chamomile-g-tea

[chamomile-g-tea]

@norathewatcher Hey man.

i made my stance VERY clear - DO NOT repost or share my fanart of gtms, it is gone for a reason and i made an effort to scrub it from the internet.

I’m gonna give you a MASSIVE benefit of the doubt and say, maybe you’re like 15. Maybe you haven’t developed the ability to decipher between “cyberbullying” and genuine criticism.

When people are telling you that you are hurting people, listen to them. You are stealing. gtms is a creation personal to @unicornofgt and not your toy to puppet around. You are not only digging into other peoples’ creations but old wounds. You are willingly repeating similar mistakes i made against the SAME person. Take it from a dumbass - the pushback you’re getting is appropriate.

take the feedback as a lesson, because it’s one you’re gonna learn now, or you’re gonna learn it when it has massive consequences on your life. Just walk away and take some time to reflect on your actions. invest in your own creations rather than steal others’. there’s no shame in admitting you messed up, apologizing, and changing course.

Again, in case you’re literally 14, i promise you’re going to feel stupid when you look back on this. You have to overcome this at some point.

There’s no world in which you build something beautiful by being a dickhead and disregarding others.

[chamomile-g-tea]

👎

Like Actually long live Cham

[chamomile-g-tea]

I’ve been taking a bit of an unofficial break for a few months but i just want to make it clear that i’m likely not coming back here for a while, and if i do try to share my art again i want to be at a place i feel more comfortable in my ability to be respectful of other people and my platform. i don’t feel confident in my ability to create a safe space on my page that i’m proud of yet. i do hope i can share my art again online someday, but currently i’m focused on working on myself more and taking space from the internet.

[chamomile-g-tea]

yeah please don’t fucking do/say shit like this.

and on that note i’d appreciate if nobody reblogged or interacted with any of my gtms art that lingers around. i deleted it at unicornofgt’s request, it’s gone for a reason

[chamomile-g-tea]

These hoes are HUNGRY I just got a bunch of orders for items that sell horribly I am so grateful omg,,,

If anyones interested, I have zines, block prints, stickers, normal prints, hand drawn doodles in every order, and t shirts on the way soon

I a lot of my stuff is gt adjacent, specifically my zone has art of some gt ocs!!!

[chamomile-g-tea]

really and seriously, i do not need or want comments in my favor. i want to set the record straight that my behavior was atrocious and iris, taylor, and the community at large were victims of my actions. this is the truth and my wish is that the community can accept this without feeling the need to side with me.

i’m worried a side effect of this consolation is invalidating the pain of people i’ve affected and i don’t want any of that to be ignored or diminished in my favor in the eyes of the community.

-in regards to me appropriating ocs and causing unicornofgt’s gtms to implode - i really want to reiterate to my followers i do NOT want attention, or pity, or support or defense. I’m not here now to garner sympathy or love. i just wanted to at least address the ripple that my irresponsibility caused. i don’t condone any form of bullying or side taking or justification or. analyzing people in my name. i do not know 98% of you and you do not know me. i’m just an internet person facing my mistakes, please don’t rush to my defense just because you liked my art. real people have been hurt and driven away because i was self centered and didn’t discuss or give her space to express important boundaries, and i handled the aftermath poorly.

[chamomile-g-tea]

So let me ask you this, since you actually seem to be making a public effort: Do you only plan to come clean about everything here where you've been called out, or are you still going to run off to your other social medias that have gained a good boost in popularity thanks to GTSM and pretend everything is hunky dory and you've done absolutely nothing wrong because no one there knows about your callout to hold you accountable?

hi, i don’t want to ignore anyone, i just can’t reply in comments. I do plan to make posts on my other platforms linking back to my post/linking back to showrunnerihardlyknowher’s post. they deserve an explanation as well and i don’t want to hide my mistakes. you’re right, it shouldn’t have taken until now to try to address them properly. as frustrating as i imagine it is to have to point out my mistakes i appreciate everyone who does.

[chamomile-g-tea]

i’m sorry for not addressing it initially, i wanted to focus on gtms in its own part first, but another part of this post had mentioned that there were 2 minors in the gtms server. I had invited a lot of people on without or with little permission from iris and i hadn’t checked their ages first. this was obviously wrong, and when i realized my mistake, i was too nervous to kick them out and solve the problem i had created before iris felt she had to shut the server down. i should’ve owned up to my mistake and took responsibility for the sake of everyone’s comfort but i couldn’t bring myself to resolve it. i have no excuses for this. this sort of thing will never happen again.

hello gtms is being discussed again i want to be honest again about things

i read the post from showrunnerihardlyknowher. I really am awful with words and articulating these kinds of things but everything she talked about was true, not that that needs coming from me. I’ve avoided talking about the mess i made again after i apologized the last time because truthfully i don’t know how to address it properly, but i’ll try,

I fucked up horrendously and i cost a brilliant creator her passion and her comfort and her project. i didn’t listen to her boundaries or suggestions for change. i won’t defend my actions. From what i know from friends it sent a ripple through the gt community as well. I dragged you all into it too, and i know many of you are rightfully angry and hurt. i wish i knew how to fix everything. i’ve never regretted anything more in my life, no excitement or fixation or fuckin anything was worth what happened to iris. i ruined a good thing and hurt somebody i deeply cared about. it’s been almost exactly a year to the date of the final convo and i haven’t stopped thinking about it for a day. Everything i do is now punctuated by these mistakes, i’ve spent the last year ruminating on every time i’d suddenly remember that i had actually run past a boundary or bulldozed over her, which are things i was too self focused and tunnel-visioned to realize, and i’ve done nothing but try to be better every day. i never want this to happen to anyone because of me again, especially not my own friends. And being tunnel visioned or excited or whatever the fuck definitely isn’t an excuse for anything that happened, god knows it doesn’t matter in the scheme of the destruction. I only address any of my emotions now to denote how seriously i take what i did, i do not want to weaponize them. I don’t want sympathy and i don’t want anyone defending me.

and to the point that there were few consequences for me, it’s true, i’m still here and i still have a following that was partly built on that art while she was forced out. it’s not fair. I’ve reflected on this for a year and i’ve taken every lesson i can from this situation but in truth i don’t know what’s right to do next. i wish i knew what to say, or do, i just know i make an effort to the best of my current ability so that i’ll never do the same awful things to anyone again. i don’t want to be someone who does that to people. Again, to everyone i owe, i’m so sorry. I know no apology can satisfy the kind of hurt i’ve inflicted, i just know i’ll never let this happen again.

edit: as much as i appreciate it, as opposed to commenting for support for me i’d appreciate it if we directed that support to writers and creators you love. reblog a fic and support a writer rather than give me sympathy for hurting one

[chamomile-g-tea]

-in regards to me appropriating ocs and causing unicornofgt’s gtms to implode - i really want to reiterate to my followers i do NOT want attention, or pity, or support or defense. I’m not here now to garner sympathy or love. i just wanted to at least address the ripple that my irresponsibility caused. i don’t condone any form of bullying or side taking or justification or. analyzing people in my name. i do not know 98% of you and you do not know me. i’m just an internet person facing my mistakes, please don’t rush to my defense just because you liked my art. real people have been hurt and driven away because i was self centered and didn’t discuss or give her space to express important boundaries, and i handled the aftermath poorly.

[chamomile-g-tea]

“A Helping Hand”

[chamomile-g-tea]

hello gtms is being discussed again i want to be honest again about things

i read the post from showrunnerihardlyknowher. I really am awful with words and articulating these kinds of things but a lot of what she talked about was true, not that that needs coming from me. I’ve avoided talking about the mess i made again after i apologized the last time because truthfully i don’t know how to address it properly, but i’ll try,

I messed up horrendously and i cost a brilliant creator her passion and her comfort and her project. i didn’t listen to her boundaries or suggestions for change. i won’t defend my actions. From what i know from friends it sent a ripple through the gt community as well. I dragged you all into it too, and i know many of you are rightfully angry and hurt. i wish i knew how to fix everything. i’ve never regretted anything more in my life, no excitement or fixation or anything was worth what happened to iris. i ruined a good thing and hurt somebody i deeply cared about. it’s been almost exactly a year to the date of the final convo and i haven’t stopped thinking about it for a day. Everything i do is now punctuated by these mistakes, i’ve spent the last year ruminating on every time i’d suddenly remember that i had actually run past a boundary or bulldozed over her, which are things i was too self focused and tunnel-visioned to realize, and i’ve done nothing but try to be better every day. i never want this to happen to anyone because of me again, especially not my own friends. And being tunnel visioned or excited or whatever definitely isn’t an excuse for anything that happened, god knows it doesn’t matter in the scheme of the destruction. I only address any of my emotions now to denote how seriously i take what i did, i do not want to weaponize them. I don’t want sympathy and i don’t want anyone defending me.

and to the point that there were few consequences for me, it’s true, i’m still here and i still have a following that was partly built on that art while she was forced out. it’s not fair. I’ve reflected on this for a year and i’ve taken every lesson i can from this situation but in truth i don’t know what’s right to do next. i wish i knew what to say, or do, i just know i make an effort to the best of my current ability so that i’ll never end up doing the same awful things to anyone again. Again, to everyone i owe, i’m so sorry. I know no apology can satisfy the kind of hurt i’ve inflicted, i just know i’ll never let this happen again.

edit: again, as opposed to commenting for support for me i’d appreciate it if we directed that support to writers and creators you love. reblog a fic and support a writer rather than give me sympathy for hurting one

[chamomile-g-tea]

I'm back from work youll never believe what happened

[chamomile-g-tea]

Manifesting cozy reading time for you all today😊

[chamomile-g-tea]

Late Heavy Bombardment

[chamomile-g-tea]

you been talkin' shit bitch???

[chamomile-g-tea]

the concept of the admirers of knights giving them tokens or "favors" to show their love before a tournament or battle has me so fucked up today. like it's such a small gesture but it speaks volumes. i cannot be there in body next to you in the dust and blood and pain to share your victory or defeat, your suffering or your celebration, because honor and duty and social convention requires that i be elsewhere, so wear me over your heart so that my own might go with you. i cannot keep you safe but if you wear my love perhaps the world and its people will be kinder to one it knows has another waiting for it to rejoin them. nobody else might even know who the ribbon tied to your arm or flower tucked in your breastplate belongs to unless they saw us exchange it, but you and i know. and they will know that we exist. they will know that our love exists.

[chamomile-g-tea]