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double textin someone while ignoring someone’s double texts

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This whole moment

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thank the lord for my phone screen not cracking yet even though I’ve dropped my phone so many times

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me: all our teeth fall out as children and then they all grow back stronger

alien: okay, i mean…that definitely sounds fake, but….okay.

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one time in grade 6 a girl called me a lying slut in front of our whole class during lunch because i was hanging out with her boyfriend a lot. she was dating my brother

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what Americans imagine being Australian means

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the first step to robbing a bank is picking out a cute outfit

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i’ve been a student teacher for a first grade class for two days and these are the amazing stories i have had so far. i love kids.

we have to help kids off the bus and to their classes if they’re kindergartners and don’t know where they’re going. one girl immediately reached for my hand as soon as she got off the bus and sang me the abcs and counted to 26. the highest she could go. then saw her teacher and ignored me.

all of the student teachers were waiting for the last arriving bus so we all formed a line to help the kids to their classes. upon arrival, one child immediately goes “why are they making a tunnel for us? are we famous now? i need to call my mom”

one kid didn’t have a name tag so i took him to the office to get one. the aides asked him for his name. “noah” he promptly said. “wait no. i’m david. noah is my brother.”

the teacher i observe read a book to them about a bird laying eggs. one kid raised his hand as soon as the book ended and yelled at the teacher because there was no daddy in the book and “i know how babies are made there must be a daddy”

one girl was quietly eating her snack during snack time and got up for no reason other than to come over and tell me “miss jones you are so beautiful”

the teacher tried to take a group picture on top of a climbing structure on the playground. 3+ kids fell off. they thought it was hilarious.

“miss jones do you wanna know my favoritest movie ever? avengers: age of ultron. it’s not for kids but i watched it alone so don’t tell my parents please i’ll cry”

two boys punched each other repeatedly and when asked why would you hurt each other, they quickly answered “we’re in love”

“can i call you mama cat?”

“i am your baby cat”

“meow”

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you should never stare directly at the sun because staring is rude

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when someone eats the food you were saving in the fridge

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