chaosthoughtss

[chaosthoughtss]

living means , suffering .

[chaosthoughtss]

gonna enjoy life

[chaosthoughtss]

As an eldest daughter I’m afraid of many things. Afraid to bring failure to my family, afraid not able to make them proud, afraid to disappoint them.

[chaosthoughtss]

CSE PASSER CUTIEE

[chaosthoughtss]

abuser,manipulator and devil I will never forgot what you have done to me

[chaosthoughtss]

I’m really depressed as fcked I think the world turned into sweet nothing . Imagine living everyday that no one cared for you or just checking up on you .

[chaosthoughtss]

girl are you okay? you’ve been consuming so much media lately that you haven’t allowed yourself to feel one single human emotion for months

[chaosthoughtss]

one of the most challenging skills i've had to learn as an adult is the art of figuring out whether i'm proportionally annoyed with someone or just tired and overstimulated and looking for reasons to be pissed off

[chaosthoughtss]

getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.

you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)

and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.

[chaosthoughtss]

I wish I was financially stable 

[chaosthoughtss]

facebook is really stressing me out

[chaosthoughtss]

It is so long to write down all of my thoughts for the past few months , I usually went here when there are sadness in me or something I didn’t like. Right now its different I come here with a clear mind no stress .

[chaosthoughtss]

Realizing kirsha is always there for me :> 

[chaosthoughtss]

Men are so boring nowadays, I cannot find someone serious 

[chaosthoughtss]

Oh to graduate with a degree in Nursing and earning a latin honor. 

Oh to have a RN next to my surname 

Oh to have a USRN next to my surname 

Oh to have a UKRN next to my surname 

Oh to live in UK with a gloomy and rainy weather along with my husband in the future .

Oh to live healthier 

Oh to spoil my parents and give back for their sacrifices they have done to us .

Oh to have a parents to live with you longer . 

[chaosthoughtss]

 I never been happier enjoying my own presence, I am no longer connected to the people who destroy my own sanity. I am becoming more me and learning to accepted things in life. Being my own is a quite pressuring, I am a goal- oriented person who wanted to achieve more than anything in this world. I wanted to help people, I wanted to speak for the people, I wanted so many things in this world that I don’t where I am supposed to go.  But one things I know for sure that I will achieve all these things. I don’t care where the world or the universe will take my path but I HOPE AND PRAY THAT I AM IN A RIGHT PATH. I know its a little bit cliche but yeah am a dreamer and forever will be.

[chaosthoughtss]

It is indeed people come and people go, I had a friend of mine became my past . Without knowing how these things went from something special to became nothing. It is so fcking sad knowing that you no nothing but being a good friend.