chasinggfreedom

[chasinggfreedom]

Post #1 -- On: Literally No One Cares

So I think this is actually a really good topic to cover to preface this— it is the underlying premise that I have accepted over the years that has opened up a world of new possibilities, including the creation of this blog. Let me explain what this means.

Back when I was in high school, I remember some of my lowest moments were due to the fact that I felt as though no one truly cared about me. I would be having a bad day, but then I was so hung up over the fact that none of my friends seemed to even notice that I made it even worse. This, of course, would lead me down rabbit holes of seemingly never-ending self pity. I would constantly be reaching out for reassurance that they did in fact care about me. With that, I would make myself believe it, and all was well. But then this would happen repeatedly, and I was once again doubting everything I had been told.

The truth is, most of my friends back then did care about me. They just didn't care about me the way I wanted them to. But being cared for the way I wanted to promoted this extreme form of victimization — the idea that everyone had to care about everything I was dealing with because  all my problems were somehow so unique and profound. Notice where this is going? This is the epitome of entitlement, the mindset where you believe you or your problems are so great/terrible that you deserve special treatment. When most people think about what it means to be entitled, we oftentimes think of a privileged person who holds and thinks of themselves so much higher than everybody. On the other hand, there are those who victimizes themselves to the extent that they view themselves lower than everyone else. While these might appear as completely difference concepts, they are the two sides to the same coin. Both of these mindsets arrive at the same conclusion: I'm special.* 

It took me couple years, but I slowly began to realize that no one cared as much as I wanted, or thought they did. Of course, in the beginning this was devastating for me to accept. But over time, it turned into one of the most liberating thing I could have done for myself.

Once you realize that literally no one cares (unless they're weirdly obsessed with you), you stop worrying so much about what you're doing for others and focus on what you're doing for yourself. No one really cares about the shit I'm spouting on this blog. No one cares about what I'm eating for dinner tonight. No one cares that I'm the only girl in the free weights part of the gym. No one cares about my next post on Instagram. If no one cares, why should you? It is imperative that I clarify that this question here is not asking, "Why should you care to do anything then?", but rather "Why should you care what others think?" The takeaway here is not that no one cares, so you should live a life doing nothing. While you absolutely could do that, doesn't mean you should. The liberation gained from these realizations should uplift you to new heights, rather than drag you down even further.

This might sound easy on paper, but I should probably also address what all of our greatest concerns are. "What if people judge me? What will they think of me?" While I have already established that no one really cares what we do, there is a distinction to be made between "care" and "judge". Unfortunately, as long as we are existing, we will always be subject to judgement. As long as our minds are capable of perception, they are making judgements. Why do we place such emphasis on the importance of a first impression? We don't like to say it, but from the moment we meet people for the first time, we are already making judgements about them. What we really mean to say whenever we tell someone "We're not judging you," is "We're not judging you aloud." When someone describes themselves as a non-judgmental person, what they really mean is that they've been able to control how their judgement manifests. It always comes out one way or another. It may be in the form of talking behind their back, choosing to see them again, choosing to never see them again, or treating them amicably. There are, understandably, several negative connotations surrounding the word "judgement.” For instance, when we choose to talk behind someone's back, we've decided that there's a certain trait that we don't like, but on the contrary, when we choose to treat someone as a friend, we've judged that there are traits about them that we do like. It's an inherent part of our human nature, and in the past it's probably saved our asses more often than not. So what does this mean for the way we carry ourselves? The point I'm trying to make here, is that none of us are, or ever will be, impervious to judgement, or judging. With this in mind, we should move forward knowing that if it's going to happen anyways, why would you limit yourself doing something that makes you miserable? If are you are living your life as you please, you are happy, and people decide to judge you negatively, I ask that you consider what this might say about them instead of you. For if you are to live out your life basing your worth on what others think of you, rather than creating your own life, you’re effectively letting the world create your life for you. “Indeed, to the extent that your actions and pursuits are your responses to the will and the approval of other people, you are the very opposite of a proud person, for you are the slave of others. A willing slave, to be sure--but a slave, still.”* Casting aside the standards of other is not something that will come easy, as it’s something we’ve been trained to do since birth, as well as requiring us to set our own standards for ourselves to live by. Life is difficult, and creating your own life is even more so, but attaining your own approval is the greatest, and the only incentive I have to offer you. 

I used to be so afraid of talking about my thoughts, posting my opinions, and worrying about what people might think of me. Doing a project like this would have been a tragedy to 16-year old me. However, in our modern day era of technology, where social media perpetuates the ideal of the 'perfect life' during our best moments, we've all curated this idea that our lives should be happy and perfect all the time. We all know that this is not true, yet we can't seem to stop. I believe that now, more than ever, that transparency online is crucial to our well being. I will admit I don't have a solution to all the consequences of what technology has created, nor do I think that starting this project will really solve anything. But as I have said (see: about), that is not the purpose of this project. This project is the byproduct of me pushing my limits one step further. I have already gotten comfortable with the fact that the things no one cares about me are only a minor part of my identity; sharing my thoughts openly is now subjecting a significant part of who I am to the same treatment. To conclude what this means for you, living a life without worrying about what others might think of you will give you confidence, independence, and most importantly, freedom. And as you know, that's what this whole thing is about.

*Manson, Mark. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. , 2016. Print.

*Taylor, Richard. Restoring Pride: The Lost Virtue of Our Age. , 1995. Print.