chanelbronzer - Tumblr blog

[chanelbronzer]

i think this might be the last straw with them. i’m gonna have to start setting my sights elsewhere. i’ll be their friend, as usual, but if they can’t bother to show me any care? i need to have higher standards. waiting for them to be ready is silly. so i’m not gonna try to erase my feelings cause i know that’s no good, but i am going to keep myself open to other ppl

[chanelbronzer]

i literally reached out to all my close friends in california and all my close friends who live in the city, and even my mom & sister and not one could talk to me or help. like 10 ppl.

i know you can’t expect people to help you at any time. but it’s just hard having my negative thinking of how no ones really there for me reinforced by something that’s probably coincidence.

eventually a friend who i hadn’t spoken to for a while gave me a place to be and to talk to someone. thank god.

but now i just feel like shit. i still need help and i’ve called my family several times throughout the day and no one has called me back & i’ve texted. it’s not their problem, they have lives, but. idk i feel like whenever it’s the reverse for other ppl i find time to help even if it’s later? but i feel so alone. sometimes i feel like everyone else’s emotional support animal, and i feel like i don’t have that.

i think other people think i don’t need help because of how bottled up and private i am and so when i reach out maybe they just don’t take it seriously

[chanelbronzer]

tell me why i like this person so much?? they’re literally blowing me off as i type and yet i’m sitting here upset about it and wanting to reach out STOP

[chanelbronzer]

while i do feel like i’ve been better this last semester i think feelings i’ve not been able to name have been bubbling and i’m only starting to be able to fully articulate them but i have no one to express it to

[chanelbronzer]

[chanelbronzer]

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3SlovgHVDM/

[chanelbronzer]

i love to do intense research on things that have zero impact on my life and have no correlation whatsoever to my general interests. i know a lot about combustion engines 

[chanelbronzer]

hhh

[chanelbronzer]

too much shit to do and too much to think about

[chanelbronzer]

hm maybe i deserve more than to wait around for someone to be available. perhaps i can ask for more than being in for a long period of suffering before some imagined golden breakthrough. maybe i shouldn’t be waiting trying to prove myself and to earn their love while i give mine freely all the while they are completely unable to refocus

[chanelbronzer]

you’re in her dms I slithered here from eden to sit outside her door we are not the same

[chanelbronzer]

downloaded tumblr again so i could post my feelings to no one since i can’t be vulnerable with anyone in my life 🤡

[chanelbronzer]

no one ever wants to mention that marsha p johnson was also a sex worker no one ever wants to acknowledge that sex workers have always been on the frontline of most radical historical movements

[chanelbronzer]

every shade of pink is so phenomenal

[chanelbronzer]

the secret cheat code for women is realizing you dont have to date men

[chanelbronzer]

this is sending me

[chanelbronzer]

Florence via @isabelle.de.vries on Instagram