chandraboli - Tumblr blog

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Emily Dickinson, from a letter featured in The Selected Letters of Emily Dickinson

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why am i crying when i’m supposed to be happy?

[chandraboli]

The kinda day where I again wish for a car to run through me, so that I can succumb to nothingness.

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Late night thoughts

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I’m tired of mothering the fcuk out of everything. I want to be the baby FOR ONCE and just need someone to hold me ffs.

[chandraboli]

ngl i’ve always hated the if you can’t love yourself how are you gonna love somebody else sentiment, cause me struggling mentally does not mean i’m unlovable or incapable of loving?? i was put on this earth to care for people, there’s so much love inside me even if i’m not well

[chandraboli]

bpd is not just bursting out in anger because you can’t control your emotions, it’s complaining, crying in front of your lover because of all the things that hurt you and the things you expect from him and later feeling guilty, hating yourself so much that you’re thinking you don’t even have the right to complain and the only thing you deserve is to be treated like shit

[chandraboli]

Under the Hawthorn Tree (2010)

dir. Zhang Yimou

based on “Hawthorn Tree Forever” by Ai Mi

[chandraboli]

Ok so not sure if everyone is really interested in my art that isn’t Avatar, but I wanted to share two portraits that I really loved that I did a few months ago and never shared! (Except to my art Instagram, but I forgot the password, so I don’t post on it …)

I focused a lot more on realism in my work at the time (but stylistic is so much harder I don’t get it 😭)

I also included a Timelapse of the Homelander portrait

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THE HOUSE (Netflix, 2022)

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So it had been Faye all along 🥂

he gets it

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tourist

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Truth is, I like them. I like them a lot. But love is a colossal emotion for a tiny heart like mine.

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[chandraboli]

i know i’m late but in honor of apahm, here are some lgbtq movies with asian leads/casts that i really think more people should see from your friendly neighborhood immigrant kid:

THE HALF OF IT

- running time: 1 hour 44 minutes

- genre: romantic dramedy

- netflix original

- almost entire movie is in english but if you have subtitles on, there is translation for the few lines spoken in mandarin

- ellie chu, one of the only chinese people in the small town of squahamish, canada unexpectedly becomes friends with a jock who pays her to write letters for the girl he likes. however, it is then revealed that she also likes said girl and one thing leads to another before disaster strikes

- ok now i know like everyone and their mother has heard of this movie by now but this is actually the latest one on this list that i watched (as in  i JUST watched it right now). it is just as wonderful and wholesome and angsty as everyone makes it out to be and the visuals are absolutely wonderful

- personal rating: 8.5/10. a top tier coming of age movie. ending is a Tad ambiguous but incredibly hopeful. good shit

DEAR EX

- running time: 1 hour 40 minutes

- genre: romantic dramedy

- netflix original

- entire movie is in mandarin (but english subtitles are available)

- follows the story of a teenager trying to navigate the complicated feud between his overbearing mother and the lover/insurance beneficiary of his recent deceased father, as well as how the latter two try to cope with his death and (sometimes reluctantly) try to raise this kid

- incredibly bittersweet. all the characters are so imperfect and fractured and real. also it’s just a genuinely gorgeous movie. i’m literally so in love with it.

- personal rating: 9/10. one of my favorite movies period, though it can be kinda confusing sometimes plotwise.

EAT WITH ME

- running time: 1 hour 40 minutes

- genre: romantic drama

- you can pay for it on a few different services. i’m sure if you did some digging, you could find it somewhere online

- entire movie is in english (to my memory)

- a chinese woman and her estranged gay son struggle to reconnect after she moves in with him due to marriage troubles. the two of them slowly navigate through their difficult relationship via food while trying to save his restaurant that is constantly teetering on the edge of closure

- this movie is almost aggressively delightful sometimes. one of the first lgbtq+ asian movies i watched so it holds a special place in my heart.

- personal rating: 8/10. it’s a little messy but it’s still very good and one of the only movies on this list with an actual happy ending. i was genuinely surprised to see how lowly rated it is on different websites.

HOW TO WIN AT CHECKERS (EVERY TIME)

- running time: 1 hour 20 minutes

- genre: drama

- you can pay for it from a few different services but i’m pretty sure the full thing is up for free somewhere online

- the entire movie is in thai but english subtitles are available

- after the death of their parents, an 11 year old boy tries to get his older brother to do what every he can to prevent him from being sent to the military. a story of growing up in contemprary thailand and the difficulties of class divisions, sexuality, and politics

- it’s been a while since i’ve seen this one but from what i remember, it’s very bittersweet (as asian lgbtq+ dramas tend to be). do not go into this expecting a happy ending.

- personal rating: 7.5/10. it’s very very good but not a favorite of mine. that being said, i still highly recommend you watch it if you can.

ALL IN MY FAMILY

- running time: 40 minutes

- genre: documentary

- netflix original

- almost the entire movie is in madarin (sichuan specifcially) but english subtitles are available

- a “love letter” to director hao wu’s loving but conservative chinese family and how they took his coming out and how he and his husband, eric, decided to have kids via surrogates

- this one hurt. a lot. i am not kidding when i say i sobbed my eyes out after watching it. if you are an (asian) lgbtq+ person with lgbtq+phobic parents, this will most likely hit home for you a lot, but if you can get through it, it’s good, i promise.

- personal rating: 10/10. i literally need everyone i know to watch this