cheesywheezybreadstick - Tumblr blog

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

I think it's hilarious that hands down the worst way to learn magic is the actual rulebook. Please do not read that. It's just there for reference when something weird happens

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

The idea of the magic card "Swords to plowshares" is essentially that target creature rejects the way of the sword and becomes a farmer instead, hence you lose them as a combatant but gain the health from their farming.

This is really fuckin funny in conjunction with a lot of potential targets for that card. Can you just imagine you're an average farmer in an MTG plane, have a normal-ass day, and all of a sudden you look to the east, and stretching up past the clouds you see Ulamog, the despoiler, one of the infamous eldrazi titans, a creature that corrupts all that is good by its mere presence. And all the enormous bastard is doing is using their massive fuckin tendrils to plow the land and plant potatos, and tend to their flocks of eldrazi spawn, and then it turns its eyeless head thats the size of several cities at you and tips its wide brimmed straw hat at you and continues going about its work.

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

playing MTG with people who have been in the game for like 20 years is so insufferable sometimes

every turn they're like "I play Cock Goblin of Guzzleberg" and everyone else at the table nods and goes "ah yes of course, the Cock Goblin, classic" and doesn't explain.

so I'm like okay. what does that do. and they go "well it has a Guzzler effect" and I'm like okay great what the FUCK is a Guzzler Effect™

and then after like 10 minutes of trying to get them to explain, eventually I figure out that there was a card called Guzzler Greebling that was only printed ONCE in 1998, and its text was "when this creature ETBs, everyone at the table has to suck your dick" and this card got so popular in Standard at the time that now all effects that involve dick-sucking are called "Guzzlers" by the players

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

lands i've made for magic the gathering 🌾✨ artist proofs are available on my shop !~ buy a wallpaper or leave a tip / twitter / instagram / shop 

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

How each color in Magic does removal:

White: Never Speak to Me Or My Son Again

Blue: Rain checks, now in card form! (get it? Rain? Cause blue is associated with- hey where are you going?)

Black: Literally just murder.

Red: Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning? Repeatedly?

Green: YOU CAME TO THE WRONG NEIGHBORHOOD, MOTHERFUCKER!

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

Tree roots following the pattern of concrete footpaths

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

Happier days…

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

"men don't need to be afraid walking around at night"

Unless they're black

"men make more than women in jobs"

Black men make less than white women on average

"men don't get followed around by people who mean them harm"

Black men are heavily policed and regularly jumped and killed for just walking down the street

"no one tells a man what he can and cannot do with his own body"

Black men are repeatedly assaulted and have their hair forcibly shaved or cut for wearing their hair natural and in culturally important styles. Black men who choose body modifications like tattoos or piercings are branded as thugs. Black men who have children and black men who don't have children are both regarded as players, hounddogs, absent fathers, and baby daddies, as if the logical answer is that no one's first choice of partner and father of their children would ever be a black man.

"no one judges a man's worth based on his clothes"/"a man isn't ever in danger no matter what he wears"

Black men are required to look presentable and professional according to eurocentric standards, push themselves into clothes not made for their bodies, and be highly uncomfortable in their daily lives or else risk 'fitting the profile' or 'matching the description' and getting detained by police AT BEST for the crime of existing in public. Black men wearing comfortable clothes are seen as sloppy, thugs, gangsters, street rats, hood and ghetto.

"no man fears rape"

The rape and sexual assault of black men ties directly to black buck stereotypes and black fetishization to the point where liking a black person or having your dating pool be open to black people is treated like a sexuality much like being gay. People are both threatened by and aroused by our bodies and that leads them to perform extreme acts of violence on us, including rape, SA, coercion, trafficking, and more. Much like how "tranny" and "lesbian" is a porn category, so is Big Black Cock. Sometimes with us featured as the rapist. Sometimes with us featured as the victim. Almost never with us featured as intimate, passionate, loving, tender. Black men are either to be feared and reviled, or to be broken and forced to submit. Direct ties to slavery with white people still getting off to our suffering.

Just say you don't care as much about black people's suffering and go, jesus.

I have privilege because I sometimes pass as a man? Try walking in my shoes for a while. Turns out being a black man vs being a black woman isn't always so different.

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

hey guys if you actually care about mexicos water crisis please consider boycotting brands like coca cola and heineken. they are the ones running mexico's water supplies dry. I am aware of the "mexicans drink too much coke lmao" stereotype but it is because they have made us dependent on their brand, making it so in certain places of mexico, a coca cola bottle is cheaper than water. all thanks to our ex president Vicente Fox <3

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

There is a recent surge of people scared good omens is going to have a poor ending due to david Tennant's comment at a con. I won't ask how good omens ends because I don't want to know yet, but can we confirm that it's how sir Terry Pratchett would have loved to see it?

I love that David says at a con that yes, it will have a Good Ending and that is immediately interpreted by a nervous subset of Fandom as It Is Going To Be A Terrible Ending That Terry Would Have Hated.

It's the same ending Terry and I came up with in 2005. And it's a Good Ending. Stop worrying.

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

Hi Mr. Gaiman, I hope you’re doing well! I have an odd request. I’m a huge part of my church; I play in the praise band every week, I volunteer, and I have the honor of preaching once in a while. My church is very progressive and accepting of every kind of person. I have the pleasure of preaching again and I wanted to implement Aziraphale and Crowley/Good Omens into my sermon. However, I wanted to ask for your blessing first. Is that okay with you? I’m so excited for season 3 and I hope you have a great day!

Go for it.

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

In 2012 the University of the Arts awarded you an honorary doctorate. And you gave a beautiful commencement address. May 31st UArts abruptly announced it was ceasing all operations and closing for good on June 7th. There was no warning, no sign. It was a shock to everyone. Over 600 faculty and staff have lost their jobs. I am one of them. Over 1,300 students have two months to find new schools who will accept them and the incoming freshman class of 400 has been left high and dry. The media has been saying “heartbreaking” and “devastating” a lot, but there are no words that truly convey the emotions.

In the midst of all this, our library staff sent out its last monthly email. They ended with a quote from your 2012 commencement speech, thanking you for providing us with such wise words. You said, "And now go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Make good art."

Thank you Neil, for having the right words for a difficult time. My colleagues and I read that quote, smiled, lifted our heads a little higher, and determined to find a new path for making good art.

I was heartbroken when I heard about the University of the Arts. I'm glad I was able to give something back to all of you.

[cheesywheezybreadstick]

NEIL GAIMAN I AM SO SCARED THAT GOOD OMENS WON'T END HAPPILY☹️

It won't. It will have a very tragic ending. Crowley takes a sleeping potion, but Aziraphale thinks Crowley is dead and plunges a dagger deeply into his fair breast. Crowley wakes and, finding Aziraphale dead, becomes, in his heartbreak, a furniture delivery person and is crushed to death by a falling wardrobe. Then everybody cries.

[cheesywheezybreadstick]