmechanic]

Beau x jester Kofi requested by danny 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

Kofi

[chairmechanic]

the sun and the stars 🌙✨

[chairmechanic]

Hey do y’all remember when Boeing fucking killed a guy last year. And we all said “huh I guess Boeing fucking killed a guy” and then went on with our lives. And everybody knew that Boeing had fully just fucking executed a guy and nothing came of it. Like there was no police investigation no justice no nothing. Like literally EVERYBODY knew that Boeing had full on murdered a guy to silence him and there wasn’t any consequences for them. Kinda crazy.

[chairmechanic]

theyre fighting a god in the morning