childof1stdescendant

[childof1stdescendant]

Methinks ME Mumma Was a Witch....

But a good witch definitely of the kind and caring with a splash of mischief type! So one of my relatives on my fathers side passed away and some photos were found.

1 got me very emotional and teary as it is the only photo of me and mum when I was very little.

But the other 2 got me in a chokehold. Back in the day it was very common to have your deceased relatives lying in state in your home usually the night before the funeral. So my dad was in our house and a cousin took photos of my parents and I to send to the folks back home....

Let's just say I have been laughing at these pictures. I will never post them online (respect for the dead and all that) despite my dad being the most disrespectful man going. It was my mum's facial expression that had been hollering. Mum went through alot with her husband and her facial expressions were unique, demure and cutesy for a grieving widow lol.

I now know why dad's family kept calling and cussing her out hahahaaa and she really was legendary. As always I miss her kind of mischievous magic and I think I carry alot of that within me too.

So my take on those photos

Funeral makeup and embalming for black folk has come on a long way lool.

I must resist the urge to make Happy Halloween Cards!

My mum was truly magnificent with a little tiny streak of Maleficent.

My mum was honest about how she felt about my dad looooool.

Now I know why my most of my dad side of the family couldn't stand her! Hahahaahah

I truly miss this wonderful and funny lady and her special brand of magic

Bippity Boppity Boop!

[childof1stdescendant]

14 months of waiting to get by torn shoulder seen too months I have been planning what to say how wretched I have been feeling and just worn out with the constant knawing dull ache....

I want to....

Lift weights again

Go back in the gym and fling kettlebells and powerlift

I want to lose the weight I put on since the accident

I want to be able to drum without being in pain stubborn that I refuse to give it up

I want to sleep without being in pain

I just want to feel like the better version of me that I used to be....

[childof1stdescendant]

When anxiety keeps you up at night

When you constantly feel like a failure

When you are so overwhelmed nothing makes sense anymore

When you know time is running out

When you just feel so crap but pretend to be happy

It's time to acknowledge it's okay not to be okay

I'm so tired of being tired all the time......

[childof1stdescendant]

It's time to finally accept that I need a plan B and I need to look for an exit strategy....I'm no longer happy and I need to get the courage and move on.....get busy living! Sometimes love is not enough.....

[childof1stdescendant]

Went St.Barts for a steroid injection. Got extremely tearful and emotional. This place has so many memories of when I had treatment for Thyroid Cancer all came rushing back....went for a quick cuppa at the local cafe nero too

[childof1stdescendant]

Music is my life

I live to drum....

Fun way to relieve stress!

Go on you know you want to....Adult session has a free taster!

[childof1stdescendant]

Finally letting go...

Mrs Hinch and Marie Kondo have turned my house upside down and am finally tackling with all the tut and clutter that has accumulated. It has been cathartic, painful, emotional but so very necessary. 5 years ago I lost my mum and it took it's toll on me. So instead of jetting off every summer I decided to stay home and turn my home back into a tranquil and relaxing place. I'm nowhere near finished but can see light at the end of a tunnel and for the first time in a long time am enjoying staying in and having a good clear out. Grief has a way of freezing you in time and you sometimes feel obligated to hold onto things bit one thing you really desperately want in the world is the person you lost....it's ok not to keep every single thing just a few mementos and to make room for new joys. I'm looking forward to having a happy home and not a memorial to a beloved person who isn't here anymore and it's OK to simply and finally just Let....Go xxx