chillpinetree - Tumblr blog

[chillpinetree]

Ada saat dimana aku tidak peduli masa laluku. Tak peduli betapa sakit hatiku berkali-kali dengan orang yang berbeda-beda maupun orang yang sama.

Rasanya, aku ini mulai bisa mengalahkan perasaan dan menggunakan logika sebagaimana mestinya dalam urusan cinta. Ku kuatkan hatiku berkali-kali, supaya tak lupa mengapa aku memutuskan untuk memilih jalanku bersama orang yang saat ini memperjuangkan aku.

Namun, kadang aku masih saja terus teringat. Cuma karena hal sepele, saat aku sedang merebus mie samyang keju yang seharusnya akan kuberikan pada seseorang yang waktu itu sempat menguatkan hatiku. 

[chillpinetree]

a marathon

I always make a to-do-list yearly, weekly, and daily. Yearly is for big important goals, weekly is for the things obligatory nor interest me for the moment, and daily is for the baby steps to maintain my mental,spiritual&emotional health. 

It didn't always work tho. However, I am satisfied to make such a list, to lead my times and activities. Having the determination to do and be better every day, because it's merely a good damn chance that is given to live in this crazy world.

Yet, everything has been destined and decided. I'll never know what the future brings, of course, I just want to feel alive while I am still alive.  

I consider that life is a marathon, not a sprint. It's not about how fast I am to achieve something, but how long I can endure the struggle, the pain, such that finally, I can reach the finish line.  

[chillpinetree]

I found myself at peace, whenever I remember my God would always be there to save me. I found myself a way, to deal with my own confussion and to know what is right and what is wrong.

He showed me the way, opened my heart, again, to follow the righteous journey with all His mercy and blessing.

[chillpinetree]

“it was when I stopped searching for home within others/

and lifted the foundations of home within myself/

I found there were no roots more intimate/

than those between a mind and body/

that have decided to be whole.” 

- Rupi Kaur

[chillpinetree]

Monday evening

A week to go before my MSc defense. Honestly, I am so excited right now that finally I almost finish my master studies. But at the same time, I feel so anxious...it’s very typical of me that I always have this panic attack before having such exams.  Wish me luck! Aamen!

[chillpinetree]

Saturday night

A few days ago, I told to my ex-boyfriend that I wanted to break-up with him. I couldn’t continue our relationship because I can’t come and live with him in his country. Despite the fact that I really LIKE him, I am not sure if I could survive well mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in his country. I offered him some little negotiations but he insisted to stick with his decisions, but that’s okay. I totally UNDERSTAND him.  He is such lovely man who gave me attention in details, and knowing my ‘yes, I want’ and ‘no, I don’t’ without me saying it. He is a good man, really. But I do have my bargains. I am not a love-blinded girl who will take whatever risks for love. From my side, I do have so much dreams that I really want to achieve before getting married. I don’t want to betray my dreams, cause they never betray me in the first place.  All those memories, for roughly 1.5 years; of course will be hard to ignore and forget. No, I won’t be able to forget it. But I learned, I am getting better, and I appreciate every single time I spent with him. Now, it’s time to move on...

I always be loyal to myself and I think now it’s time to be in relationship with myself again.

[chillpinetree]

Sunday noon

Hey...it’s a lovely and slightly gloomy Sunday right here, and it’s been a week I deactivated my instagram and twitter account. I thought that just uninstalling the app itself won’t help me to spend time in my real life. I had a lot of stuffs to do last week that I felt like I wanted to pull myself from everyone who knows me.  Being at the age of 25 is so freaking hard. The age when I have to re-consider about where, with whom, and how i want my life would be in the next 20 years. Being at the age of 25 in the midst of long pandemic situation is so freaking stressful. Although I believe in myself that I would achieve my dreams but for now, all I do is just to tackle and conquer my anxiety. I am worried too much, almost about everything. 

[chillpinetree]

well, this is Intro

hi, there...  it’s been such a long long time that I stopped writing on a blog I had previously (with blogspot). well, I really just wanna share my thoughts and experiences actually. I feel like I want to be heard and I want people (I hope there are) to enjoy what I share... First of all, I’d like to give you a precaution, dear my lovely readers...whoever and wherever you are in this universe that my writing might be so messy-unstructured-and random. Secondly, I just wanna express my feeling and being myself. So whatever that comes to my writing is purely from my mind and heart also it could be coming from my experiences or perspectives. so...please don’t judge me.