charlotteslilweb

[charlotteslilweb]

Charlie. Sweet Charlie.

Dear Charlotte,

Papa and I loved the name Charlie even before you were born. I remember talking to your Auntie Sophia on the phone before she was going to give birth to Cousin Max. We were talking about names and I was listing a few boy names that I liked. When I said “Charlie”, Papa interrupted and said “No - don’t use that name. We might use it.” I was so surprised because, for one, I didn’t realize Papa was listening or paying attention, but mostly because he never expressed strong feelings towards names before. I was pleasantly surprised even though I truly hoped for another little girl.

When we found out we were having another little girl, I was SO happy. I remembered that Papa liked the name Charlie, and I also love it for a girl. Charlie was always my obvious choice for me. 

A month or so before you were born, Auntie Sophia brought up the idea of the name Riley. She loved the name, and Auntie Jennifer liked it too. Papa really liked it and so did our nanny Mary. They all seemed to like it so much that I felt I should reconsider. But it just didn’t feel right to me.

One name I always loved was Ava. We considered it for Juliet as well, but not really for you since you were always Charlie to us. Until our drive to the hospital to deliver you. As Papa drove, I brought up the name Ava out of the blue. I told him that I’m suddenly leaning towards it. Surprisingly, Papa was open to it. I messaged my sisters to get their opinions and they were vehemently against a last minute change. But for some reason, we walked into the hospital feeling confident that we changed our minds and you were going to be Ava. I’m not sure at what point we changed our minds back, but you were *very* close to being named Ava on a whim. I look at your sweet face now and you are most definitely a Charlie. You’re not an Ava. Though you could pass for a Riley.

But you had many other names! 

Like Charmander! During the Summer before you were born, the Pokemon Go app was wildly popular. Your Aunties and I all played it (along with the rest of the world). Charmander is a popular Pokemon. When I announced your birth on Facebook, I introduced you as “Charlie (Charmander)” as a joke. I was certain everyone would know it was a joke.

Until one day, Grams called Papa and I heard through speakerphone:

Grams (in an exasperated confused tone): “What is Charlie short for? I thought it was Charlotte, but everyone at Williams Lake say it’s Charmander."

I died laughing. Williams Lake is a tiny town in Canada where some of our relatives live. I suppose Charmander was not as well-known over there, and the joke was lost on them.

You were also Cawa! Juliet was still a baby when you were born and couldn’t pronounce Charlie. Her best effort was “Cawa”. She loved you and would run around the house looking for you, calling out “Cawa! Cawa!’ I still remember getting Juliet running into our room in the morning, and me getting on the floor with arms out ready for a hug. She would just run around me yelling “Cawa! Cawa!” looking for just you.

Juliet called you Mei Mei too (and still does). And once she was able to pronounce more sounds, you were “Carlie” for a long time. So many times we would hear her trying to get your attention “Carlie Carlie Carlie!” Only up until recently (Juliet is 2.5 now), you are “Charlie” to her. 

Cousin Max had a hard time with your name too. He calls you Cha Cha.

Me? I call you Charlie and Bao Bei. Your Papa is more creative with names. Here are just a few:

Charlington Darlington Charlington Bear Swarlie Char Char Binks (not my favorite)

I don’t know if you’ll remember this, but I make a name version of a Broadway song for you and Juliet. Yours is to the tune of Flower Drum Song’s “Sunday” --

Charlie, Sweet Charlie My Baby Boo Charlie, Sweet Charlie My Charlie is You Lovely and laughing We’ll drift through the day Snuggling our hours away While Juliet and Papa join us in our sweet embrace I will give you kisses on your funny face Charlie, Sweet Charlie My Baby Boo I love you! -- I love you, sweet Charlie!! 

Love,

Mama

[charlotteslilweb]

The Day I’ll Cherish Forever

Dear Charlotte,

Everyone was excitedly waiting for the special day we finally get to meet you. A couple days before Mama’s scheduled c-section, Gong Gong and Puo Puo flew in from across the country to be there. Your Auntie Jennifer arranged her work travel to fly in and out just to see you. In fact, it is because of her work availability that we chose your birthday (since you were a scheduled c-section).

Mama and Papa left Juliet with Gong Gong and Puo Puo and went to the hospital. I saw many familiar faces from Juliet’s birth and they set us up with a nice big room with a view. Jennifer and Sophia came to wish us good luck and then went to the waiting room.

Then, they rolled me to the delivery room and a kind nurse held me as the anesthesiologist numbed me. They laid me down and I started crying. The anesthesiologist asked me what was wrong and I told him I was scared. He asked me what I was scared about, but I didn’t really know. It all suddenly felt real and while I was so excited to meet you, Mama was nervous of this big change that was about to happen. Then, Papa came in and I felt better.

The feelings were all very familiar, like someone rolling pizza dough on my belly. It didn’t hurt at all, and I just chatted casually with Papa and the anesthesiologist to keep my mind off of what was happening behind the curtain. We kept asking the anesthesiologist what was happening behind the curtain and when he said the baby was coming out, Papa reached his arm over the curtain and took some photos. Would you believe we actually have photos of you coming out of Mama’s belly?

They cleaned you off and I got to hold you for a while. You were so perfect! And you had quite a set of lungs (you still do!). Mama and Papa cuddled you for a bit and savored this special moment of meeting you.

A few days later, Gong Gong and Puo Puo came to visit and brought Juliet. I was a bit nervous of how Juliet would handle the new change since she was only 15 months old. But when she saw you, she immediately said “wa wa!” and was interested in meeting you. She even booped your tiny nose. As I write this, you are 16 months, and Juliet booped your nose today too. You loved it and giggled. She will likely boop you for the rest of your life.

Unlike Juliet who had to stay in the NICU because she was a preemie, we got to keep you in our room as Mama recovered. You slept so well (you still do) and I loved having you close to me all the time.

Mama recovered well and before we knew it, we got to bring you home. We were over the moon that you were here and our family was now perfect.

I love you, boa bei! You will always be my sweet baby!

Love,

Mama

[charlotteslilweb]

Your Journey in my Belly

Dear Charlotte,

They say every pregnancy is different and while my pregnancy with you was easier than my pregnancy with Juliet in the beginning, it was harder towards the end (though you were in my belly 3 weeks longer than Juliet was).

The biggest difference in the beginning was that I got sick much less often. Less than 5 times total, whereas, with your sister, there were *days* where I threw up 5 times.

I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes again, but having been through it before, I knew how to manage my diet. I had many more cheat days with you because the doctors told me it was more important to keep my fasting levels controlled than my meal levels. They also said the consequence of uncontrolled diabetes was having a large baby, and with Juliet being born 4 lb 5 oz, I wasn’t worried about this. And any effect on you upon delivery would be short term.

Mama also ate sushi regularly until my dietician told me to check with my OB/GYN Dr. Beddow if the frequency was acceptable. When I asked Dr. Beddow, she gave me a look and asked “Why are you eating sushi at all?” Dr. Beddow was always very conservative with taking care of Mama’s health. She told me to stop eating it because of the risk of parasites, even if the places were clean and reputable. So Mama cut back, but still indulged every so often. I still needed to enjoy the pregnancy and my mother’s instinct told me you’d be born healthy (and I was right!).

Still, Mama needed to take insulin injections every night. I’m so scared of needles, but of course I would do anything for my sweet baby. This time around, I needed more insulin than before. So much, that the it wouldn’t fit in a single syringe, so Mama had to inject herself twice every night. I still have bruises on my belly, but I don’t mind them. They are a forever reminder of my love for you.

Mama, Papa, and Juliet went to Hawaii for a vacation a few months later. We met up with your Grams and your cousin Mila’s family. We waited until we got the call from the genetic counselor to confirm that you were healthy to share the wonderful news. It was also then in Hawaii when we found out your gender. Mama was so nervous. She wanted another girl so badly. Mama loves having 2 sisters and wanted a baby sister for Juliet. I almost cried from joy when we found out my dream was going to come true!

A month before you were born, during one of my NST (non-stress tests) appointments to monitor your heart rate, the nurses noticed a few decelerations. They decided to continue monitoring me for the rest of the day and overnight. I was a little nervous because this seemed like it could go in the same direction as Juliet’s premature birth, but I still felt fairly confident that everything was fine. That evening, Papa and Juliet came to the hospital to visit us. Juliet seemed a little scared to see Mama in the hospital bed with all the wires and machines. Fortunately, you were fine and the doctor let me go home the following day.

Towards the end of the pregnancy, things started to get quite uncomfortable. My belly was getting so big that Juliet couldn’t sit on my lap anymore when I read her books. She didn’t mind though, and she always pointed to my belly when I asked her where Charlie was. She has always loved you.

A week and a half before you were born, I took my friend Taryn out for a birthday dinner. Once the meal ended, I stood up, and I felt a sharp pain in my pubic bone. Not my pelvic bone, but my pubic bone. It was a feeling I never felt before and it was difficult to walk. It was that moment when I realized that my body was really preparing for you to come out!

Pregnancies are never easy for me, but I’d do it a million times over for you. You are the perfect little baby and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do just to see your beautiful smile.

I love you, my snuggle bunny!

Love,

Mama

[charlotteslilweb]

Our Sweet Surprise

Dear Charlotte,

You’re a tiny 2 month old baby sleeping next to me right now and already, I can’t imagine life without you. I’m so excited for all the memories we are going to create together. This diary of letters is written for myself, your papa, your sister, those we love, and most importantly, you.

If you read Mama’s first letter to Juliet, you’ll learn that Mama and Papa had trouble getting pregnant. When we found out we got pregnant naturally right before some invasive fertility treatments, we thought it was a one off miracle.

In mid-March, when Juliet was only 7 months old, Mama started feeling a bit off. It felt like I had acid reflux, which I never had in my life except for when I was pregnant was Juliet. I shrugged it off, thinking it was just something I ate. 

But it continued, and I remember driving home one day, feeling sick from it again, and thinking “there’s a 70% chance I’m pregnant.” So I went home and found the old pregnancy tests I had from before. I pulled out one of the cheap paper strip ones and tested, and it showed negative. I wasn’t convinced, so I tried again, and once again, it showed negative. I went about my day, but it still didn’t seem to make sense, so I rummaged around a bit more and found one of the fancy pregnancy tests. And it came out positive! (I realized later those cheap paper ones were expired).

I remember it was April 1 when I found out and told Papa and my family, because I wondered if they would think it was an April Fools joke. But no one did and everyone was really surprised and happy. 

I couldn’t believe baby Juliet who had just learned to sit up was going to be a big sister already - but I was so excited for her to have a best friend to grow up with.

You were such a wonderful surprise, and I mean it with all my heart when I say that you complete our family.

Love,

Mama