cherrydarling87-blog

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New Year. So Much to Update 1/1/18

Where do I  even begin? Well, tomorrow I am officially 28 weeks pregnant. I’m third trimester. I’m so not ready. Not even close. less than 3 months and he’s here. No central heat and air yet, back room not fixed, No birth plan, no baby shower planned.

Oh, did I mention I’ve already gained almost 35 pounds? I went from 134 to 168. Recommended healthy weight gain for entire pregnancy is 25 to 35 pounds max. Even my doctor said I need to slow down. I feel like time has gone slow yet fast. Maybe this is first time Mom jitters, and doing it alone. But I truly feel beyond terrified and clueless. 

What if he comes early? What if nothing is done in time? What if I suck at being a Mom? 

This is the shit that goes through my head constantly..

Although feeling his perfect little kicks makes things ok, even if just for a moment. I know I suck at being pregnant but I love my little man more than lif itself...

So hopefully, as everyone continues to say--things will simply fall into place--and I will be a natural, and he will be a sweet happy baby. 

Happy New Year everyone..

[cherrydarling87-blog]

Denied. Denied. Denied

12/5/2017

So more bad news. Not only did I not sleep last night, which is pretty standard these days, might I add, more shit came my way.

Insurance claim. DENIED. FEMA Claim. DENIED The back room that was added on if I had to guess, back in the 80′s is not structurally sound. We knew there were issues with this when we bought the house in 2005, however, somehow it passed a V.A. inspection and we were able to get approved for the home loan. Fast forward to almost 2018. 3 hurricanes later with as tree coming up under the house now, the room is literally falling off my house. It isn’t safe, and I’m unsure as to what to do. So being that I’ve paid my house payment and insurance payment on time flawlessly the last 13 years, I thought my investment was protected, and my insurance company would help. NOPE.

They said this is normal wear and tare, and the house isn’t inhabitable. Yeah, totally safe for a pregnant woman. There’s probably mold damage. I want to do the right thing and not walk away from this house since I’m giving birth in 3 months. I don’t know what to do. I’ve already started preparing his nursery

Why does life have to be so hard. :-(

[cherrydarling87-blog]

So many tears. 12/3/17

I was really hopeful with my new found positive energy last week. Naturally, it was  short lived. Happy moments are few and far between in my life. So here’s how my week went...

Kyle basically removed me from all social media and barely speaks to me now. Although we discussed on Thanksgiving that it was OK for me to go public, and it seemed most everyone was supportive and I was almost kicking myself for not going public sooner, apparently people were bothering and congratulating him (keep in mind, I made no mention of him being the father) so because of this, I am punished and I guess I lose my friendship with him. You know, it doesn’t take 2 or anything. This pregnancy is totally my fault. I never did anything for him, you know. Although I helped him get his job and did everything I could imaginable to try to make him happy the past year I’ve known him. I am just a fucking bitch that has never come to his rescue and I might as well be dead to him for not getting an abortion...oh and of course he’s back shooting the shit with good ole Boyer. I know she’s eating all of this up. Enjoying my misery and pain and getting to spend time with Kyle while I mentally fall apart. I really considered telling Jennifer Williams everything, but it just wasn’t worth it. I am meaningless to him. Yes, I want him at times to hurt for being so mean and hurtful to me and not caring. But telling these girls the truth won’t make anything better. They will find out eventually the kind of person he is, whether or not I tell them. Maybe this is good for me. Shaping me, letting me see how awful he is. So I won’t expect anything once my son is born.

About mid week I had another regular OB apt. This actually went well for once. Was in and out. No ultrasound this time (I’ve been spoiled with so many already) just the fetal doppler which I LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing his heartbeat. She also measured my tummy. My next apt is the week before Christmas. That Monday, I get to take the fun glucose test. Basically, where I drink this gross sugary drink, and they test my blood sugar levels for gestational diabetes. God I hope I don’t have that. Then on Wednesday the 20th I go back to the specialist. They will do another ultrasound to check to see if he still has cysts on his brain. I’m scared about that, but excited to see my stinker on ultrasound. Hopefully he’s more cooperatve for some better images this time around. 

I’m really struggling in about every aspect imaginable during this pregnancy. I remember telling myself if/when I got pregnant that I’d stay active and work out and not gain an insane unhealthy amount of weight. All of that shit might as well have flown out the window. I was 135 pounds give or take beforehand. Now I’m pushing 160 :-( that’s a 25 pound weight gain at barely 24 weeks.The overall recommended weight gain for entire pregnancy is 25-35 pounds. Not only that, but because of my height  I’m just getting big all over. No real baby bump, so people just think Kelley is getting fat again. I wanted to be all bump. I’ve still got 3 more months to go, and the last trimester is when the baby really starts growing, and when the weight gain is supposed to happen. Basically, I’m fucked. I was good about working out the first trimester, and not gaining much. Then the 2nd trimester hit and boom exhaustion, constant hunger, then Kyle making me so sad and depressed. Usually it is the opposite or so I’ve read that the 1st trimester sucks and 2nd is more relief. That most certainly is not my case, unfortunately. Honestly, at this point my goal is to not go over 180. The constant crying, depression, anxiety, and isolation aren’t helping either. Needless to say, this is not anything like  I thought it’d be. I love my baby and I hate myself for always being down when most would be celebrating. I hope he understands one day. 

To add on, I went to a rather fancy baby shower yesterday. A room full of expensive gifts. I’ve never seen such a rich house. I felt completely out of place. Then overwhelmed. I will be lucky to have a baby shower. I can almost guarantee it won’t be anything like this. It started to sink in how I’m broke white trash just like Kelley Boyer said and my son doesn’t deserve to be brought into this world with just me. It almost hurt seeing how she had support on both sides of the family. Just a simple reminder of how worthless I am. Damn, now I’m crying typing this. The shower ended abruptly. My friend started bleeding and had to be rushed to the ER. Luckily, her baby is fine but it seems she will be on bed rest until he is born. I had to spend $1,200 which is 20% of his birth last week all on my own, and my next apt is additional $300 for his circumcision, then I have to pay my deductible of $500 next year when it resets. Did I mention all I’ve done is paint his room and put a changing table in there? I’ve tried so hard to save money but I’m drowning in bills and existing medical debt. I’m even working over time. 

I finally get home last night after a challenging day of feeling like nothing got accomplished. Only to be unable to sleep due to constant gunshot noises right outside my home. I’m not 6 months pregnant or anything. Then makes me concerned that I will be raising a child on 103rd street. So I cried myself to sleep off and on. Might’ve gotten about 3 hours total.

OK OK OK, enough of this negative energy. Guess I will try to be happy and thankful. This is the worst time of the year for me. Always has been. Just have to stay strong and hope that things have a way of working themselves out.

Kelley & Abel.

[cherrydarling87-blog]

Back to Reality November 26th tomorrow is 4 months till my due date!!!

So I had to use up the rest of my vacation for the year. I decided to take the week of Thanksgiving off. Put all my time together to get as much done as possible around the house / really start getting the nursery together. Let me tell you, being 22 weeks pregnant is tiring. Even the smallest tasks are exhausting and take forever. With the help of my Dad and brother, we got the room that will be his nursery cleared out, painted, and the popcorn ceiling sanded down since that isn’t safe for a baby. 

 I ended up seeing Kyle briefly on Thanksgiving. It sucks that when I am with him I always feel so happy. Short lived of course. I told him I plan on going 100% public with my news. He said it was okay, then when people asked him about it he acted like he had no idea I was pregnant. It is truly sad how he is handling all of this. How he has treated me the year I’ve known him, how he treats me now. I wonder if one day he is going to look back and realize how cruel he was, or wish he was a part of his sons life. Who knows.

In addition to everything I got done around the house, I managed to buy a few maternity clothing items. Rather expensive stuff. I listed a shit ton of things I want to sell to raise money for him.  I sadly didn’t get around to registering anywhere yet unfortunately. Hopefully this upcoming weekend.

Since I finally went public with the pregnancy, I’m surprised how many supportive friends I’ve had willing to help me. Already had someone say they would plan my baby shower. Also have a crib, a glider chair, and a bassinet being given to me. I still feel so un-ready, unsure, and terrified of being a clueless mom, but it is nice to know I feel like I have an Army since Kyle won’t be there when he’s born or even now. 

One day at a time. I can’t really pinpoint my feelings at the moment. Maybe content? I stay pretty sad about many things. So many life changes I’ve endured with this. A Gemini who for some strange reason hates change. I never go out, I’m having to save every penny, I went from 135 pounds to 155 pounds. (Finally got a baby bump) it is all for my son. I love him so much and I haven’t even met him. He’s all I’ve got for life.I will continue to sacrifice every fiber of my being to give him the life he deserves.

Cheers

Kelley Jane Caldwell

ALSO, I have fallen in love with the name Abel Ellis Caldwell..

[cherrydarling87-blog]

My son is 21 weeks. He still has the two choroid plexus cysts on his brain, but everything else on him is perfect. He is still measuring up to his original due date of 3/27/18. My little Aries man. I go back the week of Christmas. Hopefully the cysts are completely gone, and we have no other issues! I love my man SO MUCH!

[cherrydarling87-blog]

11/18/17 A W F U L

Yesterday really fucking sucked. And I want to make sure I remember these moments, in case Kyle all of  the sudden decides he wants to step up and be a decent human being when my son is born. So I had a big apt last week, which I mentioned on here in an earlier post. I asked Kyle to please be available to speak with, and not ignore me in case I needed anything medical, etc. 

Turns out he ignored me for 4 straight days. Of course he was with Kelley Boyer again. He had lied that she moved away and was done talking to him. Thinks he can just casually message me yesterday morning and all will be fine and dandy. Of course, this had been bothering me for days. So I said many harsh things to him. Only to receive one word answers, and no care at all.I had plans to be productive and clean out the nursery for my son to prepare it for painting Monday. Of course how upset I got trumped it all so I pretty much sat in my bed sobbing the rest of the night until I eventually passed out.

I think was hurts me the most is knowing that someone I love so much someone I’m carrying half of their DNA in me absolutely does not give a shit at all about me. He’s made it clear how he never has or will love me or my son. Then he does things at times  I wonder if it is just to get me worked up and act crazy. It is extremely hurtful  and not productive to a healthy, happy pregnancy.

It hurts knowing that all of the serious relationships I’ve managed to tie myself into since my marriage have ended the same. That said guy couldn’t love me, or feel the way I felt for him. The pain of feeling unlovable is hard to truly put into words. It surely sucks, I will say that. 

I tell myself just hate him. I tell myself cut him out of my life completely and I will be happier. It is so much easier said then done. Having this toxic, mean emotionally abusive, using person around just stresses me out and makes me feel so inadequate. I will keep trying to remove Kyle, but who knows. Any time I’m with him things seem perfect. My son kicks and moves and feels happy in my belly. 

That is why I make sure to put these words down to remember how bad times were and have been and how he has never been there for me. During our relationship he cheated repeatedly with anyone who would sleep with him. He took advantage of my financial situation, he has told me how our child will be ugly because “we look so different” and then feeling the need to repeatedly tell me about how he doesn’t love me and never will. I fucking know that, no need to be cruel.

I’ve outed him to one of his whores from his stable, Kelley Boyer which was a huge mistake because sadly she is very broken and not all mentally there. She has  threatened me, and will take whatever she can get from Kyle, and is actively trying to get pregnant by him. She is gross, mean, and disrespectful .I’ve let him know as he continues his involvement with her, i will  continue to remove my involvement from his life. I really thought about sharing with the other 4 ladies I’m aware of, but honestly, there’s no point  I thought making him just as miserable as I am would make me somehow feel better. It doesn’t. I don’t think it is fair he gets to lie and be mean and use people to his advantage and screw whatever he wants, but life isn’t fair. If life was fair, I’d live in a much nicer house that doesn’t have structural damage, and need lots of work to be baby ready. If life was fair, a lot would be different about me, my family, and my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m forever grateful for what I do have and as annoying as the saying is and sounds, things could ALWAYS be worse. 

So that’s my negative energy for this rainy Sunday. Time to get some food in me and STOP procrastinating. I must get more shit done. This is only going to become more and more difficult the longer I put off getting massive projects done. So wish me luck! 

xoxo Sad Girls Club #1 Pathetic Member Kelley Jane Caldwell

[cherrydarling87-blog]

Drowning 11/16/17

I just sat in traffic for an hour. Then I came home to my stinky gross house. Turned on Pandora to hear My Immortal. Saw a post my friend made about me that got me emotional. I haven’t cried my eyes out since I found out about the 2 cysts on my sons brain. Then I got really sick and things sort of escalated from there.

How am  I halfway through my pregnancy? How have I not done shit to prepare? Why am I still letting Kyle make me feel worthless? Why do I  feel like  I’m going to be a terrible mother? Why am I never good enough?

I saw my son on an ultrasound again yesterday. Of course he wasn’t cooperating. I love him so much. For just yesterday, I felt Okay. Seeing him makes it all okay. He makes me hate myself a little less. He gives me hope for a new day. Hope for my future. 

Let’s hope when I’m off on vacation next week I really get my shit together, and pull it all together. For my little sons sake! 

[cherrydarling87-blog]

The worst day of my life 11/2/17

So I’ve told myself it is important to type this out. I feel like since yesterday I’ve been in a bad dream I cannot wake up from. I have to remember how much pain I felt so I can look back and say how strong I was to get past it. I’ve been through so much. So here’s my Story..

I’m  20 weeks pregnant. Yesterday, I thought I was going in for a routine ultrasound, his gender reveal although I found out at 16 weeks I was having a boy (he’s def well endowed lol) Ultrasound tech took all his pictures. Said I was still measuring up to my due date of 3/27/18.That he was 11 ounces and looked healthy. Still had to see my doctor after. I noticed it was taking a while for the doctor to come in and talk to me...

She started talking and it was like I was listening, but not at the same time. Of course Mom was at this apt. My son has choroid plexus cysts on his brain. 2 on each side. The doctor tried to play it down. Apparently it normally goes away before the baby is born in most cases. Worst case scenario, he could have an extra copy of chromosome 18. This causes a condition called Trisomy 18. Most of these babies are miscarriages or stillborn. I’m waiting for a specialist to call me. I’m going to get a Level II ultrasound to tell me if he has the extra chromosome, or if there are any other complications that could indicate this.

I know the chances are small, and he should be ok and I should relax. But man talk about a cruel world. As anyone who knows me or has read my blog posts, this has been an awful year and a very tough pregnancy. I thought this was my chance for everything to be ok. I was going to have a happy healthy pregnancy. Nope. I guess the universe is still punishing me for unknown reasons?

Of course since Kyle got fired a week ago, he has been partying. Completely ignored me during all of this so I went insane in messages to him.Caused him to have a panic attack and have to go to the ER. He is such a selfish, uncaring person. Makes all of this hurt more going through it alone. Yet somehow  I still love and miss him.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I got myself so worked up sobbing and crying, I’m not very sick. Sitting at home alone in bed, missing piece of shit Kyle. Thinking and talking to my son.

Life is funny and cruel. I can’t say it enough. Especially since my Aunt died with massive brain tumors. So fuck it all. I will try to stay strong and beg what god their is that my boy is ok...

[cherrydarling87-blog]

I’m having a son as a single Mom

10-9-17

So I found out I’m having a boy today. Everyone was so sure it was a girl. At first I thought I wanted a girl, but now I’m warming up to the idea of a little boy. After all,  boys are easier...

So baby daddy. I have come to terms that we aren’t together, but man does he still amaze me with the level of shitty he can be. Says he stopped talking to the other Kelley who thank God, isn’t also pregnant. Pretty sure Friday night he got drugged. I made sure to get him in a safe place to sleep it off. I’ve been having intense pains that felt like contractions so  I went to the doctor today, moved my apt up just so happened to find out it was a boy. He has ignored me all day long. I don’t know why he feels the need to ignore me, but he does. He continues to prove that he gives 0 fucks. Actually, if possible, he gives negative fucks about me. All that matters is him partying like a child. He is 28 now. In fact, there are like 4 girls. Not just Kelley Boyer, but about 3 other ones. It is sad that I still even speak to him. You can’t choose who you love, sadly. 

I’m trying to not let him get in the way of me being excited. I have so much to do still, and I’m 4 months pregnant! I will do everything I can to give my little boy the best life possible that he deserves. I know I need to cut Kyle out of my life completely. Trying to get to the point where I can do that.

Although it is hard more often than not, life is beautiful and precious. I’ve gained 4 inches in my bust, hips, and ass.  My clothes barely fit, I cry all the time and I’m lonely but I have my little bubba growing in my belly to get me through the lonely, sleepless nights. Life will get better. 

<3 <3 He will be my Mommas boy. :-)

[cherrydarling87-blog]

I might be all alone in this world other than you, baby love...

Ultrasound at 11 ish weeks 9/11/17 post today 9/28/17...

Posts to follow- this is going to become my pregnancy blog I do believe.

[cherrydarling87-blog]

9/9/17. Hurricane Irma, baby in the belly, and feelings. Lots of them

^^ That title really does describe 3 main things happening right now in my life. Shorty after the stain Hurricane Harvey left in TX, now Hurricane Irma has ripped through the Caribbean and Cuba and will devastate most of FL. It is hard not to feel like all of these natural disasters are happening after the solar eclipse. Or it could be the end of times. Or it could be how much humans pollute the environment it is all catching up with us.All I can say is I fear for the Earth..

Baby in my belly update. 11 weeks pregnant. Still feeling fat af. Always tired. My boobs hurt. Always sad. Kyle really doesn’t want this. I do. It hurts always doing for others and not thinking what is best for Kelley. The other Kelley who might also be pregnant really is a piece of work. Trying to butter me up , convince me to get an abortion like she has any fucking right to speak to me. Then go back and tell Kyle everything I discuss with her. She doesn’t realize that I’m smarter than she thinks. I’m over over-thinking all of the bullshit. I simply want happiness and peace.

I was anticipating a better much more long winded post but  I’ve been distracted by about 56564513 things since I tried to start this about 2 hours ago..I will share more when I am less distracted. Good night anonymous interwebs.

[cherrydarling87-blog]

Hello, Nugget! 7 week Ultrasound. I love you more than you will ever know.

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9/2/17 8 something ( single tumblr doesn’t time stamp my posts!

“I can finally breathe, suddenly Alive” - Anberlin

“I’ve been trying real hard,to, to realize. But some things take a long, time a long long time: - Cage the Elephant

I’d like to apologize in advance for my last post. At the same time I pat myself on the back and say, bravo. I have to get my feelings out somehow since I can’t drink or party anymore. I’d like to say things have gotten better. But not much has changed. Now we are in September 2017. I am 10 weeks pregnant. Due 3/27/18. 2 days before my little brothers birthday. I have only told a select few people. Kyle of course wants me to have an abortion. I am not doing that. The other girl also might be pregnant. It is eye opening to see who my friends really are now that  I’m 100% sober. I am not sure if I miss my old life. I miss my friends. I feel so very alone. Going through the awful first trimester symptoms of pregnancy all by myself. Having to hide it all to please him, when he doesn’t give a shit about me. Life is hard. And it is only going to become harder. But I know I can do this. I am stronger than I realize. Now I have to save money and get my house how it needs to be to welcome baby. Maybe I will finally learn to love myself. Or this new version of me. The last year has been so hard. 

I’m terrified of gaining weight. So far, I’ve gained 7 pounds. The icing on the cake was getting to hear the  Nuggets heartbeat last week. First ultrasound it was 153 beats per minute. This time it was 184. 

I realize this post is all over the place.Whatever. I might start using this as my pregnancy blog. My boobs went from a 34C to 36DDD almost overnight. My back hurts. I can’t sleep and I’m always tired. Trying to make sure I work out as much as possible to prevent gaining too much weight. I should gain about 25-35lbs throughout the pregnancy. That is considered healthy weight gain.

That’s all I’ve got for now. This Saturday night will be spent like most. Home alone in bed watching Netflix.

[cherrydarling87-blog]

PREGNANT PITY PARTY.

I have to type this out. I have to remember how I feel in this moment. This moment is all I have.I have to remember what a low life, pathetic, piece of shit he has turned me into. In addition to knocking me up, yep folks. AS IF trying to end myself wasn’t enough, now I have a tiny human growing inside me. The father makes me hate myself a little more each day. We aren’t together. I get that. But he lies about anything and everything. He rotates between me and two other girls. Here’s another kicker: one of them has my same name, spelling, and is tall and blonde like me. But somehow she is even more batshit crazy than I am. He thinks I’m a complete moron just like my ex Grant did/does. And I kinda am. A lot of that is due to head injuries, bad genes, and drug overdoses, but all in all I am of decent intelligence. It is easier to let everyone think I’m a fucking retard. Then they have 0 expectations from me. Oh where was I? Sorry since he sprayed his DNA in me I can’t keep my train of thought. My boobs are huge, and they hurt. I cry all the time. I’m crying right now. I just want someone to care. No one cares. I would’ve done everyone a favor if  I would’ve blown my brains out 6/29. NO THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE CRY ALL CAPS. I WILL NOT EVER KILL MYSELF. No one would care any ways. Already learned that. He has been with her the last two days. How can someone get a girl pregnant that  they dated for 9 months ( ha, the irony) and treat them like they do not give any fucks. He never gave any fucks about me. Yet I still love him with everything in me. 

Kyle, if you ever read this I want you to know you were the nail in the coffin of destroying me. Grant chipped away at it and I found myself again but you finished me off. I’m sorry my love was never enough and how hard I constantly tried was never good enough for you. I’m sorry that I am keeping this baby..

I’m sorry you met me. Remember telling Roxanne how we never should’ve met/dated? I found that piece out 3 minutes before swallowing those bottles of Pills....

but it wasn’t all you. I’m a tormented soul. You were 93% of it.

[cherrydarling87-blog]

On June 29th, 2017 at 11:00am, I tried to end my life. I took 2 bottles of pills. 30 zoloft, and 30 lexapro. This also happened to be my fathers 64th birthday. He happened to be coming over to mow my yard for me, thinking I was at work. Seeing my car here, he sent my mother in to check on me. It had been about 20 minutes since I swallowed the pills. My mom had to hold me down and force me against my will to the ER. I had to drink what is called charcoal which makes you vomit violently. I remember the staff who were rude and wanted nothing to do with me, saying if you want to live, drink this. I was seizing, my head was on fire. It was a full body pain I cannot even describe. This was a smaller hospital on 103rd, so I rode an ambulance to OP hospital. I was then baker acted. Watched around the clock like a child. My body was also coming down from all the pills I took. One day I could barely walk. I had IV liquids running through my hands. Everyone has asked me why did I do it. I can tell you my triggers. I hadn’t slept the night before. My boyfriend dumped me. For the same reasons my previous relationship ended. Said he couldn’t / didn’t love me how I loved him and the guilt was too much to bear. I drank a bottle of vodka and consumed drugs I will not mention. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I also felt responsible for a good friends gf overdosing the day before Valentines Day this year. She had slit her wrists maybe 6 months prior. I told him she was looking for attention and she didn’t need help. Then she ended up overdosing on heroin. I have a family friend my brother grew up with who struggles with drug addiction. On my birthday this year, he contacted me looking to score. I never know how to say no. He left my house that morning. I had a weird feeling. He got into a car accident the day he left my house. I should’ve went with my gut and not let him leave. My heart is heavy and I feel the weight on my shoulders for so many terrible things that have happened to people. Those were the 2 that weigh me down the most. And then Kyle leaving me high and dry. I Iove him so much. I snapped like a twig. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Mental illness doesn’t mean one event causes these things to happen. It was a series of events. 

Fast forward to today. 7/20/17. The lead singer of a legendary band,  Linkin Parks Chester Bennington, hung himself at 41. Would’ve been Chris Cornells birthday today. Depression doesn’t discriminate. Also found out today that Joey Triplett, middle school friend of mine who was 30 died this past weekend.

So here I am, typing and crying my eyes out. I have to get this out somehow. Life is short. All I know is that I want to live like I’ve never lived. I’m 30. I’ve hit rock bottom and almost lost everything. Including being selfish enough to end my life. I will fight my addiction, depression, and self-hatred. I will come back on top and better than ever. To anyone reading this, you are not alone. We are not alone. Live, love, and prosper humans. 

GOODNIGHT,

[cherrydarling87-blog]

Once upon a time when times were good, and stuff.

[cherrydarling87-blog]

I feel

   I either feel too much or I feel nothing at all. I give so much love all the love my heart can give, to never receive it back. I date the most toxic, hateful people and expect it will be different. The reality is, I’m a giant worthless stupid piece of shit not capable of being loved. People only want me to pay for their bar tabs and to fuck me because they think I’m attractive. I’m fucking 30 and alone. I’ve barely left my hometown or experienced anything. I have no children. My family is beyond disappointed if that is even possible based off of where I came from. I always think things can’t get worse and they do. My favorite time of the year. Dumped and cheated on days after my birthday. I was told 30′s would be way better than 20′s that was a damn lie. Tonight I get to avoid one of my regular spots, to avoid that ex....cheers...

   So hello and welcome everyone! This is a taste of what you are sure to get from reading entries from my blog. I am a deeply depressed young adult female trying to figure out life. If that is even possible. I’m told this might help me get these horrible thoughts out of my head without sharing on social media for friends and family to judge. SO welcome to the hell bunny mind of CHERRY DARLING.