chicagos-d

[chicagos-d]

Saturday Observations part 2

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part Eleven

11 Counts Part Eleven

When they say your abuser is someone close to you, someone, who is your lover, it’s true. Often I was so upset and always asking how could someone I loved abused me this way. This person was my boyfriend of 2.5 years, throughout the relationship consumed with toxicity and negativity. His name is AW or Joose, as he likes to call himself. I convinced myself with so much toxic determination to stay…

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part Nine and Ten

11 Counts Part Nine and Ten

I get a call from a friend named Jon. He asked if I wanted to link up for a holiday. I said yeah when I get off of work. So I borrow my mom’s car. I head downtown in the loop to a bar. I park the car and hit up Tom, and let him know I’m on my way. He said, cool, and he already ordered me a drink. I get there, and the whiskey on the rocks he ordered me is diluted and weak. So we cheer and drink…

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part Eight

11 Counts Part Eight

This queer curiosity experience is another convoluted story. I was sixteen at the time. I was only openly gay with two friends from high school. We would go down to East Lakeview (Northalsted) and walk the strip. We would sit next to them with the other kids and dance the night away without getting into the clubs and bars. I was always going back and forth on how affirmed I am in my sexuality.…

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part Seven

11 Counts Part Seven

His name is Joseph. I was fourteen, and he was eighteen. It happened on one weekend where we were going on a road trip. We were getting ready, loading the truck with our bags. There were four of us, three teens and one adult. The adult happened to be sleeping through the first abusive episode. We packed the truck properly, and now we’re just waiting for the last kid and adult to finish their…

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part Six

11 Counts Part Six

This person is a family friend. His name is Phil*. I was a pre-teen, and he was a late teenager, maybe early 20s. I was spending most of my time at this place while I wasn’t in school. He was spending his time there trying to figure out his adulthood. One night, I remember Phil was close to me and pressed against me in a big and little spoon position. At this point, I thought the problem must be…

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part Five

11 Counts Part Five

This incident happened with a family friend. We went to the beach, and I was having a great time. I didn’t know how much I loved the beach until this moment. The day was almost perfect in my eyes. It wasn’t until I got back home and started cleaning up. I was halfway through with my shower when the family friend jumped in too. At first, I was startled, but my total shock came after he decided to…

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part Four

11 Counts Part Four

So I’m in fifth grade around this time. This school is my third in five years. I’m comfortable now with making new friends. A little shaken at all the previous experiences I’ve had with other male friends, I thought it would be best to try and make friends with girls and balance things out. I still had friends that were boys at this age; however, my trust wasn’t there in terms of being alone…

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part Three

11 Counts Part Three

This count is the assault with Ricky. The first time I spent the night, it was a close one-bedroom apartment with their grandfather. After that, it was a smoky scented-stained walls apartment. A bit of hoarding is going on mixed with elderly parental leadership. It was an okay experience until it was time to go to sleep. I’m usually not a fidget sleeper, but I was anxious because I felt…

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part Two

11 Counts Part Two

By this time, I still haven’t told anyone what has happened to me for numerous reasons. From no one would believe me to people thinking I was making this all up anyway. I felt it was best to keep this horrible secret to myself; this was my first mistake with this trauma. I can’t remember everyone’s name in this group that was my I can’t remember everyone’s name in this group: my childhood…

[chicagos-d]

Trigger Warning

Over the next eleven weeks, I will be posting about the abuse I experienced. I want to take this time to talk about what I experienced and what I learned, and how I healed from these abusive experiences. Please proceed with an abundance of caution! I don’t want to trigger anyone’s trauma or induce anyone’s depression or anxiety. I felt empowered to talk about these horrible experiences because I…

[chicagos-d]

11 Counts Part One

11 Counts Part One

For the sake of protecting this person’s identity, I’ll change the relationship with this person*. This person lived with my family when I was younger. It started with the attention that I sought from anyone willing to pay attention to a kid. With so much dysfunction happening, I was seeking a way to show it wasn’t affecting me. They said that they had time for me, and there I wasn’t yet wise…

[chicagos-d]

This Journey

I’m a Black, Asian Queer, whose sole mission is to become a better human being. I’m not a perfect person, but I’m for damn sure not here for bigotry, racism, and hate of any kind. Don’t bring that racist bullshit to me. Shit is getting real!

[chicagos-d]

The Velvet Rope

Janet Jackson is my ultimate idol, thee top-tier icon, the epitome of staying in her lane and paving her way. I look up to her and reference her career finding answers to my life or everyday motivation. So when I entered this low-grade depression, I couldn’t think of anything besides listening to this album and finding answers to the many questions I had about my life. This album helped me when…

[chicagos-d]

Shelter-In-Place and so am I

Shelter-In-Place and so am I

At first, I was happy to be able to work from home. I rarely used the option to work remotely. I always felt guilty and insecure, like I know they expect me to be available, but do they trust me. Well, now we all have no choice, and it’s up to each of us to be as honest and transparent as possible while we stay inside to avoid a respiratory disease. That’s when that scary part of do I have it?…

[chicagos-d]

Work in progress

I was all alone and only myself to confront. I wanted this. I desired this. My manifestation was to live by myself and rediscover myself before I involve myself in another relationship. I did not know how much of this alone rediscovery time I would have on my hands. I typically don’t mind coming home and just being in my twilight zone. People often surround me. Whether colleagues, friends, or…

[chicagos-d]

Courtesan, 18th century, Cleveland Museum of Art: Japanese Art

Paintings of the courtesans who provided men with a sophisticated menu of appealing fashions, flattery, witty banter, music, dancing, and sexual services in the Yoshiwara district of the city of Edo (Tokyo) were the bread and butter of the Kaigetsudō studio, in whose style this work is painted. Their paintings emphasized bold, sweeping calligraphic ink lines in rendering the figures’ forms, along with high-contrast colors and patterns in their typically solitary subjects’ garments. Aside from the occasional prop or poem, the space around the dramatic figure was left entirely blank. Size: Overall: 182.9 x 53.4 cm (72 x 21 in.); Overall: 181.6 x 47.8 cm (71 ½ x 18 13/16 in.); Painting only: 95.7 x 35.5 cm (37 11/16 x 14 in.); Painting only: 97.4 x 35.5 cm (38 3/8 x 14 in.) Medium: hanging scroll; ink and color paper

https://clevelandart.org/art/1985.264