choosetheleft - Tumblr blog

[choosetheleft]

So I'm washing a blanket. It is a weighted blanket so it cannot go in the ancient washing machine (can I just call that a washine? Is that allowed?). But it NEEDS to be washed. So I put it in the tub and filled it with hot water and detergent and got to scrubbing.

And I'm sat there beside this tub of hot water and suds and cloth, hands and forearms red from the heat of the water and the friction of the washing, sweat dripping into the mix off my forehead, and the thought wanders through my brain that this has been done, like this, for almost all of human history. Maybe it was a metal tub, or a wooden one, or a river or lake shore, but through all of our time here together we have done this thing in this way.

I cherish these moments so dearly. Washing and wringing and hanging. Kneading bread. Sweeping the floor. Putting things in baskets. Owning a bag with a strap or two for carrying things that need carrying. Building a fire. Roasting meat. These things are eternal for us and we have always done them. When I do these things it's like....it's not just me. It's everyone.

You may not be here but you did this thing. Your hands knew these motions. Your heart beat like mine, and I feel you there. I feel you here with me. Do you feel me too?

Individualism is a lie. Everything I am and everything I do was built by other people, and I have helped build others. You are with me and I am with you and there is so much love in that.

[choosetheleft]

I'm the "voting is good" guy but I intend to direct basically all of my you-should-vote energy next year towards the reelection of the 18 progressives who've stuck their necks out to call for an Israeli-Palestinian ceasefire. They've dedicated themselves to a basic standard of human decency, and for it they will be punished with an immense tidal wave of financial and political resources seeking to get them kicked out of office, to say nothing of the threats against their lives. Biden's on his own.

[choosetheleft]

i wanna be normal so bad but every few hours i think about how the bar for the future has been dropped to I Just Want People to Stop Dying and Have Food and then i think about how insidious and cruel that is, how cruel that this is what they've decided will be normal, that now we have to fight to raise the bar of humanity to Living and Eating again

because once people stop dying and have food to eat we're going to need to deal with those who not only have the power to kill and starve people at will and chose to use it that way, but they did it against the wishes of the majority of the world. we've been lowered to unfathomable depths by these people.

[choosetheleft]

"being queer is about love" hmm actually being queer is about defying societal norms about gender and sexuality and does not depend on feeling love at all

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I was feeling weird about paying for an art class because I have very few ways to engage socially / my sister has a lot more friends because she goes to church / I was thinking about how she can socialize for free at church without paying to be there BUT then I remembered the church costs her way WAY more than an art class costs me she literally pays them hundreds of dollars a month just to find a boyfriend or whatever

[choosetheleft]

I really think that like. Being an exmo and really reflecting on your experiences, you get an opportunity to understand consent in a way that doesn’t necessarily come naturally to people. You can see how consent is not perfectly contained in “yes”, and how coercion can actually look like and even feel like love at a glance, if you don’t understand the years and years of intense grooming that went into it.

The thing about brainwashing is that it’s not as overt as it’s often portrayed in movies. It has to be something you actually want to listen to, or you’ll reject it. Generally speaking, while the church does use scare tactics, they’re a little less direct than other sects of christianity. No, the threats are crafted to reach your ears as proactive, positive, encouraging, so following the rules is something you actively want to do. You feel good about yourself for doing so, and receive lots of praise and love. There’s no trait more admirable than obedience.

But following the rules in the church means a lot of different things, and some of those things can be really unpleasant. Things that you would say no to in any other context, but because you have been shown that doing these things makes you a good and strong person, you know that not doing them would make you a bad and weak person. You don’t actually want to do the thing, but you don’t want to face the consequences of not doing it. Which is by definition coerced consent.

I mentioned how I hated having a strange man shove me underwater as a teen, but if I did not attend those temple trips, I would get passive-aggressively guilt tripped and receive none of the praise that the other teens did. I think my dad was in the bishopric at one point and he told me to give a talk in sacrament meeting, and, having insane anxiety, I hated public speaking, and eventually had to tell him I couldn’t do it. He was otherwise really warm and kind to me, but he suddenly turned so cold and disapproving. Even my brother came home from his mission after two weeks, and good god. You’d have thought he murdered someone’s entire family with all the shame that caused.

And then you go on with your life and sometimes you’re taken advantage of, and people look at it and go “You said yes, you have no right to be upset at such a nice person” and it’s so impossible to explain how affection and encouragement can be used to manipulate you into situations where you don’t want to say yes, but you’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t. You’re love bombed when you do things they want you to do, and snubbed and shunned when you don’t. So of course you’re trained to just do whatever they say.

It’s really no wonder that part of the exmo religious trauma, at least for me, is this awful feeling of violation.

[choosetheleft]

so much of Mormonism is just being signed up for things without your permission. Things that require your time, energy, money, effort are just expected of you, and god forbid you don’t live up to that expectation. I’m constantly shamed into callings, activities, ministering, seminary, etc. Hell, even my goddamn baptism wasn’t something I consented to- I was eight and barely knew anything about religion, let alone given a choice on whether to be baptized or not. I’ll never forget my mom screaming at me while I sobbed hysterically because I turned down to be part of the young women’s presidency. I’m so sick of being signed up for shit without my consent.

[choosetheleft]

Weird that as someone leaving a religious organization I really understand why people join religious organizations. Like. Finding a group of friendly people with which to socialize is hard.

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yeah this is a self-evident biological hierarchy. that's why we have to enforce it with violence

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Seriously if you can’t financially help or go to protests wrt palestine the second best thing you can do is learn history and talking points by heart and be ready to bring it up with people you know. There’s never “nothing you can do”. There’s no shortage of books and documentaries made by Palestinians you can find for free on the internet you have no excuse to not educate yourself especially if you actually want to help

[choosetheleft]

A lot of ppl think that “love” is enough to raise a happy child and that’s not true. It also requires emotional maturity and financial stability but they don’t like hearing that because it changes their idea of a miracle that happens to them into a conscious decision that requires personal responsibility.

[choosetheleft]

STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]

[choosetheleft]

I wonder how much internet cancel culture would change if people shifted from WHY HAVEN’T YOU POSTED ABOUT [issue] and instead were more likely to say EDUCATE YOURSELF ON [issue]. Or WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT [issue].

(Obviously there are exceptions, nuance, etc. I’m talking of a general shift NOT an “always say x instead of y” thing.)

Would there be less performative and uninformed posts if we were more likely to pressure people to get educated instead of be seen to speak on a topic regardless of how well informed they are on the issue?

[choosetheleft]

Advice for all girls:

Revel in wickedness