chatoyantailurophile

[chatoyantailurophile]

religious killer: i can hear God speaking to me, to kill the demons that live in this world with my gun of justice

atheist killer: I kill only because of my own moral code. Whether it's for money so I can survive, or self-defense against a threat, I am the one who chooses when I kill.

agnostic killer: nobody really knows why I shoot people

[chatoyantailurophile]

Yeah that tracks

[chatoyantailurophile]

i bet it would be cool to be a bacteria because youd never have to worry about having a whole civilization of littler guys living on you and everything you touch all the time and so then you wouldnt even have to worry about washing your hands, you would just be the littlest most simple kind of girl possible, and you would die in seconds

[chatoyantailurophile]

there’s nothing wrong with me plus i don’t have any wants or needs plus i don’t feel or think at all

[chatoyantailurophile]

my workout

500 reps yanking your chain

500 reps pulling your leg

500 reps taking the piss

1000 reps winding you up

getting on your nerves until failure

[chatoyantailurophile]

every day i think about the cat on twitter who looks more like a scheming eunuch than any creature has ever looked

monkey i love you beloved little freak i would die for you

[chatoyantailurophile]

This is the guy who made the first genetically-engineered babies (a horrific ethics violation that landed him 3 years in prison) and his tweets are so unhinged that I genuinely can't tell if he's trying to be funny or is 100% serious

[chatoyantailurophile]

YouGov did a whole official poll on Americans' views of the middle ages and I’m obsessed

[chatoyantailurophile]

this is one of the best posts ever

[chatoyantailurophile]

[chatoyantailurophile]

hey so last night i was looking for charming teddy bears, and what should have been a just and noble quest devolved into a horrible discovery:

for around 200 big ones, you can purchase a teddy bear with the body of a man and the eyes of a creature that knows it should not exist

[chatoyantailurophile]

can Not stop randomly saying "den i throw da bones at james" to myself

[chatoyantailurophile]

my sister's baby shower has a "suggestion box"

[chatoyantailurophile]

"getting laid" is very hot and sexy. "getting off"? great news as well. so you would think "getting laid off" would be wonderful news for your penis. but alas

[chatoyantailurophile]

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