chaosbeanberry - Tumblr blog

chaosbeanberry · 3 days ago

Text

Dolts In Love

Penny: I will wait in the car while you commit acts of terrorism.

--------------------------------------------------

Yang: I'm the Yang. I'm just Yangin'. Walkin' down the street, swingin' my arms side-to-side like they're big, heavy rucksacks... Now that's what I like to call Yangin'.

Yang: Hop in the Yang Wangin'.

Yang: Uh oh... You've made me angry. Now you've woken the DRANGIN'.

Ruby: ...

Ruby: You do realize you have OTHER huntresses you can use, right?

--------------------------------------------------

Penny: Okay. This guy's a criminal. Okay, that's fine. There's no reason not to beat up a criminal. We could try calling a huntsman, but there's no huntsmen in this town. BECAUSE WHY WOULD THERE BE?!

Penny: (Shakily holding mug of coffee, Terrified)

Ruby: Penny is my best friend. I don't go anywhere without her.

Penny: Idea! Maybe we shouldn't kill people at all?

Ruby: You're right. TORTURE IS A BETTER WAY TO GET MORE INFORMATION.

Penny: S-Stop! That's not what I said!

Ruby: Thanks for the idea, Penny. You're always full of them. I'll be sure to credit you on terrorism.com.

Ruby: (Always has Crescent Rose at back, Bites people) Penny, we've found another reliable member of Terrorism Company!

Penny: Are... Are we married to that name? Because I recall when we set out, and picked out an LLC and got a lawyer, I really thought we were going to open up a B&B chain. Something relaxing, you know?

Ruby: Yes. B&B. Bullets and bombs; my favorite things~! (Blushing) You always know what I like!

--------------------------------------------------

Little: ...I dunno why everyone got so excited all of a sudden, but alright. Let's rumble!

Little: Wait, are you guys the terrorists?! I follow you guys on Schneeter~!

Penny: We are not the terrorists-

Ruby: WE ARE THE TERRORISTS!

Little: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES~! Can I glomp you~?!

Ruby: (Bites them)

Penny: RUBY, DON'T KILL THEM!

Ruby: I'm just testing their resiliency... You pass...

Little: (Gasps) You just bit me~! I am never washing this fur again~!

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: Funeral is one of my favorite words, because it has both FUN and FERAL in it kinda!

Little: Oh my gosh~! That is, like, so smart~!

Penny: I wish to protect you, but... Keep you hands off my girlfriend!

Little: Oh, I don't have hands. They're just tiny claws. Not even good for holding things. I AM STARVING.

--------------------------------------------------

Penny: Hello, Ren, I... I haven't made your acquaintance yet. What are you interested in?

Ren: I'm girl crazy~.

Penny: Oh...

Penny: (Blushing) Me too~.

Ren: I just can't get enough of those terrorist girls. Number one woman on the Atlas Most Wanted list? I'll say~.

Penny: ...Is this a terrorism harem anime?

Ruby: I think you mean "Harrorism" anime.

Penny: Ruby and I go out on dance nights sometimes.

Yang: Whoa, you guys go on dance nights? Choo choo~! Here comes the third wheel~!

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: We have so many years together, Penny. No regrets, you and me! We'll blow up whatever we want~!

Penny: I would like to blow up the housing market with a low-priced air B&B.

Ruby: Blow up a house. Got it.

--------------------------------------------------

Maria: (In danger)

Penny: It's nice to be fighting to save an old woman. On the side of justice!

Ruby: Hm? You say something? Sorry, I was loading my gun.

Penny: No, no, it's fine. We can shoot this one.

Ruby: (Points at Maria) The old lady? Done and done~!

Penny: NO-

--------------------------------------------------

Yang: My name is Yin...

Yang: Oh, wait, I'm a girl...

Yang: My name is Yan. I went backpacking in Eastern Mistral and, man, it changed my whole outlook. So I changed my name to Yan. In Mistral, it means "Yang".

--------------------------------------------------

Little: Oh no, Penny. You should probably sit this one out. You're looking kind of tired. But who else could possibly back me up, I wonder~?

Penny: (Rips opponent's ribcage out easily, Not even responding)

Little: Ruby, did you see that?!

Ruby: ...Oh! Sorry. I was, uh... I was busy writing a, uh, card I was putting on this bouquet that I'm gonna give to my girlfriend, because I love her so much.

Little: ...Cool.

Little: Why don't you hand that over to me and I'll hand it to her for you.

Ruby: ...I don't really see reason why since we're equidistant from each other... (Hands) BUT I TRUST YOU.

Ruby: (Turns away) Your first mission...

Little: (Eating the flowers and card)

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: If Penny asked me to, I would burn down the whole world and then myself!

Penny: I wouldn't do that. Thank you, but I would never.

Ruby: You guys are so lucky that Penny is a merciful queen!

Penny: Wh-What...?

Ruby: (Kisses Penny)

--------------------------------------------------

Way back when

Penny: (Tiny, neurotic little toaster)

Ruby: (Glaring into your soul) I'M READY TO KILL EVERYTHING.

Ruby: Tape the knife to my back!

Penny: We already tried this.

Ruby: Do it again!

Ruby: (Accidentally touches her hand)

Penny: (Blushing)

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling~.

Ruby: (Blushing)

--------------------------------------------------

Penny: (Enjoys crime dramas)

Ruby: Oh, she's so gonna love this~!

Ruby: Penny, you're gonna love this TV show I found~!

Penny: Ruby, this is just the evening news...

Lisa Lavender: (On TV) Breaking news! A girl in a red hood has blown up Atlas Academy!.

Penny: WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Ruby: SURPRISE~!

Ruby: (Singing) Let me give you a criminal kiss~! MWAH~!.

Penny: I'm charmed, but also terrified!

Ruby: YAAAY~! I'm putting the harm in charm~!

--------------------------------------------------

Little: They don't need to get married! Maybe they could be available for a little longer? You know. In case one of them DIES.

Penny: Are you THREATENING me?!

Little: No, I'm PROMISING you.

Penny: You are literally not even an inch tall. SQUISHING YOU WOULDN'T BE DIFFICULT. (Eyes glowing) BODY DISPOSAL IS A NON-ISSUE.

Little: You could WHAT?!

Ruby: A wedding would be pretty cute.

Penny: Why do you think I keep pitching this upstate air B&B?! We need a venue!

Ruby: Huh?

Penny: Why are you never listening? What are you so distracted by?

Penny: (Looks over shoulder)

Ruby: (Crayon drawing their wedding, "PINNY+RUBY 4EVER" at top)

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: No bodily relations before marriage! THAT IS THE RULE!

Ruby: Do you see these red borders on my outfit? Each of them is a chastity belt I've merged with my soul!

Ruby: (Sees Personal Digital Assistant, Triggered) THAT'S ILLEGAL!

--------------------------------------------------

Yang: I'm the Yan, which mean Yang, which has four letters because I have four limbs~.

Ciel: Everyone has four limbs.

Yang: Wha...

Yang: Y'all ever smoked a ponytail?

Yang: Y'all ever done some coolant?

Penny: (Shaking)

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: Penny, I got us matching cups. Yours says, "#1 Terrorist".

Penny: Wh... What does yours say?

Ruby: ..."I love you". (Blushing)

Penny: (Blushing, Smiles)

--------------------------------------------------

Ciel: (Has no personality) I just work here.

Ciel: I'm not friend with any of these people. They're just my coworkers.

Yang: You don't even like Penny?

Ciel: No. She's annoying.

Penny: ...

Ciel: She freaks out over everything. ...What? She's annoying.

Penny: (Runs away, Crying)

Ciel: See? This is what I mean. She's annoying. This is why I don't talk.

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: So, uh... We got some complaints. From HR. That, uh... You may have made... one of our employees cry.

Ciel: You can just say it's Penny. I know it's Penny.

Ruby: NOYOUDON'TIT'SANONYMOUS.

Ruby: We take these complaints very seriously at Terrorism Incorporated... T-Terrorism LLC, actually.

Ciel: My boss doesn't even know the legal name of her own company.

Ruby: Alright, mister... Mister? I don't know. Is Ciel a boy?

Ren: Uh... No.

Ciel: Wow. Wow.

Ruby: Okay, alright, you know what? We'll call it a even here and forget this meeting ever happened. Good-bye.

Ciel: ...Yeah.

--------------------------------------------------

Ciel: (Did livestream with 1,000,000 viewers)

Little: You never mentioned this.

Ciel: Yeah. On purpose. I don't want you guys watching me. I complain about you on my stream a lot.

Penny: Do you tell people we're terrorists?!

Ciel: Is it supposed to be a secret? We're pretty brazen about it. Also, everyone in this kingdom is a criminal. This place is a cesspool.

--------------------------------------------------

Yang: (Falls to the ground) Ugh... It's up to you... Pyrrha...

Ren: I can't believe we got THE Pyrrha Nikos in our terrorism squad. This is going to be great for our PR.

Ilia: (Wearing plastic diadem) Y-Yeah, guys! It's me! PYRRHA!

Ilia: (Never at any time said they were Pyrrha, Everyone assumes and is a comedy of errors, Forced to live the lie now)

--------------------------------------------------

Ilia: (Standing in the middle of a hideout)

Ren: (Sharpening his knives)

Ruby: (Loading her gun)

Ilia: OH, I'M IN DANGER.

Ruby: Oh, don't worry, Pyrrha! We'll take care of you because you're a celebrity!

--------------------------------------------------

Little: I'm so sorry, Pyrrha! I had no idea the Pyrrha Nikos was a Faunus!

Ilia: YEAH, ME NEITHER!

Little: Ciel, you're the celebrity-knower girl! Why didn't you tell us Pyrrha was a Faunus?!

Ciel: Because she's not?

Little: ...WHAT?!

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: I'm so glad Pyrrha isn't carrying this team because she's famous. She gives everyone a time in the spotlight~!

Penny: I... Her hair is brown! Right?!

Somewhat: It's a DARK red~!

Penny: I don't think that's Pyrr- Her tax returns say she's Ilia Amitola!

Ruby: DON'T DETONATE PEOPLE!

Penny: ...What?

Ren: Doxxing.

Yang: Doxxing.

--------------------------------------------------

Somewhat: (Stabbed) RUBY, I LOVE- URGKH!

Ruby: I'll never know what he said...

Ruby: Because my ears don't have any holes in them. They don't work.

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby: (Battered, Beaten, Bloodied) Penny... If- If we get through this, we can get through anything! (Holds out hand) Will you join me in the terrorist cel of life?

Penny: (Takes hand, Crying) I WILL~! OH, BROTHERS, I WILL~!

Ruby/Penny: (Epic finisher on final boss)

--------------------------------------------------

Penny: So... About the location of the wedding...

Ruby: What about that diner?

Penny: We could rent out the whole diner! All four booths~!

Ruby: I- I think that's how many friends we have. (Holds up low-polygon hand) One.

Ruby: (Holds up other low-polygon hand) One.

Penny: And we have this famous celebrity here. Why not have Pyrrha Nikos officiate? That'd be a nice feather in our cap~!

Ilia: O-Oh, uh, m-me? Really? I- (Sighs) Listen, guys-

Penny: You probably get asked all the time, since you're such a huge celebrity, but could you please?

Ilia: (Sighs)