cherryw0n

[cherryw0n]

hey cutie chapter 2 soon ? 🙏

Hey, sorry to disappoint you but there won't be ch 2 of The Walls since it's a part of the series that is made of oneshots but there will be others parts with different storylines and members. Sorry for not updating so regularly but I have been busy lately😭 The next part will be posted as soon as it is finished!

[cherryw0n]

The Walls — lhs

nocturna series

pairing: dabbler!heeseung x addict!reader (afab)

synopsis: the world of intoxication and ecstasy was something you never thought could be so enchanting, so tempting. until you went spiraling into it unable to supress the inner cravings and strong thirst for something so forbidden but so euphoric.

genre: angst, smut, fluff

contains: drug consumption, drug addiction, alcohol consumption, coctailing, unprotected sex, smoking, established relationship

smut warnings: dom!heeseung x sub!reader, high sex, unprotected sex, dryhumping, manhandling, overstimulation, begging, cum play, oral (f. & m. receiving), dirty talk, praise, spit play, facesitting, snowballing, masturbation (f.)

NOT PROOFREAD! (english is not my first language)

MDNI!

It was his fault.

No.

It was really his fault.

But he himself couldn't stop, at least not right now.

The kisses you were leaving all over his neck, your hands groping every inch of his shoulders as you grinded over him on his lap made him weak. He threw his head back, moaning in pure bliss, the blood in his veins pumping fast, carrying adrenaline together with something more, something addictive. Cocaine.

You yourself weren't a stranger to it. If not, you were a little too far gone than Heeseung. It was enthrilling. Euphoric. No other feeling could compare to it, no other experience is equal to it. Just pure heaven. The arousal spread through your body faster, tactical. Every sound he made seemed so far yet so close. Your mind was fuzzy, body felt light and limp, it was only desire that moved you.

"Fuck baby—" He groaned out the moment you bit down into his jugular, messily letting the saliva slide down. Your thighs trapped his hips down to the couch, his slight thursts lazyly losing power with each grind down of your clothed cunt. The room felt suffocating, curtains were pulled over the windows, not letting any of the moonlight in. Only source of light was a small lamp right by the couch, casting shadows all over the living room as much as it's weak light reached.

Heeseung threw back his head, whines leaving his parted plump lips whilst you pulled back and locked your gaze on his expression. Fuck. You moaned, half lidded eyes fighting to stay open with each grind of your hips becoming harsher and faster. His sweats were drenched, your juices mixing into a messy patch. His hard lenght pressed into your pantie covered folds, sliding and letting you feel everything even over the clothes.

He was a mess, whiny. He could feel his orgasm approaching with each bump of his covered tip over your clit. Heeseung's head pulsed, the pleasure getting to his every nerve and the only thing he could do to brace himself for the high of the highs was to bite down on his forearm that he drapped over his mouth in a poor attempt to stop the sounds of becoming any louder than they already are. His other hand traveled to your hip, pushing you down harder in a desperate chase of his long awaited orgasm. "Hee, it feels so good!" You whined out, voice already hoarse from all the sounds that you let out for the past hour of humping and making out.

Heeseung was out, his eyes were tight shut, head still thrown back as his teeth dug deeper into his flesh. He nodded vigorously, not caring that you weren't getting the confirmation back. His hips gained the rhythm back, harshly fucking up into your slippery folds, cock already sore, sensitive and on the brink of bursting. You were so gone, the high of the drug not letting you down, only letting your body succumb to the pleasure easier. "Baby I'm gonna cum!" You closed your eyes, focusing on the hot knot on the verge of explosion, hands sliding over your swollen breasts, giving them a rough squezze. "Ah fuck...harder—" You cried out, head thrown back at the harsh slide of his tip over your swollen bud. It was all it took for pleasure to overflow you, hips sttutering, mouth agape open as you humped yourself through the climax.

Heeseung was there too, and the moment he hurriedly looked at your body over his lap, shaking from your own orgasm, and feeling your hot drenched pussy drag in a slightly slower grinds as you indulged in every and each second of your high, he moaned loudly letting his own take over. His tights trembled, humps became sloppy, his heart hammered violently against his ribcage as he released in the confinement of his briefs with the loudest moan he ever elicited.

Hard breathing filled the room, breaths mixing messily as your head spun from the overwhelming pleasure. His chest heavied up and down, glistening with thin layer of sweat, exhsustingly trying to get to some air. You reached over to the night table with the lamp right by the couch and swiped your finger on the residue of white powder, slowly raising it to your lips and sucking it off. You moaned in delight, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Heeseung observed you, the both highs slowly wearing off. But you on the other hand were still having fun. The euphoric smile on your face as you felt the small crytal powder against your taste buds was telling enough. Your hips grinded against him again, getting a small hiss of sensitivity back but you were still out of it, out of this reality. "Heeseung, I want more..." You cuddled into his chest, whiny voice barely sounded stable as you kissed his neck. He chuckled, peeling you off of him and bringing you up to face him.

"You want what Y/N?"

His thumb brushed your bottom lip, pulling it down before letting it bounce back. Just as he was about to pull his finger away you grabbed his hand, hazed red eyes looking up at him through the lashes. "Coke..." You took his thumb into your mouth, sucking harshly and messily. A breathy laugh left his throat at those words and he smiled teasingly. Smiled because he didn't know what mess will be created from just letting you in on his world of dabbling drugs, just simply enjoying the high for fun.

"Got you addicted to high sex, huh baby?"

And it was a mistake.

A big mistake that can't be undone as wished.

• • • • • •

Music hit Heeseung's eardrums unplesantly loud, making him silently wince in response as the entrace door closed behind him. He was hit with a smell of smoke invading his nosetrils, leaving a burning sensation up his sinuses as his eyes stinged due to the toxic fume. As he slowly took steps down the hall here and there couples were scattered around, some talking, some fighting and some making out using the hall as a secluded area for their private matters. He stepped into the living room where the rest of the party was and the scene fully unraveled before him.

Heat rushed over him instantly. The air was thick with the scent of alcohol, sweat and something undistinguishable. A makeshift dance floor had formed near the speakers, bodies moving in a reckless rhythm, lost in the music. A couple lounged on the couch, too deep in their own world to notice the people around them. The coffee table was scattered with red plastic cups and half-empty bottles, illuminated by the soft erratic glow of the neon sign placed on the wall.

Jake always knows how to throw a good party, that's for sure.

"You finally made it!"

The sudden collision with you attaching to his chest and hugging him startled him. He gasped in surprise but quickly, a smile was on his face as he hugged you back. "Woah, slow down girl!" You giggled against his thick hoodie, in the process getting some of the liquor from your cup onto his clean clothes. Heeseung felt the warmth of your body against his, but something was off. Your grip was tight—too tight. Your fingers trembled slightly where they clutched at his hoodie, and when you pulled back, he got a better look at you. Pupils were blown wide, your smile lopsided in a way that wasn’t just from the alcohol. The faint smell of vodka clung to your breath, mixing with something sharper, something artificial. He could tell.

Heeseung forced a smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as he studied you. "You feeling good?" His tone was casual, but his mind was racing. You grinned, nodding quickly. "So good. You should catch up, baby." You said, pressing a cold cup into his hand. Your fingers lingered on Heeseung's, eyes gleaming with a kind of feverish excitement. "Maybe later." He gave you a tight lipped grin as he placed the cup on the nearest table. Your red and hazy eyes still looking up at him, giggling to yourself.

His stomach clenched. He'd been the one to introduce you to the world of casual highs, to the occasional pill or line at a party when the night called for it. But you had been careful, hesitant even. Lately, though, that hesitation had vanished. And tonight? You were on something more than just alcohol—he could see it in the way your body swayed, like you weren't fully anchored to the ground.

It scared him.

Your relationship was just taking it's leap. Six months and counting, the first day you met still fresh in his mind as a day. And how could it not be? You got together just a few months ago, still getting to know some parts of one another and getting comfortable. You were a good girl, shy at first, always up in your own small world, kind and smart. You were everything Heeseung could ask for in a girl. But now, you were slowly changing. Maybe he shouldn't have brought you to one of these parties a couple of months ago, maybe he shouldn't have let you see him taking a ecstasy pill, maybe just maybe he didn't have to give you that pill too.

"Yo, Hee!" Heeseung's attention was stolen by the new approaching figure. "Hey Jake, what's up? " He stood before him grinning as he dabbed him up. Jake's cologne was mixed with the ever-present scent of booze and smoke in the air, his dark hair slightly tousled like he'd already been through a few rounds of partying. He glanced between Heeseung and your slow body giggling for no reason, and he gave his friend a look of concern, his eyes filled with something that only they could understand at the moment. Heeseung let his eyes drift to the ground before wandering all over the place, scanning the strangers in a attempt to avoid the pressure of his friend's gaze, and Jake got the message.

"You finally decided to show up!" Jake spoke teasingly over the loud music, getting a little closer to Heeseung. Heeseung forced a smirk. "Wouldn't miss it." Jake chuckled and held out a shot glass that he already brought with him in preparation. "Then prove it." Heeseung glanced at you and your swaying figure, the half empty glass he took out of your grip earlier now in your hands again. You seemed loose and carefree, enjoying the rhythmic bass as you let it get to you and be the only thing occupiying your mind. His uneasiness didn't fade, but it was drowned put by the heat of moment — the music, the energy. Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe you were just having fun.

And as if let off the leash, he grabbed the shot from Jake's hand and downed it in one go. The burning liquor left a heating sensation down his throat, making him grimace. Jake whooped in approval, getting himself a unopened beer from the table and handing one to Heeseung too.

And just like that, the night swallowed him whole.

Hours blurred into moments—more drinks, more laughter. Heeseung kept an eye on you, watching for any sign that you were spiraling, but the alcohol dulled the sharp edge of his suspicion. Every time he caught you giggling at nothing or losing focus mid-conversation, he told himself it was fine. You were fine. His concern that sat deep in his chest was replaced with carelessness the more he let himself enjoy the night, but it was till he felt your fingers lacing through his, pulling him with as you both stumbled through the crowd together.

Strangers brushed past him, some with barely a glance, others throwing quick smiles or playful shoves as they moved through the crowd. But it was all a blur to his tipsy mind. Dimly lit hall way was somehow empty, the only two figures that stumbled into it were you two, his hands gripped at your waist as you pushed him harshly against the wall capturing his lips in a hungry kiss.

No slow build up like usual, no teasing. Just a messy hungry kiss. Your mouth moved sloppily against his, making Heeseung smile into the kiss. You were barely standing, pathetically holding onto his shoulders as he held you up against him by the waist, the glass that you refused of letting go the whole night still somehow gripped in your palm. Agitation took over your whole body, but it was fighting with all its streght to stay collected. Your muscles were slowly giving out, but the euphoria that traveled through your system was not persisting.

You were pressing yourself against Heeseung harder, desperate to keep on partying, to keep the heat going. Heeseung whined against your lips, saliva messily dripping between your bodies and right onto your exposed clevage. You lips all of a sudden felt numb, tongue too as if something paralyzed them. No sensation was felt on them whatsoever and then your grip loosened, hands gripped at Heeseung's hoodie, lips disconnected as he was taken aback.

Heeseung barely had time to process it before your body gave out, knees buckling. A choked sound escaped your throat as if your brain was struggling to keep up with what was happening to your own body.

"Hey—" Heeseung caught you before you could hit the floor, his arms wrapping around your waist instinctively. His heartbeat, which had been pounding from the drunken high of the moment, now raced for an entirely different reason. You were trembling.

Your head lolled against his chest, breathing uneven. Heeseung quickly switched your positions, pressing your back against the wall for support. His hands framed your face, tilting your chin up so he could see your eyes. They were unfocused, pupils blown wide, expression dazed as if you weren't fully present.

"Babe—" His voice came out hoarse, the alcohol in his system doing little to soften the sharp panic slicing through him. "Hey, talk to me." Your lips parted, but no words came out. Eyes blinking sluggishly, like you were trying to wake up from a dream but couldn't find your way back. Heeseung sobered up in an instant.

This wasn’t just being drunk. This wasn’t just a high.

His stomach turned as realization hit him all at once—whatever you had taken, it was too much. Way too much. He had seen people go too far before, seen the way their bodies stopped listening to them when the mix of substances became lethal. But never you. Never this. Heeseung swallowed hard, pushing down the rising fear in his chest.

"Jake!" His voice cracked as he turned his head, searching the crowd for his friend through the living room door, hoping that somehow someone will hear. "Jake—help!" Everything around him blurred—the music, the people, the party. None of it mattered anymore. The only thing that mattered was keeping you awake. Keeping you here. Heeseung pressed his forehead against yours, gripping you tighter. "Stay with me, okay?" His voice was barely above a whisper now, his own breath shaking. "Just stay with me."

"Hey what's happe—"

"Jay! Help me get her to the bathroom! Quick!" He picked you up in his arms, running into the living room and through the crowd of piled up people, getting some insults and shows back, but he didn't care. Jay ran after him, being the only one in this whole party that didn't touch a drop of alcohol or any kind of drug since he got here ten minutes ago. The climb up the stairs felt excruciatingly longer than usual, Heeseung dodged bodies and bodies. "Move — move!" Jake barked,dragging open the bathroom door, Heeseung barged inside quickly putting you down by the sink. "Grab the sink Y/N, hold yourself up, come on." Jay slammed the door shut, fiddling with the lock hurriedly until it clicked.

Heeseung instructed to you whilst he got the water facet on, cold water numbing his fingers under the stream as he got it on your face. "Jay, hold her." Heeseung was panicking but still held his composure with his movements sharp and precise. The other boy slipped right by you, grabbing your arms that weakly gripped the sink. "She's burning up..." Jay's hand flew to your forehead. "What the hell did she take?" Jay spoke, his usually playful demeanor nowhere to be seen. Heeseung ignored the question. He didn’t know, and right now, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was getting you back.

The music was thumbing in your head, the bass ringing off in a drowsy melody. Your ears felt stuffed, muscles weak and worn out, eyes were fixed on one dot with your mind blank and dazed. It all felt too unreal. The coldness on your face and neck made you shiver. Slight trembles were shaking you, breathing still shallow. You flinched when another splash of water meet your face, a small gasp leaving your dry mouth and lashes fluttering. Heeseung kept on cupping your face with cold water, bringing it down to your neck too. "Come on Y/N!" He spoke loud and clear, emphasizing your name.

Your breathing was still shallow, but as Heeseung pressed another handful of cool water to your warm skin, your eyes started to clear—just a little. Fingers twitched weakly against the edge of the sink with Jay still clutching you in his arms. "There you are..." Heeseung whispered, his voice barely steady, breathing still deep.

You blinked up at him, lips parting slightly as if you were about to say something—but then a sharp gasp tore from your throat. Before either of them could react, you lurched forward, retching violently into the sink. Heeseung's chest tightened, but relief washed over him at the same time. Your body was fighting back. You were coming down. Jay moved beside you, grabbing a towel and wetting it before handing it over. "She's gonna be okay. " He said, more to himself than anyone else. Heeseung nodded, rubbing your back gently as you clutched the sink, breaths ragged and uneven.

Heeseung hovered over you, one of his hands now grabbing at bits of your hair as the other gripped the wet towel, his jaw clenched tight. His gaze observed your flushed face as you gripped the sink tighter, knuckles turned white from all the retching and the vomit that was spilling from your sore throat. It was agonizing. The stench that filled the room was like no other, just pure filth of alcoholic vapor. Jay grimaced, covering his mouth with the forearm in a poor attempt to dull the smell.

You struggled to breath whilst vomiting, eyes were glossy and felt like they would fall out of your sockets any minute. The vomit slowed down, your spit getting the last bits out. You gasped for air, mind still unaware of what just happened. You slumped down onto the toilet seat right next to the counter, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. Your cheeks were flushed, eyes watery but bright, still wide with the remnants of the high. Then, you laughed. A light, airy giggle that echoed off the tiles.

"God... " You said, breathless, looking up at Heeseung with a dazed smile. "That was intense." Jay observed everything, eyes going from your giggly figure up to Heeseung's fuming frame. "I'm gonna leave you two to it..." Jay mumbled before slipping out of the bathroom, giving you two space—or avoiding the fallout. The moment door clicked shut, the world quieted.

You kept on giggling, almost falling off the toilet. Heeseung stood there before you, looking down at your state, party obviously continuing in your head. His fists clenched at his sides, anger raising hot and slow beneath his skin. "Come on, let's go back—" Your hand went to grab his forearm in an attempt to stand up on your wobbly legs but his sharp voice cut you off.

"What did you take?" He asked, voice low, too calm. You blinked up at him, slightly swaying with the smile not faltering. "Relax. I just—" You chuckled softly. "I didn't expect it to hit that hard."

"What. The Fuck. Did you take?" Heeseung spat out through gritted teeth, eyes blazing through you. Your eyes flicked to his again, smile faltered for the first time tonight, eyes squinted as you thought back to it. "I had... two tabs of acid..." You spoke, words dragging against your tongue a little. "Then someone gave me a bump—he said it was just molly... I think there was something else in it. Then vodka. But not that much!—" You smiled up at him at the last part, vision still slightly blurry. His serious expression made you confess, as if he didn't already know. "—not really... "

Heeseung couldn't believe his ears. How reckless you behaved. He took a half step back, racking his hand through his hair with a huff of disbelief. "Jesus Christ—" He stared you down, waiting for any sign of regret, of realization of what you just did for the first time. But none surfaced, only a smiley drunk mess looked back at him, slightly swaying to the beat of music that got to the bathroom. "Are you even hearing yourself right now?!" His tone raised, anger getting the best of him.

"You are so hot when you are angry..." You bit your bottom lip, eyes narrowing in a seductive gaze, back leaning back against the tank. Heeseung was so worked up, not noticing or hearing your comment whilst he continued. "I was not here for the first two hours because of family stuff and you go and do something stupid like this?!" He was particularly yelling at you his hands flying all around with each word. You lazyly grabbed one of his wrist, hooded eyes looking up at him through lashes with his body being pulled close to you. "Why are you so mad? You have done worse. You were the one who told me to stop overthinking this shit and just... feel it."

"Not all at once! Not like this! I didn't tell you to fucking black out" Heeseung was furious, not being able to comprehend that you did something so reckless, something that a month ago would be a story that would creep you out before you went to bed. "You could have collapsed out there!.... If I wasn't with you then what?! You think someone would have noticed?" He stopped, attention finally fully on you that was basically hugging his hips, red glossy eyes looking up at him with your bottom lip stuck between your teeth with your chin resting on his lower stomach. You weren't listening to a thing. He clocked it the moment you two locked eyes, pure lust radiated off you as he huffed in frustration, defeat taking over. "Unbelievable." His voice cut sharp over the distant music letting each syllable bounce off the four tight walls. You giggled at that.

A joke.

This was all a joke to you.

"We are going home. Now."

"Nooo~"

• • • • • •

It's been a month. A month after you almost blacked out. You promised to Heeseung the day after the party when the hangover hit harder then ever that you won't do it again. And boy, was it hard. You got into the relationship with Heeseung knowing that about him. That he does it for fun, occasionally. You were not supportive of it, not one bit, always staying away from any kind of drugs. Throughout the whole high school you never even lit a cigar, let alone tried drugs. So being in relationship with a person who is all about the YOLO motto was kind of new, scary and at the same time refreshing.

You got to try everything that seemed intimidating and always followed with some stigma and fear. You lit your first cigar a month into the relationship at one of the visits to his apartment, surprisingly, on your own request, and he gave you one. The first ever head you got was, again, by him in his car while it rained and you two had to stop due to the downpour. It was mind blowing. Definitely one of the best rainy days to be remembered, that's for sure. The first time you got drunk was again around the same time, a month and a half into the relationship, Jake's house and that hang out is definitely one of core memories.

You could say that you were blooming, finally experiencing all the teenage stuff you missed out on. You felt alive. For the first time in your life you felt the adrenaline of doing something off limits, something that was forbiden for the longest time you could remember. The strictness of your parents that you were under till you turned eighteen was excruciating. But thankfully you were now free of that, the constant nagging now turned into "how was the party" and so on. A breath of fresh air.

On top of all that, you felt safe with Heeseung. One of his biggest virtues is making everyone feel like they belong, like they are protected when near him. And that was what attracted you to him the most. The relationship overall was thriving, you two met at the campus one random day when he actually showed up for the classes, since he had a part time job and could not get to each and every lecture. It all happened so fast, but the instant click was there.

You love him. He was everything you could ask for. Caring, kind, humble, faithful and so on. He was a dream come true. You really hit a jackpot with him as your first boyfriend and you were proud of it, of him.

But it all started slowly crumbling down bit by bit the moment drugs hit your senses. At that time you didn't realize that the clever and occasional highs with your boyfriend would have led you here.

You sat at your study desk, trying to focus and get this part of the lesson over with, but it was hard. Your leg kept on bouncing under the table, fingernails were all the time between your teeth, some of them already bleeding and red. Your mind raced with the words from the paper running around in a hope of distraction. It was no use. Your mouth was dry, no sip of water could get it hydrated enough as the water simply seemed to evaporate from your organism the moment it came in contact with it.

"Fuck." You groaned under your breath, hands coming up and messing with your hair before they rested in it. You need something. You really do or you will go insane. Abruptly getting up, you went over to your drawers and opened the first one, rummaging through it you found nothing. You groaned loudly in anger, slamming the drawer shut. You used up all the weed you had, but you knew you needed something stronger. Well as much as you told and promised Heeseung about staying away from any kind of drug that much you were lying.

The thirst was something indescribable, something you never felt before. And it could not be pushed down or forgotten. You craved the drugs. Your body betrayed you, asking for something you knew was forbiden, but it always won. No matter how hard you tried. Heeseung didn't know about your cravings, but you didn't need to tell him, he saw right through you. He knew you good enough to notice that not everything was right.

You walked in circles in the middle of your room, huffing in frustration. What should you do? Racking a hand through your messy hair you stopped. One name on your mind that you knew you could call up. Your shaky hands grabbed your phone from the bed hurriedly, quickly typing in the name and clicking on it.

One ring.

Two rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jungwon..."

• • • • • •

It’d been a quiet night. For once.

The apartment smelled faintly like instant noodles and cologne, the blue glow of the TV flickering across the walls as Heeseung leaned back into the couch, controller in hand, eyes locked on the screen. Jay sat on the floor, legs crossed, fingers moving furiously over his own controller. "Bro, you always camp that corner." Jay complained, tossing his head back. "You are such a rat."

"Strategic positioning." Heeseung smirked, taking another shot in game. "Don’t hate the player." Jay groaned and tossed a chip into his mouth. "Your 'strategic positioning' is annoying." The banter rolled easy between them. Normal. It felt good, like space had formed between Heeseung and everything messy he's been drowning in.

Then, his phone lit up. Heeseung's thumb paused over the controler as his eyes flicked over to the bright phone screen.

Y/N<3: come over. I miss u

He stared at it for too long that Jay noticed. "Her?" He asked, eyes back on the screen, thumbs still working over the buttons. "Yeah..." Heeseung mumbled back, already reaching for his leather jacket. "She wants me to come over." Jay's jaw clenched, hesitating before he spoke. "Wait. Before you go..." Heeseung was already on his two feet, swinging the jacket over his shoulders as he got it on. "What?" Jay shifted uncomfortably, eyes all off a sudden interested in the carpet. "I forgot to tell you... She, uh, asked Jungwon for something last week."

Heeseung blinked. "Jungwon? Like...Jungwon Jungwon?" Jay nodded back. "Yeah. Said she hit him up asking for some pills. Something mellow. I didn't think she would actually follow through but—" Heeseung's gut twisted. "You are joking." Jay raised his hands defensively. "I thought you knew." Heeseung was already walking towards the door, aggressively putting his shoes on. "She told me she was done. She looked me in the face and told me she was done."

"I know man. I didn't wanna stir shit up if she was just asking—"

"You should have told me the second you knew!" Heeseung barked, grabbing his keys. Jay stood up, eyes wide. "Wait, Hee! Don't go there pissed, you will just blow up and—" But his friend was already out the door, slamming it on the way out.

His knuckles were white around the steering wheel. Every red light made his pulse throb harder in his temples. The memory of her last time—laughing, stumbling, trying to kiss him like nothing had happened, the parties where you had no restrains played on repeat in his head. He really wanted to classify them as you just having fun, but it was going out of control even before that infamous blackout a month ago. He noticed all the small signs, the slight shakiness of your hands while at lectures, the bit down fingernails, constant drinking of water in a attempt to try and calm yourself. He noticed all. It was till the point he stopped getting high with you when alone, finding excuses like "I'm tired" or "I have none left" just so he wouldn't have to watch you fall apart. He shouldn't have gave you any in the first place to start with.

He regrets it.

You said you stopped and he believed you. And now you were doing it again. Behind his back. When he pulled up in your driveway, he noticed your parents car was not there, the only light in the house being on was in your room. Great. Getting himself out of the car he ringed once and simply let himself in. You were home alone and even left the door unlocked? Pretty responsible.

Heeseung scanned the dark living room, stepping inside and closing the door making sure to turn the lock and get his shoes off before heading up the stairs. Your door was slightly open, letting the light peak through the slight crack. When he pushed the door open, jaw locked tight, he scanned the room like he expected to see drugs lying out in the open. You flinched at the sudden sound, gripping the towel around you tighter as you turned towards the door a small smile on your lips. "Hey Hee..." You adjusted the towel on your head before taking steps towards him. Heeseung stood there, eyes going over your freshly washed body, but stiil, the smell of your baby talc was not the only thing that lingered in the air. Weed.

"Well that was fast—"

"Did you hit up Jungwon for pills?"

Silence.

You stood before him, staring blankly at his serious face. Your lips parted slightly, like you hadn't expected him to lead with that. "What?" You retorted, almost too innocent, your brows narrowed in confusion, slight smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "What are you talking about—"

"Don't lie to me." He took a step closer, and he had what to smell. You reeked of weed, the earthy scent faded but still there. You rolled your eyes, tension tightening your shoulders. "I didn't take anything. I just...asked."

"Why?" He snapped. "Why the hell would you do that? After everything that happened? After I carried you to the bathroom so you wouldn't pass out in the middle of a party?! Wh—"

"God, Heeseung!—" You took a step back, overwhelmed. Eyes now full of something he couldn't decipher, something you yourself couldn't quite put a finger on. "Will you stop for once... " Your chest moved shallowly as your tone changed to a whisper. "Acting like I'm a baby and can't care for myself. Stop playing dad, Jesus!" You turned away from him, taking the towel from your head and throwing it on the bed. Wet hair on your shoulders sent shivers down your spine as you grabbed the comb and started doing your hair in front of the mirror, like nothing happened. Maybe it was you just avoiding conflict. Or you were scared of the confrontation you knew will come with the argument.

"Oh, so now I'm the villain? And for what? For caring too much?! Miss me with that fucking bullshit! You think this is only about that one time huh?!..." Heeseung now stood next to you, your peripheral vision blurred by him standing close whilst you slowly dragged the brush through your wet hair, jaw tightening. "You really think I didn't notice what's been happening to you? How you have been slipping further? You think I didn't clock every excuse, every lie, every time you said it to my face and weren't honest? It's not a phase, Y/N. It's an addiction—"

"Get out of my fucking face!" You pushed at his chest, making him stumble back a bit, but not from the force—but from the slight tremble and a crack in your voice. The brush tumbled to the ground, forgotten. He hit a nerve. You trembled, eyes boring through his, fists clenched by your sides. "Hit a nerve huh—"

"I don’t need you standing there like some savior." you hissed, voice shaking—not from weakness, but rage laced with fear. "Like you are above this. Like you haven't done the same shit, worse even." He scoffed, jaw clenching. "Don't turn this on me. I never lied about what I was doing. I never pretended I was okay."

"No, you just gave it to me!" you shouted, pointing at him. "You were the one who got me into this. You handed me the first pill like it was a game. Don't stand there and act like you’re clean."

"I never thought you'd drown in it." he said, almost under his breath, but the words landed like a punch. "I didn't think you would need it." Your throat tightened. That sting behind your eyes rose fast. But you refused to let it fall. Not in front of him. Not now. "You don’t know what the fuck I need." You muttered, voice barely held together.

"That's what you do, isn't it?" he went on, voice bitter. "You push until people leave so you don't have to face what you’re doing to yourself."

"Oh, fuck you!" You screamed. "You don't know me! You think just because you stuck around during a few breakdowns, you have earned the right to speak like you are some authority on who I am?!"

“I do know you." he growled, stepping forward again. "I know you are smart. I know you are strong. And I know you are so goddamn scared of being vulnerable that you would rather burn down every good thing around you than admit you need help."

You shook your head, shaking with anger, frustration, and fear. "Stop acting like you know everything. I don't need you coming in here trying to fix me. I'm not addicted!" The last words sat heavy on your tongue, your glossy eyes looking straight into his but behind them there was something that couldn't be hidden. Unsureness.

Heeseung's face hardened. "You know what? Maybe not. Maybe I’m not good. But at least I’m not hiding behind a bottle and a fake laugh while I rot from the inside out." That one hurt. You physically recoiled. A tense, horrible silence fell between you both. Breathing hard. Shaking. You spoke first, bitter and cold.

"Get out."

Heeseung’s jaw flexed, eyes burning holes through you. "Gladly." He turned on his heels without another word and stormed out, slamming the door so hard it rattled the frame. You stood there, heart pounding, fists trembling, eyes burning.

You didn't cry.

You didn't move.

You were too mad for tears.

Too hurt to call him back.

And way too scared to admit he might have been right.

• • • • • •

It's been days. Days since you talked to your boyfriend and it was weird. Everyone noticed your distance, especially at the campus where you two litteraly avoided each other. Heeseung needed time. He had to process everything and actually think about what he wants out of this relationship. He had to figure where you two stand. It was not so easy.

You on the other hand felt empty. With Heeseung no longer by your side you felt more alone then ever. You were lonely. Sad to admit, but he was your only company. You never had much friends. The ones you had were left behind by you the moment you entered a relationship with him, and you shouldn't have done it. Heeseung was telling you that, to try to rekindle the contact with some, but you were too deep into your relationship, it consumed you to the point you didn't care for anyone else except him.

It now backfired.

As you sat down on your balcony, the starry sky over you shining and illuminating your face, almost as if caressing your heavy lashes, you were lost. Your eyes were red, red from the drug that was rushing through your bloodstream and playing with every nerve in your brain. The pill had kicked in a while ago—maybe thirty, maybe fifty minutes. Time had melted into something meaningless. Benzos always did that. It didn't hit like a train, didn't smack you across the face. It just...hushed everything. The noise in your head, the ache in your chest, the trembling in your fingers. All muted now. Just a soft, slippery nothing.

The metal chair you sat on felt uncomfortable, digging into your leaned back and backside uncomfortably as you held your legs close to your chest, head thrown back against the wall. You fucked up. You did. And your eyes stang, again. A single tear dropping down your cheek whilst you kept a blank face. He was right. He was right about everything.

Another tear.

You had a problem and you didn't know how to fix that. You shouldn't have touched drugs, you shouldn't have even thought about it. But the thrill pulled you in and made sure you kept coming back. It was a game that rarely who managed to escape, and that thought scared you. You were too prideful, no, too scared to admit what path you were going down just days ago, but now, it was all clear. There was not a day you weren't on something. That's how bad it had become. Crises were becoming a everyday thing, your apearence started to exude your inner conflicts, leading to you going to lectures not caring about proper hygiene. The last days were really a spiral that seemed inevitable. Your meals all the together weren't regular. A mess, that's the last week summed up. A fucking mess.

It had been days since you heard from him. Not a text. Not a call. Not even a passive-aggressive story repost you could overanalyze. Nothing. And somehow, this hurt more than all your fights combined. The tears started pouring down, your shaky hand came up to wipe them off but only more were coming. You gasped, hands rubbing your calfs up and down, a nervous tick that kept going even if you weren't nervous anymore.

You should have been angry. But you weren't. Or maybe you were. You couldn't tell anymore. Everything inside you had flatlined.

The highs weren't fun anymore. It wasn't wild or dizzying or euphoric. It was hollow, only acting like a stabilizer that kept you alive. The cravings did not have mercy. You fucked it all up. And maybe you had. Maybe he was done. Maybe he meant it.

The thought left nothing but a painful ache in your chest. Your head pounded, body trembled as the tears heavied your vision, the night sky now dissolving into one big blur, the sobs never stopped .

• • • • • •

The sound of laughter and bicker bounced off the alley walls next to Heeseung's building as the friends kept on talking. The city buzzed in the background, cars passing, distant chatter of people, the light bass of the music on the rooftop bar could be felt. Heeseung sat on the wodden crate with the half-burned cigar between his fingers, legs stretched out in front of him, his head tipped back as he exhaled slowly.

Jay was leaned up against the opposite wall, flipping the lighter open and shut out of habit whilst Sunghoon and Jake debated over some movie trivia, their voices loud but harmless. "Bro, I'm telling you..." Jake insisted, pointing his cigar like it was a mic. "It wasn't his real kid, it was a setup." Sunghoon scoffed at that, rolling his eyes. "Shut up. You always think everything is a conspiracy." Jay let out a chuckle at their stupid argument. "Y'all sound like a YouTube comment section." He looked over to Heeseung. "Back me up."

Heeseung gave a half-laugh, corners of his lips tugging up slightly. "I'm too high for logic right now." Everyone laughed just for a moment. Everything seemed fine. Until Jay's eyes lingered too long on Heeseung's face, reading the quiet behind the smirk. Then he spoke. "So... You heard from Y/N?" The laughter stopped like someone had hit mute, Sunghoon and Jake turning to Heeseung, noticing the uneasiness after the mention of you. His jaw ticked, fingers tightening slightly around the cigar. He didn't look at them, just took another drag, slow and heavy. "Not tryna start something. Just asking." Jay added on in defence.

Heeseung let the smoke sit on his tongue for a second before blowing it out with a scoff. "No, I haven't." The words lingered heavy in the air, Sunghoon and Jake exchanged a look but didn't say anything. Jay leaned a bit, voice low. "You miss her?" Heeseung stared ahead, watching the smoke snake through the air, his mind blank but at the same time racing before be answered. "Of course..." Jay nodded slowly, flicking the ash onto the ground. "You think she is gonna come back from it?"

Silence.

Heeseung finally looked at him, eyes darker then usual. "I don't know. That's the part that pisses me off the most. I don't know." There was a long pause. City was still bustling, but here it felt like it was frozen. "I tried." voice quiter now but still sharp. "I tried to pull her out, talks and talks. But it seems like she doesn't get the weight of it. This is all just a getting loose thing to her and it pisses me off. Acting like a fucking child..." The boys stared at him, their eyes carrying something more—sympathy, maybe. Or guilt.

"And every time I bring it up she turns it on me. I get it! I get it that I shouldn't have let her dabble with me, but I didn't know she was that labile..." Jay nodded again, humming in understanding. Sunghoon cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence with the offer. "You wanna hit something more after this? Grab a drink or something?"

Heeseung blinked, taking the last long drag from the cigar, toxic smoke spreading through his lungs before it exited through his nostrils and slightly parted lips, creating a cloud of fog over his head. He let the cigarette butt down by him, stepping with his heel on it before he answered. "Fuck yeah."

Jake whooped and threw his unfinished cigar. "Let's go!" Like always, he was up for drinking and partying. His reaction got smiles on other boys' faces, light laughter filled the alley. Heeseung knew he needed this. No regret or overthinking tonight, just simple night out with his friends. Carefree and alive. Tonight, he will get you off his mind, even if that only lasted a couple of hours.

He needs this.

• • • • • •

The clicking of cutlery against porcelain echoed softly in the dinner room together with your parents banter. The dinner before you looked beautiful—roasted vegetables, grilled chicken, all neatly plated and ready to be devoured. But you couldn't stomach any of it. You sat at the table, shoulders slouched as you stirred the rice unappetizingly with your fork. Your eyes were tired, the tired that makeup couldn't hide anymore. Your frame was hugged by a baggy hoodie, sleeves run down your arms as if almost trying to swallow you.

"You barely touched your plate." Your mom said gently, pausing her glass of water halfway to her lips. "Are you still feeling sick?" You blinked slowly. "Yeah..." You murmured under your breath. "Still kinda... off." Your dad glanced up from his phone, eyes drifting from a important email and right to your weak figure. His eyebrow furrowed. "You missed three days of classes. You sure you are okay?" Concern could be heard in his gentle tone.

"I'm fine." You answered a little too quickly, voice flat. "It's probably just the flu or something." Your mom gave you a look, skeptical but not confrontational. "Maybe we should take you to a doctor, sweetie." You shook your head. "No. I'm just tired. I'll be okay." A silence took over for a few seconds, your fork again in the plate before you, scraping it. Then your mom spoke again, more careful this time.

"I haven't seen Heeseung around for awhile. Everything okay between you two?"

The fork stilled in your hand. Your eyes locked to the plate, breathing barely noticeable. The question sliced through you —normal, casual, but you still couldn't answer it. Your mouth was opening but nothing came out. Your throat tightened, tongue sat heavy and dry. The silence grew noticeable, both of your parents now hyper focused on you, every movement stopping. Your mothers brow's knitted together. "Y/N?" You still didn’t answer.

You didn't know what to say. How do you explain that the boy they once smiled at across the doorway has not spoken to you for weeks since the last time he looked at you was like a stranger when you were in the same room together? That you couldn't bring yourself to feel normal anymore, not in your skin, not in your thoughts—and you didn't even have a good enough reason for why you spiraled in the first place.

Your dad glanced between you and your mother, he didn't push. He never did.

You finally forced a weak shrug, voice flat. "We have just been... busy. He's been with his friends." Your voice cracked in the middle, so quietly that your mother had to lean in to catch it. More silence. Your mom smiled faintly, not convinced of your words. "Alright. Well... Let us know if you want to talk about anything." You nodded quickly eyes never leaving the plate.

But in your chest, shame coiled tight—hot and choking. They didn't know. Not really. And if they ever did… if they ever truly looked close enough—

You took a shaky breath and stabbed a piece of cold chicken.

Pretending was easier.

• • • • • •

The room was dim, lit by only your bright phone screen and the moonlight that came down through the blinds. The house was quiet, pretty quiet. Your parents were working night shifts again, so that meant no people to distract you. Sheets were tangled at your feet, music playing low from the speaker, something ambient and slow, barely keeping you tethered to reality. You sat up as you clicked on the first icon in the message app, staring at the last message you had sent him.

You: come over. I miss u

It woke up the ache that you worked so hard to avoid. But there's no going back now. Your finger trembled as they danced over the keyboard, typing and retyping the same message with unsureness.

You: I miss you

Send.

You: Please come over

Send.

You: Please

Send. Send. Send.

Your chest tightened, a dull sharp ache pulsing behind your ribs. The benzodiazepines rolled through your bloodstream, turning your thoughts into a slush and muting the sharpness of the world. You didn't feel the pain exactly—not like you should have. It was more like you were watching yourself fall apart from the other side of the room. A weak laugh escaped your lips, cracked and breathy as if you were barely standing. Your hand wiped under your eyes. You didn't know if you were crying again or your vision was distorted from the high. Maybe both.

No reply.

You stared at the screen until the words blurred, until your thumb hit the message bar again and typed without thinking.

You: I'm sorry. I fucked up. I just want you. Please just come.

The silence in the room was unbearable. You fell back against the pillows, eyes locked on the ceiling. Everything felt too quiet but too loud at the same time. Your limbs were warm and numb, heartbeat slow and steady, but your thoughts spun in circles, clashing. You couldn't stop seeing his face. The way he looked at you during your last fight — angry, hurt, done. It made your gut twist at the reviving.

You sent another message.

You: I just want to feel something real again

• • • • • •

The phone buzzed once. Twice. Again. Heeseung looked at it from where he was sitting at the edge of his bed, hair damp from the late night shower, hoodie half zipped up, blunt burning low between his fingers. The screen lit up with your name, over and over again.

Y/N<3: I miss u

Y/N<3: Please come

Y/N<3: I just want to feel something real again

He stared at it, jaw tense, stomach flipping. He could already tell—she was high. The pattern, the desperation, the timing. Everything added up. He knew that too well. His thumb hovered over the screen, his pulse jumped. He hated you for doing this. He hated himself for caring. But most of all, he was hating how fast he was standing up and grabbing his keys.

He was already in your driveway, no sign of your parents car. Of course. Of course you get high and call him when you are alone. He exited the car, pulse quickening with every step he took towards the door. No light was on in the house, not even your own room. The front door creaked open under his hand. Heeseung didn't ring. He never had to.

You always left it unlocked whenever you wanted him to come. It became a unspoken rule that still somehow stood. Even now—weeks after the fallout, after everything that was said and left unsaid.

He took a step inside, slow and cautious, scanning the dark familiar living room. The whole place was quiet, dead almost. He was not even sure if anyone was at all home. He shut the door and made his way up the stairs, no light was needed, it was all too familiar. With each step up the stairs his heart hammered, throat tight. Am I really doing this again?

Reaching the top, he could see the weak light coming from under your door which was slightly cracked open, like always. He took steps and finally was face to face with the comfort of your room, only separated by the thin wood. The moment he pushed the door open, there you were. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, hoodie slipping off one shoulder, hair wild and unbrushed. Your phone was clutched in your hand and eyes red and unfocused, blinking slowly. Your head turned sluggishly when you felt him on the doorway. You didn't flinch, didn't say anything. You just stared at him like he was the only thing keeping you tethered to this world with wet cheeks and watery eyes.

"You left the door unlocked..." Heeseung spoke flatly, almost lifelessly as his eyes scanned you. How glassy your eyes were, pupils blown wide, how you were barely holding yourself together. "You came..." Your hoarse voice echoed through the room, sniffles continued. "I wasn't sure if you would." A bitter smile pulled at your lips.

Heeseung didn't answer, jaw tensed as he shut the door behind him, eyes never leaving you. "You are high." He said, eyes sharp now. You looked down at you lap. "I just needed to feel... less."

"Less what?"

"Just— less."

He slowly made his way towards you, stopping right at the foot of you bed. "You are fucking dissappearing." Your dazed eyes followed him, full of tears that were ready to downpour. You sniffled, pulling your legs up to your chest and hugging them. "Why do you care? You left me." The words left your mouth in a whisper, strained almost inaudible. "I didn't leave!" He snapped. "You pushed me out! You kept lying. Hiding even. You broke my trust!" Tears suddenly started pouring out your eyes quietly, still listening to every word his angry voice spoke. "You became distant, even when I wanted to get close to you!—"

"You think I don’t know what’s happening?! You think I can’t see it too? You think I like being like this?!" You shouted through sobs, finally letting it out. Heeseung’s eyes softened, drinking in every word as his mind raced. "No, I don't th—"

"Then stop acting you you know fucking everything!" You were now gasping from how much tears you were sheding, it was exhausting. You snapped finally, frustration getting the best of you. Everything deteriorated, everything you built collapsed right before your eyes. You chest hurt, hands trembled as cold sweat coated your skin. Heeseung took a step back from the sudden outburst. The rawness of it making his own legs weak. The moment you heard him take steps back your head snapped towards him, eyes wide in fear. "Nonono—" You repeated shaking your head in denial, getting on your wobbly knees and hands. "Heeseung, please! I'll be good. I swear, please—" You crawled towards him, eyes looking up at him through your wet lashes, glowing under the moonlight.

You finally got to the end of the bed, grabbing his wrist before you pulled him back towards the bed, staring up at his upright and strong figure hovering over your crawling one. "Please. Don't go." You got on your knees, attaching yourself to him, hands grabbing at his waist and every inch of his upper body, histerically. Like you would lose him right now, right here.

Heeseung was at a loss for words, blankly staring at your face up close after so long. And you were so beautiful. With your puffy glossy eyes, plump lips swollen, cheeks red from all the stress. You still were so beautiful to him. He gulped, scanning your panicked face, hands still by his side, not daring to lay a hand on you. Not because he didn't want to, but because he was scared he would not be able to stop.

Suddenly your eyes met, your gaze instantly changing, like a switch. Your hands sensually slowed down, caressing his hoodie covered waist. Your breaths mingled, mixing as your eyes traveled down to his lips. Silence became tense, the only sound being your slow and deep breathing. Heeseung gulped and you felt it. That subtle shift in the air, the way his chest raised just a bit more forcefully, the way his fingers twitched at his sides. He was trying, really trying to hold the line. But you could feel him crack under the weight of your desperation.

Your hands moved slower, more intentionally now, sliding up the fabric of his hoodie, gently feeling his muscles contract under your cold touch. "You still want me..." You whispered, eyes hooded and red and voice broken, shaky. "Even now... don't you?" He didn't respond. But the silence was the response.

You leaned in closer, face tilted up, lips ghosting the underside of his jaw. "Say it." You pleaded, voice trembling like your body was. "Please. Just say it." Heeseung's eyes fluttered shut for a second, jaw clenched. He was breathing through his nose, trying to keep control. "Y/N stop—"

"You always love having me like this." The graze of your lips against to corner of his mouth was the last straw, his hands finally moved—grabbing your wrists, gently but firmly, pulling them away from his body. You looked up at him, panic flashing again, eyes wide. But before you could speak, he crashed his mouth to yours.

It wasn't a kiss. It was a collapse.

Your back met the mattress again, his body following, heavy and hot, mouth devouring yours like it's his last. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as his hoodie rode up, fingers digging into the sheets, into his back, into anything you could hold yourself onto. His hands found your waist, your thighs, your face — gripping, stroking like he couldn't decide what to do first. The kiss was messy, uncoordinated, like both of you were leading your own way. Saliva mixing, tongues fighting to get the taste of each other's mouth, hungrily. He suddenly detached, earning a whine from you in response as he let his kisses down your jaw and right over your neck.

"I hate you for this." He mumbled into your neck, voice sharp, breathing erratic. "You drive me insane." You moaned in response, arching your back off the sheets and right into his body asking him to get back to work. "Hee, please..." He dived back in, kissing your neck, your clavicles, leaving open mouthed kisses with his hands traveling up your hoodie. Your skin was cold but sweaty, chest heavied up and down with each touch of his fingertips. He moved down, slowly descending onto his knees at the foot of the bed, meeting with the carpet as his lips grazed every inch of your stomach, hoodie pushed up by his big hands. You gasped for air, raising yourself by your elbows and watching him. His slouched figure grabbed at your thighs, hips, anything that was available. His nose nuzzled onto your waistband, underwear on full display before him.

He raised his eyes, making direct eye contact with you making you almost moan out loud. Heeseung had a sight to see, you meesed up, desperate for him, eyes now puppy like almost begging him to devour you. "Didn't eat this pussy in a while baby..." His fingers grazed your inner thighs, eyes moving down to scan the mess that was already accumulating. The wet patch stabbing his eyes, making him hiss at the slight movement of your hips against his gaze. "You want that, hm?" You hummed out desperately, nodding your head quickly, legs spreading further on their own.

Heeseung caressed it with the back of his fingers, feeling the wetnees over the drenched fabric. You relaxed into the touch, his knuckles hitting your covered clit in a stroking motion just right. It was gentle, teasing, and he enjoyed watching you fall apart just by his simple touch. You were sweating, the drugs still slowing you down, making the slight pleasure feel otherwordly. Heeseung hooked his fingers on your panties, pulling them away from your core before letting it slap back against it, the action making you slightly jolt. The wet sound that came of it making his mind spin. You were humming repeatedly in a haze, your eyes closed and head thrown back, hips chasing the stimulation under his eyes. "Fuck. Don't do that..." He grimaced, his sweats feeling tighter then ever. Just the simple squirm of your body was enough to make his tip leak precum in anticipation.

His hands grasped your hips, adjusting you as he lowered his head, now face to face with your soaked underwear. He blew at it experimentaly, to see if you would feel even the slightest of brush and you did. Your hips rolled in an attempt to meet whatever that was, not nothing. That's how sensitive you were. It was the last straw before he was tipped over the edge, impatience getting the best of him as he pulled the underwear off you, throwing it somewhere behind. Pushing your thighs spread open again with his palms pressing onto them, he left a harsh lick all the way from your hole to your clit. It made you scream in surprise, body aching and trembling the moment his tongue went flat over your bundle of nerves.

He was impatient. His mouth quickly attached to your clit, engulfing it with his soft wet mouth as he sucked. Your back met the mattress again, arms too weak to hold you up. You panted, head thrown back as he refused to let your bud go. It was becoming sensitive with each flick of his tongue as he harshly sucked, even moaning against your wetness. Heeseung was enjoying himself, head bobbing with each squirm of your hips against him. You tasted divine.

You were becoming a moaning mess, cold sweat covered every inch of your skin, the hoodie feeling suffocating on your torso more than ever. Lightheadedness was taking over. You were so sensitive. You can't take it. So you trashed around against his mouth, trying to run away from his savage lips, but it only made him groan, your moans became erratic, a small tight knot forming in the pit of your stomach.

It made him mad. You trying to run from him. His fingers digged harder into your inner thighs, keeping you in place. You hissed in pain from his strong hold, he was too aggressive, his mouth detaching from your clit to just let a filthy glob of spit onto it before diving back in. You sighed in slight relief but the overwhelming pleasure was back, this time his tongue skimmed over your holds, collecting all of your sticky arousal before it circled your hole. You raised your head and opened your heavy eyes, vision blurry from all the tears, cheeks flushed and red, neck heating in a uncomfortable fire. His eyes locked with yours. You moaned, mouth agape as you kept the eye contact. He smirked with his tongue traveling up to your bud and down to your hole again, teasingly poking at it, again and again.

"Tongue fuck me, yes..." You mumbled lowly through a breathy tremble more to yourself as you bit down on your lip and closed your eyes whilst throwing your head back. Hips meeting his shallow thrusts into your cunt. Heeseung almost came from the simple sight of you fucking yourself against his hot muscle. The next thing he did made you whine in need. He grabbed your knees, his hot hands against your sweaty skin made you shudder as he pushed them up and against your chest, your cunt on full display and at his mercy now. He dived right in, folding you in a uncomfortable position as his tongue thrusted into you, harder this time. You bit your bottom lip, pleasure eating you up as he didn't stop, not for a second. His hot muscle rubbed your entrance and walls in such a dirty way, hammering at a speed that had your head spin. You moaned and moaned, voice already hoarse.

"Heeseung fuck!" Your voice strained and breathy as it came out, the knot forming faster then ever, thighs shaking, ears canceling out everything as your body prepared for the climax. Heeseung could feel that you were close, your walls clenching and convulsing against his tongue, saliva dripped all onto your skin, trickling down your ass cheeks and onto the mattress together with your juices. He moaned, tongue already tired but he did not stop. His eyes closed tight in delight, waiting for your orgasm to wash over you.

One more thirst of his was enough for your body to shudder. The heat spread throughout you, blood pumping faster then ever. You moaned one last time, jaw tensing and thighs shaking. You came hard on his tongue as he fucked you through your orgasm, making sure to remember every sound and move your body let out at the moment, his smile never falling. You furiously tried to get your hips to grind against him, but it was no use, he held you down. "Yes fuck keep going— mhm..." Your pussy convulsed, after shocks still shaking you as he slowed down, finally letting your legs down and onto the bed. You were breathing hard, eyes still closed as your ears ringed. Heeseung let out a chuckle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, collecting the wetness that dripped down his jaw. He got onto the bed, knees dipping the mattress right at the sides of your worn out legs before he leaned over you, eyes scanning your panting and flushed face.

He moved a strand that sticked to your glossy lips, and he kissed you. Hard. His hands cupped your face, holding you in place. You could taste yourself on his lips, salty and tangy. It made you whine leading to him moaning in response. You grabbed his wrists, gently but firmly, pulling them away from your face and getting your hoodie finally off. Your breasts raising and falling with each breath in and out, making him lick his lips at the sight. You pressed a peck to his lips before you slowly slipped your body down, eyes boring into his glimmering with mischief. He furrowed his brows, watching your figure slide beneath his slowly, sheets wrinkling with your back dragging against them. "Y/N what—"

You were already beneath him, face to face with his bulge, cupping it as you looked over your head, lip stuck between your teeth, hand squizzing him. Heeseung’s breath got stuck in his throat whilst he stared at your figure under him who was still on his fours, gawking at your head that was now caged with his thighs . The eye contact made him smile slyly down at you, getting the idea you had. Before he could react your hands already pulled down the front of his sweatpants together with his boxers, revealing his raging cock. It almost hit you in the face, tip bulbous and red, leaking precum. Your mouth watered at the sight, and before Heeseung could say anything your tongue slid over the pulsing vein right on the underside of it.

Heeseung's mouth opened, eyes went closed shut, palms fisting the sheets painfully hard. You smirked at his reaction, getting one of your hands around his base and taking the tip into your mouth. Your tongue went over the slit, fluttering around the pulsing head as the hand stroked it. Heeseung let out a shaky breath, adrenaline making his ears hotter than ever, throat dry and hoarse. The moment your hand squeezed his lenght, he got himself upright, knees dipping deeper next to your head as a moan ruptured from his parted lips. You suckeled on the tip, teasing the hell out of him, the hand stopped with the strokes, instead both arms went around his thighs, keeping him close and anchored. His muscles flexed, contracting with each slight move of your tongue over his slit.

His hands went up to his hoodie zipper, finally releasing himself of unnecessary clothes before he threw it on the floor. Your eyes went over his revealed torso, eyes rolling back in distinguished pleasure at the picture before you. His lean body glistened with sweat under the moonlight, abs contracting on their own in tandem with your mouth against him. His chest seemed flushed, shallow breaths left his lungs in a reckless rhythm. Heeseung looked down, his fingers combing through your hair, getting a gentle grip onto it. "So good... so good for me, yeah—" He kept your head in place, giving your mouth a slow and tender thrust, not all the way in yet. You hummed in response, the vibrations sending his mouth agape, eyes narrowed and focused on the way your lips wrapped around him.

"Letting me use your mouth just how I like—"

Another whiny hum.

"Ah— look at you... So desperate that you didn't even wait for me to ask." His grip tightened around your hair, just slightly, enough to make your eyes look up at him. Tears clung to your lashed from the sheer intensity, saliva messily clinging to your chin. Heeseung's thrust gradually became deeper, his pants and whimpers coming out melodically. "You missed this cock... didn't you?—" Your mouth succumbed to him, giving him the full control, letting him thrust steadily as much as he wanted.

"Admit it."

With those words he pushed himself fully in, making you gag before retracting till he pulled out and let his tip rest on your swollen and glistening lips. You did not break eye contact, letting your tongue out and kitty licking the flushed head with the slight nod of a guilty admition. You did miss him fucking you. More than anything. Heeseung could barely breath. "You are so goddamn filthy." He stuttered out.

You teasingly opened your mouth letting it hover over his raging hard on before nodding slowly, eyes looking up at his with a glint of playfulness. "Only for you." And he was in your mouth again. Heeseung started thrusting right away, groans and whines escaping his lips. The whole time your wetness was pooling more and more between your clenched thighs. Every sound, every tremor of his body sent a wave of arousal through you. You clenched your thighs, rubbing them together in a attempt too relieve the swelling that was starting to ache.

The sliding of his cock against your soft flesh felt all too ecstatic. Saliva was dripping from the corners of your mouth, allowing him to glide with ease. His body was unraveling. His thighs were trembling now, muscles twitching from the overload. His chest rose and fell like he’d just run miles, eyes still locked on where you two connected. "You are gonna make me cum so hard…" He growled, voice hoarse, breathless. "You love doing this, don’t you? Love wrecking me."

Another groan ripped from his throat, and this time, it was broken—shameless. His hands slipped behind your head, gently, and he hissed through his teeth as he tried to hold back. You fisted the material on his hips, bracing yourself for his release. "T-take it—take all of it. Just like that—fuck, yes."

And when it finally hit him, it was devastating. His hips bucked, His hand tightened in your hair but not enough to hurt, just to ground himself in you—because he was gone. Utterly gone. Voice lost in the moan that ripped from deep in his chest.

And you didn’t move away once.

Didn’t even flinch. You kept him in your mouth, cum filling your warm cavity, some even collecting at the corners of your tight wrapped lips. You moaned in delight, tasting it against your taste buds after so long. He bucked his hips one more time into you, making sure to fuck it down your throat, and you let him before he pulled out. Cock all sore, still pulsing and limply standing before your face. His hair stuck to his forehead, chest still gasping for air as he racked a hand through his dark locks, tossing it back. You did not swallow, instead kept it in your mouth as you wiggled out from beneath him, getting on your two feet before making your way again on the bed, your knees shifting the mattress and grabbing his attention as you got in front of him. He looked down at you, raising a brow just as you grabbed his face and kissed him. Heeseung’s hands instinctively found your naked waist, pulling you closer and flush against him, your bare skins rubbing and sliding.

It was messy, raw.

His tongue tasted himself on you like he needed it—like it was the only thing that could bring him down. Cum dripped down between your bodies, messily sticking to your hot and sweaty skin. Your palms glided down his neck and right over his bulging biceps' giving them a squeeze as you caressed them, making goosebumps arise on his wet skin. "You are unreal." He groaned against your mouth, teeth grazing your bottom lip. "So fucking nasty—" His tongue licked at the white fluid dripping down your chin. "My nasty girl."

You giggled, breath hitching as his hands groped at your ass, until you were flush against his again hard cock that stood proud onto his abdomen. The way you grinded your body against it made him bite back a deep groan. You left a light kiss on his nose, the action so pure in the midst of a filthy moment. You moved his arms away from you, letting them drop down to his sides as you sat down on the bed, bottom lip caught between your teeth as you retreated all the way against the headboard. Heeseung just observed, your legs, your hips, thighs, waist, breasts — it made blood rush to his already throbbing dick. Waistbands uncomfortably hugging his scrotum, only adding more pressure when it shouldn't.

Your legs already spread, your cunt glistened with slick, the sticky substance covered your inner thighs. Fuck. Heeseung just stood there, still on his knees making sure every move you make is payed attention to till the maximum. You giggled, watching his focused face not take his eyes off of your throbing pussy. You were still glowing from the high of what just happened, skin dewy and flushed, legs spread slightly as you laid back into the pillows. But it wasn't enough. You weren't done.

You let your fingers trail lazily down your chest, between your breasts, your stomach flexing under your touch.

Heeseung didn't speak. His eyes said everything. They darkened the second your hand dipped lower. You felt your own slick, the heat of your body burning into your fingertips as you began to stroke yourself slow and deliberate—like you knew he was watching. Like you needed him to. You just locked eyes with him, fingers moving. A soft gasp left your lips, and Heeseung's expression darkened instantly.

His eyes dropped again.

Watched.

He didn’t say a word. Didn’t move.

You moaned softly, head tipping back, body arching ever so slightly, just for him. You breathed, voice like silk. You moved slow—teasing both of you. Circling, pressing, gasping. All while he watched, unmoving, fists clenched at his sides, chest rising in sharp, ragged breaths. You knew it was driving him mad—the fact that you didn't need him in that moment… but still wanted him to see it. To feel it with you.

"You like this?" you asked, lips curling. "You like seeing how wet I still am for you?" Heeseung growled, low and guttural. "You have no fucking idea." You moaned softly, fingers working against your swollen bud, gradually speeding up as you rolled your hips into your hand, lashes fluttering. He watched your thighs tremble, the way your stomach tensed with each circle of your fingers, the way your breath caught in your throat when you rubbed it in a unexpected good angle. He was painfully hard again. You could see it too, on full display against his lower stomach. His eyes never left your body.

"You are so wet." He muttered lowly, almost in amusement. "Dripping all over that pretty hand. Is that all for me?" Your back arched in response, legs spreading as far as you can, breath catching. "Always for you." You gasped. Heeseung leaned forward, finally breaking. "Let me help." It came out almost as a beg in a whisper as he crawled towards you. But just before he could touch you, your fingers moved faster and slid over your slippery clit, lewd noises filling the quiet air together with your raged breaths—head tilting back, thighs clenching. His name was escaping your parted lips, like a mantra. It was right about to wash over you, one more flick and you would have fallen apart but Heeseung couldn't just watch anymore.

He grabbed your thighs with his arms from underneath and harshly pulled you towards him, your back now flat against the bed as his upright figure stood over you on his knees. Your hand instinctively stopped the movement, instead you gasped in surprise, legs already hooked onto his hips, the back of your thighs pressed against the firm muscle of his, flexing beneath the fabric of his sweats.

Your chest rose with every breath, your heart racing in tandem with his.

Heeseung stared down at you like he was drinking you in—every curve, every flicker of expression in your face. His eyes were dark, unreadable, but you could feel what they meant. That he wanted you. Right now. His hand grabbed the pulsing cock, dragging it between your folds collecting your arousal before he tapped it on your already worn out bundle of nerves. The taps against it sent shocks through you, moans escaping your lips with head tilted back and eyes closed shut. "F-fuck..." Your strained voice echoed, almost sounding a little too painful and aching. It was a groan of desperation. Heeseung stroked himself, tip attached to your clit, his eyes scanning your folds and the way your hole was clenching, asking to be filled.

And he did just that.

He repositioned his knees, pulling them slightly away from you to get the better angle, one of his arms holding himself up next to your shoulders as he leaned over you, still pretty faraway but closer then ever at the same time. His hand led his tip down to your hole, the tip poking against the entrance in shallow teasing thrusts . He bit his lip, looking down at your fucked out expression—lips swollen, eyes half closed, cheeks flushed and hair tousled. Your hips helplessly bucked into his, almost begging him to ruin you. And before you could say anything he slammed into you. Hard. You screamed, not from pain but from pleasure—finally being filled up. He slid in with such ease, every next thrust going in easier then the last. You were getting wetter.

"Ah— shit..." He muttered under his breath, the other hand now next to your waist as he moved steadily. "Didn’t feel this pussy for so long —ah... Fuck!" He was losing it. The way you wrapped around him, hugging his lenght with your gummy walls, the sounds that came from where you two connected, and every whimper you tried to conceal every time his pelvis came in contact with your clit sent him into a frenzy, his thrusts becoming faster. "Heeseung! God— yesyesyes!" You chanted over and over again, getting your eyes down to where you two connected, his hips slamming against your skin, a sound that repeated unstoppably. You did not miss the chance to gawk on his torso—muscles moving and contracting with each movement. He looked like a fucking pornstar.

Your hand went over his forearms, grabbing at them for the support. You were a mess. He continued to ram into you, chasing his own climax—eyes closed, mouth agape. His biceps' and forearms were starting to cramp from holding his whole weight up but he didn't care. Pants filled up the room, moans, whines, groans. It was too good. Your head throbbed, neck burned and felt like it was on fire. You were close. "Heeseung I'm gonna cum! Gonna cum!" He felt you clench and he was losing it. "Yeah? Make a fucking mess baby..." Your back arched, mouth open with endless moans spilling from it, the orgasm shook you to the core with your hips bucking up to meet his, and the moment one of his hands came down to rub your clit it drove you insane. The pleasure prolonged with your thighs shaking and ears ringing, hands clawing at his forearms as if your life depended on it.

"Shit...you are gonna make me lose it!" He gasped out, almost drooling at the feeling.

You trembled, after shock sending your muscles twitching. But his thrusts didn't stop yet, he was still chasing his own release. The overstimulation made you hiss, your body relaxing in an attempt to hold on. But it was too much. "Too much Hee..." It did not reach his ears at all. His thrusts stuttered, but still went hard and deep. Whines were escaping his lips uncontrollably before he let himself fall over your trembling body. His weight trapping you down with his head nuzzling into your neck as he fisted the sheets next to your head. "Please, baby, please!—" His begs sent another spark on in you, making you moan in response. His breathing fanned your neck in rapid brushes, making you shiver. "I'm cumming! I'm cumming!" His thighs convulsed, a groan escaped his throat as his tip painted your walls white. His hips sloppily fucked the releasing cum into your cervix, making you moan through hard breaths, nails digging into his sweaty back.

He groaned with one last snap of his hips, his cum spilling from your tight hole as he lazily pulled out. Head still in a daze as he threw himself on his back right next to you. Pants filles the room , the silence that took over was loud enough. Both of you stared at the ceiling, up in your thoughts.

Your limbs felt numb, you were sore.

Heeseung felt conflicted and asked himself if he really knew what he got himself into.

The drugs in your system were at the brink of wearing off. And it hurt to admit. It really did.

But you felt it.

The warmth that wrapped around your body like a second skin began to fray at the edges. That false sense of ease, of pleasure, of forgetting—started to peel back. The shadows in the corners of your vision that had looked soft and slow now loomed sharper. The air felt colder, like it had shifted while you weren’t looking.

It was a circle you will be back running in even after all of this.

You knew it.

You felt it.

And stil you rolled over to your side, snuggling into Heeseung deciding that, maybe, just maybe you could ignore it and enjoy a moment for once in pure rawness. No drugs, no nothing. Just you two and the feelings. Like before.

But was it all that easy?

• • • • • •

! this is all work of fiction. in no way this is a representation of enhypen members nor do I believe this is how they behave in real life or condone these actions!

taglist: @wheretheheckis-ssaki @firstclassjaylee @nithxhoon @twilght-talks @juicygirl4life @ikeuloirinho @isagistar @adoredbyjay @muranini @nesquikluvr @cristy-101 @y04wonwon @fancypeacepersona @sjakewrld @xuevkim @jellyrushzz @kittympirty @ssanhwatto @nodoubtily @kristynaaah @cyjhhyj @miabaddie @engeneheree @jinnibug

[cherryw0n]

The Walls — lhs

nocturna series

pairing: dabbler!heeseung x addict!reader (afab)

synopsis: the world of intoxication and ecstasy was something you never thought could be so enchanting, so tempting. until you went spiraling into it unable to supress the inner cravings and strong thirst for something so forbidden but so euphoric.

genre: angst, smut, fluff

contains: drug consumption, drug addiction, alcohol consumption, coctailing, unprotected sex, smoking, established relationship

smut warnings: dom!heeseung x sub!reader, high sex, unprotected sex, dryhumping, manhandling, overstimulation, begging, cum play, oral (f. & m. receiving), dirty talk, praise, spit play, facesitting, snowballing, masturbation (f.)

NOT PROOFREAD! (english is not my first language)

MDNI!

It was his fault.

No.

It was really his fault.

But he himself couldn't stop, at least not right now.

The kisses you were leaving all over his neck, your hands groping every inch of his shoulders as you grinded over him on his lap made him weak. He threw his head back, moaning in pure bliss, the blood in his veins pumping fast, carrying adrenaline together with something more, something addictive. Cocaine.

You yourself weren't a stranger to it. If not, you were a little too far gone than Heeseung. It was enthrilling. Euphoric. No other feeling could compare to it, no other experience is equal to it. Just pure heaven. The arousal spread through your body faster, tactical. Every sound he made seemed so far yet so close. Your mind was fuzzy, body felt light and limp, it was only desire that moved you.

"Fuck baby—" He groaned out the moment you bit down into his jugular, messily letting the saliva slide down. Your thighs trapped his hips down to the couch, his slight thursts lazyly losing power with each grind down of your clothed cunt. The room felt suffocating, curtains were pulled over the windows, not letting any of the moonlight in. Only source of light was a small lamp right by the couch, casting shadows all over the living room as much as it's weak light reached.

Heeseung threw back his head, whines leaving his parted plump lips whilst you pulled back and locked your gaze on his expression. Fuck. You moaned, half lidded eyes fighting to stay open with each grind of your hips becoming harsher and faster. His sweats were drenched, your juices mixing into a messy patch. His hard lenght pressed into your pantie covered folds, sliding and letting you feel everything even over the clothes.

He was a mess, whiny. He could feel his orgasm approaching with each bump of his covered tip over your clit. Heeseung's head pulsed, the pleasure getting to his every nerve and the only thing he could do to brace himself for the high of the highs was to bite down on his forearm that he drapped over his mouth in a poor attempt to stop the sounds of becoming any louder than they already are. His other hand traveled to your hip, pushing you down harder in a desperate chase of his long awaited orgasm. "Hee, it feels so good!" You whined out, voice already hoarse from all the sounds that you let out for the past hour of humping and making out.

Heeseung was out, his eyes were tight shut, head still thrown back as his teeth dug deeper into his flesh. He nodded vigorously, not caring that you weren't getting the confirmation back. His hips gained the rhythm back, harshly fucking up into your slippery folds, cock already sore, sensitive and on the brink of bursting. You were so gone, the high of the drug not letting you down, only letting your body succumb to the pleasure easier. "Baby I'm gonna cum!" You closed your eyes, focusing on the hot knot on the verge of explosion, hands sliding over your swollen breasts, giving them a rough squezze. "Ah fuck...harder—" You cried out, head thrown back at the harsh slide of his tip over your swollen bud. It was all it took for pleasure to overflow you, hips sttutering, mouth agape open as you humped yourself through the climax.

Heeseung was there too, and the moment he hurriedly looked at your body over his lap, shaking from your own orgasm, and feeling your hot drenched pussy drag in a slightly slower grinds as you indulged in every and each second of your high, he moaned loudly letting his own take over. His tights trembled, humps became sloppy, his heart hammered violently against his ribcage as he released in the confinement of his briefs with the loudest moan he ever elicited.

Hard breathing filled the room, breaths mixing messily as your head spun from the overwhelming pleasure. His chest heavied up and down, glistening with thin layer of sweat, exhsustingly trying to get to some air. You reached over to the night table with the lamp right by the couch and swiped your finger on the residue of white powder, slowly raising it to your lips and sucking it off. You moaned in delight, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Heeseung observed you, the both highs slowly wearing off. But you on the other hand were still having fun. The euphoric smile on your face as you felt the small crytal powder against your taste buds was telling enough. Your hips grinded against him again, getting a small hiss of sensitivity back but you were still out of it, out of this reality. "Heeseung, I want more..." You cuddled into his chest, whiny voice barely sounded stable as you kissed his neck. He chuckled, peeling you off of him and bringing you up to face him.

"You want what Y/N?"

His thumb brushed your bottom lip, pulling it down before letting it bounce back. Just as he was about to pull his finger away you grabbed his hand, hazed red eyes looking up at him through the lashes. "Coke..." You took his thumb into your mouth, sucking harshly and messily. A breathy laugh left his throat at those words and he smiled teasingly. Smiled because he didn't know what mess will be created from just letting you in on his world of dabbling drugs, just simply enjoying the high for fun.

"Got you addicted to high sex, huh baby?"

And it was a mistake.

A big mistake that can't be undone as wished.

• • • • • •

Music hit Heeseung's eardrums unplesantly loud, making him silently wince in response as the entrace door closed behind him. He was hit with a smell of smoke invading his nosetrils, leaving a burning sensation up his sinuses as his eyes stinged due to the toxic fume. As he slowly took steps down the hall here and there couples were scattered around, some talking, some fighting and some making out using the hall as a secluded area for their private matters. He stepped into the living room where the rest of the party was and the scene fully unraveled before him.

Heat rushed over him instantly. The air was thick with the scent of alcohol, sweat and something undistinguishable. A makeshift dance floor had formed near the speakers, bodies moving in a reckless rhythm, lost in the music. A couple lounged on the couch, too deep in their own world to notice the people around them. The coffee table was scattered with red plastic cups and half-empty bottles, illuminated by the soft erratic glow of the neon sign placed on the wall.

Jake always knows how to throw a good party, that's for sure.

"You finally made it!"

The sudden collision with you attaching to his chest and hugging him startled him. He gasped in surprise but quickly, a smile was on his face as he hugged you back. "Woah, slow down girl!" You giggled against his thick hoodie, in the process getting some of the liquor from your cup onto his clean clothes. Heeseung felt the warmth of your body against his, but something was off. Your grip was tight—too tight. Your fingers trembled slightly where they clutched at his hoodie, and when you pulled back, he got a better look at you. Pupils were blown wide, your smile lopsided in a way that wasn’t just from the alcohol. The faint smell of vodka clung to your breath, mixing with something sharper, something artificial. He could tell.

Heeseung forced a smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as he studied you. "You feeling good?" His tone was casual, but his mind was racing. You grinned, nodding quickly. "So good. You should catch up, baby." You said, pressing a cold cup into his hand. Your fingers lingered on Heeseung's, eyes gleaming with a kind of feverish excitement. "Maybe later." He gave you a tight lipped grin as he placed the cup on the nearest table. Your red and hazy eyes still looking up at him, giggling to yourself.

His stomach clenched. He'd been the one to introduce you to the world of casual highs, to the occasional pill or line at a party when the night called for it. But you had been careful, hesitant even. Lately, though, that hesitation had vanished. And tonight? You were on something more than just alcohol—he could see it in the way your body swayed, like you weren't fully anchored to the ground.

It scared him.

Your relationship was just taking it's leap. Six months and counting, the first day you met still fresh in his mind as a day. And how could it not be? You got together just a few months ago, still getting to know some parts of one another and getting comfortable. You were a good girl, shy at first, always up in your own small world, kind and smart. You were everything Heeseung could ask for in a girl. But now, you were slowly changing. Maybe he shouldn't have brought you to one of these parties a couple of months ago, maybe he shouldn't have let you see him taking a ecstasy pill, maybe just maybe he didn't have to give you that pill too.

"Yo, Hee!" Heeseung's attention was stolen by the new approaching figure. "Hey Jake, what's up? " He stood before him grinning as he dabbed him up. Jake's cologne was mixed with the ever-present scent of booze and smoke in the air, his dark hair slightly tousled like he'd already been through a few rounds of partying. He glanced between Heeseung and your slow body giggling for no reason, and he gave his friend a look of concern, his eyes filled with something that only they could understand at the moment. Heeseung let his eyes drift to the ground before wandering all over the place, scanning the strangers in a attempt to avoid the pressure of his friend's gaze, and Jake got the message.

"You finally decided to show up!" Jake spoke teasingly over the loud music, getting a little closer to Heeseung. Heeseung forced a smirk. "Wouldn't miss it." Jake chuckled and held out a shot glass that he already brought with him in preparation. "Then prove it." Heeseung glanced at you and your swaying figure, the half empty glass he took out of your grip earlier now in your hands again. You seemed loose and carefree, enjoying the rhythmic bass as you let it get to you and be the only thing occupiying your mind. His uneasiness didn't fade, but it was drowned put by the heat of moment — the music, the energy. Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe you were just having fun.

And as if let off the leash, he grabbed the shot from Jake's hand and downed it in one go. The burning liquor left a heating sensation down his throat, making him grimace. Jake whooped in approval, getting himself a unopened beer from the table and handing one to Heeseung too.

And just like that, the night swallowed him whole.

Hours blurred into moments—more drinks, more laughter. Heeseung kept an eye on you, watching for any sign that you were spiraling, but the alcohol dulled the sharp edge of his suspicion. Every time he caught you giggling at nothing or losing focus mid-conversation, he told himself it was fine. You were fine. His concern that sat deep in his chest was replaced with carelessness the more he let himself enjoy the night, but it was till he felt your fingers lacing through his, pulling him with as you both stumbled through the crowd together.

Strangers brushed past him, some with barely a glance, others throwing quick smiles or playful shoves as they moved through the crowd. But it was all a blur to his tipsy mind. Dimly lit hall way was somehow empty, the only two figures that stumbled into it were you two, his hands gripped at your waist as you pushed him harshly against the wall capturing his lips in a hungry kiss.

No slow build up like usual, no teasing. Just a messy hungry kiss. Your mouth moved sloppily against his, making Heeseung smile into the kiss. You were barely standing, pathetically holding onto his shoulders as he held you up against him by the waist, the glass that you refused of letting go the whole night still somehow gripped in your palm. Agitation took over your whole body, but it was fighting with all its streght to stay collected. Your muscles were slowly giving out, but the euphoria that traveled through your system was not persisting.

You were pressing yourself against Heeseung harder, desperate to keep on partying, to keep the heat going. Heeseung whined against your lips, saliva messily dripping between your bodies and right onto your exposed clevage. You lips all of a sudden felt numb, tongue too as if something paralyzed them. No sensation was felt on them whatsoever and then your grip loosened, hands gripped at Heeseung's hoodie, lips disconnected as he was taken aback.

Heeseung barely had time to process it before your body gave out, knees buckling. A choked sound escaped your throat as if your brain was struggling to keep up with what was happening to your own body.

"Hey—" Heeseung caught you before you could hit the floor, his arms wrapping around your waist instinctively. His heartbeat, which had been pounding from the drunken high of the moment, now raced for an entirely different reason. You were trembling.

Your head lolled against his chest, breathing uneven. Heeseung quickly switched your positions, pressing your back against the wall for support. His hands framed your face, tilting your chin up so he could see your eyes. They were unfocused, pupils blown wide, expression dazed as if you weren't fully present.

"Babe—" His voice came out hoarse, the alcohol in his system doing little to soften the sharp panic slicing through him. "Hey, talk to me." Your lips parted, but no words came out. Eyes blinking sluggishly, like you were trying to wake up from a dream but couldn't find your way back. Heeseung sobered up in an instant.

This wasn’t just being drunk. This wasn’t just a high.

His stomach turned as realization hit him all at once—whatever you had taken, it was too much. Way too much. He had seen people go too far before, seen the way their bodies stopped listening to them when the mix of substances became lethal. But never you. Never this. Heeseung swallowed hard, pushing down the rising fear in his chest.

"Jake!" His voice cracked as he turned his head, searching the crowd for his friend through the living room door, hoping that somehow someone will hear. "Jake—help!" Everything around him blurred—the music, the people, the party. None of it mattered anymore. The only thing that mattered was keeping you awake. Keeping you here. Heeseung pressed his forehead against yours, gripping you tighter. "Stay with me, okay?" His voice was barely above a whisper now, his own breath shaking. "Just stay with me."

"Hey what's happe—"

"Jay! Help me get her to the bathroom! Quick!" He picked you up in his arms, running into the living room and through the crowd of piled up people, getting some insults and shows back, but he didn't care. Jay ran after him, being the only one in this whole party that didn't touch a drop of alcohol or any kind of drug since he got here ten minutes ago. The climb up the stairs felt excruciatingly longer than usual, Heeseung dodged bodies and bodies. "Move — move!" Jake barked,dragging open the bathroom door, Heeseung barged inside quickly putting you down by the sink. "Grab the sink Y/N, hold yourself up, come on." Jay slammed the door shut, fiddling with the lock hurriedly until it clicked.

Heeseung instructed to you whilst he got the water facet on, cold water numbing his fingers under the stream as he got it on your face. "Jay, hold her." Heeseung was panicking but still held his composure with his movements sharp and precise. The other boy slipped right by you, grabbing your arms that weakly gripped the sink. "She's burning up..." Jay's hand flew to your forehead. "What the hell did she take?" Jay spoke, his usually playful demeanor nowhere to be seen. Heeseung ignored the question. He didn’t know, and right now, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was getting you back.

The music was thumbing in your head, the bass ringing off in a drowsy melody. Your ears felt stuffed, muscles weak and worn out, eyes were fixed on one dot with your mind blank and dazed. It all felt too unreal. The coldness on your face and neck made you shiver. Slight trembles were shaking you, breathing still shallow. You flinched when another splash of water meet your face, a small gasp leaving your dry mouth and lashes fluttering. Heeseung kept on cupping your face with cold water, bringing it down to your neck too. "Come on Y/N!" He spoke loud and clear, emphasizing your name.

Your breathing was still shallow, but as Heeseung pressed another handful of cool water to your warm skin, your eyes started to clear—just a little. Fingers twitched weakly against the edge of the sink with Jay still clutching you in his arms. "There you are..." Heeseung whispered, his voice barely steady, breathing still deep.

You blinked up at him, lips parting slightly as if you were about to say something—but then a sharp gasp tore from your throat. Before either of them could react, you lurched forward, retching violently into the sink. Heeseung's chest tightened, but relief washed over him at the same time. Your body was fighting back. You were coming down. Jay moved beside you, grabbing a towel and wetting it before handing it over. "She's gonna be okay. " He said, more to himself than anyone else. Heeseung nodded, rubbing your back gently as you clutched the sink, breaths ragged and uneven.

Heeseung hovered over you, one of his hands now grabbing at bits of your hair as the other gripped the wet towel, his jaw clenched tight. His gaze observed your flushed face as you gripped the sink tighter, knuckles turned white from all the retching and the vomit that was spilling from your sore throat. It was agonizing. The stench that filled the room was like no other, just pure filth of alcoholic vapor. Jay grimaced, covering his mouth with the forearm in a poor attempt to dull the smell.

You struggled to breath whilst vomiting, eyes were glossy and felt like they would fall out of your sockets any minute. The vomit slowed down, your spit getting the last bits out. You gasped for air, mind still unaware of what just happened. You slumped down onto the toilet seat right next to the counter, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. Your cheeks were flushed, eyes watery but bright, still wide with the remnants of the high. Then, you laughed. A light, airy giggle that echoed off the tiles.

"God... " You said, breathless, looking up at Heeseung with a dazed smile. "That was intense." Jay observed everything, eyes going from your giggly figure up to Heeseung's fuming frame. "I'm gonna leave you two to it..." Jay mumbled before slipping out of the bathroom, giving you two space—or avoiding the fallout. The moment door clicked shut, the world quieted.

You kept on giggling, almost falling off the toilet. Heeseung stood there before you, looking down at your state, party obviously continuing in your head. His fists clenched at his sides, anger raising hot and slow beneath his skin. "Come on, let's go back—" Your hand went to grab his forearm in an attempt to stand up on your wobbly legs but his sharp voice cut you off.

"What did you take?" He asked, voice low, too calm. You blinked up at him, slightly swaying with the smile not faltering. "Relax. I just—" You chuckled softly. "I didn't expect it to hit that hard."

"What. The Fuck. Did you take?" Heeseung spat out through gritted teeth, eyes blazing through you. Your eyes flicked to his again, smile faltered for the first time tonight, eyes squinted as you thought back to it. "I had... two tabs of acid..." You spoke, words dragging against your tongue a little. "Then someone gave me a bump—he said it was just molly... I think there was something else in it. Then vodka. But not that much!—" You smiled up at him at the last part, vision still slightly blurry. His serious expression made you confess, as if he didn't already know. "—not really... "

Heeseung couldn't believe his ears. How reckless you behaved. He took a half step back, racking his hand through his hair with a huff of disbelief. "Jesus Christ—" He stared you down, waiting for any sign of regret, of realization of what you just did for the first time. But none surfaced, only a smiley drunk mess looked back at him, slightly swaying to the beat of music that got to the bathroom. "Are you even hearing yourself right now?!" His tone raised, anger getting the best of him.

"You are so hot when you are angry..." You bit your bottom lip, eyes narrowing in a seductive gaze, back leaning back against the tank. Heeseung was so worked up, not noticing or hearing your comment whilst he continued. "I was not here for the first two hours because of family stuff and you go and do something stupid like this?!" He was particularly yelling at you his hands flying all around with each word. You lazyly grabbed one of his wrist, hooded eyes looking up at him through lashes with his body being pulled close to you. "Why are you so mad? You have done worse. You were the one who told me to stop overthinking this shit and just... feel it."

"Not all at once! Not like this! I didn't tell you to fucking black out" Heeseung was furious, not being able to comprehend that you did something so reckless, something that a month ago would be a story that would creep you out before you went to bed. "You could have collapsed out there!.... If I wasn't with you then what?! You think someone would have noticed?" He stopped, attention finally fully on you that was basically hugging his hips, red glossy eyes looking up at him with your bottom lip stuck between your teeth with your chin resting on his lower stomach. You weren't listening to a thing. He clocked it the moment you two locked eyes, pure lust radiated off you as he huffed in frustration, defeat taking over. "Unbelievable." His voice cut sharp over the distant music letting each syllable bounce off the four tight walls. You giggled at that.

A joke.

This was all a joke to you.

"We are going home. Now."

"Nooo~"

• • • • • •

It's been a month. A month after you almost blacked out. You promised to Heeseung the day after the party when the hangover hit harder then ever that you won't do it again. And boy, was it hard. You got into the relationship with Heeseung knowing that about him. That he does it for fun, occasionally. You were not supportive of it, not one bit, always staying away from any kind of drugs. Throughout the whole high school you never even lit a cigar, let alone tried drugs. So being in relationship with a person who is all about the YOLO motto was kind of new, scary and at the same time refreshing.

You got to try everything that seemed intimidating and always followed with some stigma and fear. You lit your first cigar a month into the relationship at one of the visits to his apartment, surprisingly, on your own request, and he gave you one. The first ever head you got was, again, by him in his car while it rained and you two had to stop due to the downpour. It was mind blowing. Definitely one of the best rainy days to be remembered, that's for sure. The first time you got drunk was again around the same time, a month and a half into the relationship, Jake's house and that hang out is definitely one of core memories.

You could say that you were blooming, finally experiencing all the teenage stuff you missed out on. You felt alive. For the first time in your life you felt the adrenaline of doing something off limits, something that was forbiden for the longest time you could remember. The strictness of your parents that you were under till you turned eighteen was excruciating. But thankfully you were now free of that, the constant nagging now turned into "how was the party" and so on. A breath of fresh air.

On top of all that, you felt safe with Heeseung. One of his biggest virtues is making everyone feel like they belong, like they are protected when near him. And that was what attracted you to him the most. The relationship overall was thriving, you two met at the campus one random day when he actually showed up for the classes, since he had a part time job and could not get to each and every lecture. It all happened so fast, but the instant click was there.

You love him. He was everything you could ask for. Caring, kind, humble, faithful and so on. He was a dream come true. You really hit a jackpot with him as your first boyfriend and you were proud of it, of him.

But it all started slowly crumbling down bit by bit the moment drugs hit your senses. At that time you didn't realize that the clever and occasional highs with your boyfriend would have led you here.

You sat at your study desk, trying to focus and get this part of the lesson over with, but it was hard. Your leg kept on bouncing under the table, fingernails were all the time between your teeth, some of them already bleeding and red. Your mind raced with the words from the paper running around in a hope of distraction. It was no use. Your mouth was dry, no sip of water could get it hydrated enough as the water simply seemed to evaporate from your organism the moment it came in contact with it.

"Fuck." You groaned under your breath, hands coming up and messing with your hair before they rested in it. You need something. You really do or you will go insane. Abruptly getting up, you went over to your drawers and opened the first one, rummaging through it you found nothing. You groaned loudly in anger, slamming the drawer shut. You used up all the weed you had, but you knew you needed something stronger. Well as much as you told and promised Heeseung about staying away from any kind of drug that much you were lying.

The thirst was something indescribable, something you never felt before. And it could not be pushed down or forgotten. You craved the drugs. Your body betrayed you, asking for something you knew was forbiden, but it always won. No matter how hard you tried. Heeseung didn't know about your cravings, but you didn't need to tell him, he saw right through you. He knew you good enough to notice that not everything was right.

You walked in circles in the middle of your room, huffing in frustration. What should you do? Racking a hand through your messy hair you stopped. One name on your mind that you knew you could call up. Your shaky hands grabbed your phone from the bed hurriedly, quickly typing in the name and clicking on it.

One ring.

Two rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jungwon..."

• • • • • •

It’d been a quiet night. For once.

The apartment smelled faintly like instant noodles and cologne, the blue glow of the TV flickering across the walls as Heeseung leaned back into the couch, controller in hand, eyes locked on the screen. Jay sat on the floor, legs crossed, fingers moving furiously over his own controller. "Bro, you always camp that corner." Jay complained, tossing his head back. "You are such a rat."

"Strategic positioning." Heeseung smirked, taking another shot in game. "Don’t hate the player." Jay groaned and tossed a chip into his mouth. "Your 'strategic positioning' is annoying." The banter rolled easy between them. Normal. It felt good, like space had formed between Heeseung and everything messy he's been drowning in.

Then, his phone lit up. Heeseung's thumb paused over the controler as his eyes flicked over to the bright phone screen.

Y/N<3: come over. I miss u

He stared at it for too long that Jay noticed. "Her?" He asked, eyes back on the screen, thumbs still working over the buttons. "Yeah..." Heeseung mumbled back, already reaching for his leather jacket. "She wants me to come over." Jay's jaw clenched, hesitating before he spoke. "Wait. Before you go..." Heeseung was already on his two feet, swinging the jacket over his shoulders as he got it on. "What?" Jay shifted uncomfortably, eyes all off a sudden interested in the carpet. "I forgot to tell you... She, uh, asked Jungwon for something last week."

Heeseung blinked. "Jungwon? Like...Jungwon Jungwon?" Jay nodded back. "Yeah. Said she hit him up asking for some pills. Something mellow. I didn't think she would actually follow through but—" Heeseung's gut twisted. "You are joking." Jay raised his hands defensively. "I thought you knew." Heeseung was already walking towards the door, aggressively putting his shoes on. "She told me she was done. She looked me in the face and told me she was done."

"I know man. I didn't wanna stir shit up if she was just asking—"

"You should have told me the second you knew!" Heeseung barked, grabbing his keys. Jay stood up, eyes wide. "Wait, Hee! Don't go there pissed, you will just blow up and—" But his friend was already out the door, slamming it on the way out.

His knuckles were white around the steering wheel. Every red light made his pulse throb harder in his temples. The memory of her last time—laughing, stumbling, trying to kiss him like nothing had happened, the parties where you had no restrains played on repeat in his head. He really wanted to classify them as you just having fun, but it was going out of control even before that infamous blackout a month ago. He noticed all the small signs, the slight shakiness of your hands while at lectures, the bit down fingernails, constant drinking of water in a attempt to try and calm yourself. He noticed all. It was till the point he stopped getting high with you when alone, finding excuses like "I'm tired" or "I have none left" just so he wouldn't have to watch you fall apart. He shouldn't have gave you any in the first place to start with.

He regrets it.

You said you stopped and he believed you. And now you were doing it again. Behind his back. When he pulled up in your driveway, he noticed your parents car was not there, the only light in the house being on was in your room. Great. Getting himself out of the car he ringed once and simply let himself in. You were home alone and even left the door unlocked? Pretty responsible.

Heeseung scanned the dark living room, stepping inside and closing the door making sure to turn the lock and get his shoes off before heading up the stairs. Your door was slightly open, letting the light peak through the slight crack. When he pushed the door open, jaw locked tight, he scanned the room like he expected to see drugs lying out in the open. You flinched at the sudden sound, gripping the towel around you tighter as you turned towards the door a small smile on your lips. "Hey Hee..." You adjusted the towel on your head before taking steps towards him. Heeseung stood there, eyes going over your freshly washed body, but stiil, the smell of your baby talc was not the only thing that lingered in the air. Weed.

"Well that was fast—"

"Did you hit up Jungwon for pills?"

Silence.

You stood before him, staring blankly at his serious face. Your lips parted slightly, like you hadn't expected him to lead with that. "What?" You retorted, almost too innocent, your brows narrowed in confusion, slight smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "What are you talking about—"

"Don't lie to me." He took a step closer, and he had what to smell. You reeked of weed, the earthy scent faded but still there. You rolled your eyes, tension tightening your shoulders. "I didn't take anything. I just...asked."

"Why?" He snapped. "Why the hell would you do that? After everything that happened? After I carried you to the bathroom so you wouldn't pass out in the middle of a party?! Wh—"

"God, Heeseung!—" You took a step back, overwhelmed. Eyes now full of something he couldn't decipher, something you yourself couldn't quite put a finger on. "Will you stop for once... " Your chest moved shallowly as your tone changed to a whisper. "Acting like I'm a baby and can't care for myself. Stop playing dad, Jesus!" You turned away from him, taking the towel from your head and throwing it on the bed. Wet hair on your shoulders sent shivers down your spine as you grabbed the comb and started doing your hair in front of the mirror, like nothing happened. Maybe it was you just avoiding conflict. Or you were scared of the confrontation you knew will come with the argument.

"Oh, so now I'm the villain? And for what? For caring too much?! Miss me with that fucking bullshit! You think this is only about that one time huh?!..." Heeseung now stood next to you, your peripheral vision blurred by him standing close whilst you slowly dragged the brush through your wet hair, jaw tightening. "You really think I didn't notice what's been happening to you? How you have been slipping further? You think I didn't clock every excuse, every lie, every time you said it to my face and weren't honest? It's not a phase, Y/N. It's an addiction—"

"Get out of my fucking face!" You pushed at his chest, making him stumble back a bit, but not from the force—but from the slight tremble and a crack in your voice. The brush tumbled to the ground, forgotten. He hit a nerve. You trembled, eyes boring through his, fists clenched by your sides. "Hit a nerve huh—"

"I don’t need you standing there like some savior." you hissed, voice shaking—not from weakness, but rage laced with fear. "Like you are above this. Like you haven't done the same shit, worse even." He scoffed, jaw clenching. "Don't turn this on me. I never lied about what I was doing. I never pretended I was okay."

"No, you just gave it to me!" you shouted, pointing at him. "You were the one who got me into this. You handed me the first pill like it was a game. Don't stand there and act like you’re clean."

"I never thought you'd drown in it." he said, almost under his breath, but the words landed like a punch. "I didn't think you would need it." Your throat tightened. That sting behind your eyes rose fast. But you refused to let it fall. Not in front of him. Not now. "You don’t know what the fuck I need." You muttered, voice barely held together.

"That's what you do, isn't it?" he went on, voice bitter. "You push until people leave so you don't have to face what you’re doing to yourself."

"Oh, fuck you!" You screamed. "You don't know me! You think just because you stuck around during a few breakdowns, you have earned the right to speak like you are some authority on who I am?!"

“I do know you." he growled, stepping forward again. "I know you are smart. I know you are strong. And I know you are so goddamn scared of being vulnerable that you would rather burn down every good thing around you than admit you need help."

You shook your head, shaking with anger, frustration, and fear. "Stop acting like you know everything. I don't need you coming in here trying to fix me. I'm not addicted!" The last words sat heavy on your tongue, your glossy eyes looking straight into his but behind them there was something that couldn't be hidden. Unsureness.

Heeseung's face hardened. "You know what? Maybe not. Maybe I’m not good. But at least I’m not hiding behind a bottle and a fake laugh while I rot from the inside out." That one hurt. You physically recoiled. A tense, horrible silence fell between you both. Breathing hard. Shaking. You spoke first, bitter and cold.

"Get out."

Heeseung’s jaw flexed, eyes burning holes through you. "Gladly." He turned on his heels without another word and stormed out, slamming the door so hard it rattled the frame. You stood there, heart pounding, fists trembling, eyes burning.

You didn't cry.

You didn't move.

You were too mad for tears.

Too hurt to call him back.

And way too scared to admit he might have been right.

• • • • • •

It's been days. Days since you talked to your boyfriend and it was weird. Everyone noticed your distance, especially at the campus where you two litteraly avoided each other. Heeseung needed time. He had to process everything and actually think about what he wants out of this relationship. He had to figure where you two stand. It was not so easy.

You on the other hand felt empty. With Heeseung no longer by your side you felt more alone then ever. You were lonely. Sad to admit, but he was your only company. You never had much friends. The ones you had were left behind by you the moment you entered a relationship with him, and you shouldn't have done it. Heeseung was telling you that, to try to rekindle the contact with some, but you were too deep into your relationship, it consumed you to the point you didn't care for anyone else except him.

It now backfired.

As you sat down on your balcony, the starry sky over you shining and illuminating your face, almost as if caressing your heavy lashes, you were lost. Your eyes were red, red from the drug that was rushing through your bloodstream and playing with every nerve in your brain. The pill had kicked in a while ago—maybe thirty, maybe fifty minutes. Time had melted into something meaningless. Benzos always did that. It didn't hit like a train, didn't smack you across the face. It just...hushed everything. The noise in your head, the ache in your chest, the trembling in your fingers. All muted now. Just a soft, slippery nothing.

The metal chair you sat on felt uncomfortable, digging into your leaned back and backside uncomfortably as you held your legs close to your chest, head thrown back against the wall. You fucked up. You did. And your eyes stang, again. A single tear dropping down your cheek whilst you kept a blank face. He was right. He was right about everything.

Another tear.

You had a problem and you didn't know how to fix that. You shouldn't have touched drugs, you shouldn't have even thought about it. But the thrill pulled you in and made sure you kept coming back. It was a game that rarely who managed to escape, and that thought scared you. You were too prideful, no, too scared to admit what path you were going down just days ago, but now, it was all clear. There was not a day you weren't on something. That's how bad it had become. Crises were becoming a everyday thing, your apearence started to exude your inner conflicts, leading to you going to lectures not caring about proper hygiene. The last days were really a spiral that seemed inevitable. Your meals all the together weren't regular. A mess, that's the last week summed up. A fucking mess.

It had been days since you heard from him. Not a text. Not a call. Not even a passive-aggressive story repost you could overanalyze. Nothing. And somehow, this hurt more than all your fights combined. The tears started pouring down, your shaky hand came up to wipe them off but only more were coming. You gasped, hands rubbing your calfs up and down, a nervous tick that kept going even if you weren't nervous anymore.

You should have been angry. But you weren't. Or maybe you were. You couldn't tell anymore. Everything inside you had flatlined.

The highs weren't fun anymore. It wasn't wild or dizzying or euphoric. It was hollow, only acting like a stabilizer that kept you alive. The cravings did not have mercy. You fucked it all up. And maybe you had. Maybe he was done. Maybe he meant it.

The thought left nothing but a painful ache in your chest. Your head pounded, body trembled as the tears heavied your vision, the night sky now dissolving into one big blur, the sobs never stopped .

• • • • • •

The sound of laughter and bicker bounced off the alley walls next to Heeseung's building as the friends kept on talking. The city buzzed in the background, cars passing, distant chatter of people, the light bass of the music on the rooftop bar could be felt. Heeseung sat on the wodden crate with the half-burned cigar between his fingers, legs stretched out in front of him, his head tipped back as he exhaled slowly.

Jay was leaned up against the opposite wall, flipping the lighter open and shut out of habit whilst Sunghoon and Jake debated over some movie trivia, their voices loud but harmless. "Bro, I'm telling you..." Jake insisted, pointing his cigar like it was a mic. "It wasn't his real kid, it was a setup." Sunghoon scoffed at that, rolling his eyes. "Shut up. You always think everything is a conspiracy." Jay let out a chuckle at their stupid argument. "Y'all sound like a YouTube comment section." He looked over to Heeseung. "Back me up."

Heeseung gave a half-laugh, corners of his lips tugging up slightly. "I'm too high for logic right now." Everyone laughed just for a moment. Everything seemed fine. Until Jay's eyes lingered too long on Heeseung's face, reading the quiet behind the smirk. Then he spoke. "So... You heard from Y/N?" The laughter stopped like someone had hit mute, Sunghoon and Jake turning to Heeseung, noticing the uneasiness after the mention of you. His jaw ticked, fingers tightening slightly around the cigar. He didn't look at them, just took another drag, slow and heavy. "Not tryna start something. Just asking." Jay added on in defence.

Heeseung let the smoke sit on his tongue for a second before blowing it out with a scoff. "No, I haven't." The words lingered heavy in the air, Sunghoon and Jake exchanged a look but didn't say anything. Jay leaned a bit, voice low. "You miss her?" Heeseung stared ahead, watching the smoke snake through the air, his mind blank but at the same time racing before be answered. "Of course..." Jay nodded slowly, flicking the ash onto the ground. "You think she is gonna come back from it?"

Silence.

Heeseung finally looked at him, eyes darker then usual. "I don't know. That's the part that pisses me off the most. I don't know." There was a long pause. City was still bustling, but here it felt like it was frozen. "I tried." voice quiter now but still sharp. "I tried to pull her out, talks and talks. But it seems like she doesn't get the weight of it. This is all just a getting loose thing to her and it pisses me off. Acting like a fucking child..." The boys stared at him, their eyes carrying something more—sympathy, maybe. Or guilt.

"And every time I bring it up she turns it on me. I get it! I get it that I shouldn't have let her dabble with me, but I didn't know she was that labile..." Jay nodded again, humming in understanding. Sunghoon cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence with the offer. "You wanna hit something more after this? Grab a drink or something?"

Heeseung blinked, taking the last long drag from the cigar, toxic smoke spreading through his lungs before it exited through his nostrils and slightly parted lips, creating a cloud of fog over his head. He let the cigarette butt down by him, stepping with his heel on it before he answered. "Fuck yeah."

Jake whooped and threw his unfinished cigar. "Let's go!" Like always, he was up for drinking and partying. His reaction got smiles on other boys' faces, light laughter filled the alley. Heeseung knew he needed this. No regret or overthinking tonight, just simple night out with his friends. Carefree and alive. Tonight, he will get you off his mind, even if that only lasted a couple of hours.

He needs this.

• • • • • •

The clicking of cutlery against porcelain echoed softly in the dinner room together with your parents banter. The dinner before you looked beautiful—roasted vegetables, grilled chicken, all neatly plated and ready to be devoured. But you couldn't stomach any of it. You sat at the table, shoulders slouched as you stirred the rice unappetizingly with your fork. Your eyes were tired, the tired that makeup couldn't hide anymore. Your frame was hugged by a baggy hoodie, sleeves run down your arms as if almost trying to swallow you.

"You barely touched your plate." Your mom said gently, pausing her glass of water halfway to her lips. "Are you still feeling sick?" You blinked slowly. "Yeah..." You murmured under your breath. "Still kinda... off." Your dad glanced up from his phone, eyes drifting from a important email and right to your weak figure. His eyebrow furrowed. "You missed three days of classes. You sure you are okay?" Concern could be heard in his gentle tone.

"I'm fine." You answered a little too quickly, voice flat. "It's probably just the flu or something." Your mom gave you a look, skeptical but not confrontational. "Maybe we should take you to a doctor, sweetie." You shook your head. "No. I'm just tired. I'll be okay." A silence took over for a few seconds, your fork again in the plate before you, scraping it. Then your mom spoke again, more careful this time.

"I haven't seen Heeseung around for awhile. Everything okay between you two?"

The fork stilled in your hand. Your eyes locked to the plate, breathing barely noticeable. The question sliced through you —normal, casual, but you still couldn't answer it. Your mouth was opening but nothing came out. Your throat tightened, tongue sat heavy and dry. The silence grew noticeable, both of your parents now hyper focused on you, every movement stopping. Your mothers brow's knitted together. "Y/N?" You still didn’t answer.

You didn't know what to say. How do you explain that the boy they once smiled at across the doorway has not spoken to you for weeks since the last time he looked at you was like a stranger when you were in the same room together? That you couldn't bring yourself to feel normal anymore, not in your skin, not in your thoughts—and you didn't even have a good enough reason for why you spiraled in the first place.

Your dad glanced between you and your mother, he didn't push. He never did.

You finally forced a weak shrug, voice flat. "We have just been... busy. He's been with his friends." Your voice cracked in the middle, so quietly that your mother had to lean in to catch it. More silence. Your mom smiled faintly, not convinced of your words. "Alright. Well... Let us know if you want to talk about anything." You nodded quickly eyes never leaving the plate.

But in your chest, shame coiled tight—hot and choking. They didn't know. Not really. And if they ever did… if they ever truly looked close enough—

You took a shaky breath and stabbed a piece of cold chicken.

Pretending was easier.

• • • • • •

The room was dim, lit by only your bright phone screen and the moonlight that came down through the blinds. The house was quiet, pretty quiet. Your parents were working night shifts again, so that meant no people to distract you. Sheets were tangled at your feet, music playing low from the speaker, something ambient and slow, barely keeping you tethered to reality. You sat up as you clicked on the first icon in the message app, staring at the last message you had sent him.

You: come over. I miss u

It woke up the ache that you worked so hard to avoid. But there's no going back now. Your finger trembled as they danced over the keyboard, typing and retyping the same message with unsureness.

You: I miss you

Send.

You: Please come over

Send.

You: Please

Send. Send. Send.

Your chest tightened, a dull sharp ache pulsing behind your ribs. The benzodiazepines rolled through your bloodstream, turning your thoughts into a slush and muting the sharpness of the world. You didn't feel the pain exactly—not like you should have. It was more like you were watching yourself fall apart from the other side of the room. A weak laugh escaped your lips, cracked and breathy as if you were barely standing. Your hand wiped under your eyes. You didn't know if you were crying again or your vision was distorted from the high. Maybe both.

No reply.

You stared at the screen until the words blurred, until your thumb hit the message bar again and typed without thinking.

You: I'm sorry. I fucked up. I just want you. Please just come.

The silence in the room was unbearable. You fell back against the pillows, eyes locked on the ceiling. Everything felt too quiet but too loud at the same time. Your limbs were warm and numb, heartbeat slow and steady, but your thoughts spun in circles, clashing. You couldn't stop seeing his face. The way he looked at you during your last fight — angry, hurt, done. It made your gut twist at the reviving.

You sent another message.

You: I just want to feel something real again

• • • • • •

The phone buzzed once. Twice. Again. Heeseung looked at it from where he was sitting at the edge of his bed, hair damp from the late night shower, hoodie half zipped up, blunt burning low between his fingers. The screen lit up with your name, over and over again.

Y/N<3: I miss u

Y/N<3: Please come

Y/N<3: I just want to feel something real again

He stared at it, jaw tense, stomach flipping. He could already tell—she was high. The pattern, the desperation, the timing. Everything added up. He knew that too well. His thumb hovered over the screen, his pulse jumped. He hated you for doing this. He hated himself for caring. But most of all, he was hating how fast he was standing up and grabbing his keys.

He was already in your driveway, no sign of your parents car. Of course. Of course you get high and call him when you are alone. He exited the car, pulse quickening with every step he took towards the door. No light was on in the house, not even your own room. The front door creaked open under his hand. Heeseung didn't ring. He never had to.

You always left it unlocked whenever you wanted him to come. It became a unspoken rule that still somehow stood. Even now—weeks after the fallout, after everything that was said and left unsaid.

He took a step inside, slow and cautious, scanning the dark familiar living room. The whole place was quiet, dead almost. He was not even sure if anyone was at all home. He shut the door and made his way up the stairs, no light was needed, it was all too familiar. With each step up the stairs his heart hammered, throat tight. Am I really doing this again?

Reaching the top, he could see the weak light coming from under your door which was slightly cracked open, like always. He took steps and finally was face to face with the comfort of your room, only separated by the thin wood. The moment he pushed the door open, there you were. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, hoodie slipping off one shoulder, hair wild and unbrushed. Your phone was clutched in your hand and eyes red and unfocused, blinking slowly. Your head turned sluggishly when you felt him on the doorway. You didn't flinch, didn't say anything. You just stared at him like he was the only thing keeping you tethered to this world with wet cheeks and watery eyes.

"You left the door unlocked..." Heeseung spoke flatly, almost lifelessly as his eyes scanned you. How glassy your eyes were, pupils blown wide, how you were barely holding yourself together. "You came..." Your hoarse voice echoed through the room, sniffles continued. "I wasn't sure if you would." A bitter smile pulled at your lips.

Heeseung didn't answer, jaw tensed as he shut the door behind him, eyes never leaving you. "You are high." He said, eyes sharp now. You looked down at you lap. "I just needed to feel... less."

"Less what?"

"Just— less."

He slowly made his way towards you, stopping right at the foot of you bed. "You are fucking dissappearing." Your dazed eyes followed him, full of tears that were ready to downpour. You sniffled, pulling your legs up to your chest and hugging them. "Why do you care? You left me." The words left your mouth in a whisper, strained almost inaudible. "I didn't leave!" He snapped. "You pushed me out! You kept lying. Hiding even. You broke my trust!" Tears suddenly started pouring out your eyes quietly, still listening to every word his angry voice spoke. "You became distant, even when I wanted to get close to you!—"

"You think I don’t know what’s happening?! You think I can’t see it too? You think I like being like this?!" You shouted through sobs, finally letting it out. Heeseung’s eyes softened, drinking in every word as his mind raced. "No, I don't th—"

"Then stop acting you you know fucking everything!" You were now gasping from how much tears you were sheding, it was exhausting. You snapped finally, frustration getting the best of you. Everything deteriorated, everything you built collapsed right before your eyes. You chest hurt, hands trembled as cold sweat coated your skin. Heeseung took a step back from the sudden outburst. The rawness of it making his own legs weak. The moment you heard him take steps back your head snapped towards him, eyes wide in fear. "Nonono—" You repeated shaking your head in denial, getting on your wobbly knees and hands. "Heeseung, please! I'll be good. I swear, please—" You crawled towards him, eyes looking up at him through your wet lashes, glowing under the moonlight.

You finally got to the end of the bed, grabbing his wrist before you pulled him back towards the bed, staring up at his upright and strong figure hovering over your crawling one. "Please. Don't go." You got on your knees, attaching yourself to him, hands grabbing at his waist and every inch of his upper body, histerically. Like you would lose him right now, right here.

Heeseung was at a loss for words, blankly staring at your face up close after so long. And you were so beautiful. With your puffy glossy eyes, plump lips swollen, cheeks red from all the stress. You still were so beautiful to him. He gulped, scanning your panicked face, hands still by his side, not daring to lay a hand on you. Not because he didn't want to, but because he was scared he would not be able to stop.

Suddenly your eyes met, your gaze instantly changing, like a switch. Your hands sensually slowed down, caressing his hoodie covered waist. Your breaths mingled, mixing as your eyes traveled down to his lips. Silence became tense, the only sound being your slow and deep breathing. Heeseung gulped and you felt it. That subtle shift in the air, the way his chest raised just a bit more forcefully, the way his fingers twitched at his sides. He was trying, really trying to hold the line. But you could feel him crack under the weight of your desperation.

Your hands moved slower, more intentionally now, sliding up the fabric of his hoodie, gently feeling his muscles contract under your cold touch. "You still want me..." You whispered, eyes hooded and red and voice broken, shaky. "Even now... don't you?" He didn't respond. But the silence was the response.

You leaned in closer, face tilted up, lips ghosting the underside of his jaw. "Say it." You pleaded, voice trembling like your body was. "Please. Just say it." Heeseung's eyes fluttered shut for a second, jaw clenched. He was breathing through his nose, trying to keep control. "Y/N stop—"

"You always love having me like this." The graze of your lips against to corner of his mouth was the last straw, his hands finally moved—grabbing your wrists, gently but firmly, pulling them away from his body. You looked up at him, panic flashing again, eyes wide. But before you could speak, he crashed his mouth to yours.

It wasn't a kiss. It was a collapse.

Your back met the mattress again, his body following, heavy and hot, mouth devouring yours like it's his last. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as his hoodie rode up, fingers digging into the sheets, into his back, into anything you could hold yourself onto. His hands found your waist, your thighs, your face — gripping, stroking like he couldn't decide what to do first. The kiss was messy, uncoordinated, like both of you were leading your own way. Saliva mixing, tongues fighting to get the taste of each other's mouth, hungrily. He suddenly detached, earning a whine from you in response as he let his kisses down your jaw and right over your neck.

"I hate you for this." He mumbled into your neck, voice sharp, breathing erratic. "You drive me insane." You moaned in response, arching your back off the sheets and right into his body asking him to get back to work. "Hee, please..." He dived back in, kissing your neck, your clavicles, leaving open mouthed kisses with his hands traveling up your hoodie. Your skin was cold but sweaty, chest heavied up and down with each touch of his fingertips. He moved down, slowly descending onto his knees at the foot of the bed, meeting with the carpet as his lips grazed every inch of your stomach, hoodie pushed up by his big hands. You gasped for air, raising yourself by your elbows and watching him. His slouched figure grabbed at your thighs, hips, anything that was available. His nose nuzzled onto your waistband, underwear on full display before him.

He raised his eyes, making direct eye contact with you making you almost moan out loud. Heeseung had a sight to see, you meesed up, desperate for him, eyes now puppy like almost begging him to devour you. "Didn't eat this pussy in a while baby..." His fingers grazed your inner thighs, eyes moving down to scan the mess that was already accumulating. The wet patch stabbing his eyes, making him hiss at the slight movement of your hips against his gaze. "You want that, hm?" You hummed out desperately, nodding your head quickly, legs spreading further on their own.

Heeseung caressed it with the back of his fingers, feeling the wetnees over the drenched fabric. You relaxed into the touch, his knuckles hitting your covered clit in a stroking motion just right. It was gentle, teasing, and he enjoyed watching you fall apart just by his simple touch. You were sweating, the drugs still slowing you down, making the slight pleasure feel otherwordly. Heeseung hooked his fingers on your panties, pulling them away from your core before letting it slap back against it, the action making you slightly jolt. The wet sound that came of it making his mind spin. You were humming repeatedly in a haze, your eyes closed and head thrown back, hips chasing the stimulation under his eyes. "Fuck. Don't do that..." He grimaced, his sweats feeling tighter then ever. Just the simple squirm of your body was enough to make his tip leak precum in anticipation.

His hands grasped your hips, adjusting you as he lowered his head, now face to face with your soaked underwear. He blew at it experimentaly, to see if you would feel even the slightest of brush and you did. Your hips rolled in an attempt to meet whatever that was, not nothing. That's how sensitive you were. It was the last straw before he was tipped over the edge, impatience getting the best of him as he pulled the underwear off you, throwing it somewhere behind. Pushing your thighs spread open again with his palms pressing onto them, he left a harsh lick all the way from your hole to your clit. It made you scream in surprise, body aching and trembling the moment his tongue went flat over your bundle of nerves.

He was impatient. His mouth quickly attached to your clit, engulfing it with his soft wet mouth as he sucked. Your back met the mattress again, arms too weak to hold you up. You panted, head thrown back as he refused to let your bud go. It was becoming sensitive with each flick of his tongue as he harshly sucked, even moaning against your wetness. Heeseung was enjoying himself, head bobbing with each squirm of your hips against him. You tasted divine.

You were becoming a moaning mess, cold sweat covered every inch of your skin, the hoodie feeling suffocating on your torso more than ever. Lightheadedness was taking over. You were so sensitive. You can't take it. So you trashed around against his mouth, trying to run away from his savage lips, but it only made him groan, your moans became erratic, a small tight knot forming in the pit of your stomach.

It made him mad. You trying to run from him. His fingers digged harder into your inner thighs, keeping you in place. You hissed in pain from his strong hold, he was too aggressive, his mouth detaching from your clit to just let a filthy glob of spit onto it before diving back in. You sighed in slight relief but the overwhelming pleasure was back, this time his tongue skimmed over your holds, collecting all of your sticky arousal before it circled your hole. You raised your head and opened your heavy eyes, vision blurry from all the tears, cheeks flushed and red, neck heating in a uncomfortable fire. His eyes locked with yours. You moaned, mouth agape as you kept the eye contact. He smirked with his tongue traveling up to your bud and down to your hole again, teasingly poking at it, again and again.

"Tongue fuck me, yes..." You mumbled lowly through a breathy tremble more to yourself as you bit down on your lip and closed your eyes whilst throwing your head back. Hips meeting his shallow thrusts into your cunt. Heeseung almost came from the simple sight of you fucking yourself against his hot muscle. The next thing he did made you whine in need. He grabbed your knees, his hot hands against your sweaty skin made you shudder as he pushed them up and against your chest, your cunt on full display and at his mercy now. He dived right in, folding you in a uncomfortable position as his tongue thrusted into you, harder this time. You bit your bottom lip, pleasure eating you up as he didn't stop, not for a second. His hot muscle rubbed your entrance and walls in such a dirty way, hammering at a speed that had your head spin. You moaned and moaned, voice already hoarse.

"Heeseung fuck!" Your voice strained and breathy as it came out, the knot forming faster then ever, thighs shaking, ears canceling out everything as your body prepared for the climax. Heeseung could feel that you were close, your walls clenching and convulsing against his tongue, saliva dripped all onto your skin, trickling down your ass cheeks and onto the mattress together with your juices. He moaned, tongue already tired but he did not stop. His eyes closed tight in delight, waiting for your orgasm to wash over you.

One more thirst of his was enough for your body to shudder. The heat spread throughout you, blood pumping faster then ever. You moaned one last time, jaw tensing and thighs shaking. You came hard on his tongue as he fucked you through your orgasm, making sure to remember every sound and move your body let out at the moment, his smile never falling. You furiously tried to get your hips to grind against him, but it was no use, he held you down. "Yes fuck keep going— mhm..." Your pussy convulsed, after shocks still shaking you as he slowed down, finally letting your legs down and onto the bed. You were breathing hard, eyes still closed as your ears ringed. Heeseung let out a chuckle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, collecting the wetness that dripped down his jaw. He got onto the bed, knees dipping the mattress right at the sides of your worn out legs before he leaned over you, eyes scanning your panting and flushed face.

He moved a strand that sticked to your glossy lips, and he kissed you. Hard. His hands cupped your face, holding you in place. You could taste yourself on his lips, salty and tangy. It made you whine leading to him moaning in response. You grabbed his wrists, gently but firmly, pulling them away from your face and getting your hoodie finally off. Your breasts raising and falling with each breath in and out, making him lick his lips at the sight. You pressed a peck to his lips before you slowly slipped your body down, eyes boring into his glimmering with mischief. He furrowed his brows, watching your figure slide beneath his slowly, sheets wrinkling with your back dragging against them. "Y/N what—"

You were already beneath him, face to face with his bulge, cupping it as you looked over your head, lip stuck between your teeth, hand squizzing him. Heeseung’s breath got stuck in his throat whilst he stared at your figure under him who was still on his fours, gawking at your head that was now caged with his thighs . The eye contact made him smile slyly down at you, getting the idea you had. Before he could react your hands already pulled down the front of his sweatpants together with his boxers, revealing his raging cock. It almost hit you in the face, tip bulbous and red, leaking precum. Your mouth watered at the sight, and before Heeseung could say anything your tongue slid over the pulsing vein right on the underside of it.

Heeseung's mouth opened, eyes went closed shut, palms fisting the sheets painfully hard. You smirked at his reaction, getting one of your hands around his base and taking the tip into your mouth. Your tongue went over the slit, fluttering around the pulsing head as the hand stroked it. Heeseung let out a shaky breath, adrenaline making his ears hotter than ever, throat dry and hoarse. The moment your hand squeezed his lenght, he got himself upright, knees dipping deeper next to your head as a moan ruptured from his parted lips. You suckeled on the tip, teasing the hell out of him, the hand stopped with the strokes, instead both arms went around his thighs, keeping him close and anchored. His muscles flexed, contracting with each slight move of your tongue over his slit.

His hands went up to his hoodie zipper, finally releasing himself of unnecessary clothes before he threw it on the floor. Your eyes went over his revealed torso, eyes rolling back in distinguished pleasure at the picture before you. His lean body glistened with sweat under the moonlight, abs contracting on their own in tandem with your mouth against him. His chest seemed flushed, shallow breaths left his lungs in a reckless rhythm. Heeseung looked down, his fingers combing through your hair, getting a gentle grip onto it. "So good... so good for me, yeah—" He kept your head in place, giving your mouth a slow and tender thrust, not all the way in yet. You hummed in response, the vibrations sending his mouth agape, eyes narrowed and focused on the way your lips wrapped around him.

"Letting me use your mouth just how I like—"

Another whiny hum.

"Ah— look at you... So desperate that you didn't even wait for me to ask." His grip tightened around your hair, just slightly, enough to make your eyes look up at him. Tears clung to your lashed from the sheer intensity, saliva messily clinging to your chin. Heeseung's thrust gradually became deeper, his pants and whimpers coming out melodically. "You missed this cock... didn't you?—" Your mouth succumbed to him, giving him the full control, letting him thrust steadily as much as he wanted.

"Admit it."

With those words he pushed himself fully in, making you gag before retracting till he pulled out and let his tip rest on your swollen and glistening lips. You did not break eye contact, letting your tongue out and kitty licking the flushed head with the slight nod of a guilty admition. You did miss him fucking you. More than anything. Heeseung could barely breath. "You are so goddamn filthy." He stuttered out.

You teasingly opened your mouth letting it hover over his raging hard on before nodding slowly, eyes looking up at his with a glint of playfulness. "Only for you." And he was in your mouth again. Heeseung started thrusting right away, groans and whines escaping his lips. The whole time your wetness was pooling more and more between your clenched thighs. Every sound, every tremor of his body sent a wave of arousal through you. You clenched your thighs, rubbing them together in a attempt too relieve the swelling that was starting to ache.

The sliding of his cock against your soft flesh felt all too ecstatic. Saliva was dripping from the corners of your mouth, allowing him to glide with ease. His body was unraveling. His thighs were trembling now, muscles twitching from the overload. His chest rose and fell like he’d just run miles, eyes still locked on where you two connected. "You are gonna make me cum so hard…" He growled, voice hoarse, breathless. "You love doing this, don’t you? Love wrecking me."

Another groan ripped from his throat, and this time, it was broken—shameless. His hands slipped behind your head, gently, and he hissed through his teeth as he tried to hold back. You fisted the material on his hips, bracing yourself for his release. "T-take it—take all of it. Just like that—fuck, yes."

And when it finally hit him, it was devastating. His hips bucked, His hand tightened in your hair but not enough to hurt, just to ground himself in you—because he was gone. Utterly gone. Voice lost in the moan that ripped from deep in his chest.

And you didn’t move away once.

Didn’t even flinch. You kept him in your mouth, cum filling your warm cavity, some even collecting at the corners of your tight wrapped lips. You moaned in delight, tasting it against your taste buds after so long. He bucked his hips one more time into you, making sure to fuck it down your throat, and you let him before he pulled out. Cock all sore, still pulsing and limply standing before your face. His hair stuck to his forehead, chest still gasping for air as he racked a hand through his dark locks, tossing it back. You did not swallow, instead kept it in your mouth as you wiggled out from beneath him, getting on your two feet before making your way again on the bed, your knees shifting the mattress and grabbing his attention as you got in front of him. He looked down at you, raising a brow just as you grabbed his face and kissed him. Heeseung’s hands instinctively found your naked waist, pulling you closer and flush against him, your bare skins rubbing and sliding.

It was messy, raw.

His tongue tasted himself on you like he needed it—like it was the only thing that could bring him down. Cum dripped down between your bodies, messily sticking to your hot and sweaty skin. Your palms glided down his neck and right over his bulging biceps' giving them a squeeze as you caressed them, making goosebumps arise on his wet skin. "You are unreal." He groaned against your mouth, teeth grazing your bottom lip. "So fucking nasty—" His tongue licked at the white fluid dripping down your chin. "My nasty girl."

You giggled, breath hitching as his hands groped at your ass, until you were flush against his again hard cock that stood proud onto his abdomen. The way you grinded your body against it made him bite back a deep groan. You left a light kiss on his nose, the action so pure in the midst of a filthy moment. You moved his arms away from you, letting them drop down to his sides as you sat down on the bed, bottom lip caught between your teeth as you retreated all the way against the headboard. Heeseung just observed, your legs, your hips, thighs, waist, breasts — it made blood rush to his already throbbing dick. Waistbands uncomfortably hugging his scrotum, only adding more pressure when it shouldn't.

Your legs already spread, your cunt glistened with slick, the sticky substance covered your inner thighs. Fuck. Heeseung just stood there, still on his knees making sure every move you make is payed attention to till the maximum. You giggled, watching his focused face not take his eyes off of your throbing pussy. You were still glowing from the high of what just happened, skin dewy and flushed, legs spread slightly as you laid back into the pillows. But it wasn't enough. You weren't done.

You let your fingers trail lazily down your chest, between your breasts, your stomach flexing under your touch.

Heeseung didn't speak. His eyes said everything. They darkened the second your hand dipped lower. You felt your own slick, the heat of your body burning into your fingertips as you began to stroke yourself slow and deliberate—like you knew he was watching. Like you needed him to. You just locked eyes with him, fingers moving. A soft gasp left your lips, and Heeseung's expression darkened instantly.

His eyes dropped again.

Watched.

He didn’t say a word. Didn’t move.

You moaned softly, head tipping back, body arching ever so slightly, just for him. You breathed, voice like silk. You moved slow—teasing both of you. Circling, pressing, gasping. All while he watched, unmoving, fists clenched at his sides, chest rising in sharp, ragged breaths. You knew it was driving him mad—the fact that you didn't need him in that moment… but still wanted him to see it. To feel it with you.

"You like this?" you asked, lips curling. "You like seeing how wet I still am for you?" Heeseung growled, low and guttural. "You have no fucking idea." You moaned softly, fingers working against your swollen bud, gradually speeding up as you rolled your hips into your hand, lashes fluttering. He watched your thighs tremble, the way your stomach tensed with each circle of your fingers, the way your breath caught in your throat when you rubbed it in a unexpected good angle. He was painfully hard again. You could see it too, on full display against his lower stomach. His eyes never left your body.

"You are so wet." He muttered lowly, almost in amusement. "Dripping all over that pretty hand. Is that all for me?" Your back arched in response, legs spreading as far as you can, breath catching. "Always for you." You gasped. Heeseung leaned forward, finally breaking. "Let me help." It came out almost as a beg in a whisper as he crawled towards you. But just before he could touch you, your fingers moved faster and slid over your slippery clit, lewd noises filling the quiet air together with your raged breaths—head tilting back, thighs clenching. His name was escaping your parted lips, like a mantra. It was right about to wash over you, one more flick and you would have fallen apart but Heeseung couldn't just watch anymore.

He grabbed your thighs with his arms from underneath and harshly pulled you towards him, your back now flat against the bed as his upright figure stood over you on his knees. Your hand instinctively stopped the movement, instead you gasped in surprise, legs already hooked onto his hips, the back of your thighs pressed against the firm muscle of his, flexing beneath the fabric of his sweats.

Your chest rose with every breath, your heart racing in tandem with his.

Heeseung stared down at you like he was drinking you in—every curve, every flicker of expression in your face. His eyes were dark, unreadable, but you could feel what they meant. That he wanted you. Right now. His hand grabbed the pulsing cock, dragging it between your folds collecting your arousal before he tapped it on your already worn out bundle of nerves. The taps against it sent shocks through you, moans escaping your lips with head tilted back and eyes closed shut. "F-fuck..." Your strained voice echoed, almost sounding a little too painful and aching. It was a groan of desperation. Heeseung stroked himself, tip attached to your clit, his eyes scanning your folds and the way your hole was clenching, asking to be filled.

And he did just that.

He repositioned his knees, pulling them slightly away from you to get the better angle, one of his arms holding himself up next to your shoulders as he leaned over you, still pretty faraway but closer then ever at the same time. His hand led his tip down to your hole, the tip poking against the entrance in shallow teasing thrusts . He bit his lip, looking down at your fucked out expression—lips swollen, eyes half closed, cheeks flushed and hair tousled. Your hips helplessly bucked into his, almost begging him to ruin you. And before you could say anything he slammed into you. Hard. You screamed, not from pain but from pleasure—finally being filled up. He slid in with such ease, every next thrust going in easier then the last. You were getting wetter.

"Ah— shit..." He muttered under his breath, the other hand now next to your waist as he moved steadily. "Didn’t feel this pussy for so long —ah... Fuck!" He was losing it. The way you wrapped around him, hugging his lenght with your gummy walls, the sounds that came from where you two connected, and every whimper you tried to conceal every time his pelvis came in contact with your clit sent him into a frenzy, his thrusts becoming faster. "Heeseung! God— yesyesyes!" You chanted over and over again, getting your eyes down to where you two connected, his hips slamming against your skin, a sound that repeated unstoppably. You did not miss the chance to gawk on his torso—muscles moving and contracting with each movement. He looked like a fucking pornstar.

Your hand went over his forearms, grabbing at them for the support. You were a mess. He continued to ram into you, chasing his own climax—eyes closed, mouth agape. His biceps' and forearms were starting to cramp from holding his whole weight up but he didn't care. Pants filled up the room, moans, whines, groans. It was too good. Your head throbbed, neck burned and felt like it was on fire. You were close. "Heeseung I'm gonna cum! Gonna cum!" He felt you clench and he was losing it. "Yeah? Make a fucking mess baby..." Your back arched, mouth open with endless moans spilling from it, the orgasm shook you to the core with your hips bucking up to meet his, and the moment one of his hands came down to rub your clit it drove you insane. The pleasure prolonged with your thighs shaking and ears ringing, hands clawing at his forearms as if your life depended on it.

"Shit...you are gonna make me lose it!" He gasped out, almost drooling at the feeling.

You trembled, after shock sending your muscles twitching. But his thrusts didn't stop yet, he was still chasing his own release. The overstimulation made you hiss, your body relaxing in an attempt to hold on. But it was too much. "Too much Hee..." It did not reach his ears at all. His thrusts stuttered, but still went hard and deep. Whines were escaping his lips uncontrollably before he let himself fall over your trembling body. His weight trapping you down with his head nuzzling into your neck as he fisted the sheets next to your head. "Please, baby, please!—" His begs sent another spark on in you, making you moan in response. His breathing fanned your neck in rapid brushes, making you shiver. "I'm cumming! I'm cumming!" His thighs convulsed, a groan escaped his throat as his tip painted your walls white. His hips sloppily fucked the releasing cum into your cervix, making you moan through hard breaths, nails digging into his sweaty back.

He groaned with one last snap of his hips, his cum spilling from your tight hole as he lazily pulled out. Head still in a daze as he threw himself on his back right next to you. Pants filles the room , the silence that took over was loud enough. Both of you stared at the ceiling, up in your thoughts.

Your limbs felt numb, you were sore.

Heeseung felt conflicted and asked himself if he really knew what he got himself into.

The drugs in your system were at the brink of wearing off. And it hurt to admit. It really did.

But you felt it.

The warmth that wrapped around your body like a second skin began to fray at the edges. That false sense of ease, of pleasure, of forgetting—started to peel back. The shadows in the corners of your vision that had looked soft and slow now loomed sharper. The air felt colder, like it had shifted while you weren’t looking.

It was a circle you will be back running in even after all of this.

You knew it.

You felt it.

And stil you rolled over to your side, snuggling into Heeseung deciding that, maybe, just maybe you could ignore it and enjoy a moment for once in pure rawness. No drugs, no nothing. Just you two and the feelings. Like before.

But was it all that easy?

• • • • • •

! this is all work of fiction. in no way this is a representation of enhypen members nor do I believe this is how they behave in real life or condone these actions!

taglist: @wheretheheckis-ssaki @firstclassjaylee @nithxhoon @twilght-talks @juicygirl4life @ikeuloirinho @isagistar @adoredbyjay @muranini @nesquikluvr @cristy-101 @y04wonwon @fancypeacepersona @sjakewrld @xuevkim @jellyrushzz @kittympirty @ssanhwatto @nodoubtily @kristynaaah @cyjhhyj @miabaddie @engeneheree @jinnibug

[cherryw0n]

Hiiii, I just want to ask where do you edit the pics in your nocturna series :0 I hope I'm not coming as rude or anything!!! It's just, I'll start a new series and I don't really know what I should use for the pics 😿😿😿

Hii! I edit them in canva! It's definitely one of the best editing apps, you have such a wide range of features even if you don't get premium or whatever.

[cherryw0n]

The Walls is out!

NOCTURNA — enhypen

chase atlantic inspired series

each of the seven parts is based on a chase atlantic song that provides the feeling throughout the whole story, taking you on an emotional journey and showing the real raw side of each character's struggles.

CAREFUL, this series contains some sensitive and serious topics. Read at your own risk!

CONTAINS: profanity, drug abuse, drug addiction, mental health problems, family problems, toxic relationships, organized crime, infidelity, smoking, violence, alcohol consumption, explicit sex description

MDNI!

Lee Heeseung — The Walls

pairing: dabbler!heeseung x addict!reader (afab)

synopsis: the world of intoxication and ecstasy was something you never thought could be so enchanting, so tempting. until you went spiraling into it, unable to suppress the inner cravings and strong thirst for something so forbidden but so euphoric.

"Everybody's leaning on the walls,

I don't think they're ready for the fall

Had a little, now she wanting more

Told her that I gotta make some calls"

read here

Park Jay — Moonlight

pairing: downbad!jay x grumpy!reader (afab)

synopsis: having a pain in the ass at your heels all the time was not on your bucket-list for this semester. but still he was chasing you, not giving up even if you said it to his face, every time.

"Busy on the weekend

Caught up in your own small world

Well, I might wanna see it then

Call it hesitation, girl"

read here

Sim Jake — DEVILISH

pairing: toxic!jake x toxic!reader (afab)

synopsis: the relationships was falling apart, no thing could salvage the damage it faced, not when you keep drifting from him every chance you get and he is always up for the payback.

"Devilish, fucking with my guys, yuh

I make sacrifices you make lies up

Heaven lost an angel when I signed up

I might fuck your friend, I made my mind up"

read here

Park Sunghoon — OHMAMI

pairing: druglordsson!sunghoon x frutera!reader (afab)

synopsis: fast and luxurious lifestyle wasn't anything spectacular to sunghoon, and it can't be when he grew up bathing in it's glory. who knew that just by stopping at the random frutería in puerto vallarta would be the moment he spotted his next target, you.

"Ooh, Mami, I got blue molly

I throw Louis V, Supreme on top of Murakami

Bitch, I'm fuckin' styling, yeah

I might say I love her, but I'm lying, yeah-ah-ah"

read here

Kim Sunoo — Tidal Wave

pairing: boyfriendsfriend!sunoo x friendsgirlfriend!reader (afab)

synopsis: he shouldn't be doing this. you shouldn't be doing this. you both can't be doing this, but the tension and connection was something you didn't feel with anyone before, not even with your own boyfriend — but his friend was there to make up for it.

"Throw another stone at a glass house

He might kick my ass if he finds out

I don't wanna share, it's a damn shame

I'll still play it fair, won't drop no names"

read here

Yang Jungwon — Right Here

pairing: desperate!jungwon x done!reader (afab)

synopsis: you were done. done with this empty game of leading on. he was like that, everyone told you but you didn't listen, only ended up being hurt and feeling like the only right thing you could do was finally walk away, and you did just that. but he was not done yet.

"It's happening again

Well, I don't give a fuck about your friends,

I'm right here"

read here

Nishimura Riki — Numb To The Feeling

pairing: addict!riki x goodgirl!reader (afab)

synopsis: who knew that the accidental encounter in a campus library would be such a turning point in your life. was is destiny? or something else?

"I need you to show me love

'Cause I'm getting numb to the feeling, yeah

I need you to ride me harder when we fuck

'Cause I'm getting numb to the feeling, whoa"

read here

COMING SOON...

! this is all work of fiction. in no way this is a representation of enhypen members nor do I believe this is how they behave in real life or condone these actions!

©cherryw0n

[cherryw0n]

The Walls — lhs

nocturna series

pairing: dabbler!heeseung x addict!reader (afab)

synopsis: the world of intoxication and ecstasy was something you never thought could be so enchanting, so tempting. until you went spiraling into it unable to supress the inner cravings and strong thirst for something so forbidden but so euphoric.

genre: angst, smut, fluff

contains: drug consumption, drug addiction, alcohol consumption, coctailing, unprotected sex, smoking, established relationship

smut warnings: dom!heeseung x sub!reader, high sex, unprotected sex, dryhumping, manhandling, overstimulation, begging, cum play, oral (f. & m. receiving), dirty talk, praise, spit play, facesitting, snowballing, masturbation (f.)

NOT PROOFREAD! (english is not my first language)

MDNI!

It was his fault.

No.

It was really his fault.

But he himself couldn't stop, at least not right now.

The kisses you were leaving all over his neck, your hands groping every inch of his shoulders as you grinded over him on his lap made him weak. He threw his head back, moaning in pure bliss, the blood in his veins pumping fast, carrying adrenaline together with something more, something addictive. Cocaine.

You yourself weren't a stranger to it. If not, you were a little too far gone than Heeseung. It was enthrilling. Euphoric. No other feeling could compare to it, no other experience is equal to it. Just pure heaven. The arousal spread through your body faster, tactical. Every sound he made seemed so far yet so close. Your mind was fuzzy, body felt light and limp, it was only desire that moved you.

"Fuck baby—" He groaned out the moment you bit down into his jugular, messily letting the saliva slide down. Your thighs trapped his hips down to the couch, his slight thursts lazyly losing power with each grind down of your clothed cunt. The room felt suffocating, curtains were pulled over the windows, not letting any of the moonlight in. Only source of light was a small lamp right by the couch, casting shadows all over the living room as much as it's weak light reached.

Heeseung threw back his head, whines leaving his parted plump lips whilst you pulled back and locked your gaze on his expression. Fuck. You moaned, half lidded eyes fighting to stay open with each grind of your hips becoming harsher and faster. His sweats were drenched, your juices mixing into a messy patch. His hard lenght pressed into your pantie covered folds, sliding and letting you feel everything even over the clothes.

He was a mess, whiny. He could feel his orgasm approaching with each bump of his covered tip over your clit. Heeseung's head pulsed, the pleasure getting to his every nerve and the only thing he could do to brace himself for the high of the highs was to bite down on his forearm that he drapped over his mouth in a poor attempt to stop the sounds of becoming any louder than they already are. His other hand traveled to your hip, pushing you down harder in a desperate chase of his long awaited orgasm. "Hee, it feels so good!" You whined out, voice already hoarse from all the sounds that you let out for the past hour of humping and making out.

Heeseung was out, his eyes were tight shut, head still thrown back as his teeth dug deeper into his flesh. He nodded vigorously, not caring that you weren't getting the confirmation back. His hips gained the rhythm back, harshly fucking up into your slippery folds, cock already sore, sensitive and on the brink of bursting. You were so gone, the high of the drug not letting you down, only letting your body succumb to the pleasure easier. "Baby I'm gonna cum!" You closed your eyes, focusing on the hot knot on the verge of explosion, hands sliding over your swollen breasts, giving them a rough squezze. "Ah fuck...harder—" You cried out, head thrown back at the harsh slide of his tip over your swollen bud. It was all it took for pleasure to overflow you, hips sttutering, mouth agape open as you humped yourself through the climax.

Heeseung was there too, and the moment he hurriedly looked at your body over his lap, shaking from your own orgasm, and feeling your hot drenched pussy drag in a slightly slower grinds as you indulged in every and each second of your high, he moaned loudly letting his own take over. His tights trembled, humps became sloppy, his heart hammered violently against his ribcage as he released in the confinement of his briefs with the loudest moan he ever elicited.

Hard breathing filled the room, breaths mixing messily as your head spun from the overwhelming pleasure. His chest heavied up and down, glistening with thin layer of sweat, exhsustingly trying to get to some air. You reached over to the night table with the lamp right by the couch and swiped your finger on the residue of white powder, slowly raising it to your lips and sucking it off. You moaned in delight, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Heeseung observed you, the both highs slowly wearing off. But you on the other hand were still having fun. The euphoric smile on your face as you felt the small crytal powder against your taste buds was telling enough. Your hips grinded against him again, getting a small hiss of sensitivity back but you were still out of it, out of this reality. "Heeseung, I want more..." You cuddled into his chest, whiny voice barely sounded stable as you kissed his neck. He chuckled, peeling you off of him and bringing you up to face him.

"You want what Y/N?"

His thumb brushed your bottom lip, pulling it down before letting it bounce back. Just as he was about to pull his finger away you grabbed his hand, hazed red eyes looking up at him through the lashes. "Coke..." You took his thumb into your mouth, sucking harshly and messily. A breathy laugh left his throat at those words and he smiled teasingly. Smiled because he didn't know what mess will be created from just letting you in on his world of dabbling drugs, just simply enjoying the high for fun.

"Got you addicted to high sex, huh baby?"

And it was a mistake.

A big mistake that can't be undone as wished.

• • • • • •

Music hit Heeseung's eardrums unplesantly loud, making him silently wince in response as the entrace door closed behind him. He was hit with a smell of smoke invading his nosetrils, leaving a burning sensation up his sinuses as his eyes stinged due to the toxic fume. As he slowly took steps down the hall here and there couples were scattered around, some talking, some fighting and some making out using the hall as a secluded area for their private matters. He stepped into the living room where the rest of the party was and the scene fully unraveled before him.

Heat rushed over him instantly. The air was thick with the scent of alcohol, sweat and something undistinguishable. A makeshift dance floor had formed near the speakers, bodies moving in a reckless rhythm, lost in the music. A couple lounged on the couch, too deep in their own world to notice the people around them. The coffee table was scattered with red plastic cups and half-empty bottles, illuminated by the soft erratic glow of the neon sign placed on the wall.

Jake always knows how to throw a good party, that's for sure.

"You finally made it!"

The sudden collision with you attaching to his chest and hugging him startled him. He gasped in surprise but quickly, a smile was on his face as he hugged you back. "Woah, slow down girl!" You giggled against his thick hoodie, in the process getting some of the liquor from your cup onto his clean clothes. Heeseung felt the warmth of your body against his, but something was off. Your grip was tight—too tight. Your fingers trembled slightly where they clutched at his hoodie, and when you pulled back, he got a better look at you. Pupils were blown wide, your smile lopsided in a way that wasn’t just from the alcohol. The faint smell of vodka clung to your breath, mixing with something sharper, something artificial. He could tell.

Heeseung forced a smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as he studied you. "You feeling good?" His tone was casual, but his mind was racing. You grinned, nodding quickly. "So good. You should catch up, baby." You said, pressing a cold cup into his hand. Your fingers lingered on Heeseung's, eyes gleaming with a kind of feverish excitement. "Maybe later." He gave you a tight lipped grin as he placed the cup on the nearest table. Your red and hazy eyes still looking up at him, giggling to yourself.

His stomach clenched. He'd been the one to introduce you to the world of casual highs, to the occasional pill or line at a party when the night called for it. But you had been careful, hesitant even. Lately, though, that hesitation had vanished. And tonight? You were on something more than just alcohol—he could see it in the way your body swayed, like you weren't fully anchored to the ground.

It scared him.

Your relationship was just taking it's leap. Six months and counting, the first day you met still fresh in his mind as a day. And how could it not be? You got together just a few months ago, still getting to know some parts of one another and getting comfortable. You were a good girl, shy at first, always up in your own small world, kind and smart. You were everything Heeseung could ask for in a girl. But now, you were slowly changing. Maybe he shouldn't have brought you to one of these parties a couple of months ago, maybe he shouldn't have let you see him taking a ecstasy pill, maybe just maybe he didn't have to give you that pill too.

"Yo, Hee!" Heeseung's attention was stolen by the new approaching figure. "Hey Jake, what's up? " He stood before him grinning as he dabbed him up. Jake's cologne was mixed with the ever-present scent of booze and smoke in the air, his dark hair slightly tousled like he'd already been through a few rounds of partying. He glanced between Heeseung and your slow body giggling for no reason, and he gave his friend a look of concern, his eyes filled with something that only they could understand at the moment. Heeseung let his eyes drift to the ground before wandering all over the place, scanning the strangers in a attempt to avoid the pressure of his friend's gaze, and Jake got the message.

"You finally decided to show up!" Jake spoke teasingly over the loud music, getting a little closer to Heeseung. Heeseung forced a smirk. "Wouldn't miss it." Jake chuckled and held out a shot glass that he already brought with him in preparation. "Then prove it." Heeseung glanced at you and your swaying figure, the half empty glass he took out of your grip earlier now in your hands again. You seemed loose and carefree, enjoying the rhythmic bass as you let it get to you and be the only thing occupiying your mind. His uneasiness didn't fade, but it was drowned put by the heat of moment — the music, the energy. Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe you were just having fun.

And as if let off the leash, he grabbed the shot from Jake's hand and downed it in one go. The burning liquor left a heating sensation down his throat, making him grimace. Jake whooped in approval, getting himself a unopened beer from the table and handing one to Heeseung too.

And just like that, the night swallowed him whole.

Hours blurred into moments—more drinks, more laughter. Heeseung kept an eye on you, watching for any sign that you were spiraling, but the alcohol dulled the sharp edge of his suspicion. Every time he caught you giggling at nothing or losing focus mid-conversation, he told himself it was fine. You were fine. His concern that sat deep in his chest was replaced with carelessness the more he let himself enjoy the night, but it was till he felt your fingers lacing through his, pulling him with as you both stumbled through the crowd together.

Strangers brushed past him, some with barely a glance, others throwing quick smiles or playful shoves as they moved through the crowd. But it was all a blur to his tipsy mind. Dimly lit hall way was somehow empty, the only two figures that stumbled into it were you two, his hands gripped at your waist as you pushed him harshly against the wall capturing his lips in a hungry kiss.

No slow build up like usual, no teasing. Just a messy hungry kiss. Your mouth moved sloppily against his, making Heeseung smile into the kiss. You were barely standing, pathetically holding onto his shoulders as he held you up against him by the waist, the glass that you refused of letting go the whole night still somehow gripped in your palm. Agitation took over your whole body, but it was fighting with all its streght to stay collected. Your muscles were slowly giving out, but the euphoria that traveled through your system was not persisting.

You were pressing yourself against Heeseung harder, desperate to keep on partying, to keep the heat going. Heeseung whined against your lips, saliva messily dripping between your bodies and right onto your exposed clevage. You lips all of a sudden felt numb, tongue too as if something paralyzed them. No sensation was felt on them whatsoever and then your grip loosened, hands gripped at Heeseung's hoodie, lips disconnected as he was taken aback.

Heeseung barely had time to process it before your body gave out, knees buckling. A choked sound escaped your throat as if your brain was struggling to keep up with what was happening to your own body.

"Hey—" Heeseung caught you before you could hit the floor, his arms wrapping around your waist instinctively. His heartbeat, which had been pounding from the drunken high of the moment, now raced for an entirely different reason. You were trembling.

Your head lolled against his chest, breathing uneven. Heeseung quickly switched your positions, pressing your back against the wall for support. His hands framed your face, tilting your chin up so he could see your eyes. They were unfocused, pupils blown wide, expression dazed as if you weren't fully present.

"Babe—" His voice came out hoarse, the alcohol in his system doing little to soften the sharp panic slicing through him. "Hey, talk to me." Your lips parted, but no words came out. Eyes blinking sluggishly, like you were trying to wake up from a dream but couldn't find your way back. Heeseung sobered up in an instant.

This wasn’t just being drunk. This wasn’t just a high.

His stomach turned as realization hit him all at once—whatever you had taken, it was too much. Way too much. He had seen people go too far before, seen the way their bodies stopped listening to them when the mix of substances became lethal. But never you. Never this. Heeseung swallowed hard, pushing down the rising fear in his chest.

"Jake!" His voice cracked as he turned his head, searching the crowd for his friend through the living room door, hoping that somehow someone will hear. "Jake—help!" Everything around him blurred—the music, the people, the party. None of it mattered anymore. The only thing that mattered was keeping you awake. Keeping you here. Heeseung pressed his forehead against yours, gripping you tighter. "Stay with me, okay?" His voice was barely above a whisper now, his own breath shaking. "Just stay with me."

"Hey what's happe—"

"Jay! Help me get her to the bathroom! Quick!" He picked you up in his arms, running into the living room and through the crowd of piled up people, getting some insults and shows back, but he didn't care. Jay ran after him, being the only one in this whole party that didn't touch a drop of alcohol or any kind of drug since he got here ten minutes ago. The climb up the stairs felt excruciatingly longer than usual, Heeseung dodged bodies and bodies. "Move — move!" Jake barked,dragging open the bathroom door, Heeseung barged inside quickly putting you down by the sink. "Grab the sink Y/N, hold yourself up, come on." Jay slammed the door shut, fiddling with the lock hurriedly until it clicked.

Heeseung instructed to you whilst he got the water facet on, cold water numbing his fingers under the stream as he got it on your face. "Jay, hold her." Heeseung was panicking but still held his composure with his movements sharp and precise. The other boy slipped right by you, grabbing your arms that weakly gripped the sink. "She's burning up..." Jay's hand flew to your forehead. "What the hell did she take?" Jay spoke, his usually playful demeanor nowhere to be seen. Heeseung ignored the question. He didn’t know, and right now, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was getting you back.

The music was thumbing in your head, the bass ringing off in a drowsy melody. Your ears felt stuffed, muscles weak and worn out, eyes were fixed on one dot with your mind blank and dazed. It all felt too unreal. The coldness on your face and neck made you shiver. Slight trembles were shaking you, breathing still shallow. You flinched when another splash of water meet your face, a small gasp leaving your dry mouth and lashes fluttering. Heeseung kept on cupping your face with cold water, bringing it down to your neck too. "Come on Y/N!" He spoke loud and clear, emphasizing your name.

Your breathing was still shallow, but as Heeseung pressed another handful of cool water to your warm skin, your eyes started to clear—just a little. Fingers twitched weakly against the edge of the sink with Jay still clutching you in his arms. "There you are..." Heeseung whispered, his voice barely steady, breathing still deep.

You blinked up at him, lips parting slightly as if you were about to say something—but then a sharp gasp tore from your throat. Before either of them could react, you lurched forward, retching violently into the sink. Heeseung's chest tightened, but relief washed over him at the same time. Your body was fighting back. You were coming down. Jay moved beside you, grabbing a towel and wetting it before handing it over. "She's gonna be okay. " He said, more to himself than anyone else. Heeseung nodded, rubbing your back gently as you clutched the sink, breaths ragged and uneven.

Heeseung hovered over you, one of his hands now grabbing at bits of your hair as the other gripped the wet towel, his jaw clenched tight. His gaze observed your flushed face as you gripped the sink tighter, knuckles turned white from all the retching and the vomit that was spilling from your sore throat. It was agonizing. The stench that filled the room was like no other, just pure filth of alcoholic vapor. Jay grimaced, covering his mouth with the forearm in a poor attempt to dull the smell.

You struggled to breath whilst vomiting, eyes were glossy and felt like they would fall out of your sockets any minute. The vomit slowed down, your spit getting the last bits out. You gasped for air, mind still unaware of what just happened. You slumped down onto the toilet seat right next to the counter, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. Your cheeks were flushed, eyes watery but bright, still wide with the remnants of the high. Then, you laughed. A light, airy giggle that echoed off the tiles.

"God... " You said, breathless, looking up at Heeseung with a dazed smile. "That was intense." Jay observed everything, eyes going from your giggly figure up to Heeseung's fuming frame. "I'm gonna leave you two to it..." Jay mumbled before slipping out of the bathroom, giving you two space—or avoiding the fallout. The moment door clicked shut, the world quieted.

You kept on giggling, almost falling off the toilet. Heeseung stood there before you, looking down at your state, party obviously continuing in your head. His fists clenched at his sides, anger raising hot and slow beneath his skin. "Come on, let's go back—" Your hand went to grab his forearm in an attempt to stand up on your wobbly legs but his sharp voice cut you off.

"What did you take?" He asked, voice low, too calm. You blinked up at him, slightly swaying with the smile not faltering. "Relax. I just—" You chuckled softly. "I didn't expect it to hit that hard."

"What. The Fuck. Did you take?" Heeseung spat out through gritted teeth, eyes blazing through you. Your eyes flicked to his again, smile faltered for the first time tonight, eyes squinted as you thought back to it. "I had... two tabs of acid..." You spoke, words dragging against your tongue a little. "Then someone gave me a bump—he said it was just molly... I think there was something else in it. Then vodka. But not that much!—" You smiled up at him at the last part, vision still slightly blurry. His serious expression made you confess, as if he didn't already know. "—not really... "

Heeseung couldn't believe his ears. How reckless you behaved. He took a half step back, racking his hand through his hair with a huff of disbelief. "Jesus Christ—" He stared you down, waiting for any sign of regret, of realization of what you just did for the first time. But none surfaced, only a smiley drunk mess looked back at him, slightly swaying to the beat of music that got to the bathroom. "Are you even hearing yourself right now?!" His tone raised, anger getting the best of him.

"You are so hot when you are angry..." You bit your bottom lip, eyes narrowing in a seductive gaze, back leaning back against the tank. Heeseung was so worked up, not noticing or hearing your comment whilst he continued. "I was not here for the first two hours because of family stuff and you go and do something stupid like this?!" He was particularly yelling at you his hands flying all around with each word. You lazyly grabbed one of his wrist, hooded eyes looking up at him through lashes with his body being pulled close to you. "Why are you so mad? You have done worse. You were the one who told me to stop overthinking this shit and just... feel it."

"Not all at once! Not like this! I didn't tell you to fucking black out" Heeseung was furious, not being able to comprehend that you did something so reckless, something that a month ago would be a story that would creep you out before you went to bed. "You could have collapsed out there!.... If I wasn't with you then what?! You think someone would have noticed?" He stopped, attention finally fully on you that was basically hugging his hips, red glossy eyes looking up at him with your bottom lip stuck between your teeth with your chin resting on his lower stomach. You weren't listening to a thing. He clocked it the moment you two locked eyes, pure lust radiated off you as he huffed in frustration, defeat taking over. "Unbelievable." His voice cut sharp over the distant music letting each syllable bounce off the four tight walls. You giggled at that.

A joke.

This was all a joke to you.

"We are going home. Now."

"Nooo~"

• • • • • •

It's been a month. A month after you almost blacked out. You promised to Heeseung the day after the party when the hangover hit harder then ever that you won't do it again. And boy, was it hard. You got into the relationship with Heeseung knowing that about him. That he does it for fun, occasionally. You were not supportive of it, not one bit, always staying away from any kind of drugs. Throughout the whole high school you never even lit a cigar, let alone tried drugs. So being in relationship with a person who is all about the YOLO motto was kind of new, scary and at the same time refreshing.

You got to try everything that seemed intimidating and always followed with some stigma and fear. You lit your first cigar a month into the relationship at one of the visits to his apartment, surprisingly, on your own request, and he gave you one. The first ever head you got was, again, by him in his car while it rained and you two had to stop due to the downpour. It was mind blowing. Definitely one of the best rainy days to be remembered, that's for sure. The first time you got drunk was again around the same time, a month and a half into the relationship, Jake's house and that hang out is definitely one of core memories.

You could say that you were blooming, finally experiencing all the teenage stuff you missed out on. You felt alive. For the first time in your life you felt the adrenaline of doing something off limits, something that was forbiden for the longest time you could remember. The strictness of your parents that you were under till you turned eighteen was excruciating. But thankfully you were now free of that, the constant nagging now turned into "how was the party" and so on. A breath of fresh air.

On top of all that, you felt safe with Heeseung. One of his biggest virtues is making everyone feel like they belong, like they are protected when near him. And that was what attracted you to him the most. The relationship overall was thriving, you two met at the campus one random day when he actually showed up for the classes, since he had a part time job and could not get to each and every lecture. It all happened so fast, but the instant click was there.

You love him. He was everything you could ask for. Caring, kind, humble, faithful and so on. He was a dream come true. You really hit a jackpot with him as your first boyfriend and you were proud of it, of him.

But it all started slowly crumbling down bit by bit the moment drugs hit your senses. At that time you didn't realize that the clever and occasional highs with your boyfriend would have led you here.

You sat at your study desk, trying to focus and get this part of the lesson over with, but it was hard. Your leg kept on bouncing under the table, fingernails were all the time between your teeth, some of them already bleeding and red. Your mind raced with the words from the paper running around in a hope of distraction. It was no use. Your mouth was dry, no sip of water could get it hydrated enough as the water simply seemed to evaporate from your organism the moment it came in contact with it.

"Fuck." You groaned under your breath, hands coming up and messing with your hair before they rested in it. You need something. You really do or you will go insane. Abruptly getting up, you went over to your drawers and opened the first one, rummaging through it you found nothing. You groaned loudly in anger, slamming the drawer shut. You used up all the weed you had, but you knew you needed something stronger. Well as much as you told and promised Heeseung about staying away from any kind of drug that much you were lying.

The thirst was something indescribable, something you never felt before. And it could not be pushed down or forgotten. You craved the drugs. Your body betrayed you, asking for something you knew was forbiden, but it always won. No matter how hard you tried. Heeseung didn't know about your cravings, but you didn't need to tell him, he saw right through you. He knew you good enough to notice that not everything was right.

You walked in circles in the middle of your room, huffing in frustration. What should you do? Racking a hand through your messy hair you stopped. One name on your mind that you knew you could call up. Your shaky hands grabbed your phone from the bed hurriedly, quickly typing in the name and clicking on it.

One ring.

Two rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jungwon..."

• • • • • •

It’d been a quiet night. For once.

The apartment smelled faintly like instant noodles and cologne, the blue glow of the TV flickering across the walls as Heeseung leaned back into the couch, controller in hand, eyes locked on the screen. Jay sat on the floor, legs crossed, fingers moving furiously over his own controller. "Bro, you always camp that corner." Jay complained, tossing his head back. "You are such a rat."

"Strategic positioning." Heeseung smirked, taking another shot in game. "Don’t hate the player." Jay groaned and tossed a chip into his mouth. "Your 'strategic positioning' is annoying." The banter rolled easy between them. Normal. It felt good, like space had formed between Heeseung and everything messy he's been drowning in.

Then, his phone lit up. Heeseung's thumb paused over the controler as his eyes flicked over to the bright phone screen.

Y/N<3: come over. I miss u

He stared at it for too long that Jay noticed. "Her?" He asked, eyes back on the screen, thumbs still working over the buttons. "Yeah..." Heeseung mumbled back, already reaching for his leather jacket. "She wants me to come over." Jay's jaw clenched, hesitating before he spoke. "Wait. Before you go..." Heeseung was already on his two feet, swinging the jacket over his shoulders as he got it on. "What?" Jay shifted uncomfortably, eyes all off a sudden interested in the carpet. "I forgot to tell you... She, uh, asked Jungwon for something last week."

Heeseung blinked. "Jungwon? Like...Jungwon Jungwon?" Jay nodded back. "Yeah. Said she hit him up asking for some pills. Something mellow. I didn't think she would actually follow through but—" Heeseung's gut twisted. "You are joking." Jay raised his hands defensively. "I thought you knew." Heeseung was already walking towards the door, aggressively putting his shoes on. "She told me she was done. She looked me in the face and told me she was done."

"I know man. I didn't wanna stir shit up if she was just asking—"

"You should have told me the second you knew!" Heeseung barked, grabbing his keys. Jay stood up, eyes wide. "Wait, Hee! Don't go there pissed, you will just blow up and—" But his friend was already out the door, slamming it on the way out.

His knuckles were white around the steering wheel. Every red light made his pulse throb harder in his temples. The memory of her last time—laughing, stumbling, trying to kiss him like nothing had happened, the parties where you had no restrains played on repeat in his head. He really wanted to classify them as you just having fun, but it was going out of control even before that infamous blackout a month ago. He noticed all the small signs, the slight shakiness of your hands while at lectures, the bit down fingernails, constant drinking of water in a attempt to try and calm yourself. He noticed all. It was till the point he stopped getting high with you when alone, finding excuses like "I'm tired" or "I have none left" just so he wouldn't have to watch you fall apart. He shouldn't have gave you any in the first place to start with.

He regrets it.

You said you stopped and he believed you. And now you were doing it again. Behind his back. When he pulled up in your driveway, he noticed your parents car was not there, the only light in the house being on was in your room. Great. Getting himself out of the car he ringed once and simply let himself in. You were home alone and even left the door unlocked? Pretty responsible.

Heeseung scanned the dark living room, stepping inside and closing the door making sure to turn the lock and get his shoes off before heading up the stairs. Your door was slightly open, letting the light peak through the slight crack. When he pushed the door open, jaw locked tight, he scanned the room like he expected to see drugs lying out in the open. You flinched at the sudden sound, gripping the towel around you tighter as you turned towards the door a small smile on your lips. "Hey Hee..." You adjusted the towel on your head before taking steps towards him. Heeseung stood there, eyes going over your freshly washed body, but stiil, the smell of your baby talc was not the only thing that lingered in the air. Weed.

"Well that was fast—"

"Did you hit up Jungwon for pills?"

Silence.

You stood before him, staring blankly at his serious face. Your lips parted slightly, like you hadn't expected him to lead with that. "What?" You retorted, almost too innocent, your brows narrowed in confusion, slight smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "What are you talking about—"

"Don't lie to me." He took a step closer, and he had what to smell. You reeked of weed, the earthy scent faded but still there. You rolled your eyes, tension tightening your shoulders. "I didn't take anything. I just...asked."

"Why?" He snapped. "Why the hell would you do that? After everything that happened? After I carried you to the bathroom so you wouldn't pass out in the middle of a party?! Wh—"

"God, Heeseung!—" You took a step back, overwhelmed. Eyes now full of something he couldn't decipher, something you yourself couldn't quite put a finger on. "Will you stop for once... " Your chest moved shallowly as your tone changed to a whisper. "Acting like I'm a baby and can't care for myself. Stop playing dad, Jesus!" You turned away from him, taking the towel from your head and throwing it on the bed. Wet hair on your shoulders sent shivers down your spine as you grabbed the comb and started doing your hair in front of the mirror, like nothing happened. Maybe it was you just avoiding conflict. Or you were scared of the confrontation you knew will come with the argument.

"Oh, so now I'm the villain? And for what? For caring too much?! Miss me with that fucking bullshit! You think this is only about that one time huh?!..." Heeseung now stood next to you, your peripheral vision blurred by him standing close whilst you slowly dragged the brush through your wet hair, jaw tightening. "You really think I didn't notice what's been happening to you? How you have been slipping further? You think I didn't clock every excuse, every lie, every time you said it to my face and weren't honest? It's not a phase, Y/N. It's an addiction—"

"Get out of my fucking face!" You pushed at his chest, making him stumble back a bit, but not from the force—but from the slight tremble and a crack in your voice. The brush tumbled to the ground, forgotten. He hit a nerve. You trembled, eyes boring through his, fists clenched by your sides. "Hit a nerve huh—"

"I don’t need you standing there like some savior." you hissed, voice shaking—not from weakness, but rage laced with fear. "Like you are above this. Like you haven't done the same shit, worse even." He scoffed, jaw clenching. "Don't turn this on me. I never lied about what I was doing. I never pretended I was okay."

"No, you just gave it to me!" you shouted, pointing at him. "You were the one who got me into this. You handed me the first pill like it was a game. Don't stand there and act like you’re clean."

"I never thought you'd drown in it." he said, almost under his breath, but the words landed like a punch. "I didn't think you would need it." Your throat tightened. That sting behind your eyes rose fast. But you refused to let it fall. Not in front of him. Not now. "You don’t know what the fuck I need." You muttered, voice barely held together.

"That's what you do, isn't it?" he went on, voice bitter. "You push until people leave so you don't have to face what you’re doing to yourself."

"Oh, fuck you!" You screamed. "You don't know me! You think just because you stuck around during a few breakdowns, you have earned the right to speak like you are some authority on who I am?!"

“I do know you." he growled, stepping forward again. "I know you are smart. I know you are strong. And I know you are so goddamn scared of being vulnerable that you would rather burn down every good thing around you than admit you need help."

You shook your head, shaking with anger, frustration, and fear. "Stop acting like you know everything. I don't need you coming in here trying to fix me. I'm not addicted!" The last words sat heavy on your tongue, your glossy eyes looking straight into his but behind them there was something that couldn't be hidden. Unsureness.

Heeseung's face hardened. "You know what? Maybe not. Maybe I’m not good. But at least I’m not hiding behind a bottle and a fake laugh while I rot from the inside out." That one hurt. You physically recoiled. A tense, horrible silence fell between you both. Breathing hard. Shaking. You spoke first, bitter and cold.

"Get out."

Heeseung’s jaw flexed, eyes burning holes through you. "Gladly." He turned on his heels without another word and stormed out, slamming the door so hard it rattled the frame. You stood there, heart pounding, fists trembling, eyes burning.

You didn't cry.

You didn't move.

You were too mad for tears.

Too hurt to call him back.

And way too scared to admit he might have been right.

• • • • • •

It's been days. Days since you talked to your boyfriend and it was weird. Everyone noticed your distance, especially at the campus where you two litteraly avoided each other. Heeseung needed time. He had to process everything and actually think about what he wants out of this relationship. He had to figure where you two stand. It was not so easy.

You on the other hand felt empty. With Heeseung no longer by your side you felt more alone then ever. You were lonely. Sad to admit, but he was your only company. You never had much friends. The ones you had were left behind by you the moment you entered a relationship with him, and you shouldn't have done it. Heeseung was telling you that, to try to rekindle the contact with some, but you were too deep into your relationship, it consumed you to the point you didn't care for anyone else except him.

It now backfired.

As you sat down on your balcony, the starry sky over you shining and illuminating your face, almost as if caressing your heavy lashes, you were lost. Your eyes were red, red from the drug that was rushing through your bloodstream and playing with every nerve in your brain. The pill had kicked in a while ago—maybe thirty, maybe fifty minutes. Time had melted into something meaningless. Benzos always did that. It didn't hit like a train, didn't smack you across the face. It just...hushed everything. The noise in your head, the ache in your chest, the trembling in your fingers. All muted now. Just a soft, slippery nothing.

The metal chair you sat on felt uncomfortable, digging into your leaned back and backside uncomfortably as you held your legs close to your chest, head thrown back against the wall. You fucked up. You did. And your eyes stang, again. A single tear dropping down your cheek whilst you kept a blank face. He was right. He was right about everything.

Another tear.

You had a problem and you didn't know how to fix that. You shouldn't have touched drugs, you shouldn't have even thought about it. But the thrill pulled you in and made sure you kept coming back. It was a game that rarely who managed to escape, and that thought scared you. You were too prideful, no, too scared to admit what path you were going down just days ago, but now, it was all clear. There was not a day you weren't on something. That's how bad it had become. Crises were becoming a everyday thing, your apearence started to exude your inner conflicts, leading to you going to lectures not caring about proper hygiene. The last days were really a spiral that seemed inevitable. Your meals all the together weren't regular. A mess, that's the last week summed up. A fucking mess.

It had been days since you heard from him. Not a text. Not a call. Not even a passive-aggressive story repost you could overanalyze. Nothing. And somehow, this hurt more than all your fights combined. The tears started pouring down, your shaky hand came up to wipe them off but only more were coming. You gasped, hands rubbing your calfs up and down, a nervous tick that kept going even if you weren't nervous anymore.

You should have been angry. But you weren't. Or maybe you were. You couldn't tell anymore. Everything inside you had flatlined.

The highs weren't fun anymore. It wasn't wild or dizzying or euphoric. It was hollow, only acting like a stabilizer that kept you alive. The cravings did not have mercy. You fucked it all up. And maybe you had. Maybe he was done. Maybe he meant it.

The thought left nothing but a painful ache in your chest. Your head pounded, body trembled as the tears heavied your vision, the night sky now dissolving into one big blur, the sobs never stopped .

• • • • • •

The sound of laughter and bicker bounced off the alley walls next to Heeseung's building as the friends kept on talking. The city buzzed in the background, cars passing, distant chatter of people, the light bass of the music on the rooftop bar could be felt. Heeseung sat on the wodden crate with the half-burned cigar between his fingers, legs stretched out in front of him, his head tipped back as he exhaled slowly.

Jay was leaned up against the opposite wall, flipping the lighter open and shut out of habit whilst Sunghoon and Jake debated over some movie trivia, their voices loud but harmless. "Bro, I'm telling you..." Jake insisted, pointing his cigar like it was a mic. "It wasn't his real kid, it was a setup." Sunghoon scoffed at that, rolling his eyes. "Shut up. You always think everything is a conspiracy." Jay let out a chuckle at their stupid argument. "Y'all sound like a YouTube comment section." He looked over to Heeseung. "Back me up."

Heeseung gave a half-laugh, corners of his lips tugging up slightly. "I'm too high for logic right now." Everyone laughed just for a moment. Everything seemed fine. Until Jay's eyes lingered too long on Heeseung's face, reading the quiet behind the smirk. Then he spoke. "So... You heard from Y/N?" The laughter stopped like someone had hit mute, Sunghoon and Jake turning to Heeseung, noticing the uneasiness after the mention of you. His jaw ticked, fingers tightening slightly around the cigar. He didn't look at them, just took another drag, slow and heavy. "Not tryna start something. Just asking." Jay added on in defence.

Heeseung let the smoke sit on his tongue for a second before blowing it out with a scoff. "No, I haven't." The words lingered heavy in the air, Sunghoon and Jake exchanged a look but didn't say anything. Jay leaned a bit, voice low. "You miss her?" Heeseung stared ahead, watching the smoke snake through the air, his mind blank but at the same time racing before be answered. "Of course..." Jay nodded slowly, flicking the ash onto the ground. "You think she is gonna come back from it?"

Silence.

Heeseung finally looked at him, eyes darker then usual. "I don't know. That's the part that pisses me off the most. I don't know." There was a long pause. City was still bustling, but here it felt like it was frozen. "I tried." voice quiter now but still sharp. "I tried to pull her out, talks and talks. But it seems like she doesn't get the weight of it. This is all just a getting loose thing to her and it pisses me off. Acting like a fucking child..." The boys stared at him, their eyes carrying something more—sympathy, maybe. Or guilt.

"And every time I bring it up she turns it on me. I get it! I get it that I shouldn't have let her dabble with me, but I didn't know she was that labile..." Jay nodded again, humming in understanding. Sunghoon cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence with the offer. "You wanna hit something more after this? Grab a drink or something?"

Heeseung blinked, taking the last long drag from the cigar, toxic smoke spreading through his lungs before it exited through his nostrils and slightly parted lips, creating a cloud of fog over his head. He let the cigarette butt down by him, stepping with his heel on it before he answered. "Fuck yeah."

Jake whooped and threw his unfinished cigar. "Let's go!" Like always, he was up for drinking and partying. His reaction got smiles on other boys' faces, light laughter filled the alley. Heeseung knew he needed this. No regret or overthinking tonight, just simple night out with his friends. Carefree and alive. Tonight, he will get you off his mind, even if that only lasted a couple of hours.

He needs this.

• • • • • •

The clicking of cutlery against porcelain echoed softly in the dinner room together with your parents banter. The dinner before you looked beautiful—roasted vegetables, grilled chicken, all neatly plated and ready to be devoured. But you couldn't stomach any of it. You sat at the table, shoulders slouched as you stirred the rice unappetizingly with your fork. Your eyes were tired, the tired that makeup couldn't hide anymore. Your frame was hugged by a baggy hoodie, sleeves run down your arms as if almost trying to swallow you.

"You barely touched your plate." Your mom said gently, pausing her glass of water halfway to her lips. "Are you still feeling sick?" You blinked slowly. "Yeah..." You murmured under your breath. "Still kinda... off." Your dad glanced up from his phone, eyes drifting from a important email and right to your weak figure. His eyebrow furrowed. "You missed three days of classes. You sure you are okay?" Concern could be heard in his gentle tone.

"I'm fine." You answered a little too quickly, voice flat. "It's probably just the flu or something." Your mom gave you a look, skeptical but not confrontational. "Maybe we should take you to a doctor, sweetie." You shook your head. "No. I'm just tired. I'll be okay." A silence took over for a few seconds, your fork again in the plate before you, scraping it. Then your mom spoke again, more careful this time.

"I haven't seen Heeseung around for awhile. Everything okay between you two?"

The fork stilled in your hand. Your eyes locked to the plate, breathing barely noticeable. The question sliced through you —normal, casual, but you still couldn't answer it. Your mouth was opening but nothing came out. Your throat tightened, tongue sat heavy and dry. The silence grew noticeable, both of your parents now hyper focused on you, every movement stopping. Your mothers brow's knitted together. "Y/N?" You still didn’t answer.

You didn't know what to say. How do you explain that the boy they once smiled at across the doorway has not spoken to you for weeks since the last time he looked at you was like a stranger when you were in the same room together? That you couldn't bring yourself to feel normal anymore, not in your skin, not in your thoughts—and you didn't even have a good enough reason for why you spiraled in the first place.

Your dad glanced between you and your mother, he didn't push. He never did.

You finally forced a weak shrug, voice flat. "We have just been... busy. He's been with his friends." Your voice cracked in the middle, so quietly that your mother had to lean in to catch it. More silence. Your mom smiled faintly, not convinced of your words. "Alright. Well... Let us know if you want to talk about anything." You nodded quickly eyes never leaving the plate.

But in your chest, shame coiled tight—hot and choking. They didn't know. Not really. And if they ever did… if they ever truly looked close enough—

You took a shaky breath and stabbed a piece of cold chicken.

Pretending was easier.

• • • • • •

The room was dim, lit by only your bright phone screen and the moonlight that came down through the blinds. The house was quiet, pretty quiet. Your parents were working night shifts again, so that meant no people to distract you. Sheets were tangled at your feet, music playing low from the speaker, something ambient and slow, barely keeping you tethered to reality. You sat up as you clicked on the first icon in the message app, staring at the last message you had sent him.

You: come over. I miss u

It woke up the ache that you worked so hard to avoid. But there's no going back now. Your finger trembled as they danced over the keyboard, typing and retyping the same message with unsureness.

You: I miss you

Send.

You: Please come over

Send.

You: Please

Send. Send. Send.

Your chest tightened, a dull sharp ache pulsing behind your ribs. The benzodiazepines rolled through your bloodstream, turning your thoughts into a slush and muting the sharpness of the world. You didn't feel the pain exactly—not like you should have. It was more like you were watching yourself fall apart from the other side of the room. A weak laugh escaped your lips, cracked and breathy as if you were barely standing. Your hand wiped under your eyes. You didn't know if you were crying again or your vision was distorted from the high. Maybe both.

No reply.

You stared at the screen until the words blurred, until your thumb hit the message bar again and typed without thinking.

You: I'm sorry. I fucked up. I just want you. Please just come.

The silence in the room was unbearable. You fell back against the pillows, eyes locked on the ceiling. Everything felt too quiet but too loud at the same time. Your limbs were warm and numb, heartbeat slow and steady, but your thoughts spun in circles, clashing. You couldn't stop seeing his face. The way he looked at you during your last fight — angry, hurt, done. It made your gut twist at the reviving.

You sent another message.

You: I just want to feel something real again

• • • • • •

The phone buzzed once. Twice. Again. Heeseung looked at it from where he was sitting at the edge of his bed, hair damp from the late night shower, hoodie half zipped up, blunt burning low between his fingers. The screen lit up with your name, over and over again.

Y/N<3: I miss u

Y/N<3: Please come

Y/N<3: I just want to feel something real again

He stared at it, jaw tense, stomach flipping. He could already tell—you were high. The pattern, the desperation, the timing. Everything added up. He knew that too well. His thumb hovered over the screen, his pulse jumped. He hated you for doing this. He hated himself for caring. But most of all, he was hating how fast he was standing up and grabbing his keys.

He was already in your driveway, no sign of your parents car. Of course. Of course you get high and call him when you are alone. He exited the car, pulse quickening with every step he took towards the door. No light was on in the house, not even your own room. The front door creaked open under his hand. Heeseung didn't ring. He never had to.

You always left it unlocked whenever you wanted him to come. It became a unspoken rule that still somehow stood. Even now—weeks after the fallout, after everything that was said and left unsaid.

He took a step inside, slow and cautious, scanning the dark familiar living room. The whole place was quiet, dead almost. He was not even sure if anyone was at all home. He shut the door and made his way up the stairs, no light was needed, it was all too familiar. With each step up the stairs his heart hammered, throat tight. Am I really doing this again?

Reaching the top, he could see the weak light coming from under your door which was slightly cracked open, like always. He took steps and finally was face to face with the comfort of your room, only separated by the thin wood. The moment he pushed the door open, there you were. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, hoodie slipping off one shoulder, hair wild and unbrushed. Your phone was clutched in your hand and eyes red and unfocused, blinking slowly. Your head turned sluggishly when you felt him on the doorway. You didn't flinch, didn't say anything. You just stared at him like he was the only thing keeping you tethered to this world with wet cheeks and watery eyes.

"You left the door unlocked..." Heeseung spoke flatly, almost lifelessly as his eyes scanned you. How glassy your eyes were, pupils blown wide, how you were barely holding yourself together. "You came..." Your hoarse voice echoed through the room, sniffles continued. "I wasn't sure if you would." A bitter smile pulled at your lips.

Heeseung didn't answer, jaw tensed as he shut the door behind him, eyes never leaving you. "You are high." He said, eyes sharp now. You looked down at you lap. "I just needed to feel... less."

"Less what?"

"Just— less."

He slowly made his way towards you, stopping right at the foot of you bed. "You are fucking dissappearing." Your dazed eyes followed him, full of tears that were ready to downpour. You sniffled, pulling your legs up to your chest and hugging them. "Why do you care? You left me." The words left your mouth in a whisper, strained almost inaudible. "I didn't leave!" He snapped. "You pushed me out! You kept lying. Hiding even. You broke my trust!" Tears suddenly started pouring out your eyes quietly, still listening to every word his angry voice spoke. "You became distant, even when I wanted to get close to you!—"

"You think I don’t know what’s happening?! You think I can’t see it too? You think I like being like this?!" You shouted through sobs, finally letting it out. Heeseung’s eyes softened, drinking in every word as his mind raced. "No, I don't th—"

"Then stop acting you you know fucking everything!" You were now gasping from how much tears you were sheding, it was exhausting. You snapped finally, frustration getting the best of you. Everything deteriorated, everything you built collapsed right before your eyes. You chest hurt, hands trembled as cold sweat coated your skin. Heeseung took a step back from the sudden outburst. The rawness of it making his own legs weak. The moment you heard him take steps back your head snapped towards him, eyes wide in fear. "Nonono—" You repeated shaking your head in denial, getting on your wobbly knees and hands. "Heeseung, please! I'll be good. I swear, please—" You crawled towards him, eyes looking up at him through your wet lashes, glowing under the moonlight.

You finally got to the end of the bed, grabbing his wrist before you pulled him back towards the bed, staring up at his upright and strong figure hovering over your crawling one. "Please. Don't go." You got on your knees, attaching yourself to him, hands grabbing at his waist and every inch of his upper body, histerically. Like you would lose him right now, right here.

Heeseung was at a loss for words, blankly staring at your face up close after so long. And you were so beautiful. With your puffy glossy eyes, plump lips swollen, cheeks red from all the stress. You still were so beautiful to him. He gulped, scanning your panicked face, hands still by his side, not daring to lay a hand on you. Not because he didn't want to, but because he was scared he would not be able to stop.

Suddenly your eyes met, your gaze instantly changing, like a switch. Your hands sensually slowed down, caressing his hoodie covered waist. Your breaths mingled, mixing as your eyes traveled down to his lips. Silence became tense, the only sound being your slow and deep breathing. Heeseung gulped and you felt it. That subtle shift in the air, the way his chest raised just a bit more forcefully, the way his fingers twitched at his sides. He was trying, really trying to hold the line. But you could feel him crack under the weight of your desperation.

Your hands moved slower, more intentionally now, sliding up the fabric of his hoodie, gently feeling his muscles contract under your cold touch. "You still want me..." You whispered, eyes hooded and red and voice broken, shaky. "Even now... don't you?" He didn't respond. But the silence was the response.

You leaned in closer, face tilted up, lips ghosting the underside of his jaw. "Say it." You pleaded, voice trembling like your body was. "Please. Just say it." Heeseung's eyes fluttered shut for a second, jaw clenched. He was breathing through his nose, trying to keep control. "Y/N stop—"

"You always love having me like this." The graze of your lips against to corner of his mouth was the last straw, his hands finally moved—grabbing your wrists, gently but firmly, pulling them away from his body. You looked up at him, panic flashing again, eyes wide. But before you could speak, he crashed his mouth to yours.

It wasn't a kiss. It was a collapse.

Your back met the mattress again, his body following, heavy and hot, mouth devouring yours like it's his last. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as his hoodie rode up, fingers digging into the sheets, into his back, into anything you could hold yourself onto. His hands found your waist, your thighs, your face — gripping, stroking like he couldn't decide what to do first. The kiss was messy, uncoordinated, like both of you were leading your own way. Saliva mixing, tongues fighting to get the taste of each other's mouth, hungrily. He suddenly detached, earning a whine from you in response as he let his kisses down your jaw and right over your neck.

"I hate you for this." He mumbled into your neck, voice sharp, breathing erratic. "You drive me insane." You moaned in response, arching your back off the sheets and right into his body asking him to get back to work. "Hee, please..." He dived back in, kissing your neck, your clavicles, leaving open mouthed kisses with his hands traveling up your hoodie. Your skin was cold but sweaty, chest heavied up and down with each touch of his fingertips. He moved down, slowly descending onto his knees at the foot of the bed, meeting with the carpet as his lips grazed every inch of your stomach, hoodie pushed up by his big hands. You gasped for air, raising yourself by your elbows and watching him. His slouched figure grabbed at your thighs, hips, anything that was available. His nose nuzzled onto your waistband, underwear on full display before him.

He raised his eyes, making direct eye contact with you making you almost moan out loud. Heeseung had a sight to see, you meesed up, desperate for him, eyes now puppy like almost begging him to devour you. "Didn't eat this pussy in a while baby..." His fingers grazed your inner thighs, eyes moving down to scan the mess that was already accumulating. The wet patch stabbing his eyes, making him hiss at the slight movement of your hips against his gaze. "You want that, hm?" You hummed out desperately, nodding your head quickly, legs spreading further on their own.

Heeseung caressed it with the back of his fingers, feeling the wetnees over the drenched fabric. You relaxed into the touch, his knuckles hitting your covered clit in a stroking motion just right. It was gentle, teasing, and he enjoyed watching you fall apart just by his simple touch. You were sweating, the drugs still slowing you down, making the slight pleasure feel otherwordly. Heeseung hooked his fingers on your panties, pulling them away from your core before letting it slap back against it, the action making you slightly jolt. The wet sound that came of it making his mind spin. You were humming repeatedly in a haze, your eyes closed and head thrown back, hips chasing the stimulation under his eyes. "Fuck. Don't do that..." He grimaced, his sweats feeling tighter then ever. Just the simple squirm of your body was enough to make his tip leak precum in anticipation.

His hands grasped your hips, adjusting you as he lowered his head, now face to face with your soaked underwear. He blew at it experimentaly, to see if you would feel even the slightest of brush and you did. Your hips rolled in an attempt to meet whatever that was, not nothing. That's how sensitive you were. It was the last straw before he was tipped over the edge, impatience getting the best of him as he pulled the underwear off you, throwing it somewhere behind. Pushing your thighs spread open again with his palms pressing onto them, he left a harsh lick all the way from your hole to your clit. It made you scream in surprise, body aching and trembling the moment his tongue went flat over your bundle of nerves.

He was impatient. His mouth quickly attached to your clit, engulfing it with his soft wet mouth as he sucked. Your back met the mattress again, arms too weak to hold you up. You panted, head thrown back as he refused to let your bud go. It was becoming sensitive with each flick of his tongue as he harshly sucked, even moaning against your wetness. Heeseung was enjoying himself, head bobbing with each squirm of your hips against him. You tasted divine.

You were becoming a moaning mess, cold sweat covered every inch of your skin, the hoodie feeling suffocating on your torso more than ever. Lightheadedness was taking over. You were so sensitive. You can't take it. So you trashed around against his mouth, trying to run away from his savage lips, but it only made him groan, your moans became erratic, a small tight knot forming in the pit of your stomach.

It made him mad. You trying to run from him. His fingers digged harder into your inner thighs, keeping you in place. You hissed in pain from his strong hold, he was too aggressive, his mouth detaching from your clit to just let a filthy glob of spit onto it before diving back in. You sighed in slight relief but the overwhelming pleasure was back, this time his tongue skimmed over your holds, collecting all of your sticky arousal before it circled your hole. You raised your head and opened your heavy eyes, vision blurry from all the tears, cheeks flushed and red, neck heating in a uncomfortable fire. His eyes locked with yours. You moaned, mouth agape as you kept the eye contact. He smirked with his tongue traveling up to your bud and down to your hole again, teasingly poking at it, again and again.

"Tongue fuck me, yes..." You mumbled lowly through a breathy tremble more to yourself as you bit down on your lip and closed your eyes whilst throwing your head back. Hips meeting his shallow thrusts into your cunt. Heeseung almost came from the simple sight of you fucking yourself against his hot muscle. The next thing he did made you whine in need. He grabbed your knees, his hot hands against your sweaty skin made you shudder as he pushed them up and against your chest, your cunt on full display and at his mercy now. He dived right in, folding you in a uncomfortable position as his tongue thrusted into you, harder this time. You bit your bottom lip, pleasure eating you up as he didn't stop, not for a second. His hot muscle rubbed your entrance and walls in such a dirty way, hammering at a speed that had your head spin. You moaned and moaned, voice already hoarse.

"Heeseung fuck!" Your voice strained and breathy as it came out, the knot forming faster then ever, thighs shaking, ears canceling out everything as your body prepared for the climax. Heeseung could feel that you were close, your walls clenching and convulsing against his tongue, saliva dripped all onto your skin, trickling down your ass cheeks and onto the mattress together with your juices. He moaned, tongue already tired but he did not stop. His eyes closed tight in delight, waiting for your orgasm to wash over you.

One more thirst of his was enough for your body to shudder. The heat spread throughout you, blood pumping faster then ever. You moaned one last time, jaw tensing and thighs shaking. You came hard on his tongue as he fucked you through your orgasm, making sure to remember every sound and move your body let out at the moment, his smile never falling. You furiously tried to get your hips to grind against him, but it was no use, he held you down. "Yes fuck keep going— mhm..." Your pussy convulsed, after shocks still shaking you as he slowed down, finally letting your legs down and onto the bed. You were breathing hard, eyes still closed as your ears ringed. Heeseung let out a chuckle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, collecting the wetness that dripped down his jaw. He got onto the bed, knees dipping the mattress right at the sides of your worn out legs before he leaned over you, eyes scanning your panting and flushed face.

He moved a strand that sticked to your glossy lips, and he kissed you. Hard. His hands cupped your face, holding you in place. You could taste yourself on his lips, salty and tangy. It made you whine leading to him moaning in response. You grabbed his wrists, gently but firmly, pulling them away from your face and getting your hoodie finally off. Your breasts raising and falling with each breath in and out, making him lick his lips at the sight. You pressed a peck to his lips before you slowly slipped your body down, eyes boring into his glimmering with mischief. He furrowed his brows, watching your figure slide beneath his slowly, sheets wrinkling with your back dragging against them. "Y/N what—"

You were already beneath him, face to face with his bulge, cupping it as you looked over your head, lip stuck between your teeth, hand squizzing him. Heeseung’s breath got stuck in his throat whilst he stared at your figure under him who was still on his fours, gawking at your head that was now caged with his thighs . The eye contact made him smile slyly down at you, getting the idea you had. Before he could react your hands already pulled down the front of his sweatpants together with his boxers, revealing his raging cock. It almost hit you in the face, tip bulbous and red, leaking precum. Your mouth watered at the sight, and before Heeseung could say anything your tongue slid over the pulsing vein right on the underside of it.

Heeseung's mouth opened, eyes went closed shut, palms fisting the sheets painfully hard. You smirked at his reaction, getting one of your hands around his base and taking the tip into your mouth. Your tongue went over the slit, fluttering around the pulsing head as the hand stroked it. Heeseung let out a shaky breath, adrenaline making his ears hotter than ever, throat dry and hoarse. The moment your hand squeezed his lenght, he got himself upright, knees dipping deeper next to your head as a moan ruptured from his parted lips. You suckeled on the tip, teasing the hell out of him, the hand stopped with the strokes, instead both arms went around his thighs, keeping him close and anchored. His muscles flexed, contracting with each slight move of your tongue over his slit.

His hands went up to his hoodie zipper, finally releasing himself of unnecessary clothes before he threw it on the floor. Your eyes went over his revealed torso, eyes rolling back in distinguished pleasure at the picture before you. His lean body glistened with sweat under the moonlight, abs contracting on their own in tandem with your mouth against him. His chest seemed flushed, shallow breaths left his lungs in a reckless rhythm. Heeseung looked down, his fingers combing through your hair, getting a gentle grip onto it. "So good... so good for me, yeah—" He kept your head in place, giving your mouth a slow and tender thrust, not all the way in yet. You hummed in response, the vibrations sending his mouth agape, eyes narrowed and focused on the way your lips wrapped around him.

"Letting me use your mouth just how I like—"

Another whiny hum.

"Ah— look at you... So desperate that you didn't even wait for me to ask." His grip tightened around your hair, just slightly, enough to make your eyes look up at him. Tears clung to your lashed from the sheer intensity, saliva messily clinging to your chin. Heeseung's thrust gradually became deeper, his pants and whimpers coming out melodically. "You missed this cock... didn't you?—" Your mouth succumbed to him, giving him the full control, letting him thrust steadily as much as he wanted.

"Admit it."

With those words he pushed himself fully in, making you gag before retracting till he pulled out and let his tip rest on your swollen and glistening lips. You did not break eye contact, letting your tongue out and kitty licking the flushed head with the slight nod of a guilty admition. You did miss him fucking you. More than anything. Heeseung could barely breath. "You are so goddamn filthy." He stuttered out.

You teasingly opened your mouth letting it hover over his raging hard on before nodding slowly, eyes looking up at his with a glint of playfulness. "Only for you." And he was in your mouth again. Heeseung started thrusting right away, groans and whines escaping his lips. The whole time your wetness was pooling more and more between your clenched thighs. Every sound, every tremor of his body sent a wave of arousal through you. You clenched your thighs, rubbing them together in a attempt too relieve the swelling that was starting to ache.

The sliding of his cock against your soft flesh felt all too ecstatic. Saliva was dripping from the corners of your mouth, allowing him to glide with ease. His body was unraveling. His thighs were trembling now, muscles twitching from the overload. His chest rose and fell like he’d just run miles, eyes still locked on where you two connected. "You are gonna make me cum so hard…" He growled, voice hoarse, breathless. "You love doing this, don’t you? Love wrecking me."

Another groan ripped from his throat, and this time, it was broken—shameless. His hands slipped behind your head, gently, and he hissed through his teeth as he tried to hold back. You fisted the material on his hips, bracing yourself for his release. "T-take it—take all of it. Just like that—fuck, yes."

And when it finally hit him, it was devastating. His hips bucked, His hand tightened in your hair but not enough to hurt, just to ground himself in you—because he was gone. Utterly gone. Voice lost in the moan that ripped from deep in his chest.

And you didn’t move away once.

Didn’t even flinch. You kept him in your mouth, cum filling your warm cavity, some even collecting at the corners of your tight wrapped lips. You moaned in delight, tasting it against your taste buds after so long. He bucked his hips one more time into you, making sure to fuck it down your throat, and you let him before he pulled out. Cock all sore, still pulsing and limply standing before your face. His hair stuck to his forehead, chest still gasping for air as he racked a hand through his dark locks, tossing it back. You did not swallow, instead kept it in your mouth as you wiggled out from beneath him, getting on your two feet before making your way again on the bed, your knees shifting the mattress and grabbing his attention as you got in front of him. He looked down at you, raising a brow just as you grabbed his face and kissed him. Heeseung’s hands instinctively found your naked waist, pulling you closer and flush against him, your bare skins rubbing and sliding.

It was messy, raw.

His tongue tasted himself on you like he needed it—like it was the only thing that could bring him down. Cum dripped down between your bodies, messily sticking to your hot and sweaty skin. Your palms glided down his neck and right over his bulging biceps' giving them a squeeze as you caressed them, making goosebumps arise on his wet skin. "You are unreal." He groaned against your mouth, teeth grazing your bottom lip. "So fucking nasty—" His tongue licked at the white fluid dripping down your chin. "My nasty girl."

You giggled, breath hitching as his hands groped at your ass, until you were flush against his again hard cock that stood proud onto his abdomen. The way you grinded your body against it made him bite back a deep groan. You left a light kiss on his nose, the action so pure in the midst of a filthy moment. You moved his arms away from you, letting them drop down to his sides as you sat down on the bed, bottom lip caught between your teeth as you retreated all the way against the headboard. Heeseung just observed, your legs, your hips, thighs, waist, breasts — it made blood rush to his already throbbing dick. Waistbands uncomfortably hugging his scrotum, only adding more pressure when it shouldn't.

Your legs already spread, your cunt glistened with slick, the sticky substance covered your inner thighs. Fuck. Heeseung just stood there, still on his knees making sure every move you make is payed attention to till the maximum. You giggled, watching his focused face not take his eyes off of your throbing pussy. You were still glowing from the high of what just happened, skin dewy and flushed, legs spread slightly as you laid back into the pillows. But it wasn't enough. You weren't done.

You let your fingers trail lazily down your chest, between your breasts, your stomach flexing under your touch.

Heeseung didn't speak. His eyes said everything. They darkened the second your hand dipped lower. You felt your own slick, the heat of your body burning into your fingertips as you began to stroke yourself slow and deliberate—like you knew he was watching. Like you needed him to. You just locked eyes with him, fingers moving. A soft gasp left your lips, and Heeseung's expression darkened instantly.

His eyes dropped again.

Watched.

He didn’t say a word. Didn’t move.

You moaned softly, head tipping back, body arching ever so slightly, just for him. You breathed, voice like silk. You moved slow—teasing both of you. Circling, pressing, gasping. All while he watched, unmoving, fists clenched at his sides, chest rising in sharp, ragged breaths. You knew it was driving him mad—the fact that you didn't need him in that moment… but still wanted him to see it. To feel it with you.

"You like this?" you asked, lips curling. "You like seeing how wet I still am for you?" Heeseung growled, low and guttural. "You have no fucking idea." You moaned softly, fingers working against your swollen bud, gradually speeding up as you rolled your hips into your hand, lashes fluttering. He watched your thighs tremble, the way your stomach tensed with each circle of your fingers, the way your breath caught in your throat when you rubbed it in a unexpected good angle. He was painfully hard again. You could see it too, on full display against his lower stomach. His eyes never left your body.

"You are so wet." He muttered lowly, almost in amusement. "Dripping all over that pretty hand. Is that all for me?" Your back arched in response, legs spreading as far as you can, breath catching. "Always for you." You gasped. Heeseung leaned forward, finally breaking. "Let me help." It came out almost as a beg in a whisper as he crawled towards you. But just before he could touch you, your fingers moved faster and slid over your slippery clit, lewd noises filling the quiet air together with your raged breaths—head tilting back, thighs clenching. His name was escaping your parted lips, like a mantra. It was right about to wash over you, one more flick and you would have fallen apart but Heeseung couldn't just watch anymore.

He grabbed your thighs with his arms from underneath and harshly pulled you towards him, your back now flat against the bed as his upright figure stood over you on his knees. Your hand instinctively stopped the movement, instead you gasped in surprise, legs already hooked onto his hips, the back of your thighs pressed against the firm muscle of his, flexing beneath the fabric of his sweats.

Your chest rose with every breath, your heart racing in tandem with his.

Heeseung stared down at you like he was drinking you in—every curve, every flicker of expression in your face. His eyes were dark, unreadable, but you could feel what they meant. That he wanted you. Right now. His hand grabbed the pulsing cock, dragging it between your folds collecting your arousal before he tapped it on your already worn out bundle of nerves. The taps against it sent shocks through you, moans escaping your lips with head tilted back and eyes closed shut. "F-fuck..." Your strained voice echoed, almost sounding a little too painful and aching. It was a groan of desperation. Heeseung stroked himself, tip attached to your clit, his eyes scanning your folds and the way your hole was clenching, asking to be filled.

And he did just that.

He repositioned his knees, pulling them slightly away from you to get the better angle, one of his arms holding himself up next to your shoulders as he leaned over you, still pretty faraway but closer then ever at the same time. His hand led his tip down to your hole, the tip poking against the entrance in shallow teasing thrusts . He bit his lip, looking down at your fucked out expression—lips swollen, eyes half closed, cheeks flushed and hair tousled. Your hips helplessly bucked into his, almost begging him to ruin you. And before you could say anything he slammed into you. Hard. You screamed, not from pain but from pleasure—finally being filled up. He slid in with such ease, every next thrust going in easier then the last. You were getting wetter.

"Ah— shit..." He muttered under his breath, the other hand now next to your waist as he moved steadily. "Didn’t feel this pussy for so long —ah... Fuck!" He was losing it. The way you wrapped around him, hugging his lenght with your gummy walls, the sounds that came from where you two connected, and every whimper you tried to conceal every time his pelvis came in contact with your clit sent him into a frenzy, his thrusts becoming faster. "Heeseung! God— yesyesyes!" You chanted over and over again, getting your eyes down to where you two connected, his hips slamming against your skin, a sound that repeated unstoppably. You did not miss the chance to gawk on his torso—muscles moving and contracting with each movement. He looked like a fucking pornstar.

Your hand went over his forearms, grabbing at them for the support. You were a mess. He continued to ram into you, chasing his own climax—eyes closed, mouth agape. His biceps' and forearms were starting to cramp from holding his whole weight up but he didn't care. Pants filled up the room, moans, whines, groans. It was too good. Your head throbbed, neck burned and felt like it was on fire. You were close. "Heeseung I'm gonna cum! Gonna cum!" He felt you clench and he was losing it. "Yeah? Make a fucking mess baby..." Your back arched, mouth open with endless moans spilling from it, the orgasm shook you to the core with your hips bucking up to meet his, and the moment one of his hands came down to rub your clit it drove you insane. The pleasure prolonged with your thighs shaking and ears ringing, hands clawing at his forearms as if your life depended on it.

"Shit...you are gonna make me lose it!" He gasped out, almost drooling at the feeling.

You trembled, after shock sending your muscles twitching. But his thrusts didn't stop yet, he was still chasing his own release. The overstimulation made you hiss, your body relaxing in an attempt to hold on. But it was too much. "Too much Hee..." It did not reach his ears at all. His thrusts stuttered, but still went hard and deep. Whines were escaping his lips uncontrollably before he let himself fall over your trembling body. His weight trapping you down with his head nuzzling into your neck as he fisted the sheets next to your head. "Please, baby, please!—" His begs sent another spark on in you, making you moan in response. His breathing fanned your neck in rapid brushes, making you shiver. "I'm cumming! I'm cumming!" His thighs convulsed, a groan escaped his throat as his tip painted your walls white. His hips sloppily fucked the releasing cum into your cervix, making you moan through hard breaths, nails digging into his sweaty back.

He groaned with one last snap of his hips, his cum spilling from your tight hole as he lazily pulled out. Head still in a daze as he threw himself on his back right next to you. Pants filles the room , the silence that took over was loud enough. Both of you stared at the ceiling, up in your thoughts.

Your limbs felt numb, you were sore.

Heeseung felt conflicted and asked himself if he really knew what he got himself into.

The drugs in your system were at the brink of wearing off. And it hurt to admit. It really did.

But you felt it.

The warmth that wrapped around your body like a second skin began to fray at the edges. That false sense of ease, of pleasure, of forgetting—started to peel back. The shadows in the corners of your vision that had looked soft and slow now loomed sharper. The air felt colder, like it had shifted while you weren’t looking.

It was a circle you will be back running in even after all of this.

You knew it.

You felt it.

And stil you rolled over to your side, snuggling into Heeseung deciding that, maybe, just maybe you could ignore it and enjoy a moment for once in pure rawness. No drugs, no nothing. Just you two and the feelings. Like before.

But was it all that easy?

• • • • • •

! this is all work of fiction. in no way this is a representation of enhypen members nor do I believe this is how they behave in real life or condone these actions!

taglist: @wheretheheckis-ssaki @firstclassjaylee @nithxhoon @twilght-talks @juicygirl4life @ikeuloirinho @isagistar @adoredbyjay @muranini @nesquikluvr @cristy-101 @y04wonwon @fancypeacepersona @sjakewrld @xuevkim @jellyrushzz @kittympirty @ssanhwatto @nodoubtily @kristynaaah @cyjhhyj @miabaddie @engeneheree @jinnibug

[cherryw0n]

The Perfect Crime

[criminal!enhypen and criminal!fem!character]

Genre: Crime Warnings: crime obv (do NOT do it<3), few profanities, mention of champagne Word Count: 1.8k (1843)

Inspired by the song: Panic! At The Disco - Crazy = Genius

Synopsis: An extravagant banquet with magic can be, indeed, very entertaining.

!!! DO NOT REPOST NOR TRANSLATE WITHOUT PERMISSION !!!

The attendees trickled into the grand hall through enormous silver door. Their chatter merging with the elegant tunes of the live jazz band. As Sunghoon entered, mantaining a fleeting yet purposeful eye contact with one of the security team members. A subtle yet knowing signal passing between them before he melted into the crowd.

Nearby, Heeseung leaned into the ribbon microphone that subtly gave away the theme of the banquet - The 50s. His voice a velvet purr as he crooned the opening lines of the song. Crazy = Genius. The band behind him playing with perfect precision, the music weaving seaminglessly into the glamour of the event.

You can set yourself on fire You can set yourself on fire

Moments later, the highly anticipated magic show commenced, drawing the hall's attention.

Ni-ki standing on a small stage at the middle of the ballroom, his sharp tuxedo as crisp as the edges of the cards he expertly shuffled between nimble fingers. "My dear guests, it's an honor to finally see you. Glowing as ever. With my deepest respect, I am delighted to be able to perform infront of you tonight." He bowed deeply, his charming grin automatically met with polite applause. His act - billed as the highlight of the evening with the host being blissfully unaware of his ulterior motives, had spared no expense in hiring him.

She said at night in my dreams You dance on a tightrope of weird

"Ladies and gentlemen, I shall spare no weariness. My first trick is quite the eventful one." Ni-ki called out, silencing the murmurs among the crowd. "I'll need a volunteer. Someone brave, charming… perhaps even a billionaire?"

Across the room, Jake chuckled at the youngers choice of words. Slightly even suprised by the eloquentness of them. Grinning widely as well as drawing the attention of nearby guests, he raised his hand. Dressed in a sleek designer suit, confidence radiating, he spared no hesitation.

Oh but when I wake up you're so normal that you just disappear

"Oh, how convenient," Ni-ki quipped unsincerely. "You have my welcomes, dear sir."

As Jake moved toward the stage, he did not fail to exchange subtle glances with Sunghoon who was busy sipping his champagne while talking to woman who stroke into both of their likings regarding her beauty.

Current favourable outcome is the least one can say. Mingling with the crowd, slipping easily into conversations and leaving no suspicions.. only awe.

You're so straight like commuters with briefcases towing the line There's no residue of a torturer inside your of eyes

Behind the scenes, the operation was already underway.

Jay moving like a shadow through the service halls, his black suit blending seamlessly into the dimly lit corridors. His earpice buzzed with Jungwon's calm voice, feeding him directions from the van parked discreetly outside.

"The vault is through the next door on your left," Jungwon said.

Pulling a sleek tool from his pocket, Jay worked quickly on the electronic lock.

She said you're just like Mike Love but you wanna be Brian Wilson, Brian Wilson

"How's our magician, by the way?" he muttered.

"Oh," a snicker escaped Jungwon's lips. "he's doing his job chattery as always, distracting the hell out of them."

"Good to know that at least he does not fully break his character this time," replied Jay while entering the destinated room.

Said you're just like Mike Love but you'll never be Brian Wilson

Back in the ballroom, Ni-ki was in his element. Jake standing beside him as he whipped out a silk cloth and draped it over his 'volunteer'. The crowd could not help but to watch with anticipation.

And I said (hey ay, ay) If crazy equals genius (hey ay, ay) If crazy equals genius

"Now watch closely, my dear guests," Ni-ki intoned. "In the blink of an eye, this young and handsome man will vanish… into thin air!"

With a flourish, he whipped the cloth away. With Jake being gone, the crowd erupted into applause and delighted gasps. What they did not see, was him slipping offstage through a concealed passage, joining Jay near the vault.

Then I'm a fucking arsonist (hey) I'm a rocket scientist (hey hey) (Hey ay, ay) If crazy equals genius (hey)

Meanwhile, Sunoo paced the ballroom gracefully through the crowd, a silver tray of champagne balanced effortlessly on his palm. His smile - disarmingly sweet as he charmed the guests he served. Yet his actions being quick, slipping a jeweled brooch into his pocket here, a gold lighter there. It seemed like a triumphant night for both his team as well as himself. Catering his tastes with different types of expensive belongings. To his suprise, a guest approached him, visibly distressed.

"Excuse me, have you seen my bracelet?" the woman asked, her eyes darting nervously.

"Oh no, madam! Sadly no. Perhaps it fell under the table?" Sunoo answered with wide-eyed concern. Bending down as if to search, he deftly slipped the bracelet onto a waiter's cart passing nearby, just for him to pick it up later. Rising to his feet, offering an apologetic smile: "I'm terribly sorry. I wish I could help some more but I have other tables to tend to. May I find someone else who can assist."

She said darlin' you know How the wine plays tricks on my tongue But you don't seem to change when you stuff all of your feelings with drugs

He escorted her to a genuine security guard, explaining, "This madam misplaced her bracelet and she needs help finding it." The guest utterly concerned, followed the guard while Sunoo returned to his role.

Other boys you may have dated serrated your heart with a slice But the cut of your love never hurts baby, it's a sweet butter knife

Dressed in the uniform of a security guard, she moved with calculated precision. Already rerouted two actual guards away from the ballroom, citing suspicious activity in the kitchen. Now, hovering near the vault's entrance, ready to intercept anyone who might stumble upon Jay and Jake. Sensing no interruption for a while, a curious guard wandered too close for her liking. Stepping into his path with a firm expression.

"You're needed at the west exit. Now."

The guard hestitated but obeyed, leaving the hallway clear.

"Guys, you've got five more minutes." She whispered into her earpiece, "wrap it up. Quickly."

She said you're just like Mike Love but you wanna be Brian Wilson, Brian Wilson

In the vault, Jay and Jake worked swiftly. The room was an opulent fortress, lined with safety deposit boxes and shelves filled with priceless artifacts. Opening a velvet-line case, Jake exclaimed visibly dissatisfied, "Jeez, looked better in the pictures," revealing rows of glittering jewels that were to more than one's liking.

"Jake, you might as well just shut up. It's not like you're going to wear it." Jungwon replied with a dramatic eye-roll that was obviously not visible to the one he spoke to.

He transferred the treasure into a pouch as Jay secured the door behind them. "Let's go." Jake said, his grin sharp as a blade, knowing that another one of their escapades turned successfully.

Said you're just like Mike Love but you'll never be Dennis Wilson

The guests still not quite over after the magician's first trick. Yet Ni-ki was already launching his finale.

Sunghoon stepped to the center of the room, raising a glass to draw attention. "Dear fellow riches, friends and foes, a toast! To our generous host. To our amazing magician as well as the unforgettable evening. But most importantly, a toast to our riches that shall never be gone!" His voice smooth and smile dazzling that could make every woman absolutely stunned.

The guests raised their glasses, toasting along. But as Sunghoon continued, a sublte edge crept into his words.

"Unforgettable indeed," he said, "as magic has a way of… making things disappear."

Before the host could process the comment, the lights went out, plunging the room into the darkness. Gasps and murmurs filled the air, followed by the faint sound of footsteps and the creak of a service door opening.

And I said (hey ay, ay) If crazy equals genius (hey ay, ay) If crazy equals genius

When the lights flickered back on moments later, both Ni-ki and Sunghoon were gone, their absence noted by the now silent crowd. The host, sensing something was amiss, hurried to check the vault - only to find it empty.

On the door of the vault, a single playing card was taped: the Ace of Spades, with a note "Thank you for the lovely evening. We'll be sure to treasure the memories - and everything else we took." scrawled across it in elegant handwriting.

Then I'm a fucking arsonist (hey) I'm a rocket scientist (hey hey) (Hey ay, ay)

In the speeding van leaving the scene of plain robbery, the team celebrated their success.

"Shame shame. Wish it was silver instead of gold though." Sunoo giggled, tossing the stolen bracelet to Jake.

Jake caught it with a grin, giving it a quick look. “Nice, but I think this thing’s cursed. My grandma had a bracelet just like this, and she always told me it brings bad luck.”

Sunoo raised an eyebrow. “And yet, you’re still holding it. What does that say about you?”

“I like a little danger,” Jake replied, flashing a mischievous smile.

If crazy equals genius (hey) You can set yourself on fire (hey ay) But you're never gonna burn, burn, burn (hey ay) You can set yourself on fire (hey ay) But you're never gonna learn, learn, learn hey!

Ni-Ki smirked, tossing his top hat onto the dashboard. “I told you the disappearing act would kill. Who knew magic could actually be cool?"

Sunghoon leaned back, grinning smugly. "Who needs some shitty magic tricks when you can be charming as me. Enough to distract the entire ballroom."

Jay snorted from the steering wheel. "Yeah, your charm was so goddamn strong, kinda wished the chandeliers would fall on you."

Sunghoon gave him a knowing smirk. "Jealous very much?"

"Let's be glad it's over now. I think my stomach is fucking eating me from the inside." Added Jungwon, visibly displeased at the feeling of hunger.

Pulling her security cap off and shaking her hair loose, she said as she grinned to the team "Yeah, Jungwon's right. I'm hungry as hell, kinda wished I could throw few more punches though."

As the city lights blurred past the van's windows, the team bursted into laughter, raising their cups in a toast to their flawless execution.

"Now my dear friends, to the perfect crime!" Heeseung cheered, clearly imitating Sunghoon's previous speech.

And as the van sped off into the night, they all agreed, leaving behind nothing but the whispers of their latest heist and the promise of more to come.

You can set yourself on fire (hey) You can set yourself on fire (hey) You can set yourself on fire (hey) You can set yourself on fire

A/N: Suprise suprise,, here's ya christmas gift !!

[cherryw0n]

NOCTURNA — enhypen

chase atlantic inspired series

each of the seven parts is based on a chase atlantic song that provides the feeling throughout the whole story, taking you on an emotional journey and showing the real raw side of each character's struggles.

CAREFUL, this series contains some sensitive and serious topics. Read at your own risk!

CONTAINS: profanity, drug abuse, drug addiction, mental health problems, family problems, toxic relationships, organized crime, infidelity, smoking, violence, alcohol consumption, explicit sex description

MDNI!

Lee Heeseung — The Walls

pairing: dabbler!heeseung x addict!reader (afab)

synopsis: the world of intoxication and ecstasy was something you never thought could be so enchanting, so tempting. until you went spiraling into it, unable to suppress the inner cravings and strong thirst for something so forbidden but so euphoric.

"Everybody's leaning on the walls,

I don't think they're ready for the fall

Had a little, now she wanting more

Told her that I gotta make some calls"

read here

Park Jay — Moonlight

pairing: downbad!jay x grumpy!reader (afab)

synopsis: having a pain in the ass at your heels all the time was not on your bucket-list for this semester. but still he was chasing you, not giving up even if you said it to his face, every time.

"Busy on the weekend

Caught up in your own small world

Well, I might wanna see it then

Call it hesitation, girl"

read here

Sim Jake — DEVILISH

pairing: toxic!jake x toxic!reader (afab)

synopsis: the relationships was falling apart, no thing could salvage the damage it faced, not when you keep drifting from him every chance you get and he is always up for the payback.

"Devilish, fucking with my guys, yuh

I make sacrifices you make lies up

Heaven lost an angel when I signed up

I might fuck your friend, I made my mind up"

read here

Park Sunghoon — OHMAMI

pairing: druglordsson!sunghoon x frutera!reader (afab)

synopsis: fast and luxurious lifestyle wasn't anything spectacular to sunghoon, and it can't be when he grew up bathing in it's glory. who knew that just by stopping at the random frutería in puerto vallarta would be the moment he spotted his next target, you.

"Ooh, Mami, I got blue molly

I throw Louis V, Supreme on top of Murakami

Bitch, I'm fuckin' styling, yeah

I might say I love her, but I'm lying, yeah-ah-ah"

read here

Kim Sunoo — Tidal Wave

pairing: boyfriendsfriend!sunoo x friendsgirlfriend!reader (afab)

synopsis: he shouldn't be doing this. you shouldn't be doing this. you both can't be doing this, but the tension and connection was something you didn't feel with anyone before, not even with your own boyfriend — but his friend was there to make up for it.

"Throw another stone at a glass house

He might kick my ass if he finds out

I don't wanna share, it's a damn shame

I'll still play it fair, won't drop no names"

read here

Yang Jungwon — Right Here

pairing: desperate!jungwon x done!reader (afab)

synopsis: you were done. done with this empty game of leading on. he was like that, everyone told you but you didn't listen, only ended up being hurt and feeling like the only right thing you could do was finally walk away, and you did just that. but he was not done yet.

"It's happening again

Well, I don't give a fuck about your friends,

I'm right here"

read here

Nishimura Riki — Numb To The Feeling

pairing: addict!riki x goodgirl!reader (afab)

synopsis: who knew that the accidental encounter in a campus library would be such a turning point in your life. was is destiny? or something else?

"I need you to show me love

'Cause I'm getting numb to the feeling, yeah

I need you to ride me harder when we fuck

'Cause I'm getting numb to the feeling, whoa"

read here

COMING SOON...

! this is all work of fiction. in no way this is a representation of enhypen members nor do I believe this is how they behave in real life or condone these actions!

©cherryw0n

[cherryw0n]

girl you gotta give us them nocturna fics ASAP. 🤞🏻☹️

The first one is almost done, stay with me now! 😭

[cherryw0n]

Hellooo I’m Alex, I saw that we’re moots now if you ever feel like having a chat my messages are always open.💕

Aww thanks! That's so sweet❤️ Same goes to you!

[cherryw0n]

the fall of a man — sjy

SYNOPSIS: You were taught that virtue was a woman’s greatest strength, that temptation was a test of will, that desire was the serpent’s whisper leading you astray. But when temptation comes in the form of Sim Jaeyun—holy, untouchable, the very image of devotion—your faith begins to waver.

content tags: slow burn, plot with little bit of porn, mutual pining, both of them are religious and virgins, set in catholic university that is lead by nuns, they don't have sex ed!! adam and eve references, religious guilt, reader crushing and thirsting over jake in religious way that's been written for almost 5k words, some of the scenes are heavily inspired by 'guilty as sin' by ts.

warning: heavy sacrilegious content, karina kind of represent the serpent in reader's pov, blasphemy, explicit content (smut): reader masturbate in the chapel, virgins trying to fuck, virginity loss (obv), blowjob, fingering, unprotected sex (condom don't exist), jake call out god's name a lot of times. wc: 16.7k

note: my darling, @fangel really inspired me and make me overcome my fear in writing the most unholiest thing in the world, i'm inlove with you, bae and you really changed my world with your fics <3 i wrote this fic for armin arlert way back 2023 but never had the guts to publish it, but hey u give me a reason to continue this fic. and to my readers out there, i hope you enjoy reading this fic, i love writing jake's pov here :)

Ever since you were a child, you followed everything your parents told you. Raised in a devoutly religious household, your days revolved around faith—joining church activities, attending every Sunday mass without fail, even flying to Puerto Rico with your family to take part in Misa de Aguinaldo.

Religion wasn't just a part of your life; it was your life.

You loved God. You loved listening to preachers, absorbing their words like scripture carved into your soul. You loved spreading the message of Jesus Christ, the warmth of faith filling you every time you shared His name.

You prayed constantly—palms pressed together, head bowed, whispering words of gratitude for every blessing, of repentance for every misstep. You prayed for strength, for purity, for the will to resist temptation.

And yet—temptation had a name.

And his name is Sim Jaeyun.

You remember the first time you saw him walking through the gates of the Catholic university you both attended.

Jake Sim was the very embodiment of devotion, of unwavering faith. He carried himself with an air of holiness, always with a rosary wrapped around his fingers or a Bible tucked beneath his arm. He spoke with conviction, every word laced with the kind of certainty only true believers possessed. And yet, to you, he was something else entirely.

The way he moved, the way his voice echoed through the chapel—it was hypnotic. Your prayers would falter on your tongue whenever he stood at the altar, leading hymns with a voice so steady, so sure.

You had watched him, your eyes tracing the curve of his lips as he spoke, the way his lashes fluttered when he blinked. You had memorized the way candlelight danced across his skin, the way the veins in his hands shifted when he clasped them in prayer.

The boy who knelt before the cross with his eyes closed in deep, persistent faithfulness.

The boy who touched the rosary beads with such reverence, his fingers gliding over each one as if they held the weight of his salvation.

But all you could think about was how those same fingers would feel tracing the lines of your body, how they would press into your skin—not in prayer, but in something far more sinful.

How his lips would taste if they weren't murmuring scripture, if instead, they whispered your name in the dark.

How his faith would crumble if he ever looked at you the way you wanted him to.

And as you sat in the pews, hands clasped, head bowed, you prayed—not for strength, not for purity, but for him.

You shouldn't think about him that way. You shouldn't let your mind wander, not here, not in the house of God.

You knew the weight of sin, the warnings etched into you since childhood. Your family had made it clear—masturbation, desire, sex before marriage—each was a path to damnation. To act on them was to betray God.

Do not lay a hand on any boy. Do not think of flesh, of pleasure, of sin. Do not touch your body with thoughts of another.

But if you had never touched him, never let your hands stray to your own skin —if all you had were thoughts, then how could you already feel guilty as sin?

The golden light of the late afternoon filtered through the stained-glass windows of the university chapel, casting soft hues of red, blue, and gold onto the polished wooden pews. The air was still, filled only with the faint scent of old parchment and melting candle wax.

You sat near the front, fingers absentmindedly tracing the spine of your prayer book. The chapel was mostly empty, save for a few students lingering in quiet reflection. And him.

Sim Jaeyun stood near the altar, carefully arranging hymnals. Even in the simplicity of his tasks, there was a quiet devotion to him—an unshaken faith that made it impossible to look away.

You tried to focus on the words of the scripture open in front of you, but your thoughts were restless. It wasn't the first time you had stayed after midday prayers, and it wasn't the first time you had found yourself stealing glances at him.

A quiet sound of footsteps against the marble floor.

"You're here again."

You glanced up to find Jake standing at the edge. You nodded, offering a small smile. "I like the chapel in the afternoon. It's peaceful."

Jake hummed in agreement, sliding into the pew beside you, though he kept a respectful distance. "It's my favorite time, too," he admitted, clasping his hands together. "When the day is slowing down, but the world isn't quite asleep yet."

You studied him for a moment, watching as the sunlight touched his face, illuminating the softness in his features. "What do you pray for?" you asked.

Jake exhaled, his gaze fixed ahead. "For strength," he said. "To always follow the right path."

You nodded slowly, looking down at your hands.

"And you?" he asked.

You hesitated. You knew what you should say. Strength. Wisdom. Purity.

But instead, you murmured, "For understanding."

Jake turned to you, brow slightly furrowed. "Understanding?"

You swallowed. "There are... thoughts I don't always understand." You hesitated, fingers tightening around the pages of your prayer book. "And I ask for guidance. To know what is right."

For a moment, Jake was silent, then he offered a small, knowing smile. "God sees our hearts even when we struggle to see them ourselves." His voice was gentle and reassuring. "Sometimes, we don't need to have all the answers. We just need to trust Him to show us the way."

His words should have comforted you. But as you looked at him—at the boy who made your heart race in ways you couldn't explain—you weren't sure if the path you longed for was the one God had intended for you.

Sim Jaeyun barely even knew you. The two of you only shared a religion class, occasionally finding yourselves in the same prayer group. Your interactions were brief—just passing glances, a quiet exchange of smiles. Sometimes, after kneeling in prayer, he would hand you a sandwich and a bottle of water and you always accepted with a small nod of thanks, though the warmth in your chest lingered long after.

During every community outreach, you would catch glimpses of him—kneeling to pet stray dogs and cats, laughter spilling from his lips as children clung to his arms, their tiny hands gripping at his sleeves. He spoke to the elderly with a patience and gentleness that felt almost sacred, offering up his seat without hesitation, carrying their bags.

He was the kind of person people gravitated toward, the kind of person who made faith feel tangible—something living and breathing, rather than just words in a book.

You wondered if someone like him, someone pure as gold, ever sinned.

Sim Jaeyun was a name whispered often in the girls' residence hall. Every night, as curfew neared, you would hear them murmuring from their bunks.

"He'd make such a good husband." "Imagine him as a father—he'd be perfect." "Any girl would be lucky to have him."

A quiet admiration, soft and innocent. So why was yours so much heavier? So much more?

Why did yours feel like something that sat in your chest, something that pressed against your ribs with every prayer, something that burned?

"Your body is sacred."

The nun's voice rang through the classroom. She moved slowly between the rows of desks, the wooden stick in her hand tapping lightly against her palm with every step.

It was an all-girls class since she was teaching anatomy. But this wasn't just about the body. It was about purity.

She stopped near the front of the room, turning to face the class. Her gaze swept over each of you, as if she could see straight into your thoughts. "God has given you this body," she continued. "A temple. A gift. A vessel meant for holiness, not for sin."

You swallowed, shifting slightly in your seat.

"Temptation is everywhere," she said. "It creeps into your thoughts, into your hands, into the desires you do not speak of. But hear me, girls—"God is watching.""

The stick tapped against her palm again.

"Masturbation," she said, the word itself feeling heavy as it filled the silence, "is a sin against your own flesh. To lay a hand upon yourself in lust is to defile what was meant to be pure."

A hush settled over the room. Some girls looked down at their desks, others sat rigid, eyes wide, hands folded neatly in their laps as if to prove they had never done such a thing—never even thought about it.

You felt a heat crawl up the back of your neck.

"When you indulge in these acts," she continued, voice sharp with a warning, "your body burns—not with passion, not with pleasure, but with sin. A fire that does not cleanse, but corrupts."

She paused, her gaze sweeping the room again,

"And when you engage in sex outside of marriage, when you surrender yourself to the desires of the flesh, that fire does not leave you. It stays. It marks you. And on the day of judgment, when you stand before God, He will see it. He will know."

A shudder ran through you. You clenched your hands together, nails pressing into your palms.

Then, the nun's eyes landed on you.

"You understand, don't you?" she asked, though it wasn't really a question.

Your lips parted slightly, but no words came.

And just for a moment, you thought of him.

Sim Jaeyun.

Of the way his fingers brushed over rosary beads in prayer. Of the way his voice sounded when he spoke of faith, of devotion. Of how those hands, that voice, could ruin you.

And as the nun continued, warning of damnation, of the watchful eyes of God, you couldn't help but wonder.

If God was watching, did He already know what was in your heart? And worse—had He already condemned you for it?

"Yes, I understand," you said, though the words felt heavy on your tongue.

Guilt settled deep in your chest. Your palms were damp, fingers twitching slightly as you clasped them together.

You needed to repent.

You needed to pray until the thoughts left you, until the weight of sin lifted from your heart. Until the fire the nun spoke of no longer burned beneath your skin.

"Here, an apple for you."

A small hand reached toward yours, fingers curled around a tiny, imperfect apple. The child's eyes were bright with innocence, his smile wide as he offered it to you.

It was community outreach day in the mountains, where children ran barefoot over the uneven ground, laughter ringing through the crisp afternoon air. The scent of earth and firewood lingered, mingling with the distant voices of volunteers.

You knelt slightly, accepting the apple with a gentle smile. "Thank you," you said, your voice soft.

The boy beamed, pleased by your gratitude before running off to join the others.

You were about to take a bite of the apple when a sudden tap on your shoulder made you pause. Turning, you found your classmate standing behind you, her expression impatient.

"I need you to find Karina," she said, arms crossed. "She's missing again. And we need to leave by three."

You sighed, tucking the apple into your pocket. "Alright, I'll look for her."

With that, you made your way up the stone steps leading further into the hills, where the trees grew denser and the voices of the other volunteers faded into the rustling of leaves. The fresh mountain air brushed against your skin, carrying the scent of damp earth and woodsmoke.

As you climbed higher, a small tug on your sleeve made you stop.

"Lady, where are you going?"

You looked down to see a little girl standing beside you, her dark eyes round with curiosity. She was sucking her thumb, her tiny fingers clutching the fabric of your shirt.

Crouching down to her level, you offered a reassuring smile. "I need to find my friend."

The girl tilted her head, studying you with the kind of seriousness only children could manage. Then, after a moment, she leaned in slightly and whispered, "Be careful out there."

You raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

She pulled her thumb from her mouth and grinned, baring her tiny teeth. "There's a snake," she hissed, making a slithering motion with her hands. "They bite!"

You laughed, shaking your head. "I'll be careful."

With a gentle pat on the girl's head, you urged her to go play with the others before continuing your search.

"Karina!" you called, your voice echoing through the trees. The afternoon air was with the scent of damp earth and pine, the only sounds around you the rustling of leaves and the distant chatter of children below.

After what felt like ages of wandering, you sighed, pulling the apple from your pocket. Your thumb brushed against its smooth surface as you took slow steps forward, letting yourself take a small break.

Then, just as you were about to take a bite, something caught your eye.

It was small cabin, worn by time, tucked between the trees. You hadn't noticed it before, hadn't even realized anyone lived this far up the mountain.

Lifting your head, you parted your lips to call for Karina again but you heard a low, quiet, barely audible voice over the wind.

Your breath hitched slightly, and instinctively, you stayed silent.

Tilting your head, you slowly took a bite of the apple, the crunch loud in the stillness. Step by step, you moved around the cabin, careful not to make a sound.

You crept closer, your breath shallow, your fingers curled tightly around the apple. The rough wooden cabin stood against the trees, its single window slightly ajar. Through the gap, the muffled voices inside grew clearer—soft murmurs, hushed laughter.

A breathless moan.

Your body tensed, You hesitated for only a moment before tilting your head, peering through the dust-coated glass.

And that's when you saw the most sinful acts you've ever witness.

Karina was sprawled against the wooden table, her back arching beneath the weight of the farmer pressing into her. Her dress was bunched up around her waist, her bare thighs caging his hips. His hands gripped her skin, fingers digging into the softness of her legs, his mouth trailing down the curve of her neck.

Your stomach twisted, but you couldn't look away.

Karina wasn't resisting. She wasn't recoiling in shame or horror. There was no fear in her expression, no sign of guilt or repentance.

She was pulling him closer.

Her fingers wove into his hair, tugging slightly as her head fell back, exposing more of her throat to his lips. Her chest rose and fell in uneven breaths, her mouth parting with quiet, trembling gasps.

Your heartbeat thundered in your ears.

The nun's words echoed in your head, warnings of fire, of suffering, of bodies burning for their sins.

But Karina wasn't burning.

Your breath trembled as you stared, as the world you had known—the one built on prayer, on restraint, on the fear of temptation—began to splinter.

How is she not burning?

The apple slipped from your fingers, tumbling to the ground with a dull thud.

A hiss was heard. The sound was sharp, unnatural, cutting through the silence of the forest. Your body stiffened, a cold shiver crawling up your spine. Slowly, your gaze flickered to the tree beside you.

A snake. Its body coiled around the rough bark, scales glistening in the fading sunlight. It was watching you, its tongue flickering out.

Eve was tempted. Eve took the fruit.

Your stomach twisted violently as you staggered back, tearing your eyes away from both the serpent and the scene inside the cabin.

You ran. Branches scraped against your skin as you pushed through the trees, your feet barely touching the ground. The echoes of Karina's breathless moans clung to you, no matter how fast you tried to outrun them.

You needed to forget. To erase the moment of sin that had burned itself into your mind. To cleanse yourself before the weight of temptation swallowed you whole.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee..."

Your eyes clenched shut as you muttered the prayer, over and over, you repeated the words, as if their rhythm alone could cleanse your mind, could undo what you had seen.

The rosary felt heavy in your hands, the beads pressing into your palm. But no matter how tightly you held it, no matter how desperately you clung to prayer, the memory would not leave you.

"Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus."

You sucked in a sharp breath, your chest tightening.

"Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners—"

Your voice broke. This was your fall.

A single tear slipped down your cheek, then another, until you were gripping the rosary so tightly your knuckles turned white. A quiet sniffle escaped you, but the tears kept coming, blurring the dim candlelight of the chapel.

You could not stop trembling, your stomach tightening, a dull ache spreading between your legs, heat pooling where it should not.

Your thighs pressed together instinctively, but it did nothing to stop the throbbing. You clenched your fists, willing the sensation away, but the images had already taken root.

Karina. The farmer. The way her body had arched into him, how she had clung to him. It should have horrified you. It should have disgusted you.

Instead, a shudder ran through you as your mind betrayed you, as the image shifted, reshaped itself into something far more forbidden.

Not Karina.

You.

And not the farmer.

Jake.

Your breath hitched. The thought was wrong—blasphemous. But it came unbidden, vivid and consuming, slipping into the cracks of your mind like sin itself. You saw him above you, his hands gripping your waist, his lips murmuring something against your skin.

Your rosary slipped from your fingers, the beads scattering against the marble floor.

You gasped softly, snapping your eyes open as if waking from a dream—no, a nightmare.

Your hands flew to your chest, pressing against your heart as if you could smother the racing beat beneath your skin.

No. No, no, no.

Tears welled in your eyes again, this time not just from guilt but from fear—of yourself.

This was your fall.

The serpent had coiled itself around you, whispering its venom into your ears, seeping into your thoughts, your body.

Karina was expelled after the nuns discovered what she had done during the community outreach.

You helped her pack in silence, folding the last of her skirts into a worn-out suitcase.

Your nose was red, your eyes swollen—for many reasons. Of course, you hadn't told anyone what you saw. That was yet another reason you were a sinner. You had kept her secret, watched in silence as she was cast out.

But worse—you couldn't stop thinking about it.

And worst of all, you had lost another prayer partner.

Your voice was quiet when you finally asked, "Do you regret it?"

Karina's hands stilled over the fabric of her blouse. She stared at the ground for a long moment before exhaling slowly. "No."

"They're sending me away," she continued. "Some isolated place, far from men. Away from temptation. They'll make me enter seminary, force me to repent, try to fix me."

She let out a dry laugh, shaking her head. "Fix me. As if I'm broken."

You said nothing, letting her words settle between you.

Karina turned then, her gaze finding yours. "But I don't regret it. No matter what they try to tell me." A small, humorless smile tugged at her lips. "But you wouldn't understand, would you?"

Your fingers curled into the fabric of her dress as you folded it, staring at the delicate lace trim. "There are a lot of things I don't understand," you admitted. Then, meeting her eyes, you added, "But I do not judge. I am here to listen."

Karina studied you, her expression is pained. Then she let out a slow breath, sitting on the edge of the bed. "You know the story of Adam and Eve," she said.

You nodded. "Of course."

"They call it the fall," she murmured, tilting her head slightly. "But have you ever thought that maybe it wasn't a fall at all?"

You frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, her fingers intertwined. "Eve took the apple. She chose knowledge, chose to know desire, hunger, craving. And for that, she was cast out." Karina exhaled through her nose, a bitter smile on her lips. "But maybe that was never a punishment. Maybe it was freedom."

She glanced at you then, "Christianity tells us that craving is sinful. That wanting—whether it's knowledge, pleasure, or love—will ruin us." Her voice lowered, "but tell me—why would God give us bodies that feel if He didn't want us to use them?"

Your throat felt dry.

"You've thought about it, haven't you?" Karina questioned. "You've felt it."

Heat crept up your neck, shame curling tight in your stomach.

Karina smiled, but it wasn't mocking. If anything, it was knowing. "It's normal to crave, you know," she said. "To want."

"In the city," Karina continued, "I heard students openly talk about sex. About how it's natural. They even discuss things like hormones, the way the body reacts to desire. When your clitoris—"

"Shhh!" Your eyes widened as you shot a panicked glance toward the door. Your hand moved on instinct, pressing against her lips to silence her.

"Do not use such vulgar words!" you hissed, even hearing such a thing felt wrong, like an invitation for sin to take root inside you.

Karina only laughed, she gently pulled your hand away, her lips curling into a teasing smile. "Why? Because the nuns don't want you to know your own body?"

Your cheeks burned, your fingers curling into your lap as you looked away. "Because it's wrong," you muttered. "You speak of things that lead to damnation."

Karina sighed, tilting her head. "Says who? The nuns? The ones who tell us that touching ourselves will set our bodies on fire?" She leaned in slightly, "Tell me, have you ever actually tried it?"

Your breath hitched as you swallowed, your pulse hammering against your skin. "I—I would never—"

Karina smiled knowingly. "Of course you wouldn't. Because you're afraid, aren't you?"

You stiffened. "Afraid of what?"

"That they were lying to you," she said simply.

You stared at her, Karina reached for your hand, her touch gentle as she placed it over your own lap. "If it's really so sinful," she murmured, "if it really makes you burn... then why don't you test it?"

Your breath caught in your throat. Her fingers pressed lightly against yours. "Go on. Just once. Just to see if their words hold any truth."

"If you want to touch yourself," she continued, undeterred by your silence, "put your fingers inside—but don't just push in and out. Curl them inside, find the spot that makes your legs shake."

Your entire body went rigid as Karina leaned closer, her lips curling, almost amused at your reaction. "And your clitoris—"

"Stop," you gasped, eyes widening as you instinctively clamped a hand over her mouth. Your other hand flew to the door, your head snapping toward it, terrified that someone might hear.

She giggled against your palm, her laughter muffled before she gently pulled your hand away. "Why are you so scared?" she teased. "It's just your body. It's natural."

Your cheeks were burning now, hot with embarrassment.

Karina sighed, tilting her head as if she pitied you. "If you ever do find someone," she continued, undeterred, "a boy—"

You swallowed hard.

"Let him play with your nipples." Her voice dipped lower, as if she were sharing a secret meant only for you. "Let him suck them, bite them just a little. It feels so good."

Your thighs clenched involuntarily.

"And a boy," she went on, eyes glinting with mischievous, "his penis—"

"Karina!"

She laughed, completely unashamed of her own words. "What? It's true! If you want to make a boy weak, touch him there. Play with it, stroke it, suck on it—especially the tip."

A choked sound escaped you.

"Giving someone pleasure," she said, watching your reaction, "is just as enjoyable as receiving it. Maybe even more."

Your hands trembled in your lap. You couldn't even look at her now. Your mind felt clouded, a war raging between every lesson the nuns had taught you and the curiosity her words planted deep inside you.

Karina exhaled, shaking her head. "You poor thing," she murmured, you bit your lip hard, trying to drown out the heat rising in your body with pain.

"You should try it, you know," she said after a beat, her voice almost gentle now. "Just once. Just so you know if they were lying to you all along."

Your chest tightened, your heart hammering so loudly you feared it might betray you.

Because the worst part wasn't her words.

It was that you wanted to know if she was right.

So you repented again.

You prayed and prayed for forgiveness, whispering desperate pleas beneath your breath, pressing your forehead against the cold chapel floor. You gripped your rosary so tightly that the beads left indentations in your palm, as if pain itself could cleanse you.

But it was getting harder. Especially now, with Holy Week approaching. Longer prayers, deeper fasting, more time spent in solemn reflection. And yet, the more you immersed yourself in worship, the more temptation gnawed at you.

Especially since Sim Jaeyun was the one leading Passion Week.

You sat among the others, hands folded in your lap, your gaze fixed on the cross, trying not to think about him. Trying not to remember Karina's words.

"If you ever find someone, let him touch you, let him play with you—"

You swallowed hard, clenching your fists against your thighs.

Women and men were not allowed to be seen too close together. A proper distance must always be kept, a respectable space left between bodies. A simple conversation was permitted—but only from afar.

"You do pray very often."

The voice came from behind you. You stiffened, your breath catching in your throat as you turned slightly—only to find him.

Jake stood just a few feet away, hands clasped in front of him. "Is something bothering you?"

You turned back toward the cross, swallowing the lump in your throat. Your fingers curled against your knees, sweat forming at your temples.

"No," you whispered, though the lie burned on your tongue.

Jake was silent for a moment. Then, softly, he said, "You can talk to me, you know. If something is troubling you."

You closed your eyes. How could you tell him?

How could you tell him that the prayers weren't working? That no matter how hard you tried, the thoughts would not leave you? That he was becoming the temptation you could no longer escape?

Your eyes started to water again, he knelt beside you, as his presence settled so dangerously close—closer than what was proper.

Your eyes burned with unshed tears, your fingers tightening around the rosary.

Jake watched you. From this close, he could see the way the candlelight illuminated your face, casting soft shadows along the delicate curve of your cheekbones. Your skin glowed, almost ethereal, as if touched by something divine.

You looked like a painting—one of the old Renaissance depictions of saints and martyrs.

Beautiful.

His gaze drifted lower, to the way your lips barely moved as you whispered prayers, the words shaky, your hands trembled over the rosary, clutched so tightly.

His eyes fell to your knees. The fabric of your skirt had shifted slightly, revealing the barest hint of bruised skin—evidence of hours spent kneeling.

He had seen piety before. He had witnessed countless prayers, watched the most devout of worshippers bow their heads in absolute faith.

But this—the way you prayed, the way you looked before the altar—felt different. He couldn't imagine what sin someone like you could have possibly committed.

His voice came quietly, "You should rest."

You flinched slightly at the sound of his voice,

"I can't," you murmured.

And then softly, without thinking—he reached out.

His hand hovered over yours for just a breath before settling atop your trembling fingers. Palm to palm, warm and steady, stopping you mid-prayer.

He didn't know what possessed him to touch you. Perhaps it was the way you looked so lost, so utterly consumed by something unseen. Or perhaps it was the fact that no nun was watching, no one to scold him for standing too close, for placing his hand over yours.

His touch was meant to be assuring. Nothing more. Nothing sinful.

But then you stiffened beneath him.

Your breath caught in your throat, your shoulders going rigid, your fingers twitching beneath his. Your heartbeat slammed against your ribs.

You turned your face toward him.

Jake sucked in a quiet breath as his eyes met yours—wide, desperate, a single tear slipping down your cheek.

He had never seen a gaze like that before. Not in church, not in prayer, not in the face of someone seeking salvation.

His fingers flexed slightly against yours, the warmth of your skin radiating beneath his palm. His thumb brushed against the back of your hand, a slow, instinctive movement, like a silent reassurance.

Before he could stop himself, his other hand lifted. Gently, hesitantly, he swiped away the tear that had slipped down your cheek, his fingertips barely grazing your skin.

You gasped softly. It was the smallest sound, but it sent something through him, something that made his fingers linger just a second too long against your face.

Your skin was warm beneath his touch. Soft. Alive.

It took everything in him to pull away.

The moment his fingers left your cheek, a strange kind of loss settled in his chest. He reached into his pocket, fingers brushing against the fabric of his handkerchief before carefully pulling it out. Silently, he placed it in your trembling hands.

"Whatever you were praying for," he murmured, "I'm sure God will understand."

As if to anchor you back into the faith you were grasping so desperately onto, he smiled.

The kind of smile meant to bring comfort. But to you, it only made it worse.

"I should go," Jake said, you nodded, unable to meet his gaze. He shift beside you, the soft rustling of fabric as he stood. His presence lingered for just a moment longer before the sound of his footsteps echoed against the chapel floor, growing fainter.

And yet, his warmth remained.

Your hands trembled as you lifted the handkerchief to your face, pressing it against your damp cheeks. His scent clung to the fabric—a faint trace of sandalwood and incense, something undeniably him.

You exhaled shakily, squeezing your eyes shut.

God will understand.

A broken sob escaped your lips as you clutched the fabric tighter, your body trembling with something you no longer had the strength to fight. Tears slipped freely down your cheeks, soaking into the handkerchief as you sniffled against it.

Your fingertips skimmed over the waistband of your skirt, then lower, brushing against the thin fabric beneath.

A sharp breath left you when you felt the wetness, sticky and warm, pooling between your thighs, evidence of the thoughts you had failed to purge.

You should stop. You should repent.

And yet, your other hand only tightened around the handkerchief, pressing it closer to your face, inhaling the faint traces of him.

Still kneeling, you stared at the cross before you. Your body trembled, shame curling in your stomach.

You sobbed, your weight tipping forward, forehead pressing against the marble floor. Your free hand clenched at your skirt, your knuckles white with restraint.

Your finger dipped inside, a choked gasp slipping past your lips at the sudden intrusion.

The feeling was new, startling and unfamiliar. You hesitated only for a moment before pressing deeper, your body clenching around the touch, breath hitching as pleasure licked up your spine.

The nuns had warned you—the body will burn.

But as your fingers curled, as something electric shot through your legs, making them tremble, you realized this was not pain nor suffering.

Your mouth parted, a quiet, breathless sound escaping as you rocked into your own touch, your other hand bracing against the marble floor to steady yourself, the overwhelming scent of him filling your senses.

Sim Jaeyun—his hands hovering over yours, the warmth of his palm against your trembling fingers, the way he had wiped away your tear.

Your fingers pressed deeper, and a soft gasp escaped your lips. You imagined it was his touch, his fingers exploring you with hesitant curiosity.

"You do pray very often," his voice echoed in your mind, "Is something bothering you?"

Yes, he was bothering you.

You pictured him above you, his fingers tracing over the same places your own were now.

"Does it burn?" he would ask, voice laced with something both sinful and sacred.

And you would shake your head—because it didn't.

It felt holy.

Your body arched into your own touch, your legs trembling as heat coiled deep inside you, tighter and tighter, threatening to consume you whole. The pressure, the ache, the need—it was overwhelming. It was blasphemous.

Yet, it was the closest you had ever felt to salvation.

A gasp tore from your lips, soft yet sinful in the silence of the chapel. Your fingers pushed deeper, your body rocking to meet them, each movement sending dizzying waves of pleasure through you.

Beads of sweat dripped from your forehead, falling onto the floor. You added another finger, stretching yourself further, testing the limits of your own body. A choked whimper escaped as your walls clenched around the intrusion, your breathing ragged. Your other hand fumbled against the floor, grasping for stability, but there was none—no safety, no sanctuary, no way to stop now.

You think about his hands on your waist, his lips trailing down your neck. Your body tensed, your fingers working faster, chasing the edge of an unknown pleasure that built higher and higher—until it was too much, too much.

With one final, shuddering breath, the world shattered around you. Your body trembled, pleasure crashing over you in violent waves, a silent cry caught in your throat as your mind went blank.

Your body slumped forward, forehead pressing against the cool marble floor, your fingers slipping out as the aftershocks of pleasure left you breathless.

There was only silence. Only your heaving breaths, the scent of candle wax and incense thick in the air, the fading echoes of his name somewhere in the depths of your mind.

Then, guilt settled in, so heavy. You had really fallen.

And yet, as you lay there, pulse still racing, you couldn't bring yourself to repent.

The days blurred into nights, and with each passing moment, you felt yourself slipping further into something you could no longer control.

You couldn't meet your own reflection anymore. The girl in the mirror was not the same—her eyes hollow with guilt, her lips parted in silent prayer that never reached the heavens. You had abandoned the comfort of your rosary, leaving it untouched on your bedside table. Even the scent of candle wax and incense, once a balm to your soul, now felt suffocating.

It was as if a devil had settled inside you, whispering in your ear, feeding your thoughts with things no holy woman should crave. And yet, no matter how fiercely you fought it, you kept returning to your sin.

Each night, beneath the shroud of darkness, your body became a traitor. Your hands moved without permission, exploring places you had been taught were forbidden. Your bedsheets tangled around your legs, damp with sweat, evidence of your transgressions.

And always, always, his name spilled from your lips.

Each time, you found yourself back in the same position—fingers trembling, thighs clenched, gasping into the silence of your room, drowning in him. And it felt too good to stop.

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love..."

You whispered it every day in the chapel, hands clutching the rosary so tightly. "According to Your great compassion, blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin..."

Tears slipped down your cheeks, soaking into the fabric of your sleeves as you knelt before the altar. You sobbed, your body wracked with guilt, your lips forming words of repentance.

And yet—when you returned to your bed that night, your body trembling with guilt, your prayers still lingering in the air—

You touched yourself anyway.

"It's impressive how you always pray," Jake said, his voice gentle, filled with quiet admiration. A small smile graced his lips. Another interaction. Another moment that would be burned into your mind, another weight added to the burden of your sin.

"How you always find time to speak with Him," he continued. "I'm sure whatever you're praying for, you'd be heard."

You swallowed hard. Would God listen when your prayers were no longer pure? When you begged not for salvation, but for relief from the temptation standing before you?

You forced a polite nod, quickly wiping at your damp cheeks, hoping he wouldn't notice how red your eyes were. How broken you looked. Your knees ached from kneeling for so long, your fingers sore from gripping the rosary too tightly. If only he knew what your prayers had become—not words of devotion, but desperate pleas for deliverance.

You were about to stand, to create distance, to escape before your body could betray you again. But before you could move, Jake lowered himself to kneel beside you.

The proximity sent a shiver down your spine. His presence was grounding, yet it set something uneasy alight inside you.

"You know," he said, voice soft, "I quite admire you."

Jake smiled, warm and sincere, his eyes searching yours as if he was seeing something sacred in you. "You share a special relationship with God," he continued. "The way you pray, the way you devote yourself—it's beautiful."

"I've seen the way you never miss a prayer," he went on. "The way you kneel here for hours, speaking to Him when no one else is watching. I've seen the tears, the way you hold your rosary."

His gaze flickered down to your hands, still red from gripping the beads too tightly.

"And I think... that kind of devotion is rare."

You swallowed, forcing yourself to look away, because his words—his praise—felt heavier than anything the nuns had ever told you.

Because it was him saying it.

He didn't know that your devotion wasn't pure. That your prayers were not for holiness, but for control. That when you closed your eyes at night, it wasn't scripture that filled your mind, but the memory of his touch.

"God must love you very much," Jake murmured, tilting his head slightly. "To have someone as loyal as you."

You inhaled shakily, without thinking, you shifted back, settling onto the wooden pew. Jake stayed where he was, still kneeling, his gaze fixed on the cross. You swallowed. Your fingers curled around the rosary in your palm

"Can I confess, Jake?"

Your voice was barely above a whisper. Jake turned his head, he hesitated for a moment before moving to sit beside you, his posture still composed. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice is with quiet curiosity. "I am not a priest—I can't take such confessions."

You exhaled sharply, your grip tightening around the rosary.

"Forgive me, for I have sinned."

Jake stilled beside you his confusion was evident in the way his brows knitted together, in the way his head tilted slightly as if trying to piece together what you meant. "Why?" he asked slowly.

You couldn't look at him. If you did, you feared he would see it. The truth. The war inside you. The way he was the very thing you needed to confess.

Your throat tightened as you muttered the next following words. "Because," you whispered, forcing the words out before you lost the courage to speak them, "I don't think I want to repent."

Jake stiffened beside you. His breath hitched, his entire body going rigid. His fingers curled against his lap, gripping the fabric of his trousers. "H-How can you say that?" His voice was unsteady, a stark contrast to the usual calmness he carried. His soft features, always composed, always gentle, were now pulled into shock and disbelief.

You swallowed, your throat dry, your heart slamming against your ribs as you forced yourself to continue. If you stopped now, if you let fear take hold, you would never be free of this.

"I think of things I shouldn't."Your voice trembled, but your gaze didn't waver this time. "I touched myself."

Jake's body jerked slightly, his lips parted again, but no words came, as if he had been struck speechless, as if the confession had ripped the breath from his lungs. His Adam's apple bobbed with a harsh swallow, the tendons in his neck tightening. His gaze flickered away, darting briefly to the cross above the altar, as if seeking guidance, as if seeking a way out. But there was none. He could not look at you, not when the weight of your confession was still lingering in the air

"You..." he started, but the words failed him. He shook his head, exhaling sharply through his nose. His brows furrowed, "Why are you telling me this?"

Your hands clenched into fists in your lap, nails digging into your palms as you forced yourself to speak—forced yourself to ruin yourself completely. "Because it was you, Jake."

Jake inhale, his eyes widening, but only for a second. Something changed—something deep inside him, something that flickered behind his dark gaze like a dying flame suddenly reignited.

Your pulse pounded in your ears, your skin tingling under the intensity of his stare. But you didn't stop. You couldn't.

"I touch myself with the thought of you."

Jake's fingers dug into his thighs, gripping so tightly. His breathing turned shallow, uneven, his chest rising and falling at a pace that betrayed his struggle. His gaze dropped—just for a second—to your lips, before snapping back up, but the damage was already done.

He was flustered.

"D-Do not say v-vulgar things," Jake whispered, his hands trembling slightly where they rested against his lap. But it was his eyes that held you captive—wide, burning, conflicted.

Your throat tightened, and before you could stop yourself, tears welled in your eyes again. "I don't think I'm free of guilt if I confess to God."

Jake flinched at your words. His fingers twitched as if he wanted to reach for you, to stop you, to comfort you—but he didn't. Because he shouldn't.

"I keep praying for forgiveness," you continued, your voice trembling, "but I do not regret what I have done."

Jake inhaled sharply. His gaze flickered to the cross for only a moment—as if searching for guidance—before returning to you. Your lips trembled as you forced out the truth, the final confession that sealed your fall.

"I only feel guilty because thinking of you is a sinful act against my own people."

A tear slipped down your cheek, falling onto your lap, soaking into the fabric of your skirt. You weren't sure what you were asking from him—absolution, understanding, or something far more dangerous.

"God is willing to forgive again and again, right?" you choked out. Jake's breath hitched, and then you asked the only question that truly mattered. "But are you willing to forgive me?"

His throat bobbed with another hard swallow, but he couldn't speak. Because there was no answer to give. Not one that would be right. Not one that would be true. He stood abruptly. The movement was sudden, almost jerky, as if he was running—fleeing.

You watched him, lips quivering, hands still clenched together in your lap.

His palm was sweaty as he brushed it against his robe, his pulse erratic as he stepped out of the chapel, the heavy door closing behind him with a finality that made your chest ache.

You didn't call after him. You didn't move. Because what could you say? He was already gone.

Jake arrived early at the residence hall, his movements stiff, controlled, as if forcing himself into habit, but as soon as the door shut behind him, his composure cracked. His chest rose and fell with deep, unsteady breaths, his hands running through his hair in frustration. The ghost of your voice lingered in his ears, wrapping around his mind like a noose.

"I touch myself with the thought of you."

"I do not regret what I have done."

His jaw clenched, his fists tightening at his sides. He sank onto the bed, head falling back against the pillows, eyes squeezing shut.

"But are you willing to forgive me?"

His breath came out shaky, ragged, as he muttered, "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name..." His voice was strained and the prayer did nothing.

Nothing to rid him of the images flooding his mind, of your tear-streaked face, of the way your voice trembled, of the way you looked at him as if he held the answer to your salvation. He sucked in a sharp breath as his hands gripped the sheets beside him, as the tension in his body coiled so tight it hurt.

And then—he felt the unbearable heat pooling low in his stomach. The painful ache of his cock pressing against the fabric of his pants.

He let out a quiet, desperate whine, the sound muffled against his palm as he ran a hand over his face, as if trying to scrub away the shame, the want, the overwhelming weight of you. Still, the words of his prayer tumbled from his lips, over and over, between broken breaths.

Just like Adam, he had been steadfast. Pure. Untouched by temptation. He had walked the path of righteousness without faltering, without question, his faith as unwavering as the ground beneath his feet. He had known his purpose—to obey, to serve, to resist.

And yet, you— the Eve.

A whisper of temptation. Just as Eve had reached for the fruit, her fingers brushing against the knowledge of sin, you had reached for him—not with hands, but with words.

And now, like Adam, he was failing. He had seen the fruit before him. He had heard the serpent's voice, had felt the first stirrings of doubt deep in his chest, where conviction once lived.

He wanted to reach back.

To taste. To know. To fall.

Because wasn't that what Adam had done? He hadn't been deceived—he had chosen to fall with Eve. He had taken the fruit from her hand, knowing what it would cost.

"Take a bite."

The voice echoed in his mind, low and insistent, curling around his thoughts like a serpent coiled around a branch. Jake sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes remained fixed on the ceiling, but he did not see it.

Instead, he saw you.

He imagined you whispering to him, your lips forming the very words that now tormented him. He imagined your fingers brushing against his wrist, leading him closer to ruin. Just as Eve had turned to Adam with the fruit cradled in her palm, you had turned to him with your confession, tempting him in ways he had never been tempted before.

His cock throbbed painfully beneath the confines of his pants, damp with his own arousal.

"Take a bite," the voice urged again, slithering through the cracks of his crumbling resistance. His hands clenched at his sides, his nails digging into his palms. He should continue praying, to fight whatever temptation the devil was filling him.

But instead, he lay there, panting, burning not with the way the nun teaches, his body betraying him as he squeezed his eyes shut. He let himself imagine.

"Heaven and earth are full," the voices soared inside the chapel, the morning light streaming through the stained-glass windows.

"Are full of your glory."

Jake's lips parted, but he did not sing. His gaze was fixed on you. You stood in the choir, your voice blending seamlessly with the others, yet somehow, to him, it was the only one that mattered.

Your long white dress fell in soft folds to your feet, the fabric catching in the gentle morning breeze drifting through the open doors. The wind moved through your hair, shifting it slightly, making it look almost weightless.

You were a vision of purity wrapped in divinity.

"Hosanna, hosanna."

Your eyes are dull and distant, told a different story. You sang the words, but you were not present. There was no joy, no reverence, only an emptiness that should not belong to someone standing before God.

"Hosanna in the highest."

But to him, you were the highest. More than the chapel's towering walls, more than the altar bathed in candlelight, more than the cross above them all. His fingers twitched at his sides, aching to touch, to reach, to worship. But not as a believer should.

"Show me."

The words slipped from Jake's. Your breath caught in your throat, your eyes widening as you stared at him.

The small room at the back of the chapel felt unbearably tight, with the scent of old books and dust, the faint aroma of candle wax lingering in the corners. A candlelight was at the center of the table.

This was a place of study, of quiet contemplation, and A man and a woman should not be alone together. Not when the door was shut.

"Show me." Jake swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Show me how you touch yourself."

"H-Huh?" You stuttered, barely able to form words, your mind struggling to comprehend what he had just said. "Jake, you're so pure... I don't want you to be tainted like me. I already disappoint God—"

"Please, just show me."

His voice was desperate, his restraint fraying at the edges. Jake stepped forward, closing the distance between you.

Your breath hitched as he leaned over the table between you, hands bracing against the worn wood, trapping you between his body and the cold stone wall.

"I have thoughts about you too."

Your eyes snapped up to his, his eyes were glassy, his lips trembling as if the weight of his own confession was too much to bear, unshed tears brimming in his lashes.

"I thought of you that night," he murmured. You sucked in a breath, pressing yourself further into the table.

"I disappointed God too."

"Jake. . . " Your breath hitched at his confession as your eyes is searching on him. "Are you not afraid? Of the fire that will burn you?" you asked.

Jake's breath was uneven, his chest rising and falling as he leaned closer, his hands tightening against the edge of the table. "Does it burn you when you touch yourself?"

"Because when I thought of you," Jake continued, "my body just ached for your embrace."

Your heart pounded so loudly; you almost want to lower your head due to the proximity.

"It's not the fire that burns me."

He swallowed hard, his jaw clenched as his gaze bore into yours, "It's the ache of longing for you."

You had feared he would resist, that he would turn away, condemn you, beg for salvation. But he wasn't begging for salvation. He was begging for you.

"Take a bite," a voice in the back of your mind hissed—low and insidious.

And without another word, without hesitation, you reached for him. Your fingers curled around the nape of his neck, you pulled him in, lips met his.

A low, desperate moan escaped Jake's throat as he crushed you against him, his hands finding your waist, gripping you so tightly. His body pressed into yours, heat radiating through the layers of fabric that still separated you.

His lips moved against yours with a hunger that startled you. The tears that had brimmed in his eyes slipped down his cheeks.

Your hands tangled in his hair, pulling, needing. The kiss was desperate, both of your teeth are clashing. Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, needing more. The pressure of his mouth against yours softened after a moment, his lips parting slightly, then his tongue brushed against yours.

A soft gasp left your lips, and Jake seized the moment, his tongue slipping past the seam of your mouth, exploring, tasting. He groaned into you, the sound vibrating against your chest, making something hot coil in your stomach.

Your grip tightening in his hair as the kiss deepened, his tongue moving in slow, deliberate strokes, coaxing you into submission.

"If you want to make a boy weak, touch him there. Play with it, stroke it."

Still kissing him, your free hand drifted lower, hesitant, until your fingers pressed over the hardness beneath his pants.

Jake cried out. His entire body jerked, his hips stuttering beneath your touch as he broke the kiss with a sharp gasp.

"Oh my Lord—"

His head fell forward, forehead pressing against your shoulder as his breath came out in ragged, uneven pants. His hands clenched at your waist, gripping the fabric of your dress.

You swallowed, watching in fascination as his body trembled beneath your touch.

Carefully, experimentally, you pressed your palm more firmly against him, stroking him slow through the fabric.

Jake whimpered. His hips bucked involuntarily, seeking more friction, chasing the pleasure, more relief, yet it was never enough. Your name slipped from his lips in a strangled moan, muffled against your shoulder.

"I want to see you. Please." You whisper, more like a whine as your fingers continued to stroke him through the fabric of his pants.

Jake lifted his head slowly, his breath ragged, his pupils blown wide with something that had nothing to do with faith. Tears streaked his flushed cheeks, his lips parted as they trembled.

His gaze locked onto yours, vulnerable yet so needy.

"W-Will you touch me more?"

His voice cracked at the end, his body shuddering as he fumbled with the buttons of his pants, his fingers shaking too much to work quickly. You watched as he hesitated, his chest rising and falling rapidly, before finally tugging the fabric down past his hips.

Your breath caught in your throat.

A penis. His cock was thick, long, flushed a deep shade of red. Fluid leaked from the swollen tip, dripping down the shaft in slow, glistening trails.

You remembered feeling disgusted way in anatomy class, staring at the stiff, clinical images in textbooks, thinking the male body was strange, almost grotesque.

Now, your mouth watered.

Heat pooled deep in your belly, your pussy clenching together involuntarily. You didn't even realize what you were doing until you were already on your knees.

Jake's breath hitched, his body going rigid. His wide, teary eyes stared down at you.

"W-What a-are you doing?" He exhaled sharply, his voice cracking. You glanced up at him, your hands settling on his thighs.

A whisper from your past came back to you, "Suck on it—especially the tip."

Your lips parted, and you murmured, "I'm going to pray for forgiveness." then you took him into your mouth.

"Ahhh—!"

A choked gasp tore from his lips, his hips jerking forward involuntarily. His hands flew to your head, fingers tangling in your hair, but he didn't push. He held on for dear life.

His knees buckled slightly, his breath coming in ragged, shuddering gasps as your warm mouth engulfed him.

You tasted the saltiness of his arousal, the unfamiliar flavor spreading across your tongue, but instead of pulling away, you took more.

"Jesus Christ, this is disgusting," Jake cried, his voice shaking—yet his hands remained buried in your hair, his hips jerking forward, pushing himself deeper into your mouth.

His breath came out in broken gasps as he watched you, watched the way your cheeks hollowed around his cock, the way your lips stretched to accommodate him. His fingers trembled where they tangled in your hair, torn between holding back and pushing in further.

"It feels too good—too good, too good—" he whined, his mouth falling open, eyes glassy.

Your stomach tightened at the sound, heat curling between your thighs at the way he was breaking apart. You wanted more, you needed more.

Your tongue traced along the underside of his shaft, your head bobbing steadily, each movement coaxing more whimpers from his lips. His thighs trembled beneath your hands, his entire body shaking with pleasure so foreign to him that he didn't know what to do with it.

"You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain." The words echoed in the back of your mind, a commandment you had already shattered beyond repair.

But you like hearing him, hearing the way he gasped for God, the way his voice cracked when he moaned between whispered prayers.

Your eyes flickered up, meeting his gaze. Jake whimpered, his breath stuttering as you took him further, pushing yourself until the tip of his cock brushed the back of your throat. Your gag reflex tightened, but you didn't pull away. You held him there, letting him feel everything.

"A-Ahhh—!"

A loud, uncontrollable moan ripped from his throat as his head fell back, exposing the column of his neck, veins prominent, his Adam's apple bobbing with every gasping breath.

His body tensed, his fingers gripping you too tightly, as if he was seeing God Himself in the pleasure washing over him.

His moans grew louder, needier—his entire existence reduced to you and the sin you were leading him into.

His grip in your hair tightened, his hips stuttering as he fought to keep himself from thrusting into your mouth, from losing himself entirely.

"S-Something's coming—something's coming."

His voice broke, whimpering and breathless. Still bobbing your head, you reached down with one hand, lifting your skirt, fingers sliding beneath the fabric of your underwear. The moment your fingers brushed against your slick folds; a moan vibrated against his shaft.

Jake gasped, his thighs tensing, his entire body shuddering at the sensation.

Your wetness coated your fingers, and with no hesitation, you pushed one inside, curling it the way you always had when you were alone—except now, you weren't alone.

Now, it felt too good to be true. Because Jake was in front of you.

Because Jake was falling with you.

Your own pleasure built with every movement of your fingers, every muffled moan that sent vibrations through him.

His hand slid down, trembling, until it brushed against your cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears pooling at the corner of your eyes, tears from how deep you had taken him, from how overwhelming it all was.

His touch was tender, contradicting the broken, filthy sounds spilling from his lips.

"You're—" he choked out, his voice wrecked. "You're touching yourself?"

You hummed around him, confirming, not slowing down, your fingers working deeper inside yourself as his body tensed above you.

Jake whimpered, his head falling forward, his lips barely parted as he stared. His stomach coiled tighter and tighter, his body trembling as his hips stuttered, chasing the feeling, unable to hold back.

"You look so beautiful," he sobbed, his voice raw and shaking. "So divine."

His gaze never left you, drinking in the sight of you—on your knees before him, lips wrapped around his length, taking him so deep without breaking eye contact.

A choked moan tore from his throat at the way you looked up at him, at the sheer devotion in your eyes. It was as if you had been sculpted by God Himself, crafted not from dust but from light, from holiness.

Jake had always admired you.

The way you prayed every afternoon in the chapel, hands clasped. How your lips moved so softly in whispered hymns, the way your voice blended into the choir like something celestial.

How you knelt before the altar, head bowed, untouched by the world around you, your beauty standing apart from anything he had ever known.

Now, you were kneeling for him, your mouth worshipped something else entirely.

His hips jerked forward, unrestrained, a sob catching in his throat.

"Oh—oh, my God—"

His entire body shook, the pleasure nearly blinding. A choked sob left his lips as his release spilled into your mouth, hot and thick, coating your tongue. His hips jerked involuntarily, pressing deeper until your nose met his abdomen, forcing you to take every last drop.

You moaned at the sensation, fingers working faster inside yourself, chasing the same pleasure that had just undone him. The taste of him lingered on your tongue, salty, forbidden—yet you swallowed it all, not letting a single drop go to waste.

Above you, Jake shuddered violently, his hands tangling in your hair as if clinging to you for stability.

His head tipped back; his lips parted in a silent cry as he came down from his high. His fingers trembled against your scalp, stroking gently.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," he whispered, his eyes clenched shut, his chest rising. He held you there, cradling your head against his abdomen, his body still twitching from the aftershocks.

You tapped his thigh twice, a silent signal. Jake inhaled sharply, His grip loosened instantly, and with shaky hands, he let go of you, his cock slipping from your mouth.

A thin string of saliva connected you, stretching between your lips and the flushed tip of him before breaking. Your tongue remained out, your breath ragged, your lips swollen and slick with the remnants of his release.

"You... you swallowed my seed," Jake whispered, you stared up at him through lidded eyes, your breath shaky, your body still moving, fingers still working inside yourself.

His gaze flickered downward, following the slow, desperate motion of your hand beneath your lifted skirt. His cock twitched, still sensitive, yet already stirring again at the sight of you.

"It... it should be in your uterus," he muttered, his brows drawing together. "Not your mouth."

A slow smile curled at your lips, heat simmering beneath your skin as you reached for his hand, guiding it to your cheek.

"Then pump me with your seed, Jake," you whispered.

A sharp inhale left his lips, his fingers tightening at your sides before he pulled you to your feet.

His mouth was on yours again, his hands trailing down your back, finding the zipper of your dress. He tugged it down slowly, the fabric loosened, slipping over your shoulders, pooling at your feet.

Jake pulled away, his lips parting as he took you in—your bare form. His throat bobbed, fingers trembling slightly as they traced over your waist.

He bent down, lips finding the curve of your neck, pressing soft, open-mouthed kisses along your collarbone.

Your gaze lifted past him, to the walls of the room—where portraits of nuns, saints, and martyrs hung in quiet judgement. Their solemn eyes bore into you, unblinking, unwavering. Your chest tightened, guilt creeping in but you didn't want to stop.

Instead, you let your eyes fall shut, choosing to surrender—to savor the moment.

"Teach me how to please you," Jake murmured against your skin, his hands encircling your waist, holding you close.

You inhaled sharply, your fingers threading through his hair before drifting down to cup his face. Your foreheads pressed together, breath mingling.

Jake's eyes fluttered shut as he sighed against your palm, his lips brushing against the center of it before pressing a tender kiss there. His own hands lifted, fingers tracing the shape of yours.

You pulled away slowly, you reached behind you, unclasping your bralette. The straps slipped from your shoulders, the fabric falling away, leaving your bare skin exposed to the afternoon light. Your underwear followed, sliding down your legs until you stepped out of them, standing before him in nothing but temptation itself.

Jake's breath caught, his entire body rigid as he took in the sight of you—completely bare, completely his to look upon, to touch.

His lips parted, his gaze roamed over you, over the soft curve of your breasts, the dip of your waist, the smooth expanse of your thighs. He had seen statues of angels, paintings of the Virgin Mary draped in flowing white, but no work of art, no scripture, no vision of heaven itself had ever looked as divine as you did now.

You turned, settling yourself onto the wooden table behind you, your legs parting slowly, revealing yourself to him without hesitation.

A shaky exhale left your lips as your fingers trailed down your own skin, tracing along your inner thigh before sliding to your labia. You arched your back slightly, sighing as you spread yourself wider, holding his gaze.

"Come here, J-Jake," you moaned, your breath hitching as you pushed a single finger inside yourself. Jake swallowed hard, his hands shaking as he reached for the buttons of his shirt. One by one, he undid them. He let the fabric slide from his shoulders, pooling onto the floor before taking slow steps toward you.

As he neared, his breath hitched, his gaze lowering to where your fingers disappeared inside your slick folds. His pupils dilated, "It's so wet," he whispered.

Before you could respond, his hand moved. His fingers wrapped around your wrist, still slick from your arousal, and gently pulled your hand away.

Jake's gaze flickered to your glistening fingers, then he brought your hand to his lips.

You gasped, your walls clenching involuntarily as his tongue flicked out, tasting you for the first time. His lashes fluttered shut, a soft groan slipping past his lips as he took more of you onto his tongue, savoring the taste.

When Jake opened his eyes again, they were darker.

"I want more." A sudden moan tore from your throat at his words, your body reacting before your mind could catch up. You reached for his wrist, guiding his hand between your legs, breath hitching the moment his fingers brushed against your slick folds.

Jake sucked in a sharp breath, his fingers trembling as they hesitated at your entrance, slowly he pushed a single finger inside you.

A gasp escaped you as he entered. His jaw clenched at the sensation, his breath uneven as he felt you—felt the way your walls clenched around him, soft and wet and so impossibly tight.

His free hand gripped your thigh for support, his own body shuddering. Then he curled his finger.

"Oh God!" A sharp cry left your lips, your back arching at the sudden jolt of pleasure. Jake choked on a moan, watching you intently, his eyes locked onto every flicker of expression on your face.

He did it again, this time slower, pressing deeper, and your fingers dug into his shoulders.  His breathing grew heavier, his forehead nearly pressing against yours as he whispered, "Can I touch your breasts?"

Your head fell back, your lips parting on a silent gasp. You nodded frantically, eyes shut, too overwhelmed to speak properly. But a pleading "please" slipped from your lips.

That was all the permission he needed. Jake's other hand rose cautiously, fingers ghosting over the curve of your breast before cupping it fully, squeezing experimentally. His breath hitched at the feeling—warm, soft, the peak pebbling under his touch.

You moaned at the contact, pressing into his palm, "You like that?" he asked.

You nodded quickly, tilting your chin up to kiss him again, swallowing his breath. Your body was burning in a way that the nuns never depicted, your core aching with want, and you didn't care how shameless you sounded when you pleaded, "Please, touch me more."

Jake swallowed hard, his throat bobbing as his fingers kneaded your breast, his other hand still buried deep inside you, working slow, torturous circles that made you gasp.

"Lean down and suck my breast," you whispered against his lips. "I heard it feels good."

Jake pulled back slightly, blinking down at you, his cheeks flushed. "Like a baby?" he asked, almost innocently, though the way his hips pressed forward, grinding his aching cock against your thigh, told another story entirely.

You let out a breathy laugh, though it was cut short when he twisted his fingers inside you, making your back arch.

"No," you whimpered. "Like a man who wants me."

Jake groaned, before lowering his head, his lips parting as he took your nipple into his mouth. The moment his tongue flicked over the sensitive bud; a cry left you.

He started gently at first, his lips soft and warm against your breast, still testing, still learning how to touch you. But as your back arched, as your fingers tangled into his hair and held him there, he grew bolder.

His lips sealing around your nipple, his tongue swirling. Then his teeth grazed the sensitive flesh, just enough to send a delicious shudder down your spine.

"Jake—" you gasped, thighs clenching around his waist, trapping him against you.

He moaned against your skin, his free hand massaged your other breast, fingers rolling the hardened peak between them, mimicking the movements of his tongue.

"Add another finger inside me—please, please," you begged, voice breaking, hands clutching at his shoulders, urging him deeper.

Jake's forehead pressing against your chest bracing himself as he obeyed. His second finger slipped inside, stretching you further, filling you in a way that made your toes curl. Your walls clenched around him, tight, warm, so wet, and Jake whimpered, his hips bucking against your thigh at the feeling of you around his fingers.

"I want you inside me," you whispered into his ear, tears slipped down your cheeks. Jake let out a shuddering breath, his body stiffening at your words. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment. "They said it will hurt," Jake whispered, his fingers, still buried deep inside you, twitched. His free hand came up to your cheek, wiping away your tears with the pad of his thumb, his touch so tender it made your chest ache.

He swallowed hard. "I don't want to hurt you."

You leaned into his touch, your lips brushing against his wrist as you whispered, "I want to feel all of you, Jake. Even if it hurts, I want you."

Jake's breath hitched, his forehead pressing against yours. With trembling hands, he withdrew his fingers from your heat, watching the way your body shuddered, the way your thighs quivered as he left you empty. He brought his fingers to his lips without thinking, tasting you again, his eyes fluttering shut as he let out a quiet, needy moan.

Jake let out a shaky exhale, gripping himself at the base. His other hand rested on your thigh, rubbing soothing circles into your skin. "Are you sure?" he asked.

You nodded, spreading your legs further, offering yourself to him completely. "Please, Jake."

With a shaky breath, Jake lined himself up with your entrance, his tip pressing against your heat. His hands trembled as he gripped your thighs, steadying himself, his forehead resting against yours as he slowly, carefully, began to push inside.

A gasp tore from your lips the moment he breached you. Your arms wrapped around him, clinging to his shoulders, molding yourself against him as your body adjusted to the slow intrusion of his thick cock.

The stretch was overwhelming. Tears welled in your eyes, slipping down your cheeks as your walls struggled to accommodate him. Looking down, you saw—he had barely entered you. Only the tip, and yet, it already felt so much.

Jake let out a strangled moan, his breath stuttering as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

"S-Slow," you whimpered, your body trembling beneath him. Jake nodded rapidly, biting his lip so hard. His entire body was tense, his self-control hanging by a thread as he forced himself to move at an excruciatingly slow pace.

"You’re so—" He choked on his words, a desperate whimper escaping him. "So tight—God—"

His hips twitched involuntarily, and you gasped, your nails raking down his back at the sudden jolt of sensation. Jake's breath hitched at the sharp sting of your nails, his cock throbbing as he pushed in another inch.

A broken sob escaped you.

"I-It’s too much—" you whimpered, your walls fluttering around him, trying to adjust, trying to take all of him.

"Shh, I know, I know—" he whispered, kissing your tear-streaked cheek, peppering soft kisses along your jaw, trying to ease the overwhelming stretch. His hands slid down to your thighs, holding you open, rubbing gentle circles into your skin as he murmured against your lips, "do you want me to pull out?"

You shake your head, Jake exhaled sharply, his breath warm against your skin, his hands steadying you before he pressed forward again, stretching you further. Until you felt his abdomen on your navel. Every movement forcing your walls to open for him, to take him in ways you hadn’t known were possible.

A hiss escaped you, your back arching off the wooden table at the overwhelming sensation of being completely full. "Y-You're inside me," you gasped, as your gaze dropped between your bodies.

Jake groaned softly, his hands gripping your waist, his cock throbbing inside you as he fought to remain still, to give you time to adjust. "Yeah," he murmured, "I'm inside you."

Your breath was ragged, your fingers shaking as they slid up to his face, tracing the curve of his jaw. "I'm not burning," you whispered, half in disbelief. "I'm not burning."

The nuns had lied. The warnings, the fear, the fire they swore would consume you if you ever gave in to desire—it was nowhere to be found. There was only warmth. Only Jake.

Jake swallowed hard, his gaze locking onto yours. He reached for your chin, tilting your face up so you had no choice but to meet his eyes.

"You're not burning," you whispered. Jake brows furrowing, a gasp tore from your lips as he pulled out slightly before thrusting forward again, sinking into you. His mouth fell open, his head tilting back as he felt you, felt the way your walls clung to him, squeezing him.

His lips parted, but the only sounds that came were broken, incoherent prayers.

"Oh, God—" he choked out. His hands shook as they traced over your body, touching you, his fingers skimming your sides, your stomach, your breasts. You cried out as the pain shifted, morphing into pleasure.

"You're so beautiful," Jake sobbed, he thrust back inside you, deeper than before, his arms tightening around you. His chin rested atop your head, his lips brushing against your hair as he inhaled, breathing you in, letting your scent consume him as much as your body did.

"You're—you're everything," he whispered shakily, his hips rolling into you. "Made perfect, sculpted by God’s own hands," he moaned against your skin. "How could something so sinful feel so good?"

You whimpered beneath him, clinging to his shoulders. 

"I could do this every day," he moaned. Your breath hitched, eyes fluttering open, finding his face above you. He pulled back slightly, just enough to cup your face in his trembling hands, his thumbs brushing over your cheeks, wiping away the remnants of your tears. His forehead pressed against yours.

"I would do this every day," he corrected himself, groaned as he thrust deeper, his hips stuttering slightly at the way your walls clenched around him. "Worship you like this. Love you like this."

Your moans grew louder, your nails pressing deeper into his skin, leaving marks along his back as if claiming him in return.

Jake groaned, his lips parting, his body trembling from the way you felt. "Would you let me?" His eyes searched yours. "Would you let me taint you? Every day?"

His hands roamed your body, gripping your waist, then sliding lower to cup the back of your thighs, pulling you closer. His movements slowed, dragging out every sensation, every inch of him inside you.

Your back arched, your legs wrapping tighter around his waist, locking him in place, your breath coming in soft, desperate gasps as the pleasure built inside you. 

"Yes, yes!" you cried out. "Taint me, fill me with your seed—I don’t care anymore!"

A ragged moan tore from his throat as he thrust harder. "You're all I've ever wanted." His pace turned desperate, frantic. His hands shook as he rocked into you. His lips crashed against yours, swallowing your moans as he drove deeper, his body pressing you down into the wooden table. The room was filled with the sinful sounds of skin meeting skin, of breathless gasps and muffled cries.

"I’ll give you everything," Jake panted, his forehead pressing against yours, sweat dripping from his temple. "I’ll fill you up, I’ll make you mine—"

His thrusts grew erratic, his hips snapping forward, chasing release, chasing you.

Your walls clenched tighter, pulsing around him, and he whimpered, his body tensing, his breath stuttering as the pleasure coiled unbearably tight inside him.

"Jake, Jake," you whimpered, your hands drifted lower, fingers grazing over the stretch where your bodies met. You could feel him inside you, thick, pulsing, dragging against your walls with each deep, sliding thrust. 

Your fingers dipped lower, pressing against your clit. A sharp gasp escaped you. The moment your fingers touched the sensitive bundle of nerves, a bolt of another intense pleasure shot through you. 

Jake groaned at the movement, his grip tightening, his lips parting as he watched you touch yourself.

"It feels too good—too good," you sobbed, rolling slow, shaky circles against your clit, heightening the pleasure building inside you. Your walls spasmed around him, gripping him tighter, making his hips stutter.

"Oh my Lord," Jake moaned, his head dropping against your shoulder, his body shaking with the effort to keep himself together. "This—this feels too good. I am willing to sin every day to get a taste of you."

"I would trade heaven just to stay inside you forever—"

His teeth grazed your jaw, his fingers locking around your wrists, guiding your movements against your clit, urging you faster, desperate to bring you with him.

"Please—please, come for me," he begged, and with one last deep thrust, as your fingers circled your clit faster, as his cock hit the perfect spot inside you.

The pleasure snapped through you, your entire body seizing as wave after wave of ecstasy crashed over you. Your walls clenched around him, pulsing, milking him as your climax washed through every inch of your being.

Jake choked on a moan, his body jerking as he buried himself deep, hips stuttering, his breath breaking into ragged gasps. His hands trembled as they gripped your hips, holding you still as his release spilled inside you, hot and thick, filling you completely.

His lips found yours again as he emptied himself into you, his body still shaking from the intensity of it all.

You gasped into his mouth, still riding the aftershocks, feeling the warmth of him inside you. Neither of you moved for a long moment, too overwhelmed, too wrecked to do anything but exist in the sinful haze of what had just happened.

Jake’s hands slowly slid up your back, his fingers tracing over your spine made your chest tighten. Finally, he pulled back just enough to look at you, his gaze soft but dazed, as if he still couldn’t quite believe what he had done—what you had done together.

 "Are you okay?"

Your heart ached at the tenderness in his voice, at the way he searched your face for any sign of regret. But there was none. You reached up, brushing damp strands of hair from his forehead, your fingers lingering against his cheek.

"I'm full of you," you murmured, "I can feel you inside me."

Jake groaned, his hands tightening on your hips, his entire body tensing as he let out a shaky breath. Yet, even as exhaustion threatened to pull him under, his cock twitched inside you—still buried to the hilt, still too sensitive, yet already stirring again at your words

"Don't say that," he whispered, but his hands betrayed him.

They slid upward, over your waist, tracing the curve of your ribs before finding your breasts again, cupping them, thumbs circling your pebbled peaks. His fingers kneaded softly, rolling the sensitive flesh between his palms. 

Your back arched, your head tipping back, letting your hair cascade over the edge of the table. Your lips parted in a breathless moan, the aftershocks of pleasure still tingling in your veins, yet now, a new wave of desire was coiling inside you again. 

You were undone beneath him, your body glistening with sweat, your lips swollen from his kisses, your eyes still dazed, darkened with lust. And yet, you looked untouched. 

His grip on your breasts tightened slightly, his hips pressing forward just enough to remind you that he was still inside you.

"You make me forget who I am," he murmured, his breath shaky against your throat. "What I'm supposed to be."

His lips found the pulse at your neck, trailing down again at every inch of your skin. 

Neither of you noticed the way the candlelight flickered. Because you had both awakened the Tree of Knowledge.

And neither of you would ever return to Eden.

Jake had always been a man of God.

From the moment he could speak, he was taught that he was formed from the dust of the earth, molded by divine hands, a creation of purpose. His parents instilled in him the belief that he was meant to walk the righteous path, to live a life devoted to prayer, to obedience, to purity.

He appreciated every intricate work of the Creator—the way the sun spilled golden light over the stained-glass windows of the churches, the way the choir’s voices soared in perfect harmony, the way scripture spoke of faith and the reward of salvation. He saw God in everything, and in return, he gave himself to Him, dedicating his days to scripture, to service, to resisting the sins that so easily ensnared others.

Where others strayed, he remained steadfast. Where others indulged in temptation, he turned away.

He had watched boys his age succumbs to their own desires— lusting over naked bodies, wandering hands beneath heavy blankets. He had seen the way girls blushed at their names being called by the wrong kind of voice, the way they giggled behind cupped hands, oblivious to how close they danced to damnation.

But not him.

Jake had spent his youth guarding his body, his mind, his soul. He never allowed himself to waver, never let his thoughts wander to things he had been told were unholy. And if—if—his body ever betrayed him in the quiet of night, if his skin burned with an unfamiliar ache, if his mind was tempted by images that had no place in his heart, he would fall to his knees in prayer.

He would beg for forgiveness, whispering fervent apologies, asking for the strength to resist, the grace to overcome.

And for years, he believed he was strong enough.

He believed his faith was unshakable, that no force on earth could tempt him away from his devotion. He had spent his life resisting, rejecting, turning away from desire as though it were a serpent poised to strike.

During one of his evening services at the university chapel, he saw you. At first, it was nothing. A passing glance. A new face among many, just another student filling the pews, singing hymns.

But then, he saw you again.

And again.

You stood among the choir, always placed near the back, always just slightly out of reach—like something meant to be admired from afar, never touched. Your voice wove seamlessly into the others, rising with the organ, filling the chapel, but it wasn't just your voice.

It was the way you bowed your head in prayer, hands folded so delicately. It was the way you knelt before the altar, the way your fingers curled around your rosary.

And every time he saw you, every time your lashes fluttered closed, every time your lips parted to whisper scripture. He would whisper to himself, Song of Solomon 4:7.

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."

Because when he looked at you, he saw something more than human.

He saw a reflection of God’s love, a testament to His creativity—flawless, untouched, pure in ways he never realized he could ache for.

He told himself it was admiration. That his heart only quickened because he saw God in you. That the warmth spreading through his chest whenever you smiled at the nuns, whenever your fingers brushed against the pages of your worn bible, was nothing but spiritual devotion.

But the more he saw you, the harder it became to believe the lie. Because you were forbidden. So untouchable it hurt.

And by the time he had a taste of your poison, by the time your lips had met his, by the time he had felt the warmth of your body pressed against him, wrapped around him. He couldn’t stop craving.

"Jake—" you whined, your voice hushed, breathless, your hands pressed against the cool tiles of the wall for balance. Your body rocked with each deep thrust, your skirt bunched up around your waist, your panties pulled aside in rushed desperation.

Here he was, buried deep inside you in the thin, suffocating space of the girls’ restroom, his hands gripping your hips, guiding you as you bounced against him. He had barely gotten them down before he was inside you. 

Jake let out a shaky breath, his forehead falling against the back of your shoulder, his hips snapping forward, a choked moan escaping his lips as your walls squeezed around him.

"D-Do you love my c-cock inside you?"  He stammered. His hands slid from your hips, traveling up, slipping beneath your uniform blouse to cup your breasts, kneading them, his thumbs rolling over your sensitive peaks as he thrust deeper.

"Answer me," he pleaded, breath hot against the shell of your ear.

A sharp gasp left your lips, your head tilting back against his shoulder as your walls clenched even tighter. "Y-Yes," you whispered, your fingers curling against the cold tile, your knees going weak.

"Say it."

"I love it, Jake," you sobbed, barely holding yourself up as he drove into you faster. "I love your cock inside me—I love it so much—"

Jake whimpered, his grip on you tightening, his entire body shuddering against yours as he lost himself again.

Nothing in this world felt holier than you. Every secret rendezvous was another prayer whispered in the dark, another moment stolen between fleeting glances and hurried footsteps, another sin sealed between trembling lips.

It was your skin against his, pressed against the cold walls of empty classrooms, hidden beneath the dim glow of flickering candlelight in the chapel, tangled in sheets that smelled of guilt and devotion.

It was your kiss—sweet and sinful, your lips brushing against his top lip before capturing him fully, pulling him under, making him forget the weight of his conscience.

It was the way your fingers found his face, tracing over his cheekbones, the bridge of his nose, down to the sharp line of his jaw.

"Jake," you would whisper, your touch like a baptism, washing away the person he once was and leaving behind someone entirely yours.

Your hands never hesitated when they roamed his body, memorizing the contours of his muscles, the dip of his collarbone, the ridges of his spine. Your body molded to his, fitting perfectly, as if you had been crafted just for him.

And God, how could something that felt this right be wrong? How could he look at you and believe this was damnation?

You were not a temptation.

You were his salvation, And if this was sin—if loving you, wanting you, needing you—meant turning away from heaven, then so be it.

Because Jake had already made his choice and he would choose you every time.

"They say if you have sexual preferences, it's called a kink," Jake mused, his arms wrapped loosely around your shoulders as he stared out at the lake, watching the water ripple under the soft afternoon light.

It was a rare that the both of you escape—just the two of you, away from the suffocating walls of the university.  Here, it was quiet. Peaceful.

You hummed in amusement, leaning back against his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breath. "Hmm, I think I have a nose kink."

Jake chuckled, tilting his head slightly. "A nose kink?"

You grinned, turning to look up at him, mischief dancing in your eyes. "I love your nose," you said simply, reaching up to tap the tip of it gently with your finger. "I love how it bumps against my clit."

A giggle slipped from your lips as Jake let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head, his ears tinged slightly pink.

"You're unbelievable," he murmured, pressing his chin lightly against your shoulder, but the smile tugging at his lips betrayed his fondness.

You shifted, wrapping your arms around his, your fingers playing with the fabric of his sleeves. "What about you? Do you have a kink?"

Jake pretended to think, his lips pursing before he finally admitted, "I love your tongue."

You raised an eyebrow, amused. "Oh?"

His smile widened, his fingers trailing lazily along your arms. "I love how soft it is when you kiss me," he said, voice dropping slightly. "I love the way it feels against my skin, how warm it is when you—"

He stopped himself, biting his lip, his cheeks darkening as he let out a flustered chuckle. "You know."

You turned fully in his embrace, resting your chin against his chest as you beamed up at him. "Say it."

Jake groaned, rolling his eyes, but there was nothing but adoration in them as he dipped his head, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead. "I love how your tongue feels when you're tasting me."

Your giggles turned into full laughter, your arms tightening around him, and he let out a breathy laugh of his own, shaking his head in defeat.

The wind rustled through the trees, the lake shimmering under the sunlight.

"Do you think God still loves us?" you asked, Jake's fingers threaded through your hair, slow and gentle, playing with your scalp as he stared out at the lake, watching the way the sunlight danced over the rippling water.

"Yes," he said, without hesitation.

You blinked, tilting your head slightly to look up at him. "How can you be so sure?"

Jake exhaled softly, his lips curling into a small, thoughtful smile. "Because love doesn’t disappear just because we fall." His gaze met yours. "God loved David even after his sins. He loved Peter even after he denied Him three times. Love isn’t something that fades because of our mistakes. It’s unconditional."

Your chest tightened at his words, at the quiet conviction in his voice.

"Then why do I still feel guilty?" you whispered, pressing your cheek against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

Jake sighed, his chin resting lightly atop your head. "Because we've been taught to fear Him more than we've been taught to trust His love."

Silence stretched, only the soft rustling of trees and the distant laughter from the festival carrying through the breeze. After a moment, Jake spoke again, "but when I’m with you…" he paused, his thumb tracing lazy circles against your arm, "I feel closer to God than I ever have before."

You pulled back slightly, eyes searching his, the weight of his words settling deep in your chest. "How?"

He smiled, leaning in to press a slow, lingering kiss to your forehead again before whispering,

"Because you are the most beautiful thing He’s ever created."

Your breath hitched, your hands tightening around his shirt as warmth bloomed in your chest.

Jake tilted his head, his lips hovering just above yours. "And if loving you is a sin…" he murmured, a teasing smile playing on his lips, "then I guess I’ll just have to keep repenting."

His hands wandered lower, tracing slow, idle patterns along your upper thigh. You shivered slightly at his touch, but it wasn’t just the sensation that made your breath hitch—it was the way his finger moved deliberately, forming letters, one by one, spelling out a single word:

"Mine."

Your lips parted, your heart stuttering in your chest as your gaze flickered up to meet his.

Jake only smiled, the corners of his mouth lifting, "I will leave the university," he said suddenly. 

Jake exhaled slowly, "I’ve realized a lot of things, and one of them is…" He hesitated, searching your face, then sighed. "I don’t think I was ever meant to be the man they wanted me to be."

Your throat tightened. "Jake—"

"Everything is okay," he reassured you, his voice firm, calming. "I don’t regret any of it. Not the prayers, not the faith—but I also don’t regret you. And if the only way to keep you is to walk away from what was never truly mine, then I’ll do it."

Your eyes glistened with unshed tears, your fingers curling around his wrists. "You would do that?"

"I would do anything for you," he muttered, "I was never meant to be a saint, and I don’t think I want to be anymore." His fingers tightened around yours, grounding himself in the warmth of your touch, in the certainty of this moment. "I just want to be yours." 

A breath caught in your throat, your heart pounding.  You swallowed, your lips parting before you whispered, "Ruth 1:16-17."

Jake tilted his head slightly, his brows raising in curiosity. You smiled softly, squeezing his hand. "Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay."

His gaze softened, warm and full of love, as if in that moment, there was nothing else in the world but you and him. Jake swallowed, his fingers tightening around yours as he whispered back, "Song of Solomon 3:4."

Your breath hitched. A sharp sting burned behind your eyes as you realized what he was saying, as the words sank into your skin, into your soul. Tears welled up, spilling onto your cheeks as he brought a trembling hand to cup your face, his thumb wiping them away.

"I have found the one whom my soul loves."

A quiet sob escaped you as you leaned into his touch, closing your eyes, letting the weight of his words settle into the deepest parts of you.

That was the day you faced the judgment of others.

Whispers followed you down the chapel halls, sharp as knives, spoken behind cupped hands and lowered eyes. You were no longer the devout girl they had known, no longer the image of purity they had placed on a pedestal.

You were cast out, stripped of the life you had once known, condemned for surrendering to the desires they warned you against. For falling, like Eve, for stepping into temptation and taking the bite that could never be undone.

But none of it mattered. Because just as Adam had followed Eve into exile, Jake followed you. It had always been him and you. It would always be him and you.

You would always choose him—religiously, faithfully.

You clutched Jake’s hand, sweat beading on your forehead, your body trembling as pain surged through you. Your body trembling with exhaustion. The midwife kneeled before you, her voice firm yet reassuring, guiding you through labored breaths as she prepared to deliver your third child.

Jake pressed a kiss to your damp temple, whispering words of encouragement, of love, his grip unwavering as he held onto you, just as he always had.

He wiped away the tears spilling from your eyes, just as he had that day by the lake, when he promised you that everything would be okay.

And as you cried out, as life pushed forward, as your body bore the proof of your love.

"You’re so strong," he murmured. "Just a little more, my love. I’m right here."

Another sharp cry left your lips, your back arching as the final push sent waves of relief crashing over you.

A baby’s cry filled the room.

A sharp, piercing sound, followed by the relieved murmurs of the midwife as she carefully wrapped the tiny, wriggling form in soft cloth. Your head fell back against the pillow, your chest rising and falling in ragged breaths, tears slipping from the corners of your eyes. Jake’s hand trembled as he reached for you, his lips pressing against your knuckles, his gratitude unspoken but infinite.

Tiny footsteps thundered against the wooden floor.

"Mama!"

The door burst open, and two small figures ran inside, their eager little hands gripping the edges of your bedsheet.

Cain and Abel—your firstborns.

Their wide eyes shimmered with excitement; their faces flushed from running. Cain, the elder, clung to Jake’s arm, while Abel climbed onto the edge of the bed, trying to peer over your shoulder.

"Did it hurt, Mama? Are you okay?" Cain asked, his brows furrowed in concern, his little hands gripping onto Jake’s sleeve.

"It’s okay, my love," you soothed, your voice weak but filled with warmth as you reached for them. "I am okay."

Jake’s breath hitched as the midwife gently placed the newborn into his waiting arms. A soft gasp left his lips as he cradled the tiny child against his chest, his eyes glistening with tears. His fingers traced the delicate curve of the baby’s cheek, his voice breaking as he whispered, "Seth."

At the sound of his father’s voice, the newborn let out a small, sleepy whimper, tiny fists curling against Jake’s chest. Cain and Abel watched in awe; their excitement momentarily silenced as they stared at their new baby brother.

"Seth," Abel repeated softly, as if testing the name on his tongue.

"He’s so small," Cain murmured, his fingers twitching as if resisting the urge to reach out and touch him.

Jake let out a choked laugh, pressing a kiss to Seth’s forehead before carefully settling beside you on the bed. His arm curled around your shoulders, pulling you close, his free hand still cradling your newest son. And as your children gathered around you, their voices filled with wonder.

As Jake’s lips found your forehead once more, you exhaled, a breathless, relieved sigh. You thought of Eden. Of Adam, formed from dust. Of Eve, crafted from his rib, made for him, meant to be his. The two of them had once lived untouched, unburdened, perfect in their innocence.

But love—true love—was never meant to exist without choice.

And so, they had fallen. Not out of defiance. Not out of sin. But out of love—a love so deep, so human, it had rewritten the course of existence itself.

Your body spent, your children nestled close, your husband’s arms wrapped around you as he held his world in his hands. Your tired eyes fluttered shut, as Jake pressed another soft kiss against your skin, your newborn stirred gently in his father’s arms.

Falling had never been a punishment. Because It is a gift.

perm taglist: @won4me @ikaw-at-ikaw, @kristynaaah, @fancypeacepersona @tunafishyfishylike @vvenusoncasual, @cutehoons02,

[cherryw0n]

NOCTURNA — enhypen

chase atlantic inspired series

each of the seven parts is based on a chase atlantic song that provides the feeling throughout the whole story, taking you on an emotional journey and showing the real raw side of each character's struggles.

CAREFUL, this series contains some sensitive and serious topics. Read at your own risk!

CONTAINS: profanity, drug abuse, drug addiction, mental health problems, family problems, toxic relationships, organized crime, infidelity, smoking, violence, alcohol consumption, explicit sex description

MDNI!

Lee Heeseung — The Walls

pairing: dabbler!heeseung x addict!reader (afab)

synopsis: the world of intoxication and ecstasy was something you never thought could be so enchanting, so tempting. until you went spiraling into it, unable to suppress the inner cravings and strong thirst for something so forbidden but so euphoric.

"Everybody's leaning on the walls,

I don't think they're ready for the fall

Had a little, now she wanting more

Told her that I gotta make some calls"

read here

Park Jay — Moonlight

pairing: downbad!jay x grumpy!reader (afab)

synopsis: having a pain in the ass at your heels all the time was not on your bucket-list for this semester. but still he was chasing you, not giving up even if you said it to his face, every time.

"Busy on the weekend

Caught up in your own small world

Well, I might wanna see it then

Call it hesitation, girl"

read here

Sim Jake — DEVILISH

pairing: toxic!jake x toxic!reader (afab)

synopsis: the relationship was falling apart, no thing could salvage the damage it faced, not when you keep drifting from him every chance you get and he is always up for the payback.

"Devilish, fucking with my guys, yuh

I make sacrifices you make lies up

Heaven lost an angel when I signed up

I might fuck your friend, I made my mind up"

read here

Park Sunghoon — OHMAMI

pairing: druglordsson!sunghoon x frutera!reader (afab)

synopsis: fast and luxurious lifestyle wasn't anything spectacular to sunghoon, and it can't be when he grew up bathing in it's glory. who knew that just by stopping at the random frutería in puerto vallarta would be the moment he spotted his next target, you.

"Ooh, Mami, I got blue molly

I throw Louis V, Supreme on top of Murakami

Bitch, I'm fuckin' styling, yeah

I might say I love her, but I'm lying, yeah-ah-ah"

read here

Kim Sunoo — Tidal Wave

pairing: boyfriendsfriend!sunoo x friendsgirlfriend!reader (afab)

synopsis: he shouldn't be doing this. you shouldn't be doing this. you both can't be doing this, but the tension and connection was something you didn't feel with anyone before, not even with your own boyfriend — but his friend was there to make up for it.

"Throw another stone at a glass house

He might kick my ass if he finds out

I don't wanna share, it's a damn shame

I'll still play it fair, won't drop no names"

read here

Yang Jungwon — Right Here

pairing: desperate!jungwon x done!reader (afab)

synopsis: you were done. done with this empty game of leading on. he was like that, everyone told you but you didn't listen, only ended up being hurt and feeling like the only right thing you could do was finally walk away, and you did just that. but he was not done yet.

"It's happening again

Well, I don't give a fuck about your friends,

I'm right here"

read here

Nishimura Riki — Numb To The Feeling

pairing: addict!riki x goodgirl!reader (afab)

synopsis: who knew that the accidental encounter in a campus library would be such a turning point in your life. was is destiny? or something else?

"I need you to show me love

'Cause I'm getting numb to the feeling, yeah

I need you to ride me harder when we fuck

'Cause I'm getting numb to the feeling, whoa"

read here

! this is all work of fiction. in no way this is a representation of enhypen members nor do I believe this is how they behave in real life or condone these actions!

©cherryw0n

[cherryw0n]

MASTERLIST

LEE HEESEUNG

nothing yet...

PARK JAY

nothing yet...

PARK SUNGHOON

nothing yet...

SIM JAKE

nothing yet...

KIM SUNOO

nothing yet...

YANG JUNGWON

rapture (COMING SOON)

NISHIMURA RIKI

nothing yet...

SERIES

nocturna

[cherryw0n]

cherry | 05' | she/her

enhypen | nsfw | MDNI!

masterlist