cherubmauve

[cherubmauve]

I cried myself to sleep.., every once in a while the fragile me overcomes the strong facade ..,

[cherubmauve]

Falling apart

Im starting to fall apart..,

That i know of..,

Dont know when or how did it start

I wake up hoping for the day to immediately end..,

I sleep wishing tomorrow will never come..,

Everything has change and im left behind

😔

[cherubmauve]

am i drifting away..,

does friends do that? do they drift away ? i believe that's what im doing.. i push people away.. there are things in my life that I wanted to fix.. but couldn't or wouldnt..

maybe i'll die having so many regrets or maybe that's the grand plan.. for me to live by the rules.. rules set by the norm.. rules set by the others..

how long will i stay.. ?

[cherubmauve]

“Sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.”

— William C. Hannan (via abandoned-art)

[cherubmauve]

“…but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

— Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

[cherubmauve]

This is me

“I can never fight for myself, but, for others, I can kill.”

— Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls

[cherubmauve]

Im not a type of person who's fun to be with.., a very lonely person indeed.., im not even sure why

Maybe i've chosen to be lonely

And now im forever will be..,

If ever i got reincarnated — if there's ever such a thing.., be a person not like me.., be social .., be vocal to what you like.., be brave and be happy

[cherubmauve]

I quit

There comes a time in our lives when we wanted to quit but just cant because it feels like youve just given up easily.., fight and fight until the end thats our mantra

I always say i wanted to quit but never really doing it.., because there is still a part of me that wanted to hold on but today i meant it.., i just wanted to quit.., i wanted to free myself.., i want that old me who enjoys what she does even though its hard.., who tries to finish a job not because its her job but because its her passion.., i miss that me..,

By staying im digging a grave to myself..,

Hope it wont be to late to save me

[cherubmauve]

Few people can see right through me.., most of the time I give them a strong facade.., i never let people because im afraid of rejections ..,

[cherubmauve]

People who knows me best can easily tell that i lie.., so most of the time i dont lie.., im not saying that im perfect.., i could not afford to lie because it will just add up on things that I’m already thinking..,

Pretending to be strong but deep inside im already broken.., i need that someone.., or that something to keep me holding on

I wanted to hear I need you

I wanted to be a part of something..,

[cherubmauve]

Its very hard to pretend that you are happy when every inch of your body is aching to shout --- i cant do this anymore..,

There are days when i hope i can go back in time..,

[cherubmauve]

Choosing your path

A friend of mine ask me how did my weekend go., i pause and think of what i did in the past few days.., my answer..., i did NOTHING that is worthy of a conversion., so i replied.., the usual like go to sleep blah blah

I feel so ashamed because in my life i basically do nothing., im a boring person and i choose to be boring..; i tried so hard to change my image but everytime i do so my mind tells me are you really sure because people will be see you differently now..,

I begged my mind to stop but i guess my mind keeps on winning

I felt like a loser

[cherubmauve]

"In another world we shall understand it all" - Leo Tolstoy

Somehow this quote caught my attention.., maybe because i have so many questions that up until now i couldnt find an answer.,

Could it be because im not supposed to find them in this lifetime., or maybe im looking too far and yet the answer lies in front of me

[cherubmauve]

Trapped

I’m free but a prisoner in my own world. Everyday is a battle to fake happiness, to show how strong i am but at night my world crumbles with loneliness. How does people find real happiness? How many days., months., years do i have to wait? Will it ever come to me? Or will i forever be trapped ..,

[cherubmauve]

Why are we embarrassed by silence? What comfort do we find in all the noise?

Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

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(via books-n-quotes)

People ask me why Im so silent.. I told them I like it that.. Silence is what I do to hear them better

[cherubmauve]

I stop saying it to them.. That they should change instead I reiterated by changing myself for them

[cherubmauve]

Would you ever fall in love with a stranger?“ My friend asks me. I smile “I already have” I stare over at a handsome boy biting his straw while waiting in line for his food order. “It was the best decision i ever made.

Tenari Ioapo // It’s almost been 2 years since I made you mine. (via words-and-feelings)

Could someone ever REALLY fall in love with a complete stranger.. ?