checkpleasechickpeas

[checkpleasechickpeas]

can we talk about “Mr Jack’s Dad”

bob zimmermann is the original Meme Dad and i will not be convinced otherwise

so naturally, he does not let this go

the first time bitty gets a birthday card from the zimmermann’s they’ve signed it love, alicia and mr jack’s dad

when jack and bitty get engaged, bob nudges bitty’s elbow and says “well, congratulations, mr jack’s fiancé

at their wedding bob cracks it out in his speech, bitty buries his blushing face in his hands as soon as he hears “let me tell you about the first time i met eric” 

when will it end

alicia doesn’t manage to hide her laughter and bitty feels BETRAYED, they’re supposed to be in this together, dealing with their zimmermeme men

when bitty and jack eventually have a baby they name her jacqueline, after jack’s late grandmother

bob and alicia come over to see her for the first time and bob is cradling little baby jacqueline in his arms, alicia at his elbow, cooing at the little bundle

jack has an arm around bitty and they’re both staring fondly at the newest addition to their little family when, all soft, jack says, “there are three of us now”

bitty smiles

poor bitty

jack looks directly into his dad’s eyes and says, deadpan “three mr jack’s dad’s”

bob has never been more proud of his son

bitty wants a divorce

[checkpleasechickpeas]

click me

[checkpleasechickpeas]

the media: now that jack zimmermann has announced his retirement how do you think he will cope with a life without hockey? how is he going to define himself? will his already unsteady mental health suffer? will he hit rock bottom? will he once more resort to cocaine to cope?

jack zimmermann post retirement:

[checkpleasechickpeas]

I have something extremely important to say

[checkpleasechickpeas]

i know we all know jack is chronically Not Online but i think bitty showed him those instagram affirmations one day and he became Obsessed and obviously made it everyone’s problem

[checkpleasechickpeas]

I think Shitty & Lardo have incompatible flirting habits & that is why they don’t happen until her senior year, they’re speaking two different languages the whole time

[checkpleasechickpeas]

wow i love dying and being dead!!!! god!!!!!!!

[checkpleasechickpeas]

Jack Zimmermann has a busted up android even though he can afford to buy a brand new smart phone for every single player on the Falcs + Front Office. You cannot convince me differently.

[checkpleasechickpeas]

you know I couldn't be a cowboy because I'd be stuck with my partner in the dead cold prairie night and our horses would be tied up and we'd be huddlin around a crudely made fire because it was too far to go back to the ranch and he'd play the sweetest song on his harmonica, the kind that you felt in your bones and your heart and that the hymns had nothin on, and then he'd finish and we'd both lean in a little too close and my hand would be on his bandanna and his whiskey-breath would be hot on my lips and I'd realize that maybe it wasn't the touch of a woman i'd been hankerin for

[checkpleasechickpeas]

even if gamefreak was able to release games on a reasonable schedule they will never create a pokemon better than snorlax they really did peak in the 90′s

[checkpleasechickpeas]

The funniest thing about the original Goncharov post is that I have seen people do exhaustive amounts of research in order to discern that it's a misspelling/mistranslation of Martin Scorcese's "Gomorrah" and then go "well this explains everything" while never once questioning why it's on shoes

[checkpleasechickpeas]

tbh it seems like a good idea to tag goncharov posts as unreality for those who have experience with delusions, hallucinations, or being gaslit.

for any confused or possibly unsettled over the way tumblr is leaping on the goncharov concept: it’s a joke based on a past tumblr post about a fake martin scorsese movie title being printed on a pair of knockoff shoes. there is no real film, the movie doesn’t exist, & people’s posts are just having fun with the concept.

you’re not imagining things & you’re not having an episode! i hope more people tag it as unreality for people’s safety & comfort

[checkpleasechickpeas]

pull yourself up by the jockstrap

[checkpleasechickpeas]

i think the absolute funniest thing ever would be if before bitty even got to samwell, holster, ransom, and shitty started the trend of cellying in just the most extreme homoerotic ways they could pull off as kind of a fuck you to the toxic masculinity in hockey. and bitty shows up and after that first goal holster skates up and just full frontal kisses him on the lips. and then later bitty has to explain when coming out to shitty that no, holster was NOT the one to make him realize he was gay. but holster has to explain to ransom that yes, bitty was the one to make him realize he was bi.

[checkpleasechickpeas]

[checkpleasechickpeas]

25 y.o. jack stressing out buying spices to cook the one (1) recipe he knows to surprise bitty with a nice evening vs 40 y.o. jack standing in his kitchen with a little cloth over his shoulder as he mans three different pots on the stove

[checkpleasechickpeas]

you can’t tell me that dex isn’t exactly the type of practical control freak that gets 100% into baking bread in his senior year (and keeps notes on flour types, resting times and temperatures, sourdough starter progress, etc). it hits nursey like a fucking truck