christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

starter for @alliannahvaughn

location: seaside sweets

Christopher had been reeling from the news his brother told him. He got someone knocked up. It was seemingly one thing after another with his brother. Being homeless. Getting caught shop lifting. And now this? Christopher found himself still reeling, feeling like there was nothing he could do to help his brother get his life together. He stepped into Seaside Sweets, hoping his order for the hospital was ready. It wasn't, though he knew he was early. "Dr. Murray your order will be done in a half hour," the baker called out to him before disappearing to the back.

Grabbing a snack for himself after thanking the baker, he turned, nearly running into someone. "Shit, I'm so sorry," he said, rubbing his free hand at the back of his neck."Are you okay?" Christopher turned his attention to the woman he nearly ran down.

[christopherxmurray]

Christopher paused in the kitchen, staring at his brother who seemingly hadn't even heard him get home from work. "What's going on?" He was in-tune to his brother, more than he ever had been. It was exhausting, to some degree but he was waiting for the other shoe to drop with the question he asked. "What happened this time?" He questioned, trying to keep the edge from his voice as he then moved towards the fridge to pull out the eggs and bacon. @nolanxmurray

Nolan couldn't sleep after getting the news from Alliannah. The last thing he thought he heard, or wanted to happen. But there was nothing he could do now. He really didn't hear Chris come home; he was just so out of it. But it took till Chris was in the room with him and said something about breakfast. "What?" he took a second to really come to. "Oh yeah sure ..." he didn't even know what he said yes to at this point. He wasn't sleeping; he couldn't as much as he wanted to; his mind was racing so much. @christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

"His idea of fending for himself was losing his entire apartment after losing his job and living God knows where," he shook his head, "and getting caught stealing." Christopher let out a breath, not wanting to ruin their outing with talk of Nolan. "He's my brother and I want to help him, while toeing the line to make sure I'm not enabling him." He lifted his spoon, plopping ice cream onto his tongue. "But I appreciate you being an objective person," he told Luciana, "I'm giving him a place to stay at least, he can't live on the streets." @lucianasbentley

[christopherxmurray]

starter for @nolanxmurray

location: christopher's house

Christopher had been working all night, but was buzzing from the caffeine he had stopped to get on the way home. It was mid-morning when he stepped through the door of his home. As he walked towards the kitchen, he kicked off his shoes and set his keys in a bowl by the door. "Surprised to see you up." Christopher said as he saw his brother. Though there was no malice in his words, there was exhaustion from his late night shift. "Hungry?" He questioned, raising his brow at him, "I can make breakfast."

[christopherxmurray]

"Impervious to blackmail?" He chuckled, "Well, then I'm screwed." His laughter grew and he shook his head. "Guess I better keep my embarrassing moments under wraps so you don't expose me on national television one of these days." He joked with her, knowing that were not a risk. "Me? Predictable? Ouch," Christopher lifted a hand, placing it over his heart as if he were offended by what Aliye had said to him. "Rumors is timeless," he said wit ha nod of his head, "and nothing beats vinyl." Christopher had quite the collection himself. "You'll have to let me know when it's installed. That's going to be one hell of a set up you'll have."

As she spoke, he nodded his head. "Yeah, I get that. You don't want to resent someone. I mean, that's pretty much how my divorce happened." It wasn't something he spoke of often, "But we were starting to resent one another." Ultimately, they decided it was the best decision for the both of them, to part ways. "I'd rather be alone than quietly miserable with someone. I almost went down that road and I won't do it again." @aliyebalik

"Joke's on you, I've embarrassed myself more on television than anyone could ever beat. Totally impervious to blackmail these days," she grinned back over at him. Aliye had never been one to take herself too seriously anyway, so even the more cringe things she'd done in her lifetime she never let it dwell in her mind for long. "Classic song for a classic kind of guy. Absolutely predictable. Fleetwood Mac, though, can't go wrong. I know some songs. Maybe not much of their earlier stuff, but like...Rumours album era I know a decent few." Aliye pulled her guitar out then to start strumming, working out the melody of one of the songs from memory as they chatted. "Always sounds better on vinyl. I'm buying a custom record player to install at the beach house on the back deck, it's going to be so badass."

Meeting people was easy for Aliye. She'd "dated" plenty over the years in life, but nothing had ever felt as serious as other people seemed to experience. "No kidding. Like, yeah, I go out on dates, I'll kick it with people for awhile, but I don't know. Never quite feels right, I guess," she shrugged. Aliye liked having her own life on her own wavelength and the idea of tying herself down to someone had always felt like a disservice to the vigor with which she attacked life. "Never. If it's not working, I'll set the whole thing on fire. It - I guess I just never want to get stuck with someone that's holding me back. That wouldn't be fair to me or them. I'd rather cut things off before I start to resent someone, you know?"

@christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

"I will video you if you start playing anything from Frozen," he chuckled, "that's the kind of blackmail material that people dream of." He flashed her a playful grin, one that indicated he'd only joke about doing it and not actually. He leaned against the side of the boat, the salt air refreshing in lieu of the hospital surgery room he normally spent his time in. "Are you asking for my favorite Frozen song? You know it's Let it Go," he teased her, "I'm predictable, what can I say?" His shoulders lifted into a shrug, "But if you want to know my favorite song in general," he tipped his head to the side just slightly, "I like some of the older Fleetwood Mac stuff, got it on vinyl and everything." Christopher continued.

When she mentioned not looking, something in his expression softened. "Yeah, I get that." He blew air over his lips. "Finding someone to match your rhythm can be a challenge in itself." Since his divorce, he had not found anyone willing to put up with his workaholic tendencies. "Just means you're not afraid to light the match, right?" His brow raised, the tease lacing his words once more. "I can't say I'm that brazen." @aliyebalik

"I did lug my guitar case with me just in case, so absolutely I can jam when we get out there settled," she nodded, happy to pull it out once the boat was sailing away and they had some down time. "Frozen isn't my usual go-to, but if you want me to belt out some Olaf, I can get down with it. What's your favorite song?" Aliye wasn't the greatest guitar player, but she knew enough to pick songs up if she tried at it for a bit. Her smile softened, nodding her head once towards Christopher. It wasn't easy for someone with a schedule like his to get out and enjoy life as much as she would have wanted for him, but the fact that they were out there today was a win. "Love and an investment scheme all wrapped into one. Really hitting the jackpot out there on the apps," she snorted, having seen exactly what he was talking about a few times herself. She didn't love the whole concept of the dating apps, but that hadn't stopped her from giving them a chance every now and again. "Ah, my mother's favorite question to ask right there. I guess - I don't know. I would say that I'm not looking, I guess." Aliye had never been one to settle down for long into a relationship. Whether that was just because it wasn't ever the right person or it was just not in her nature to do so, she wasn't sure. "Not exactly easy to find people that match my energy. Things tend to blow up pretty fast any time I've tried."

@christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

🩺 a life in sound & secrets ; the anatomy of christopher murray

🎵 🎧 🎶 soundtrack to a life - three songs for three chapters

🧒 childhood & early ambitions ; even as a kid his world was filled with logic, chess clocks & calendars. but the music still found him.

i want it that way by backstreet boys

mmmbop by hanson

all star - smashmouth

🎓 college & awakening ; kismet harbor was meant to be a stop, instead it cracked something open. medicine replaced law. love surprised him.

holocene by bon iver

dog days are over by florence + the machine

1901 by phoenix

💉 medical school & residency ; pressure. divorce. scalpel. isolation. respect. pain. triumph.

the night we met by lord huron

sail by AWOLNATION

lose yourself by eminem

🧰 🚗 🔑what's in the glovebox?

a black montblanc pen (a gift from quentin that he never uses, but keeps)

a worn chess keychain from an online chess community that he has been apart of since medical school

an emergency phone charger

an old photo of him and his two siblings, a rare glimpse into the family he both loves and struggles to connect with

a smooth stone from the shore of kismet harbor, where he found peace on his early sailing trips

🗣️ 🤫 💬 rumor's whispered in kismet harbor

"he's brilliant, sure, but cold as ice. don't expect him to crack a smile unless it's about surgery."

"some say he's still hung up on calliope, that old flame that never quite died."

"did you hear? his marriage ended quietly and nobody really knows what went wrong, but it's like he emotionally vanished after."

"they say he's the kind of guy who'd choose work over you every single time."

"i heard quentin james is the only person who can get under his skin and maybe that's why they're always seen together."

"some think he's too obsessed with proving himself, like he's never really relaxed since med school started."

💭 🧠 📝six thoughts in the last year

"can i finally be more than just a surgeon? more than a relentless machine for work?"

"nolan is still distant. what does it take to be the brother he needs, not just the eldest with expectations?"

"quentin is pushing me. sometimes it's tough, but maybe i'm ready for something beyond just work."

"if i stop moving, i might actually have to feel something."

"love? maybe i'm scared of making this much room for someone again."

"the water just makes more sense than most people i know."

[christopherxmurray]

"Okay, you got me there," he softened his laugh, shaking his head, "doesn't mean there still isn't time to change that," he joked with her, indicating they had a whole afternoon on the boat. "Unless Frozen is your go-to sing along because I hear enough of that when I'm working with kids." Though, he acted like it bothered him, there was a subtle hint in his smile that would have given him away otherwise. Kids had a special place in his heart. "These days are rare," more for him than he cared to admit, but he knew that Aliye was one person that knew how jam packed he kept his schedule. "You'd be surprised," he joked, "some are even bots nowadays. Trying to get me into investment schemes." Christopher spotted those messages a mile away. With a small smile, he shook his head. "Nothing memorable, honestly." Since the divorce, he hadn't given much thought into dating. "Not looking for someone to bring home to mom or just haven't found someone to bring home?" He questioned, curious to her motives. @aliyebalik

"Ouch. You've never even heard me sing, dear Christopher. I'm actually pretty good," she chuckled, shoulders shrugging in a not so humble manner. Aliye knew when she was good and this was one area that she knew she was pretty talented. "For sure, though. You'll get the first copy when I go all in on my music career." Aliye was never going to say never about it, especially since she was still so young and with so many years ahead of her to do anything she could possibly want. Her smile softened, reaching over to squeeze Christopher's shoulder softly. "Yeah. Give yourself some more credit, huh? Days like this are hard to beat." She loved the crazy days she had sometimes, but there was something undeniably special about good company and a lazy day out sailing. "Oh, please. Handsome and a doctor? I bet you have people swiping on you all the time," she snorted. With qualifications like that, she had to imagine it was an automatic yes for a lot of people. "Been out on a few dates here and there. Keeps me busy, but no one I've taken home to mom yet. Tell me you're at least checking yours on occasion, maybe been on a date or two?"

@christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

"His idea of fending for himself was losing his entire apartment after losing his job and living God knows where," he shook his head, "and getting caught stealing." Christopher let out a breath, not wanting to ruin their outing with talk of Nolan. "He's my brother and I want to help him, while toeing the line to make sure I'm not enabling him." He lifted his spoon, plopping ice cream onto his tongue. "But I appreciate you being an objective person," he told Luciana, "I'm giving him a place to stay at least, he can't live on the streets." @lucianasbentley

She listened as he talked about his brother and shook her head. "Sometimes making them lay in the bed they made is the only thing you can do for them." She knew what it was like first hand when she lived in Vegas and she did similar things of thinking she was a victim until she had Elena and she realized what responsibility she needed to take. "It may sound harsh, but maybe even having him fend for himself might be a good idea. He has to be an adult." @christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

Christopher felt his eyes roll to the back of his head with her nickname. It had been unique to Calliope alone and had anyone else tried to call him that, he wouldn't have accepted it. "No, you never did say that, huh?" He chuckled in response, unable to help the way his lips always curled into a natural smile around her. Another laugh bubbled over his lips and he held up his hands in a mock surrender, "Hey, I'd never do that. I love a good set of chicken tenders just as much as the next person." He paused, "What do you say we get the biggest basket they offer and way too many sauces?" @calxwallace

[christopherxmurray]

"Of course you will," he teased her, knowing he'd find a way to snag the bill before she could. It wasn't because he knew she was incapable of paying, because she wasn't. It was because it was his way of saying that he valued their friendship and time together that he would gladly pay for their outing with no strings attached. "That bad." He told Luciana, sitting down across from her. "I had to pick him from the police station and I made him stay with me after that. He's made his bed and has to lie in it, but he think he's the victim of his own actions." @lucianasbentley

"Definitely just a man." Luciana teased him before shaking her head at him. "Well, I'll get it the next time, then." She insisted, though it was up in the air if that would happen the next time they went out like this. "I know. She's getting so big." She pouted a little bit as she looked at her daughter and helped with the ice cream before than went and sat down. "That bad, huh?" She asked as she settled and gave Elena her ice cream. "Is he still doing bad?" @christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

"Hey, I'll be your biggest fan." He grinned at Aliye as she talked about the album. "I'll even lie and say I liked it unironically." His grin remained, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. "I do expect an autographed copy of the first vinyl, for my collection, of course." His smile softened as he continued to joke with Aliye. "Yeah?" Christopher found himself raising his brow, more in surprise than anything else. For the most part, Christopher did not always find himself enjoyable to be around. "For the record," he looked over at her, "I kind of like being around you, too." He mimicked her tone before shrugging casually. He grinned again, "Glad to know there's someone out there that would be swiping on me." As if he had even checked his dating app anytime recently. "You having any luck on the dating apps recently?" @aliyebalik

"Oh, without a doubt. That'll be my next big leap in life, putting out an album. Every washed up reality television star does it eventually," she laughed. While it wasn't something she'd ever considered, she did have a good voice and could play a few instruments to boot. Perhaps it would be something in her future if she ever had an opportunity arise. Eyes flashing back towards Christopher, Aliye let her smile shimmer again, eyes glowing happily. "Not a heavy load to carry at all. Believe it or not, I kind of like being around you," she teased. He was easy to be around and always had been, something that she could always appreciate in a person. Anyone willing to just hang around on a boat with her for an afternoon was her kind of people. "Serial killer energy? Harsh. That's still so solid, though. It would win me over, I'd totally swipe for that."

@christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

"Yeah, you've had shit stacked against you and you're not dealing with it in the way that you should. The rest of us didn't." Though, Christopher wasn't sure if that was because they had different ways of fighting or not. Christopher fought to succeed where he never got the impression that was what his brother wanted to do. "You're not a victim because you're different from the rest of the family. Different from the world at times." He softened his tone, though he still tensed when speaking to his brother. "We are going to figure it out." As much as he imagined his brother didn't think he was going to be there for him, he was going to be. @nolanxmurray

END.

He knew he was annoying his brother; he could see it on his brother's face. So part of him just wanted to shut up and forget about all of it. To just get to Chris's place and move on from everything. "But we both know it's true, I've always been fuck up and mess everything up" even as kid he had problems like that. He didn't know why it kept happening, why it was so hard for him when he felt like it wasn't as hard for everyone else as it was for him. "I just don't know what I can do." he couldn't keep a job without messing it up in the end, and without money, he couldn't really get any help that he needed. "Why..." he looked away from Chris. "I am like this and the rest of the family isn't." he hated it, he hated that he felt like a black sheep of the family, everyone had good jobs, college, and more, and he had none of that, and his own problems. Nolan knew his family had college degrees, and he had problems with spelling, counting, and keeping track of things; it just felt so off to him. "But I am sorry....just... but thanks for helping me." he hated taking help or asking for it, even though he needed it. @christopherxmurray.

[christopherxmurray]

"I get that," Christopher chuckled, though he couldn't exactly relate considering that he did not have kids of his own. "Petty theft or something like that," he shook his head, "Kid thinks he's so fucked up that he can't do anything right," Christopher flexed his jaw. "Honestly, he's using it as an excuse to not get himself right. He's been staying with me, much to his dismay." But Christopher didn't exactly care about his brother being comfortable with the arrangement, only that his brother got the help that he needed. @dean-walker

“Definitely living a very different life from what I was living a year ago, that’s for sure. I love my son obviously but it’s very new. It’s safe to say one kid is enough for me, I don’t think I’ll be having more anytime soon” Dean said, though he hadn’t even planned his first kid. Taking a sip of his drink, he raised his eyebrows when Christopher said he’d picked his brother up from the police station. “That is definitely more interesting, what happened?” He asked, his curiosity peaked. @christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

His jaw continued to tighten while he listened to his younger brother. His patience was worn thin but his voice was steady as he spoke once more. "Nolan, I'm not going to sugarcoat this." Not that he had so far, "You're selling yourself short and saying you're a fuck up every time something goes wrong. It isn't going to fix anything. It just keeps you stuck." He glanced over at his brother, making a turn down another road. "You're not a burden but you can't keep hiding behind excuses and expecting things to get better on their own." Chris took a deep breath, "If you want to change, you have to want it to fight for it. Quit running from the mess and start facing it." He pulled into his driveway. "You're not in this alone." @nolanxmurray

He looked over at his older brother, he didn't like to what he felt like to bother Chris anymore. Chris had his own life and was a doctor, and he just felt like he was going to hold Chris back by taking care of Nolan. "I cant hold a job, I just get one dead end job after another till I fuck it up again" it kept happening and he hated it. "I don't want to bother people with my problems," he felt like it wasn't fair to Chris or someone else to do that. He sighed as he looked up; he knew they were getting close to where Chris lived. "I just don't know... what I can do anymore." he knew he had a few problems. "My brain is fucked up" he hated it, he hated he wasn't like the rest of his family that he felt had no problems at all. But he had days when he felt like he couldn't even think how to start his day, and it was hard. "I cant hold a job I fucked my hand up punching a wall because fucking like blacked out not knocking what I was doing I am not... I don't know. He didn't tell anyone about how the broken hand really happened, yes, he said he punched a wall, but now, fully, how it happened. @christopherxmurray.

[christopherxmurray]

Christopher let out a low chuckle. Disaster was absolutely marketable, not that he wanted to admit such a thing. "You're just a platinum record waiting to happen then, huh?" He joked with her, flashing her a grin. "Okay, for the record," he held up his hands in a mock surrender, "the boat is decent but it's the company that is doing all the heavy lifting." He grinned back at her return, shaking his head. "I did have that in there but someone once told me it gave serial killer energy or something," he chuckled once more. "I had to switch it to emotionally unavailable but can parallel park a boat." @aliyebalik

"That's the last thing anyone wants to hear a song about. Disaster is absolutely marketable," she grinned back. Aliye would place herself in that category. It was, after all, why she was so easily marketable as a reality television staple now. "I make a living being a disaster, so you know, I welcome it." She was under no illusion that any relationships she got into were going to be anything serious at this point in time, so the more exciting the other person could be, the more into it she would be. "I'm so very proud of you, though. I'm sure it was a real struggle for you to have to come out here on a beautiful boat with a beautiful woman aboard." She flashed him a teasing smile as she got settled in, letting the boat do the work now that they were moving. "Great hands and terrible bedside manner. If that isn't in your Tinder bio, I don't know what you're doing."

@christopherxmurray

[christopherxmurray]

To Christopher, he felt like he had heard this same spiral before. He had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time, either. "You're not beyond fixing your shit, Nolan. You have made bad decisions and have fucked up," he continued on, "but take the help when it's offered to you." Christopher stated with a firm tone. He glanced over at his brother, momentarily before looking back out to the road. "I'm not doing this because I have to, Nolan." He shook his head slowly, "I could have easily left you to figure all this out on your own." Well, maybe not easily. Christopher would have battled with that decision, feeling guilty. "But, I didn't. I believe you can still get it together, Nolan. Even if you don't." It was clear to him that his brother didn't believe in himself and only Nolan could fix that problem entirely. "Just because you have nothing doesn't mean you act like your life is over. You can build from nothing. So, you're not alone in this. Unless you choose to be and that's on you." @nolanxmurray

Nolan looked over at Chris, and he was annoyed at everything and even at Chris right now. He knew he needed help from Chris, but he was too upset to want to ask for it. "You could have just said no," he looked away. He rolled his eyes, looking out the window as his brother drove on. "I have always been a fuck up, the fuck up of the family it's not gonna change" he knew it, it was always the same. He didn't want to take Chris's help like this it sucked, he was going back and forth in his head not wanting to take the help and knowing how much he did need it. "But really what can I fucking do I have no job, I have no place to live, I have nothing" he had a bag of his shit and that was it. He really didn't know what he could do to help himself anymore. @christopherxmurray