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[chetitos25]

Yosemite Winter Wondeland

Prints/Society6

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[chetitos25]

Estoy lidiando con mi vida desordenadamente

Odio cada parte de mí, sabes?.

Me odio a mí mismo cuando estoy sola porque tomo decisiones impulsivas que no ayudan en absoluto. Siento que estoy arruinando todo y mi mente no está conmigo.

Siempre soy así cuando me encuentro entre la incertidumbre y el agotamiento. Sé que es normal, pero no puedo controlar mis emociones.

Lo que lo hace más difícil es la idea de que está bien para mí decir que estoy bien aunque realmente no sólo porque no quiero hacer que mi familia se preocupe, pero a veces, es demasiado pesado de manejar.

Es una locura pensar en ello, ¿verdad? Lo sé. Lo sé.

Es por eso que estoy tratando de arreglar cada parte de mí que está sufriendo hoy para no romperme de nuevo. Estoy tratando de tomar mis decisiones bien para no arrepentirme de ellas por la noche. Estoy tratando de aprender cómo me van a salir las cosas sin involucrar a otros en ello. Estoy tratando de recuperar fuerzas para empezar de nuevo.

Estoy lidiando con mi vida desordenadamente, pero por favor, no me dejes aquí todavía. Dame tiempo suficiente, no te vayas de mi lado. Puede que desee estar solo sin anunciarme, pero todavía necesito un compañero la mayor parte del tiempo.

ℜ𝔬𝔰𝔞 🖤

[chetitos25]

did you take care of yourself today? did you go on the walk you wanted to go on? did you eat the snack you’ve been craving? did you talk to God? did you call a friend? did you stop punishing yourself?

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[chetitos25]

Tony Hoagland, from Application for Release from the Dream; “The Complex Sentence”

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[chetitos25]

I'm my mother's - restless, running, searching for something - kid.

Chasing after innocence is to chasing after the wind.

And my inner child just wants to explore the world,

But they placed her in a casket,

moment of silence as I mourn.

Not to be morbid, "it's just time to be grown."

And you can bury the past like you can beat a dead horse,

it ain't gonna change any less, any more.

But my shrink says facing one's demons

can change a life's course.

So I pulled out a shovel, and dug out the corpse.

The wounds which were inflicted, I could no longer ignore.

Anger and hatred shifted to empathy and remorse.

In search of self forgiveness,

in order to extend it to others.

Healing the stabs of ignorance

that came from my father's fathers.

My present and my past meet face to face,

trynna make the skin that I wear feel like a safe space;

in an effort to reconcile what's left of my inner child, sorting through insecurities that disguise themselves behind a smile.

I do the healing work. Interviews with myself...

"Tell me how you're comfortable in sweaters instead of crop tops.

And how you hate it when your brother yells at your nephew because it reminds you of dad.

Oh, come on, it wasn't all that bad.

Remember the first time dad took you to the park to play ball?

Good times, like, remember when you laughed so hard, the juice came out of your nose?

Oh, how you loved sippin' on sunny delight.

Hey, play me that song, the one that helps you go to sleep the nights when mom and dad fight.

Tell me that you've cried more on sunny days and how much you love an overcast.

And that one time dad pulled out the belt, and you actually fought back."

Behind nightmares and lost dreams, in the place of Neverland.

The deepest conversations are sealed in the depths of the mind. Waiting to unfold, cus we've only started breaking the ice.

[chetitos25]

[chetitos25]

—Lang Leav, This Was The Year

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—Yiwei Chai, The Jacaranda Years

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Mt. Starr King and the Backcountry - Yosemite National Park

Prints: www.society6.com/jasde

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Vibrations of tremors that shook long ago

Tear holes in the fabric of all that we know

Can't survive

with the secrets we have

All that we have is a lie

Hold the line

Til the thread comes undone

If you're thinking of letting me go

then it's time that you do

[chetitos25]

Clarice Lispector | Bryan Washington | Richard Siken | Emily Dickinson | Andrés Cerpa | Rainer Maria Rilke | Carol Rifka Brunt

[chetitos25]

Depression

She's taken away my appetite,

robbed me of much sleep.

Stolen my motivation.

Unwanted memories,

she's left for me to keep.

I will tell you I don't like her

but she slept with me last night and

she's still wrapped around my sheets.

She'll visit for a night,

sometimes linger for days.

I share my regrets with her

after she disrupts my prayers.

She whispers dangerous thoughts

her fingers wrapped around my neck.

My mind in need of oxygen

while my lungs gasp out for air.

s.a

[chetitos25]

Space and Time

From the folds of black holes

that God travels through -

making our life time seem like minutes,

for it is written: "one day is with Jehovah as a thousand years

and a thousand years as one day." -

To the way one minute can feel like an eternity when you're in anticipation.

Or the way one look into someone's eyes can feel like a lifetime.

And the idea that nothing heals the past like time doesn't make sense until one day

you wake up and pain is simply an echo of something distant.

God is love, and love...

I'm still attempting to grasp the inter-dimensional power it holds,

a limitless source of energy that trespasses the boundaries of space and time,

that which can rise a dead person from the past to re-existence into the future.

Time... ever growing, ever existing.

Never knowing when it first began.

Only knowing that it will never end.

A gift from God to the sons of man.