cheddarpill

[cheddarpill]

trying to sleep but i just remembered those tweets by lauren faust when she discovered what the equestria girls toys looked like and it upset her so much that she drew herself as the hulk. obsessed

[cheddarpill]

me: oh no! 😱 I dropped my phone 📱 in the dead sea 💀🌊 which has a famously high average salt 🧂 content of 290ppt, almost nine times that of the ocean. if only someone were brave enough to retrieve it for me 🥺

my best friend wound man (helpful to a fault): I will go ☝️🤕

[cheddarpill]

[cheddarpill]

Blew all my spunk on FNAF porn when i was 13. I’m infertile now. I’ve taken to the streets. I’m a busker now. They call me the amazing infertile girl.

[cheddarpill]

[cheddarpill]

do you have a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me well actually it is a knife and I’m doing to dissect you for sexual reasons cuz I’m happy to see you

[cheddarpill]

>be an 8th grade English teacher

>have an asocial student who draws on all her tests

>hey at least she doesn't do it on scantrons

>start leaving compliments towards her art when i grade her papers

>fast forward a few months

>notice she's drawing on her test as I'm doing my rounds around the class

>ask her what she's drawing

>this thirteen year old emo girl looks up at me with the wettest eyes I have ever seen

>"you if you were in Family Guy."

[cheddarpill]

my best friend PROBABLY FRAUD really needs to give me space sometimes

[cheddarpill]

Having my girlfriend sleep over but abandoning her in the night about 8 times because I suggested we get olive garden which my body can no longer reasonably digest and I repeatedly wake up with the intense urge to shit so hard my pelvis shatters

[cheddarpill]

I had a vision

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I just really like the movie

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butch lesbian granbull from my sketchbook i went back and colored just now. personally i think i am a genius

[cheddarpill]

earthworm glossary

earthworm glossary

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[cheddarpill]

Doctor calls you with your bloodwork results and just says “I’m really mad at you” and then hangs up

[cheddarpill]