chaldwee

[chaldwee]

I’m finally choosing ME.

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For 2 days now, I’ve been in the Virtual Conference of our Annual Convention for the Psychological Association of the Philippines. This is my third time since I became a licensed professional and a member of the said organization. Recalling the past two conventions I’ve been a part of, I remember being the eager, naïve, and full of vision rookie professional that I am. I remember dreaming of being able to apply what I learn there in my own professional practice. However, fast forward to today, all I can see is a person who is lost and out of direction. This year’s PAP convention just hits different. Maybe because its first day is also my last in Ateneo -- my home for the past 6 years and 2 months, or maybe just because.

I have tendered my resignation. After 6 years, I resigned from the place I have once called home. My reasons? One would be, I have come to my senses. From this day on, I refuse to tolerate the disrespect I’ve been getting for far too long already. My kindness and understanding has been abused time and time again but not anymore. I am choosing ME. For my mental health and for my healing, I’m letting go.

Our profession heals, but how can I give what I don’t have? How can I help others when I can’t even help myself? How can I pour from my empty cup? 

[chaldwee]

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Do you ever feel like wanting to go somewhere far to restart a new life away from all the pains and hurt? Coz I get that a lot. I'd often stare into space and realize that wherever I am now doesn't make me happy anymore despite the comfort and security it provides. Sometimes, it just feels as though getting lost is the answer.

[chaldwee]

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Just like any other day for the past few days, I can't help but question the genuinity of my relationships with others. When did all these began? I don't know. Why do they make feel as though I have to continuously prove my worth to them? Why do I always end up feeling this way?

[chaldwee]

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It's hard to live as though I'm walking on eggshells every single day. Day by day, trusting other people seems harder. There's no day that passes where I don't get to question whether my interactions with other people are sincere and genuine. It's as if I have to always be of use to them to not lose them. Why has it reached this point? I long for the day where I get to have genuine people surround me.

[chaldwee]

"You are never fully dressed without a smile." -Annie P.S. photodump, currently attempting to curate my feed 😂 https://www.instagram.com/p/CLtxSzdpje2m1c9J5yPUS0KNrOm4HGI82AnHwo0/?igshid=1rch7qnu8katf

[chaldwee]

♥️♥️

210118 Sehun Bub Profile Pic Update

[chaldwee]

I just can't with this bibi 😍 can't wait for your discharge and comeback, Dyoh! 🥰

Kyungsoo update 😭

[chaldwee]

"... of true friends, good times, and great adventures." This getaway is admittedly far from how we envisioned it to be, but I personally wouldn't want it any other way. We did got stranded for the first time due to typhoon-caused cancelled flights, lost some stuff, went on island hopping tours despite the gloomy weather and rough waves, and missed on doing some other plans, BUT we also got to explore and experience new things we never thought we would, got to face and overcome fears, and even got to spend more unexpected free time together. Indeed, "every cloud has its silver lining". This may not be the ideal vacation for most people but this is certainly one for the books for me. I/we will be back Palawan, til next time. ❤️ #ElNido #Coron #Palawan (at El Nido, Palawan) https://www.instagram.com/p/B08qMcdpQYOMHeLLNb2Zj6hDM2kUyUXZDioZwo0/?igshid=rjqg5vy8nkng

[chaldwee]

#DailyReflection #LifeLogs

"Showing gratitude is one of simplest yet most powerful things human can do for each other. Gratitude shouldn't only be a reaction when one gets what one wants. It should at least be an all-the-time attitude. The kind where you see, notice and appreciate even the littlest good in unpleasant situations. Make it a habit, and it wouldn't only bring joy to others but also contentment to one's self."

Note to self.

Dated: November 21, 2018

[chaldwee]

#DailyReflections #LifeLogs

Just tonight, I was reminded by a dear friend to "be a bottle of water and not a bottle of soda".

In life, it's just so much easier to be the latter; to react negatively and not respond positively to unfavorable situations that we cross path with. Just like a bottle of water or soda, the world's gonna shake you and rattle you in almost every opportunity it could, and when you choose to be more of a soda, you'll likely explode the moment you open up, as compared to water, who'll be the same calm water before it was shook or rattled.

Us, being the master of our own selves has the power and the control over how we respond to different situations. That being said, we are in control of the allowable extent of how other people and this world can affect or influence us, our behavior, our values and beliefs. When we let others control our emotions, we're like allowing them to program us to be just like them. While it's not necessarily bad at all times especially when you have great people to surround you that inspires you to be a better version of yourself everyday; having people full of hate and insecurities surround you may just the same make you hateful and insecure.

I'm going to end this reflection with a quote by Pema Chodron which I stumbled upon a few days ago, "Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions". When you're finally in control of your self, what could go wrong? 😉😅❤️

Dated: December 2, 2018

[chaldwee]

I need perm Sehun back 😍 Such an angel 🥰✨

Screencap from Elyxion Concert, credits to the owner. No copyright infringement intended.

[chaldwee]

Soft for these two always 🥰 🐑 🐕 photo grabbed from IG.

Credits to the owner

[chaldwee]

Confidence isn't built overnight -- it's training your inner voice to be kinder to yourself each and every time you experience self-doubt.

Candy Mag

[chaldwee]

Soft for these babies. 

EXO Enlistment Tradition continues.

Always, we are one!

[chaldwee]

"That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet." - Emily Dickinson

[chaldwee]

The Fault In My Star

I guess it was that easy for you to let me go. Obviously, you never intended to keep me. I was just someone you needed temporarily. Definitely someone you could throw like a useless thesis draft when you finally made it to the final paper. I know I don't seem like I make any sense but hell this is how I feel like now. When I thought I have you to run to, I realized I'm wrong all along. You have and will always have me but I never had you and will never will. It was goodbye for you, not for me, yet. Don't worry, someday I'll learn to let go of you too. You would no longer have to endure my existence, I would voluntarily eliminate myself out of your life. Someday, it will be goodbye. 

Rush by: The Fault in Our Stars by Troye Sivan

[chaldwee]

God, when I lose hope, help me to remember that your love is greater than my disappointments, and your plan is greater than my dreams.

owner