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[charleskelleypegg]

Things I have come to peace with over quarantine (7.7.21)

I am a cat person in a family of dog lovers

This is not intended to be a metaphor on my queerness, but I guess it is that too

What can I say, I like pussy.

After three strikes against it

I can admit that long distance relationships are not my thing,

That I like to hold people and see them in-person

It makes them tangible.

At home I sit on my shower floor when I bathe

And it’s not one of those bath/shower combo deals-

I just can’t muster the idea of standing in a box for ten minutes and

When your brain tells you the alternative to this compromise is not bathing at all, you shut up and sit on the goddamn shower floor.

If I close my eyes, I can pretend I’m in a thunderstorm in a rainforest.

I don’t like white chocolate.

I can fool myself with a golden foil-wrapped 50¢ Lindt truffle in the supermarket check-out line on a biannual basis and that is the sole exception.

I like cold weather more than warm.

It will never not trigger an identity crisis when the seasons change-

Yes, I am from land that praises tropical humidity

No, I have spent my whole life learning to speed walk on black ice

I’m spiritual but not dedicated to anything

My mind is pliable to the people around me-

I like the idea of being connected to my Abuela through her old animal tarot deck

And I’m also attached to the wooden cross I found on the ground three years ago.

[charleskelleypegg]

if We Called it What it is

My pronouns would be he/him

I would be 5’2”

I could be Colombian

If we called it what it is

You would be an unsupportive brother

You, a distant father

You, an overbearing mother

If we called it what it is

You could be the love of my life

You could be my future

Written in the stars

Or maybe ‘boyfriend’ could suffice

If we called it what it is

You had abandoned me

You left when I needed you most

If we had called it what it was

Then it was not consensual

Nor was it pleasant

Nor would I repeat it to anyone else

[charleskelleypegg]

Doctor Day (2018), a short film made in collaboration with Lucy Clifford, is LIVE on New Plains Review’s site! I am so excited and honored to be able to share this piece with the world <3

[charleskelleypegg]

Tasty Top (5.22.18)

The hot July air is making us sweat

On the screen porch you were so proud of

Used to write to me about it

We sit and read

In the stiff chairs

At your wire table:

You, a book of poetry

And me, the Best of Calvin and Hobbes.

You are straight out of an L.L. Bean catalogue

The velcro sandals

Khaki shorts to your knees

And a plain blue t-shirt

Pima cotton, of course.

Cookie lies at your feet

Her pointy nose on the warm wooden floor

Mouth wide open

She pants rhythmically.

It is quiet and peaceful

Just how you like it

I am scared to say a thing

For fear of ruining the beauty

Of nothing being said

You sigh and break the silence

Look at me

“Ice cream?” We load into your subaru

Loyal since 2003

Drive five minutes

To your favourite spot:

The Tasty Top Ice Cream Shop

Like a locally owned Dairy Queen

The little shack stands on the side of the road

Accompanied by a handful of picnic tables

We get cups over cones

Not wanting to risk a spill

We already know our ice cream preferences:

I get chocolate

You get coffee.

We sit on the green wooden picnic table

Quietly eating our ice cream

With our plastic spoons,

You look at me

And I look at you

I wish I knew then

It would be the last time we’d spend

Together, just us two.

[charleskelleypegg]

Shitty Eyesight (7.16.18)

I get tan in the summer

Pale in sickly in winter

I don’t look like I’m

“From” anywhere

Calling myself white

Doesn’t feel quite right

Yet neither does P.O.C.

Like they’re not mine to claim

In my medical records

They want family history

But they list it under

“problems list”

So my records say

“Problems list: adopted.”

No

I don’t have great-grandma Ellen’s nose

No

I don’t have Dad’s bad eyes

I have my own shitty eyesight,

thank you very much.

[charleskelleypegg]

Please (4.2.19)

Please.

My chest protests

Between aches

and suffocation

Please.

This chest binder

Hugs my ribs

For twelve hour stints

Please.

Understanding and

Supporting are

Two different things

but

please

work to make them combine

before they drift further apart

To the doctor with tools

Please

fix me

Make me whole

Take this part of me I never wanted

and

No take-backs.

[charleskelleypegg]

Open Book (7.24.20)

My life is an open book,

I say on our first date

shrugging to say “what of it?”

What do you want to know?

To clarify

When I say my life is an open book

I don’t mean I’lll tell you everything

I mean you’ll have to read to find out more

You will need to know which pages to look for

How to look up the answers to the questions you’re curious about

See the index in the back and refer to the appropriate passage

I am an open book

Waiting to be picked up

Have my spine broken

And feel you leaf through me

Until you grow tired of the plot.

[charleskelleypegg]

Siblings (7.8.20)

When we were kids

It didn’t matter that we don’t share blood.

It was 2006

Your red boombox blared Chris Brown’s newest album,

Wall to Wall playing

as we sat across from each other

Cross-legged on your wooden bedroom floor

Holding up their plastic figurines one at a time,

You quizzed me on Star Wars characters:

Mace Windu has the purple lightsaber.

Maybe that’s why

Eight years later

I watched all of the Star Wars movies back to back

Even though I hated sci-fi

And still don’t understand the plots

or enjoy the franchise

Despite my time investment.

[charleskelleypegg]

The Unglamorousness of Self Care (6.22.20)

Self care is

Willing yourself to brush your teeth for the first time in two weeks

After growing accustomed to the fuzz growing on your canines

From late night snacks and longtime neglect.

Self care is

Taking a shower for the first time in four days

Even though you can’t muster the energy to stand

So you sit in the faux bath, watching

Your fingers prune and feeling the hot water exhaust.

Self care is

Washing three-week old laundry

Folding it immediately

Putting it in its correct spot in wooden drawers and

Smiling at such an accomplishment

Self care is

Going to bed at 11pm instead of 1am

Resisting the urge to nap at 3pm while clutching your Intro to Econ textbook

Taking sleep meds as prescribed, no longer missing doses

Self care is

Force-feeding yourself vegetables

Even though no amount of fatty dressing

Will mask the stale taste of leaves

[charleskelleypegg]

Apple (4.5.19)

Once upon a time

There was an apple that

Supposedly

Did not fall far from the tree

It wasn’t until the fruit had rotted

That it became aware

It wasn’t an apple

To begin with.

[charleskelleypegg]

NAPOMO 2019, Day 3: DOCTOR DAY (PARTS I AND II)

4.3.19

I: From the Doctor’s Office

Turn on camera

And sneak in excited selfies

Hi future me

Here I am

In hospital gown

Bare chest underneath

Prime Double incision candidate

Prevent dog ears

Get it done by the end of July

No more sensation

After “nippie grafts”

But contour is left promising

WPATH Standards of Care

Requires a note from a licenced Psychologist who

Can attest to your sound state of mind

In order to proceed

Rule out cancerous cells

Then the legal battle

With insurance

To the parents left twiddling thumbs

Prescribed family therapy

Get in my lane or

Let me speed past.

II: From the Therapist’s Office

Or, alternatively

The one where the therapist has a eureka moment

Like the ones you see in the movies

In summary,

It’s because you were adopted.

Maybe,

She begins

Maybe this is why you

Grasp

Hunger

Crave intimacy

Closeness

Understanding

The act of having a voice

I have skewed visions

She continues

Of realistic expectations

Of individuals Which is why people disappoint you so often.

On top of everything,

There’s an otherness. You have no fallback

No default,“Well, they’re blood and I’m stuck with them.”

There is no looking at Mom and Dad

Knowing

Shit

That’s going to be me one day.

There is no more safety net

In the humans that raised me

You are your own safety net now.

They care

But they are in mourning

Of their little girl

Youngest of two.

You could run away

You could leave and never return

But you won’t

Because it’s all too important to you: The concept of family

The sense of belonging

The familiarity Of white picket fences and blue skies.

Doctor Day (Pts. I & II) Short Film

[charleskelleypegg]

Doctor Day (Pts. I & II) Short Film

[charleskelleypegg]

About / Contact:

Charlie Kelley-Pegg (they/them) is a poet, artist, and educator based in Minneapolis, Minnesota. As a nonbinary, queer, transracial transnational adoptee, most of their work is centered around navigating the depths and intersections of these identities.

Find me on Instagram: @charliekelleypegg

Email me: charliekelleypegg@gmail.com

[charleskelleypegg]

It's ok.

It’s ok to be alone

For a long tome

For a short time

It’s ok.

Someone will come.

Until then, live for yourself.

It’s ok to be alone.